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Without telling husband

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  • Without telling husband

    Long story short My elderly mare is fading (PM me- it is a common ailment) and if not the perfect horse a very well matched horse for me is for sale not far away.

    Problems...

    Elderly mare deserves not to be kept in a stall in the last decent year of her life. 'I' think she deserves to go back in pasture board (where I kept her when I was poor same owners perhaps a few of the same horses one in particular was her best buddy) until her quality of life is such that well you know.

    Husband thinks she should be kept near her now teen aged foal. Foal is old enough to get over it. The equine family was apart for several years during my poor period.

    Money is not exactly plentiful but I can afford the new horse and his board 'but' my husband has intimated that his old trainer must be the deciding vote and yada, yada, condition after condition and when you come right down to it although he is the better 'rider' very perfect, very precise, etc, etc. I am the better 'horseman'(woman).

    I am asking for advice from people who have been in such a situation. (no berating from narcissists trying to make themselves feel better or posers retelling what they have overheard or read) I don't expect many could have been in such a situation but from those who have been I would like to know what you would have done the second time around.
    Teach your child to love riding and they will never have money for drugs.

  • #2
    Well, I haven't had to be in that position exactly, but I wanted to say I sympathize with the complexities of this.

    My only thought was you could choose to decide together how you want your horse(s) to retire. If its all up to you and your personal money, it seems you ought to get to decide how to manage this, but if its more of a family decision you could decide together what makes your husband comfortable and what makes you comfortable and find some middle ground.

    Either way, you don't want to be dictated to, I'm sure. If folks have some experience which will lend credence to the position you feel is necessary, you're right, that would be helpful. Maybe you can get her on indefinite turnout at the facility your husband wants her to stay at to free up cash for the next horse.

    Anyway, good luck. It ain't easy.
    Airborne? Oh. Yes, he can take a joke. Once. After that, the joke's on you.

    Comment

    • Original Poster

      #3
      Originally posted by AnotherRound View Post
      Well, I haven't had to be in that position exactly, but I wanted to say I sympathize with the complexities of this.

      My only thought was you could choose to decide together how you want your horse(s) to retire. If its all up to you and your personal money, it seems you ought to get to decide how to manage this, but if its more of a family decision you could decide together what makes your husband comfortable and what makes you comfortable and find some middle ground.

      Either way, you don't want to be dictated to, I'm sure. If folks have some experience which will lend credence to the position you feel is necessary, you're right, that would be helpful. Maybe you can get her on indefinite turnout at the facility your husband wants her to stay at to free up cash for the next horse.

      Anyway, good luck. It ain't easy.
      Your advice was a bit hard to follow and I can't say that I understand the flow of it but it seems to be given from someone who honestly would like to help. Thank you for you kind energy.
      Teach your child to love riding and they will never have money for drugs.

      Comment


      • #4
        I'm not clear what you are asking. Are you asking if your mare should go to pasture, whether she should go next to her offspring or are you asking whether you should buy another horse that your husband hasn't approved?

        Comment


        • #5
          I'm also confused. How does the old trainer fit into where the mare should go? Or does the trainer only figure in the decision on whether or not to buy the new well-matched horse?

          What about your trainer, or is your husband's old trainer also your old trainer?

          Does the mare's situation (stall vs pasture board) have any impact on whether you get the new horse or not? There seem to be 2 separate issues - the mare situation where you and your husband disagree, and the new horse situation where you and your husband/old trainer disagree, is that right?
          Proud Member Of The Lady Mafia

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          • #6
            I am not sure what you are asking either?
            Come to the dark side, we have cookies

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by Rosem View Post
              Your advice was a bit hard to follow and I can't say that I understand the flow of it but it seems to be given from someone who honestly would like to help. Thank you for you kind energy.
              If that didn't help answer your question then I don't know what you're asking either, and in your original post anyway it appears you would be critical of most people that would reply just from your last paragraph, so, with that said, I have no advise to offer you.
              I want a signature but I have nothing original to say except: "STHU and RIDE!!!

              Wonderful COTHER's I've met: belleellis, stefffic, snkstacres and janedoe726.

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              • #8
                Originally posted by Chardavej View Post
                If that didn't help answer your question then I don't know what you're asking either, and in your original post anyway it appears you would be critical of most people that would reply just from your last paragraph, so, with that said, I have no advise to offer you.
                I don't think she's gonna like your energy, Chardavej...
                "Aye God, Woodrow..."

                Comment


                • #9
                  Yeah, I thought perhaps I was just being blonde.....but I didn't understand the OP either.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    I think the OP is asking this:

                    She has an old mare who is fading, and she wants to take her to a pasture board situation, where mare has some buddies and the mare can enjoy her retirement. Even though it's been a few years since the mare and these horses were pasture-mates, OP thinks mare would be happier there, than in a stall board situation.

                    Husband seems to want to keep mare near her foal, even though foal is now teen-aged. I'm assuming husband wants to keep the mare in the stall situation.

                    So OP and husband disagree. Husband wants to give his trainer the tie-breaking vote. OP disagrees with this, because while husband may be the more correct/precise rider, OP maintains she's the more caring horsewoman.

                    And she's found what may be the perfect horse for sale, close to where she lives.

                    I'm also interpreting that OP would like to use the difference in the cost between the stall board, and pasture board, to help maintain the new horse. She's isn't rolling in money, but it doesn't seem to be the constraint it was in the past.

                    She's looking for insights from people who have been similar situations.

                    I think that's it, but I may be delusional.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      I think it's something like that, stryder, although I'm still leaning towards the mare thing being only between OP and husband, and new horse thing being between OP/husband/trainer.

                      Because...I mean, why should an old trainer have say in a retirement situation, and why should it matter who the more "precise rider" is when deciding whether to stall or pasture board a retired, fading horse? That makes zero sense.
                      Proud Member Of The Lady Mafia

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        You may be right, Coanteen.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Rosem View Post
                          Your advice was a bit hard to follow...
                          I'm sorry, but that just cracked me up!

                          Welcome to the board, Rosem. Ask again and we'll try to help.
                          I have a Fjord! Life With Oden

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