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That unpleasant person at the barn.

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  • #61
    No, and you wouldn't expect a refund if something were not to your liking during that following month.
    When opportunity knocks it's wearing overalls and looks like work.

    The horse world. Two people. Three opinions.

    Comment


    • #62
      Wait, did the NB steal the nylon saddle or did OP give it to her?

      Petty Reaction: OP, if NB stole the saddle, take it back and inform the BM of the situation. If you gave it to her, take it back and when NB inquires about it tell her she should not call you names and to kiss your a@@. Keep the saddle in your car for extra petty points.

      Regular Reaction: Blow this idiot off since she is 20 and has no life.

      Comment


      • #63
        Originally posted by Rosem View Post
        This thread had given me a lot of head cooling advice that I will take to heart.
        I will put this person out of my mind. As such I will stay off of this thread.
        I will still pay board in advance but not the amount that I mentioned - One less thing for the barn owners to worry about.
        Weird flex, but ok.

        Comment


        • #64
          Originally posted by mswillie View Post

          I do leave a postdated check for the next month ahead of time. It's because I have to drive an hour to get to the barn (oh how I'd love 7 miles) and I take care of my elderly father so I don't know if an emergency could keep me away form the barn for an extended period of time.

          Somehow I don't think that's what you are referring to though.
          Not at all, this is GREAT. I will deposit when the time comes. But weird lump sums months in advance? I mean that is fine but it sure isn't helping me any (since my board is appropriately priced and I don't have cash flow issues!). It just makes bookkeeping awkward.

          Comment


          • #65
            Originally posted by fordtraktor View Post

            Not at all, this is GREAT. I will deposit when the time comes. But weird lump sums months in advance? I mean that is fine but it sure isn't helping me any (since my board is appropriately priced and I don't have cash flow issues!). It just makes bookkeeping awkward.
            I think the OP hasn't totally backed away from her money/leverage hang up.

            The more I think about this thread, the more it sounds like the OP is the "bully". I have met obnoxious, rude, and down right mean people boarding, but I have never made it a goal in my life to target them and get the out of the barn. They usually manage to get kicked out themselves. I certainly don't pay them any mind. The OP targeting this person and the fact that she had the same situation at the barn 7 miles away makes me think that.

            Comment


            • #66
              Originally posted by TheMoo View Post

              I think the OP hasn't totally backed away from her money/leverage hang up.

              The more I think about this thread, the more it sounds like the OP is the "bully". I have met obnoxious, rude, and down right mean people boarding, but I have never made it a goal in my life to target them and get the out of the barn. They usually manage to get kicked out themselves. I certainly don't pay them any mind. The OP targeting this person and the fact that she had the same situation at the barn 7 miles away makes me think that.
              It is odd since OP thinks she should be special for paying board "in advance". to me, any boarder who doesn't pay the month's board by the first of the month is delinquent and isn't going to last long. Boarding isn't exactly a windfall so a horse fewer for 6 months is not a mid-4 figure loss, it is a few hundred bucks and less work. Plus, I have a waiting list. Problem clients are never worth it. I am not sure OP understands the economics of boarding horses.

              Comment


              • #67
                Originally posted by fordtraktor View Post

                It is odd since OP thinks she should be special for paying board "in advance". to me, any boarder who doesn't pay the month's board by the first of the month is delinquent and isn't going to last long. Boarding isn't exactly a windfall so a horse fewer for 6 months is not a mid-4 figure loss, it is a few hundred bucks and less work. Plus, I have a waiting list. Problem clients are never worth it. I am not sure OP understands the economics of boarding horses.
                I'm going to say she does not understand the economics since she views paying board on time and gifts as reasons to bow down to her whims. Honestly the OP is THE perfect candidate to have her own farm lest someone offends her delicate sensibilities.

                Comment


                • #68
                  OP, here's a hard and fast rule: No one comes along and makes you unhappy or causes you to do ANYthing. At most, they only bring out what's already in you. So work on YOU--what changes can you make so that, given the exact same circumstances you find yourself in now, you can go to the barn and enjoy it and ignore people who are not to your liking?

                  That this unimportant 20-yr old has acquired this much importance in your mind is truly cause to consider counseling that can give you strategies to maintain your own emotional well-being.

                  Comment


                  • #69
                    Hate only hurts those who hate.
                    It is better to ride 5 minutes a day than it is to ride 35 minutes on a Sunday.

                    Comment


                    • #70
                      Originally posted by fordtraktor View Post

                      It is odd since OP thinks she should be special for paying board "in advance". to me, any boarder who doesn't pay the month's board by the first of the month is delinquent and isn't going to last long. Boarding isn't exactly a windfall so a horse fewer for 6 months is not a mid-4 figure loss, it is a few hundred bucks and less work. Plus, I have a waiting list. Problem clients are never worth it. I am not sure OP understands the economics of boarding horses.
                      In my experience, only total weirdos pay advance board, since they are so accustomed to having issues and being kicked out of barns...

                      Comment


                      • #71
                        Why is confronting issues directly so hard?

