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Disappointed and Feeling Left Out

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  • Original Poster

    #21
    I am going to ride my gelding tomorrow. We'll just meander down the road and back, but it always makes me feel better. My mare looks like a million bucks right now, due to having a horse crazy kid pampering her. And I got the go ahead to ride her once a week if I want.

    It will be okay. Maybe when school starts I can switch this to a half lease. We'll see. It made me feel better today when the Mom told me that they appreciate getting access to a really nice horse, but they are clear that she belongs to me. It just left me reassured that she is still mine.

    Dreams delayed are just that: delayed. Not abandoned. I am still hoping to make it to California next month for my para classification.

    All is well.
    Sheilah

    Comment


    • #22
      Your post made me very sad to read, not for your horses (who seems to have in you such a lovely and caring owner) but because you sound like someone who always puts herself second to the needs of others. You say that you don't feel needed, but it really sounds as if others rely upon you too much, like you are the rock that everyone leans on to help shoulder their own burden. I'm not surprised you are a teacher, given that's true of so many educators I know!

      I know that finances are what they are, but don't be afraid to fight to make yourself more of a priority. I think it's necessary to be a bit selfish to have horses in your life, especially for women with families. I don't know the full nature of the situation, of course, but the fact your husband ran up so much debt without telling you, debt that you're now responsible for shouldering and have to cut back on your horse expenses as a result makes me very angry for you.
      Check out my latest novel, Pride, Prejudice, and Personal Statements!

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      • Original Poster

        #23
        Originally posted by Impractical Horsewoman View Post
        ...the fact your husband ran up so much debt without telling you, debt that you're now responsible for shouldering and have to cut back on your horse expenses as a result makes me very angry for you.
        I am feeling fairly put upon, believe me. I think one of the downsides to being pretty even and stable is that people get accustomed to me just adapting to the circumstances. They count on me doing the "right thing", regardless.

        I know it is petty, but I kind of got a kick out of telling him that I cancelled the lawn service yesterday. Gee, we just can't afford it anymore. I guess he'll just have to mow the lawn himself now. And when he came home this evening and immediately turned on the AC because it was (gasp!!) 80 degrees in the house, I turned it off and said we just can't afford high utility bills right now. Too bad, so sad. He might decide that being poor sucks when I am not the only one sacrificing and figure out how to climb out of this hole a lot quicker than he would otherwise.

        We'll get through this.
        Sheilah

        Comment


        • #24
          Sheilah, what a great owner you are to commit yourself to your horses and find ways to take care of them. I am so impressed that you have found solutions for both horses, so that your expenses are reduced! Your goals might have a wait a little longer, but your horses are in good situations in the meantime. Just delayed - you are exactly right.

          Comment


          • #25
            I'm sorry to hear that things didn't turn out quite as planned. And I'm really sorry your husband is being a big doody head. But you salvaged the situation! And that's fantastic. I truly believe that there is a rhyme and reason to everything that happens. And sometimes, even good things must change to lift us up out of a stagnant rut.

            When I read your initial post last winter, I worried that the mare wouldn't get enough work to keep her safe for your needs. This lease is a win win in that regard. The girl has a safe horse for the summer, you have positive cash flow and someone paying to keep the horse in work, and a happy horse for all the extra attention.

            My daughter rides a pony owned by a mother and (now college-aged) daughter. The young lady outgrew the pony several years ago and had been doing competitive driving with her just to be able to use her somehow. The agreement was that we could use and show the pony but the driving trials would take priority in the event of a conflict. It turned out the owner stopped driving the pony soon after my daughter started riding her. The owner has two horses she's showing in rated shows, is running back and forth every weekend from school, etc. I think the driving was something she felt obligated to do. They often come watch my daughter and the pony showing. The pony loves shows and it tickles them to see the pony so happy. She loves getting dressed up and getting to jump a course without the trainer stopping and starting them to fix things. The first show last season, she got so excited when she realized it was showtime she trotted from the barn onto the trailer.

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            • #26
              What jumped out at me was your saying, "nobody needed me...".
              But, look! They don't need you because you laid out the best scenarios for everyone!
              Because of your determination and good decisions.
              So now, it's almost "me" time, and doesn't have to be filled with everything being another task to resolve, a problem to solve. It can just be about appreciating all you've accomplished.
              But he thought, "This procession has got to go on." So he walked more proudly than ever, as his noblemen held high the train that wasn't there at all. H.C.Anderson

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              • #27
                I disagree that “nobody” needs you... the girl and her mother needed you to help them find a safe, educational horse for you to ride. Your mare needed you to find her a doting kid while you regroup. The beginners riding your gelding need a safe, BTDT horse to learn on. You are certainly drawing the short end of the stick in terms of material and emotional benefit right now... but it sounds like your contributions are very much needed and appreciated.

