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My Rant Regarding Family, Work and Horses

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  • #21
    Destructive dogs are bored dogs, if your son isn't or cant find a place that will rent to him with a pit and your going to be stuck with him tell your son to pony up some money for doggy daycare. He can run and play all day and when you pick him up he'll just sleep and sleep and sleep. A couple times a week will make a difference.

    On "your" weekends board the dog (at your son's expense) so you don't even have to think about it.

    For cleaning, assign specific tasks so there's no guess work about now to help or what to help with. Also sit down and talk to them while assigning tasks so they really get how it's stressing you out a bit.

    Comment

    • Original Poster

      #22
      This is all great feedback. Thank you. Several years ago I did hire a yard service to do the front lawn because I got tired of always nagging. I will do the same with a cleaning service. I had to hire one last spring to help my elderly uncle. They come in twice a month and do the heavy cleaning (wiping down walls, toilets, etc.).

      I guess I just looked at it as being a defeat. But at this point I really don't care. I just want it done and I don't want to be the one to do it all.

      The dog is dicey. I spent so many years working in rescue. I even ran the foster program for a large, regional shelter. I feel that if I could bring home literally 100s of animals over the years to foster, I should be able to handle this one dog. We have tried three different crates. He gets out of every one, sometimes with great injury to himself. He ate through the bedroom door. He is fine in the living room (blocked out of bedrooms and bathrooms). We have a dog run in the back yard (a left over from my fostering days) and within a week we had animal control out because of the barking. This isn't my first rodeo with dogs, even difficult dogs. But he has been a handful. I will talk to my vet about medicating him. I cannot let my little Poodles around him. He wants to play and gets too rough and they squeal and he gets ramped up. Not a good fit, so they have to be kept separate. They weigh 7 lbs. One accidental step from him and my dog's back is broken.

      I get worried that when this is all over I am going to have to hire one of those disaster clean up companies to come in and put my house right. How embarrassing would that be?!
      Sheilah

      Comment


      • #23
        OP, you can't do everything. You have to figure out what's most important to you, and drop the other things. If your horse is most important to you, spend time with your horse and ride first, and do whatever you have energy for after the ride.

        Agree that the dog is probably bored - needs more attention, training, activity. If you don't want to commit to that, the dog has to go (or pay for a trainer, doggy day care, etc.) It's not fair to the dog. Also, some animals can't be helped or fixed. If the dog can't be handled or trained...

        I hope you find some solutions that work better for you.

        Comment


        • #24
          > He is fine in the living room

          He isn't "fine" in the living room, he's destroying your house. You can't save them all from their irresponsible owners. Even if you're related.

          If you want a cage he cannot get out of, consider a visit to Tractor Supply (or whatever you have) for a horse or goat panel and find someone with a sawz-all and a grinder. Cut the panels in appropriate pieces to make a cube, and wire the whole thing together, leaving the front open on three sides to hinge open, and secure it with heavy duty clips. The front should be inset so that when it's clipped shut, there is no open space for him to try to push through.

          This stuff has 4x4 holes, there is a 'horse' panel that has 2x4 that would be better: https://www.tractorsupply.com/tsc/pr...-48-in-h?rfk=1

          --
          Wendy
          ... and Patrick

          Comment


          • #25
            Unless your 19-year old son is paying market rent for living with you, then he owes you. Make the dog his problem. Set out a training and bathroom schedule and make him follow it for a couple of weeks.

            Comment


            • #26
              Originally posted by enjoytheride View Post
              I would give your son 30 days or you take the dog to a shelter.
              it would have been 30 seconds for me

              Comment


              • #27
                I'm sorry but the dog would have to go. Also, your son should be keeping a running tally and be paying you every penny it takes to restore your house to it's previous condition (replace the door, clean and sanitize the floors, etc). He should not have a dog.I do feel bad for the dog but you don't have the time or lifestyle to deal with him either. He still loses out and I don't see euthanasia as a necessarily bad thing. The dog must be miserable in the current circumstance and if those circumstances can't change....?

                As for cleaning, if your family is no help, hire help.

                I know how families can get in the way. I have been lucky to get to the barn once or twice a week for months. It really blows but doing elder care and working full time just about eats it all up. That is the way it is. I have been lucky to have a friend that has been able to ride my horse 2-3x per week for the last couple months. I don't worry too much about her and enjoy the time I can spend with her. I had back surgery in July so I have been grounded anyway but I still enjoy in-hand and liberty work and as I said, I definitely enjoy whatever time I can get with her.

                Good luck,
                Susan



                Comment


                • #28
                  Originally posted by IdahoRider View Post
                  This is all great feedback. Thank you. Several years ago I did hire a yard service to do the front lawn because I got tired of always nagging. I will do the same with a cleaning service. I had to hire one last spring to help my elderly uncle. They come in twice a month and do the heavy cleaning (wiping down walls, toilets, etc.).

