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That unpleasant person at the barn.

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    Originally posted by Rosem View Post
    Actually, I was thinking about paying for 6 months in board in advance then after 1 month stating my issue with PNB.
    I would think that the barn owners having to write a mid four figure refund check might make them consider who is more valuable.
    Yes, it 'would' be a chunk to come up with all at once but I would spend the same amount in the long run anyhow just not all at once.
    This is so not a good idea. Don't play games. Just go about your business and ignore this person. She is a relative kid. Why let someone like that get under your skin?

    In the end, the only person you have any control over is you. Not the problem person, not the barn owners. You might need to move barns, if not having this problem person around at all is that important to you.


      I think you need to start with the assumption that this person will never leave the barn. It sounds like the owners are missing in action, and there is no manager?

      So the question is not how to get rid of her. It's how to change your own mindset to not be bothered.


        Originally posted by Rosem View Post
        G&T- I am not so much intimidated as offended.
        Suppose that the stable were a club supported by members dues(board).
        Suppose that a member who ceased paying their dues 4ish years ago and was dropped as a member.and was only there as a guest of a paying member. Suppose paying member was rarely there and guest of paying member who was making full use of the facilitates of the club, not contributing to the upkeep in general making the experience of being at the club unpleasant for the members who are paying dues and contributing to the upkeep.
        How would you react?
        None of this is any of your business. Mind your own business, do your own thing, and don't get sucked into barn drama. Honestly, the fact that you left your prior barn because of a "bully" is a big red flag to me. You seem to have problems with conflict that are following you.


          So, what has she actually done? Has she bullied you? You speculate that she might, at some point, video one of your rides? Has she, or is it just your fantasy scenario? Do you just not like the fact that she may be a good enough to catch rides from other boarders who need and extra ride or two on their horses? Whole lotta gleaning and speculating going on here.

          If you avoid the barn than 2 miles might just as well be 200. I'd pay a premium to have a good barn only 7 miles from work or home. Really 7 miles? That's a mountain out of a molehill.

          Using money to try to control the behavior of the barn owners? Apart from the fact that a good chunk of that money actually goes toward care of the horse, the profit is minimal, and they could probably fill the stall quickly with a boarder less inclined to the dramatic, it smacks of extortion. Try it and don't be surprised if you get your 30 day notice on the spot.

          How would I handle it? Grow a spine, leave, or come to the realization that everything most likely isn't about you.

          This whole thread, it just doesn't smell right to me.

          "Some people are born on third base and go through life thinking they hit a triple” – Barry Switzer


            Originally posted by shiloh View Post
            I used to have to ride with a teenager that behaved this way. Our mutual trainer looked at her one day as she was being a total misery to someone and commented "Wouldn't it be nice if we knew someone from the Mafia (only she said it Maffia)." I think the same sentiment applies here.
            What an awful passive aggressive thing to say to a minor. Trainer should of just talked to the teenager directly and her parents too.


              You cannot control her. You CAN control how you respond. Mind your own business. Be cordial and ignore her. Do not answer her questions beyond a polite nod hello or a quiet "hmmm".
              YOU are in charge of YOUR head. DOn't let someone live there rent free.


                I agree with those who have urged you to focus on your horse and your joy and just tune her out unless she does something that has a direct impact on you or your horse. Please do not write the barn owners a big check and then try to use that as leverage to 'encourage' them to get rid of the young lady. It could backfire in so many ways. The barn owners may see it as a type of extortion and if they say no and the kid finds out and really starts making your life miserable, you might wind up leaving a lot of money on the table if you have to move your horse.

                If the kid has called you names, disrupted your ride or acted in a disrespectful way to you, I would suggest speaking with your trainer who can take it up with the barn owner. At the end of the day, what you really have to consider is that boarding is expensive, and your time, emotional and financial investment should bring you joy and happiness, not irritation. If this kid is too annoying and you have lost your joy, an extra 30 minute commute to a barn you like where your horse will be well cared for is worth every minute in the car. Fire up a podcast and the time in the car will fly by. I drove an hour each way to the barn because the incredible care and fun at the barn were worth more than an easy commute.

                I wish you all the best. Remember, it's supposed to be fun.


                  Originally posted by PonyPenny View Post
                  What an awful passive aggressive thing to say to a minor. Trainer should of just talked to the teenager directly and her parents too.
                  "Cats aren't clean; they're covered with cat spit."
                  - John S Nichols (1745-1846,writer/printer)

                  Don't come for me - I didn't send for you.