                Comment


                • #28
                  I hope you are feeling better now that you know you can ride both horses at least 1x/week You are certainly not alone in feeling the way you do.

                  As a possibility: you have 2 special horses: a broke to death beginner horse and a horse who is suitable for para riding. (how you say that?) Is there a way that you could use the old guy in a (very gentile) para equine riding lesson program, teaching handicapped children (and adults) understand the fun they can have with horses?

                  And, when the full lease is over, your mare could "earn her keep" by teaching para riders with horse skills to be even better riders. Of course, it would be under your discerning eyes because you would be the instructor!

                  You have horses with special skills and you are a teacher! Perhaps you can find a way to combine the two.

                  "He lives in a cocoon of solipsism" https://www.chronofhorse.com/forum/c...lies/smile.gif

                  Comment

                  • Original Poster

                    #29
                    Originally posted by Lord Helpus View Post
                    As a possibility: you have 2 special horses: a broke to death beginner horse and a horse who is suitable for para riding. (how you say that?) Is there a way that you could use the old guy in a (very gentile) para equine riding lesson program, teaching handicapped children (and adults) understand the fun they can have with horses?
                    There is a local organization that provides therapeutic riding. They do such a great job in serving the population they focus on. There is no local para group, which has been frustrating at times because there are no instructors that have experience working with para riders. I had an instructor for three or four years who I really liked as a person, but she could not wrap her head around how my disability impacted my riding (I have a spinal cord injury and can't feel my legs). So when she would tell to "just try harder" I would get frustrated because I was trying harder and still not getting it.

                    There is a local instructor who coached a grade IV para dressage rider. But the rider is international level competition good. Every time this instructor and I connect causally, we both decide to work on setting up a lesson. But I can never seem to get it together and do it. I either don't feel like mare and me are fit enough. Or we are fit, but I am broke. Or the instructor is out of town competing. It is always something.

                    I am lucky to have these two horses in my life. Noodle has kept me safe for a lot of years. And Posie is such a quality horse, with such a tolerant and sane mind. They are both just exceptional.

                    One of the reasons I am looking forward to getting classified for para dressage is the fact that it will give me some guidelines as to where I should be riding. If it turns out I have the balance and strength for canter, it will give me an idea of what I could do. And if it turns out I have the balance and strength for just walk-trot? Well, I will know why canter has been so difficult! I thing strength plays a bigger role in classification than balance? I could be wrong. I will find out next month!
                    Sheilah

                    Comment


                    • #30
                      Good luck with your para certification. I’m so impressed with your problem solving! I hope you keep us updated. Isn’t it great to know coth readers are rooting for you? 😁

                      Comment

                      • Original Poster

                        #31
                        Originally posted by Magicboy View Post
                        Isn’t it great to know coth readers are rooting for you? 😁
                        It sure does feel good!
                        Sheilah

                        Comment


                        • #32
                          I think you're a super star. The universe will reward you in kind.

                          Comment

                          • Original Poster

                            #33
                            Originally posted by Natalie A
                            A lot of people ride above their classification levels. Grade III riders I know of have shown 3rd level, yet show w/t in the para classes... so what you can do and what you classify as is... different. I was watching a grade 3 rider I follow online work on flying lead changes and feeling a bit pathetic in my "I can canter and hang on" self! (now part of it is the horse, some day my goal is to find a saint of a horse and make it to Training level!) - but that also made me realize what the tipping point is between 2 and 3 (my profile has an A that's one grade, B that's another dependent on your pelvis, in my case my ridiculous inability to control it tipped it to the lower grade).
                            I am looking forward to learning more about the process as we go along. I have been toying with the idea of getting classified for 11 years and only last January applied for classification.

                            My husband has decided to come with me to Rancho Murieta next month for my classification. I am so excited!
                            Sheilah

                            Comment


                            • #34
                              Originally posted by IdahoRider View Post
                              I am looking forward to learning more about the process as we go along. I have been toying with the idea of getting classified for 11 years and only last January applied for classification.

                              My husband has decided to come with me to Rancho Murieta next month for my classification. I am so excited!
                              Sheilah
                              Yes, I spent about 5 years toying with it and so glad I did! I'll be there with my trainer to spectate, get my classification updated and check out the fancy show. We thought about trailering up for the regular show but they're only running non-CPEDI para classes one day and a 2-hr one way trailer ride for 5 min in the ring just didn't seem practical.

                              Comment

                              • Original Poster

                                #35
                                Originally posted by Natalie A View Post

                                Yes, I spent about 5 years toying with it and so glad I did! I'll be there with my trainer to spectate, get my classification updated and check out the fancy show. We thought about trailering up for the regular show but they're only running non-CPEDI para classes one day and a 2-hr one way trailer ride for 5 min in the ring just didn't seem practical.
                                Very cool! Maybe we can meet up!
                                Sheilah

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