                        Kid running down the aisle with a grocery bag in each hand flapping about. My horse is about to blow a lid in the attached arena. My response? "Stop running RIGHT NOW." Kid stops running. Did I get a nasty glance from the parents? Maybe, but I kept on leg on either side and I don't care what they think. Kid hasn't done that since.

                        Someone is trying to video a melt down of a young horse on his 3rd saddling in the arena. My response? "I'd prefer you didn't video, if you don't mind" said with a little venom. Sure they're free to continue to do so, but boy wouldn't they have looked like a jerk if they did.

                        Some woman once told me off for flatting in the arena with only the aisle lights on instead of the full blown arena lights, telling me how dangerous it was because the horse couldn't see (lol, whut...). I told her if it bothered her, she was free to turn the lights on. As for me, I was fine as is.

                        Just address the issue. Girl is in the way? Ask her to move. Girl says veiled mean things? Ask her to elaborate on what she's saying to make it super awkward. Girl is videoing your ride? Ask her not to, with a little force if needed.

                        And if she won't quit? Deal or move.

                        Comment


                        • #72
                          Every single barn has an annoying/irritating/fussy/aggressive/loudmouth/etc. person (or persons!) at it. So long as they are not actively harming you or preventing you from riding, just go about your business!

                          I make a point of being a friendly brick wall to these sorts. Smile, say hello, and then keep motoring on my way. No stopping, no small talk, just keep on moving and doing my own thing. There are plenty of people who I will stop and chat to, and they make my barn life that much brighter, but the one or two who seem to spell trouble? There's just no need. We're all at the barn to ride, so just get busy riding.

                          The recording thing is very odd - but really - so long as you are not beating your horse black and blue, who cares? Sure, someone can edit a video to show the worst moments of a ride compiled into a montage, but it would be fairly obvious to anyone viewing it - and really, who is the audience for this? Unless this is 1995 and you are Nicole Uphoff, probably no one is going to particularly care about watching you ride. If someone on one of the local horsey FB groups I am just started posting tons of edited together clips of another rider looking bad all it would serve to accomplish would be to wave a REAL big red flag over the head of whoever is posting that nonsense.

                          If someone starts recording you and you don't want to be recorded, ride over and tell them to stop. If they wont stop, stand still for a few minutes and don't give them anything to film. If they persist beyond that, that is quite odd and definitely crosses a line into inappropriate behaviour - though really, what they would do with those videos is beyond me.

                          If this is paranoia about maybebeing recorded? Erm, perhaps think more about what on earth that would possibly accomplish by doing that - aside from annoying you, which is totally in your control, and if you just continue breezily riding along not caring about it it will probably swiftly take all the fun out of it.





                          Comment


                          • #73
                            Originally posted by endlessclimb View Post
                            Why is confronting issues directly so hard?

                            Kid running down the aisle with a grocery bag in each hand flapping about. My horse is about to blow a lid in the attached arena. My response? "Stop running RIGHT NOW." Kid stops running. Did I get a nasty glance from the parents? Maybe, but I kept on leg on either side and I don't care what they think. Kid hasn't done that since.

                            Someone is trying to video a melt down of a young horse on his 3rd saddling in the arena. My response? "I'd prefer you didn't video, if you don't mind" said with a little venom. Sure they're free to continue to do so, but boy wouldn't they have looked like a jerk if they did.

                            Some woman once told me off for flatting in the arena with only the aisle lights on instead of the full blown arena lights, telling me how dangerous it was because the horse couldn't see (lol, whut...). I told her if it bothered her, she was free to turn the lights on. As for me, I was fine as is.

                            Just address the issue. Girl is in the way? Ask her to move. Girl says veiled mean things? Ask her to elaborate on what she's saying to make it super awkward. Girl is videoing your ride? Ask her not to, with a little force if needed.

                            And if she won't quit? Deal or move.
                            Parents literally standing on the gate leaning over into the indoor? Switch dressage whip to the outside hand and hold parallel to the floor. Fixed that right quick.

                            Then later ask BO if they could please post a sign asking people to stay off the gates, since in addition to being in the way of riders, standing on gates wrecks the hinges.

                            OK it was a little aggressive but adults should know better.
                            "Some people are born on third base and go through life thinking they hit a triple Barry Switzer

                            Comment


                            • #74
                              OP seems to get the point. Does it really make you feel better to continue to balabor this? Wow.

                              Comment


                              • #75
                                Originally posted by TWH Girl View Post
                                OP seems to get the point. Does it really make you feel better to continue to balabor this? Wow.
                                Yeah but she doesn't. And she won't. It's just a general observation of people. No one wants to confront a problem head on. Instead they'd rather hem and haw and b*@#$ and moan for a month.

                                Comment


                                • #76
                                  I do have a question for the OP if they happen to still be reading.

                                  You say you are going to tell the barn owner that you left your last barn because of an annoying person. What do you think this will make them do?


                                  Originally posted by TWH Girl View Post
                                  OP seems to get the point. Does it really make you feel better to continue to balabor this? Wow.
                                  Does it make you feel better to tell others they are not allowed to post in a thread anymore?

