Forum rules and no-advertising policy

As a participant on this forum, it is your responsibility to know and follow our rules. Please read this message in its entirety.

Board Rules

1. You're responsible for what you say.
As outlined in Section 230 of the Communications Decency Act, The Chronicle of the Horse and its affiliates, as well Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd., the developers of vBulletin, are not legally responsible for statements made in the Forums.

This is a public forum viewed by a wide spectrum of people, so please be mindful of what you say and who might be reading it--details of personal disputes may be better handled privately. While posters are legally responsible for their statements, the moderators may in their discretion remove or edit posts, though are not legally obligated to do so, regardless of content.

Users have the ability to modify or delete their own messages after posting. Moderators generally will not delete posts, threads or accounts unless they have been alerted and have determined that a post, thread or user has violated the Forums' policies. Moderators do not regularly independently monitor the Forums for such violations.

Profanity, outright vulgarity, blatant personal insults or otherwise inappropriate statements will not be tolerated and will be dealt with at the discretion of the moderators.

Users may provide their positive or negative experiences with or opinions of companies, products, individuals, etc.; however, accounts involving allegations of criminal behavior against named individuals or companies MUST be first-hand accounts and may NOT be made anonymously.

If a situation has been reported upon by a reputable news source or addressed by law enforcement or the legal system it is open for discussion, but if an individual wants to make their own claims of criminal behavior against a named party in the course of that discussion, they too must identify themselves by first and last name and the account must be first-person.

Criminal allegations that do not satisfy these requirements, when brought to our attention, may be removed pending satisfaction of these criteria, and we reserve the right to err on the side of caution when making these determinations.

Credible threats of suicide will be reported to the police along with identifying user information at our disposal, in addition to referring the user to suicide helpline resources such as 1-800-SUICIDE or 1-800-273-TALK.

2. Conversations in horse-related forums should be horse-related.
The forums are a wonderful source of information and support for members of the horse community. While it's understandably tempting to share information or search for input on other topics upon which members might have a similar level of knowledge, members must maintain the focus on horses.

3. Keep conversations productive, on topic and civil.
Discussion and disagreement are inevitable and encouraged; personal insults, diatribes and sniping comments are unproductive and unacceptable. Whether a subject is light-hearted or serious, keep posts focused on the current topic and of general interest to other participants of that thread. Utilize the private message feature or personal email where appropriate to address side topics or personal issues not related to the topic at large.

4. No advertising in the discussion forums.
Posts in the discussion forums directly or indirectly advertising horses, jobs, items or services for sale or wanted will be removed at the discretion of the moderators. Use of the private messaging feature or email addresses obtained through users' profiles for unsolicited advertising is not permitted.

Company representatives may participate in discussions and answer questions about their products or services, or suggest their products on recent threads if they fulfill the criteria of a query. False "testimonials" provided by company affiliates posing as general consumers are not appropriate, and self-promotion of sales, ad campaigns, etc. through the discussion forums is not allowed.

Paid advertising is available on our classifieds site and through the purchase of banner ads. The tightly monitored Giveaways forum permits free listings of genuinely free horses and items available or wanted (on a limited basis). Items offered for trade are not allowed.

Advertising Policy Specifics
When in doubt of whether something you want to post constitutes advertising, please contact a moderator privately in advance for further clarification. Refer to the following points for general guidelines:

Horses -- Only general discussion about the buying, leasing, selling and pricing of horses is permitted. If the post contains, or links to, the type of specific information typically found in a sales or wanted ad, and it's related to a horse for sale, regardless of who's selling it, it doesn't belong in the discussion forums.

Stallions -- Board members may ask for suggestions on breeding stallion recommendations. Stallion owners may reply to such queries by suggesting their own stallions, only if their horse fits the specific criteria of the original poster. Excessive promotion of a stallion by its owner or related parties is not permitted and will be addressed at the discretion of the moderators.

Services -- Members may use the forums to ask for general recommendations of trainers, barns, shippers, farriers, etc., and other members may answer those requests by suggesting themselves or their company, if their services fulfill the specific criteria of the original post. Members may not solicit other members for business if it is not in response to a direct, genuine query.