                    Honestly we have a annoying/unpleasant person (thankfully she moved her horse at the beginning of February), but I just smile, nod and go on my way. It isn't worth any of my energy. Seven miles really isn't that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things, if you are really that unhappy I would just consider moving.
                    "No matter what anybody tells you, words and ideas can change the world."
                    -Dead Poets Society


                      If you boarded at my barn and handed me a board check for 6 months, along with a letter stating you wanted this one person to be kicked out for no apparent reason other than you don't like her, I would not cash your check, and would kindly suggest you may need to find another place to board.

                      I almost feel from your other posts that you don't like this person because she doesn't own a horse, and is either good enough to have others ask her to ride, or nice enough that other boarders are willing to let her ride. If she has legitimately done or said things that are offensive, please talk to the trainer. If there is nothing to tell your trainer other than you don't like this girl, then you have two options: move or let it go.


                        I would tell my trainer that I find this person extremely unpleasant and tell her that it makes being at the barn less enjoyable. You could say you thought other people felt the same, and that you would prefer not to interact with this person. See what trainer says and base your next move, if any, off of that. It might be that many people have complained. Perhaps trainer can suggest to owner that there be times of day that only boarders are allowed to ride and there be no lessons or paid training rides during that time? I'm just throwing ideas out- perhaps that is a bad plan.

                        At the end of the day though, you are an accomplished, paying boarder and woman and this young woman is behaving like a brat. If she tries to manipulate you, I'm sure you can outsmart her. If she is rude to you, call her out. Otherwise, her interactions with other boarders is none of your business and you should just leave it at that.


                          It really doesn't matter why someone takes a strong dislike to someone else, to the point of being so irritated by their mere presence, as driving by the stables because she is there.

                          Some people just have a problem, in real life, in barns, work places, the restaurant they are a regular in and they take a strong dislike to some other patron or a specific server.
                          Even in public forums like these we can see that happening.

                          Some find certain others to hate to the point to make themselves miserable to other's using space in any way in their lives.
                          We really can't try to go thru life turning the TV screen our lives is off every time some despised figurehead shows up, like we do with a remote control.
                          Life doesn't work like that.

                          Learning to live and let live is something we taught in kindergarten.
                          Some times I think those lessons may have been missed.
                          Now, we are not talking about someone interfering directly and/or abusing you, yours or your space.
                          It doesn't seem that is happening there?

                          I think that when just the existence of that hated person causes someone that much trouble, maybe they should consider therapy to learn to live and let live, not try to find a way to get them gone from their lives?
                          That last seems a bit of an overreaction.


                            Originally posted by Ruth0552 View Post
                            I would tell my trainer that I find this person extremely unpleasant and tell her that it makes being at the barn less enjoyable. You could say you thought other people felt the same, and that you would prefer not to interact with this person. See what trainer says and base your next move, if any, off of that. It might be that many people have complained. Perhaps trainer can suggest to owner that there be times of day that only boarders are allowed to ride and there be no lessons or paid training rides during that time? I'm just throwing ideas out- perhaps that is a bad plan.

                            At the end of the day though, you are an accomplished, paying boarder and woman and this young woman is behaving like a brat. If she tries to manipulate you, I'm sure you can outsmart her. If she is rude to you, call her out. Otherwise, her interactions with other boarders is none of your business and you should just leave it at that.

                            Except that the OP hasn't actually told us what this young woman has done wrong, except that she may, or may not, have called the OP a B@&$C at some point. Oh, and that she may, or may not, have been responsible for running another boarder off. But it could have been any number of other cowardly, mean women since boarding barns are full of them?

                            Maybe I missed it in the OP's posts but I did not read any actual reasons for why the young woman is a, "Brat?" The fact that the OP has made negative comments about the young woman's training ability, future financial ruin, and her child-rearing abilities actually makes me wonder if the OP may be the aggressor in this situation.

                            I think all agree that if the young woman has actually committed offenses directly against the OP or her horse, than by all means, OP should bring those issues to the barn owner. But by what the OP has offered here, that doesn't seem to be the case.

                            Just based on OP's posts it appears that the young woman that the OP finds issue with used to have an elderly horse at the barn, gifted to the young woman after the actual owner ghosted. I assume that the OP was boarding there at the time because it seems she gave the young woman a saddle to use on the elderly horse? For an unspecified reason, the OP and young woman appear to have had a falling out after that, perhaps after the elderly horse passed away. While the OP has insinuated that many others do not care for the young woman, there are enough other boarders that seem to like her enough to allow her to ride their horses. Also, it sounds as if other boarders are impressed enough with the young woman to possibly be paying her to ride their horses. That is contrary to OP's opinion that the young woman has very little talent. The main issue for the OP seems to be that the young woman MAY not be paying board or ring fees. Which, by the way, is absolutely none of OP's business. Actually, if it came to light to the barn owners that OP was complaining about that, it should come as absolutely no surprise to her if they gave her notice to leave.