                                  Comment


                                  • #77
                                    I want to cut the OP a little slack here. Pretty much anyone who has every boarded has run into the snarky, passive-aggressive, "expert" boarder who sucks the joy out of the barn. I certainly identified people I wanted to avoid while boarding. Never to the extent that I would drive by the barn and not turn in, but certainly to the point where I would pull in, see their car and think "Crap!"

                                    I also don't think it's remarkable that the OP has encountered this type of individual in two barns in a row, because I think this is a near universal phenomena. So I think the worst crime I can accuse the OP of is being conflict-avoidant.

                                    Many of the posts have given great advice about dealing with typical boarding barn conflict. (Advice I wish had access to when I was boarding!)

                                    While a barn manager, I did kick a boarder out for exactly this type of behavior; and another I should have kicked out before she left in a chrome plated huff because she wasn't getting the service and deference she thought she deserved.

                                    In another thread, someone commented that 90% of the threads on COTH boil down to other members telling posters to use their words and address conflict directly like adults. So I just don't think this OP's behavior is particularly egregious.

                                    I do think the OP should speak to the barn manager and let her know that this girl bothers her, and ask if there's anything she needs to know about the arrangement - have they received other complaints, is there a reason this kid is given preferential treatment, etc? The BM may even have good advice about handling the situation.

                                    I do think mentioning the gifts or prepaying board are bad idea.
                                    The plural of anecdote is not data.

                                    Comment


                                    • #78
                                      The best thing is to ignore a person like this. it's pretty simple, extinguish the flame of any conversation and enjoy your horse and time at the barn. Most people like this only hang around when they can get a reaction - and many of these relationships are born out of a two sided drama - whether it is realized or admitted. Never too late to tap the brakes and throw a person like this an anchor and set them adrift- just be honest with yourself in your role and learn a positive lesson from it. As far as going out of your way to get them thrown out unless they are a danger that no one seems to notice you have to just set the boundaries and move on. You are spending too much time worrying about them and how to "get them out"
                                      "All life is precious"
                                      Sophie Scholl

                                      Comment


                                      • #79
                                        Originally posted by McGurk View Post
                                        I want to cut the OP a little slack here. Pretty much anyone who has every boarded has run into the snarky, passive-aggressive, "expert" boarder who sucks the joy out of the barn. I certainly identified people I wanted to avoid while boarding. Never to the extent that I would drive by the barn and not turn in, but certainly to the point where I would pull in, see their car and think "Crap!"

                                        I also don't think it's remarkable that the OP has encountered this type of individual in two barns in a row, because I think this is a near universal phenomena. So I think the worst crime I can accuse the OP of is being conflict-avoidant.

                                        Many of the posts have given great advice about dealing with typical boarding barn conflict. (Advice I wish had access to when I was boarding!)

                                        While a barn manager, I did kick a boarder out for exactly this type of behavior; and another I should have kicked out before she left in a chrome plated huff because she wasn't getting the service and deference she thought she deserved.

                                        In another thread, someone commented that 90% of the threads on COTH boil down to other members telling posters to use their words and address conflict directly like adults. So I just don't think this OP's behavior is particularly egregious.

                                        I do think the OP should speak to the barn manager and let her know that this girl bothers her, and ask if there's anything she needs to know about the arrangement - have they received other complaints, is there a reason this kid is given preferential treatment, etc? The BM may even have good advice about handling the situation.

                                        I do think mentioning the gifts or prepaying board are bad idea.
                                        If I were the manager, no way would I tell other boarders if there were any other complaints (! That's just asking for gossipy drama) or if there was some kind of special arrangement. That's not the OP's business at all. If she has a legitimate complaint- this other girl actually said something rude or mean or did something actually bad, by all means, tell the BO or BM. Otherwise, she needs to be an adult and deal with the situation herself. But if she just wants to say "Um, I don't like this girl" I'm not really sure what end result she's hoping for. I wouldn't kick a boarder out just because someone has a vague feeling that they don't like her.

                                        Comment


                                        • #80
                                          Good point, JustTheTicket

                                          But what if there is something going on with the problem boarder that the OP actually needs to know about?

                                          For example, there was a teenage barn worker at the barn where I was teaching who just.plucked.my.last.nerve; who was particularly awful about following directions. No one told me she has significant cognitive problems, and that the barn is her refuge and therapy. Once I had some solid information about HOW to communicate with her, things improved. It's easy to say that someone should have told me BEFORE I had negative interactions with her, but it's an extremely busy barn with a lot of teenage helpers and a lot of contract workers. Going to one of the owners earlier with a question like "Is there something about Teenager A that I need to know? I have a really tough time getting her to follow directioins." would have yielded the helpful info a lot sooner.

                                          That conversation goes like this "BM or trainer, I've had some really unpleasant encounters with PB. Is there some history or issue there that I need to be aware of?" No need to kick off gossipy barn drama.

                                          To reiterate, we all know that boarder or boarders. And we all. even the most grown up, articulate and assertive of us, sometimes have trouble using our words and addressing conflict directly. So until there's more info, maybe it's premature to demonize the OP or conclude she is the problem?
                                          The plural of anecdote is not data.

                                          Comment

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