Products -- While members may ask for general opinions and suggestions on equipment, trailers, trucks, etc., they may not list the specific attributes for which they are in the market, as such posts serve as wanted ads.

Event Announcements -- Members may post one notification of an upcoming event that may be of interest to fellow members, if the original poster does not benefit financially from the event. Such threads may not be "bumped" excessively. Premium members may post their own notices in the Event Announcements forum.

Charities/Rescues -- Announcements for charitable or fundraising events can only be made for 501(c)(3) tax-exempt organizations. Special exceptions may be made, at the moderators' discretion and direction, for board-related events or fundraising activities in extraordinary circumstances.

Occasional posts regarding horses available for adoption through IRS-registered horse rescue or placement programs are permitted in the appropriate forums, but these threads may be limited at the discretion of the moderators. Individuals may not advertise or make announcements for horses in need of rescue, placement or adoption unless the horse is available through a recognized rescue or placement agency or government-run entity or the thread fits the criteria for and is located in the Giveaways forum.

5. Do not post copyrighted photographs unless you have purchased that photo and have permission to do so.

6. Respect other members.
As members are often passionate about their beliefs and intentions can easily be misinterpreted in this type of environment, try to explore or resolve the inevitable disagreements that arise in the course of threads calmly and rationally.

If you see a post that you feel violates the rules of the board, please click the �alert� button (exclamation point inside of a triangle) in the bottom left corner of the post, which will alert ONLY the moderators to the post in question. They will then take whatever action, or no action, as deemed appropriate for the situation at their discretion. Do not air grievances regarding other posters or the moderators in the discussion forums.

Please be advised that adding another user to your �Ignore� list via your User Control Panel can be a useful tactic, which blocks posts and private messages by members whose commentary you'd rather avoid reading.

7. We have the right to reproduce statements made in the forums.
The Chronicle of the Horse may copy, quote, link to or otherwise reproduce posts, or portions of posts, in print or online for advertising or editorial purposes, if attributed to their original authors, and by posting in this forum, you hereby grant to The Chronicle of the Horse a perpetual, non-exclusive license under copyright and other rights, to do so.

8. We reserve the right to enforce and amend the rules.
The moderators may delete, edit, move or close any post or thread at any time, or refrain from doing any of the foregoing, in their discretion, and may suspend or revoke a user's membership privileges at any time to maintain adherence to the rules and the general spirit of the forum. These rules may be amended at any time to address the current needs of the board.

Please see our full Terms of Service and Privacy Policy for more information.

Thanks for being a part of the COTH forums!

(Revised 5/9/18)
See more
See less

Disappointed and Feeling Left Out

  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

    Disappointed and Feeling Left Out

    I have had three months of unexpected vet bills for both my horses and I finally admitted that I needed to climb out from under the monthly expenses of keeping two horses in full board. There is no such thing as retirement board around here and my old guy has very specific needs that require full board for him.

    I purchased my mare 18 months ago with high hopes. She was/is the perfect para dressage horse and I had plans to really dig in and ride. But life has a way of intervening sometimes. Last summer ended up being a bust because my elderly uncle had a heart attack and I stayed with him most of the summer in California. I sat and watched the summer slip away. I am grateful that I was able to be there for him, but the summer was lost.

    I am a teacher and figured that I could ride three late afternoons a week and on weekends. There were transportation issues with my oldest son, so I gave him my ten year old car and bought a new car for myself so I was sure to be able to get to the barn.

    Of course work got crazy from the first day of the school year and the fancy barn I was boarding my mare at, the one with the indoor that would allow me to ride in the evenings, decided that they didn't want paddock boarders anymore. So I moved her to the barn where I board my elderly gelding. And there isn't even a lighted arena there.

    I just kept going, hoping that it would get better. The winter was mild, but wet. I was lucky to ride once a week. And by January I wasn't riding at all. By February my husband's car had broken and he couldn't afford to replace it. So we had to start sharing. Which meant he wasn't picking me up until 7 p.m.

    And he just told me that he has run up a lot of credit card debt, so instead of spending half of my income on the horses I need to start contributing to the household expenses more than I have been.