                            It is very possible that the OP is simply having a hard time expressing her reasons for the conflict in her posts. But my takeaway, based on OP's posts, is that the OP feels that giving gifts to others (gazebos to the barn and saddle to the young woman) should mean that she is entitled to above average treatment. Also, because she chose to move her office closer to the barn, she should be allowed to have a part in deciding who does, and does not, get to be at the barn. The fact that the move was a poor financial decision is not something that should be taken into consideration to anyone but the OP.

                            OP appears to be concerned that the young woman will video her and post 'somewhere' along with nasty comments. If the young woman has done that to other boarders, I would hope those boarders would go to the barn owners, as that would be a legitimate complaint. But from what I've read, it seems that the OP may be getting sucked into whatever drama or politics takes place at that particular barn. The problem with that is that she may very well only be getting one side of the story and getting herself riled up over nothing. Bringing complaints that do not directly involve OP or her horse to the barn owner will most likely result in her being labeled a trouble maker and a gossip.


                              This whole scenario is childish and immature.


                                Original Poster

                                This thread had given me a lot of head cooling advice that I will take to heart.
                                I will put this person out of my mind. As such I will stay off of this thread.
                                I will still pay board in advance but not the amount that I mentioned - One less thing for the barn owners to worry about.
                                Teach your child to love riding and they will never have money for drugs.


                                  The OP is the weird duck here.


                                    The PNB here has, apparently, been at this barn since before she could 5 years? First as a boarder then for several years as a non boarder? OP moved in recently.

                                    Just think there's a whole lot we don't know about this situation and don't think OP knows either...and it's none of our business. Perhaps there is a long standing relationship between BOs and PNB? Perhaps she's an extended family member or considered one and BOs are happy to have her stay? Perhaps she has some challenges affecting her developmental and verbal communication skills?

                                    Strikes me if shes picking up a few dollars riding other people's horses, not every boarder thinks she's a problem and will be willing to join your demand to get rid of her. and if BOs allowed her there despite having trainers there, doing her a really big favor for years? There's more going on and OP may not have any solid foundation for demanding this person be forced off the property.

                                    Paying advanced board then demanding somebody there long before OP came along be banned from the barn seems rather like extortion, especially if OP waits for the check to be cashed and spent on barn upkeep before threatening to walk and demanding the refund.

                                    Now that's plain old manipulative and MEAN when dealing with an 80 year old couple. And out of line. Just move 10 minutes farther away, you have a choice without forcing others to accept your demands. At best OP is adding to barn dram, at worst creating more of it.

                                    Theres always somebody you don't like in a boarding barn. been in them for 50 years. Perhaps you could find a private situation for your horse where you can control who is on or off the property. But if you aren't happy in somebody else's barn that's somebody else's business,, you need to first have a polite conversation, one on one, no demands, and then move if it doesn't change to your liking..

                                    Just a related thought here, thinking back on my 50 years in boarding barns, a couple of similar situations were BO relatives, offspring of very old, dear friends and/or....oh.....trying to be PC here...Special needs. Facts not shared with the general barn boarding population and even some employees. Perhaps it wasn't a plus for their business but it was their choice and their business to make choices for. I moved without fanfare both times.
                                    Last edited by findeight; Feb. 10, 2019, 12:57 PM.
                                    When opportunity knocks it's wearing overalls and looks like work.

                                    The horse world. Two people. Three opinions.


                                      I guess the OP may not read this as she plans to stay off of this thread. However, I was going to recommend that she seek professional help in the form of a therapist to explore what is going on and help her manage her situation.


                                        Just pay your board on time, OP. That is all a BO wants. I don't like it when people pay weird amounts at different times. Just pay what you owe when you owe it.


                                          Originally posted by fordtraktor View Post
                                          Just pay your board on time, OP. That is all a BO wants. I don't like it when people pay weird amounts at different times. Just pay what you owe when you owe it.
                                          I do leave a postdated check for the next month ahead of time. It's because I have to drive an hour to get to the barn (oh how I'd love 7 miles) and I take care of my elderly father so I don't know if an emergency could keep me away form the barn for an extended period of time.

                                          Somehow I don't think that's what you are referring to though.
                                          "Some people are born on third base and go through life thinking they hit a triple” – Barry Switzer