    So I leased my mare out. This all came together this week. I am so grateful that my mare has enough value to be attractive for a full lease. And only having one horse on the budget will help my family's financial situation. But I had plans! I was going to get classified for para dressage next month. This was going to be my time.

    This evening I went out to the barn to sign the lease papers and I watched the 13 year old ride my mare. She is such a good rider. She'll take two lessons a week and do pony club with her. Her Mom is overjoyed that daughter has a safe horse to ride and has offered to purchase my mare if I decide to sell. I couldn't help being totally jealous. I am not 13. I am 56 and my body is not working very well and I am working 12 hour days and my husband can't budget and I ran through my savings trying to do it all on a teacher's salary. Life sucks sometimes.

    This evening, at the barn, I was struck by how nobody needed me. My mare was being ridden by the girl. My gelding was being ridden in a lesson (he does a super beginner walk-trot lesson two times a week in exchange for a reduction in board and has for the past couple of years). Instead of feeling like I didn't have enough time to address both horses, I left feeling like a third wheel. And that made me sad. Work has been crazy and planning my barn time is the only thing that kept me sane the last couple of months. Now what?

    Venting feels good. Thank you for listening to me whine. I feel better.

    I’m so sorry Virtual hugs to you. Life feels way too challenging sometimes.
    "We need a pinned ears icon." -MysticOakRanch


      I am sorry it has been such a rough patch. Try and focus on the fact that both horses are happy and healthy, your son was able to get to & from SAFELY and a girl has a great start with with a good horse and people and mare has a safety net....all because of YOU you sacrificed, made choices that kept those horses happy and healthy. As for husband, dope slap!! Ok seriously make him agree that you both go to meet with a financial planner or credit counselor together let the punishment fit the crime and actually teach him some skills that will benefit you both in the future.


        Oh, Sheilah, I am so sorry that you've worked so hard and so long and not gotten to enjoy the benefits of all your planning and effort and persistence. I hope you can get your horse back from the lease as soon as possible -- maybe end of summer? -- and enjoy the horse yourself. You ARE needed -- heck, you made all these good things happen for the horses and the other people!

        You shouldn't have to derail your goals so thoroughly because of your husband's spending. Get whatever help you need to get him to resolve the issue and/or resolve the issue together as a couple -- his overspending is certainly not your fault of course but it may be useful to do like Haylter says and seek assistance together.
        If thou hast a sorrow, tell it not to the arrow, tell it to thy saddlebow, and ride on, singing. -- King Alfred the Great


          Sounds to me like you negotiated those trouble spots pretty darn well! Kept your horses, kept son in transportation, and now can work with hubby on CC bills. It is just life, it will come back around.


            Original Poster

            Thanks, guys. It really did help to lay it all out. And I knew that you all would understand.


              I am so sorry that you are having to postpone your dreams. I am impressed that you got through all of that without killing anyone. I hope things turn around for you soon.



                Yes, I too am personally impressed with how well you trouble solved and took care of everyone in your circle, including the horses. You have them both placed where they will be loved and used and appreciated, without having to make any hard decisions about selling or worse. You've sorted out your family, for now. I also agree that you need to follow up and get the husband on track.


                  You're a champion, lady! You haven't committed *any* murders (glaring at you, Sheila's hubby), and you've put both of your horses and the lucky riders using them into great positions. Sorry that being a Champion doesn't always feel great. Hope you're able to get the finances sorted and take back your time before too long!


                    I am so impressed by your handling of all that, but so sorry that you had to. I hope your husband knows and appreciates how lucky he is to still HAVE a wife, and I hope he fully commits to correcting this issue and never letting it happen again.

                    I agree with the fact that you ARE needed, and hooray for you for helping make someone else happy while also making sure your horses are both okay.

                    Pulling for you, and hoping things start looking up very soon!


                      Sheilah, what others have said, you have done an incredible job of juggling the needs of so many others, including making sure your horses are happy and healthy. I don't have any good advice, just admiration for you.
                      One thing I thought of though was seeing if you can continue to ride your mare one day a week, just to stay connected, without putting too much stress on yourself.
                      A Fine Romance. April 1991 - June 2016. Loved forever.


                        So sorry to read what you have been through, but it looks as if you handled it all with admirable class. Like Fred I don't really have much good advice.. sometimes life likes to come swinging, and kick us while we're down for good measure.

                        Hoping that this summer doesn't just slip away too; or at the very least, you get some kind of break. It sounds like you are needed; your husband and son are very lucky to have you.
                        AETERNUM VALE, INVICTUS - 7/10/2012


                          It can be so hard when things don't end up the way we planned. Focus on the positives. You still own the mare and she is being ridden by a good rider regularly and her board is payed. If things change not only do you still have her, she will be fit and ready to go!

                          Sounds like your gelding is still ridable? You may not be doing your dressage riding, but can you still get out a few times a week to ride him and get your "me time"?

                          Might just be at the walk or slow trot, but there is something magical and healing when mounted and looking through the 2 ears on your horse


                            Original Poster

                            I feel a lot better. The fact that is is Friday has helped. Three more weeks of school, 14 days and two Mondays left. I am so looking forward to a peaceful summer. I have a part-time summer job pet-sitting and dog walking, so that will bring in a little extra money, too.

                            I will still have Noodle and my barn time. And I will absolutely try to get on Posie weekly. She will be right there where I can keep an eye on her. It could have been worse.

                            I wish I weren't so broke that I couldn't have a dinner out with a couple of stiff cocktails though. Okay, I am only interested in the cocktail part. I will have to make due with a bean and yummy cheese burrito and a great book (that just got released on Tuesday, but I had put in a request for it two months ago, so it was waiting at the library for me...this is a HUGE positive)!

                            Thank you so much for the support. I can't tell you how much I appreciate it.


                              This is IMO definitely a case of "when life gives you lemons, make lemonade." It sounds like you have made some very sweet, refreshing lemonade for the 13yo and your mare, and your gelding and the riders who get to do lessons on him, and your son. I am just so sorry that you are sort of left without the lemon zest. And DH! Good grief! Enough to make one pucker -- and not for kisses!

                              I read your post at a time when I have just finished filling out an application for an apartment in a small town that has an active horsey group. Maybe all kids (they do barrel racing) but it was sort of the final attraction that tipped the scales to get me to move ahead with the app. I don't know if or how it will work out, and based on experience I could get there and feel like a third wheel all the time -- lucky to watch from the bleachers if at all. But your post made me feel better about the possibilities.

                              Rack on!


                                Original Poster

                                Originally posted by Rackonteur View Post
                                But your post made me feel better about the possibilities.
                                This makes me happy!


                                  Rack on!


                                    Ah, that sucks. Where in Idaho are you? If you're in the Boise area, hit me up and I'll stand you to a cocktail or two--or a couple beers at my favorite dog-friendly brewery and we can talk about non-horsey husbands who just don't understand....though, to be fair, mine does keep the truck and trailer running.


                                      Original Poster

                                      Originally posted by cattywampus View Post
                                      Ah, that sucks. Where in Idaho are you? If you're in the Boise area, hit me up and I'll stand you to a cocktail or two--or a couple beers at my favorite dog-friendly brewery and we can talk about non-horsey husbands who just don't understand....though, to be fair, mine does keep the truck and trailer running.
                                      I am in Eagle! My BFF took me to Bardenay this afternoon and filled me up on tasty, tangy cocktails!


                                        You have really made the best of a bad situation. (And I so agree with the statement about making lemonade out of lemons!) The bright side is you continue to be able to own your horses and participate with them some. It was really wonderful of you to look after your elderly uncle. It was generous and kindhearted beyond what most would do. Also, it's commendable that you take care of your older horse. So many others move on and don't care what happens to a beloved animal if they can't ride them. You have a very good heart! It seems like everybody needs you, including your horses! You have really stepped up your game to handle everything. I bet you're an awesome teacher too.

                                        I have had times where I had to put dreams on hold to concentrate on the mundane aspects of life, making a living and getting by too. I'm cutting back right now even. Still, I'm happy to have a horse, happy to get out riding. Life was so mundane the years I didn't have a horse at all.

                                        There will eventually be a light at the end of the tunnel for you. Time will pass and you'll be able to get back on track again. Just focus on the positives and those will help you when the losses seem overwhelming. Good luck.