                  I guess I just looked at it as being a defeat. But at this point I really don't care. I just want it done and I don't want to be the one to do it all.

                  The dog is dicey. I spent so many years working in rescue. I even ran the foster program for a large, regional shelter. I feel that if I could bring home literally 100s of animals over the years to foster, I should be able to handle this one dog. We have tried three different crates. He gets out of every one, sometimes with great injury to himself. He ate through the bedroom door. He is fine in the living room (blocked out of bedrooms and bathrooms). We have a dog run in the back yard (a left over from my fostering days) and within a week we had animal control out because of the barking. This isn't my first rodeo with dogs, even difficult dogs. But he has been a handful. I will talk to my vet about medicating him. I cannot let my little Poodles around him. He wants to play and gets too rough and they squeal and he gets ramped up. Not a good fit, so they have to be kept separate. They weigh 7 lbs. One accidental step from him and my dog's back is broken.

                  I get worried that when this is all over I am going to have to hire one of those disaster clean up companies to come in and put my house right. How embarrassing would that be?!
                  Sheilah
                  Give son a time limit. Buy a HEAVY DUTY DOG CAGE. Put the damn dog in it EVERY TIME it can't be outside/with a human. If son doesn't have a place at the end of the time limit he can board it, at $30-40 a day that should get his rear in gear more than dumping it for free at mom's. If needed, the dog can and should be put down. There are far too many good dogs in shelters to keep a neurotic, untrained pitbull around. Any responsible horse owner would tell you the same if you had a HORSE that couldnt/shouldn't be rehomed - why is it any different with a dog?
                  Please support S. 1406 to amend the Horse Protection Act and Prevent all Soring Tactics to the Tennessee Walking horse!
                  https://www.popvox.com/bills/us/113/s1406

                  Comment


                  • #29
                    Tally my vote in favor of PTS for the pitbull. Life is too short to deal with home wreckers and there are more deserving dogs out there in need of those homes. And bill your son for his wreckage too.

                    Comment


                    • #30
                      "I spent so many years working in rescue. I even ran the foster program for a large, regional shelter. I feel that if I could bring home literally 100s of animals over the years to foster, I should be able to handle this one dog."

                      Yeah, except that:

                      "We have tried three different crates. He gets out of every one, sometimes with great injury himself. He ate through the bedroom door. He is fine in the living room (blocked out of bedrooms and bathrooms). We have a dog run in the back yard (a left over from my fostering days) and within a week we had animal control out because of the barking. This isn't my first rodeo with dogs, even difficult dogs. But he has been a handful. I will talk to my vet about medicating him. I cannot let my little Poodles around him. He wants to play and gets too rough and they squeal and he gets ramped up. Not a good fit, so they have to be kept separate. They weigh 7 lbs. One accidental step from him and my dog's back is broken.

                      The dog is not happy, you are not happy. The dog is not a good fit for your home. He will never be a good fit for your home, being as he isn't going to get smaller and your poodles aren't going to get bigger. The potty pads might just be confusing him and training him to pee and poop inside the house. He is old enough to be housebroken. I am genuinely so proud to know someone who saved so many other dogs, but those were different dogs, at a different time in your life. Work with pit bull rescue to find a new owner who either has lots of time at home to train and exercise this fella, or who is able to pay for doggie daycare every weekday.

                      Get over your issues with your husband's slobness. Was he neat when you married him? What is going to change now? As others have said, you will have to supervise short, specific tasks once or twice a week if you don't want to be the only one cleaning. Do no do your adult son's laundry. He can handle the wishy-washy machine all by himself.

                      And remember: no one can take advantage of you unless you let them.

                      And remember, we all know just how you feel.

                      Comment


                      • #31
                        There is no embarrassment in hiring a reclamation company, but there is a lot of expense. The reclamation company will fix everything, and charge you for it, but doggy has to go first. Unless your son can take that dog by the end of the month, then he needs to make a decision either to surrender the dog, or PTS, but it's his responsibility, and he needs to make a decision. And he should pay the reclamation bill, even if it's just repaying you $50 a month for life. And what happens when someone doesn't close a door tight enough, and it opens, and a poodle goes in the living room? It won't have a good ending, and you'll feel horrible forever about the dog. Your son needs to face the fact that no landlord will ever allow that dog, and if one was foolish enough to do that, your son's bill for the damage will be very expensive, and he won't be renting from anyone again that cares about their property.

                        I still would tell the men to use the hampers you'll get them, or stuff will disappear. I suggest you bag anything dumped in the living room, or other areas besides the hamper in trash bags, and hide it somewhere. When they run out of clothes, then they can either get with the program of not trashing the house, or go naked.

                        It's not fair that you do everything, and they wander around like a bunch of two year olds. The need to do their own laundry too. Maybe schedule their laundry evening, and if they leave stuff in the washer, or dryer, just set a timer, and they go and empty the washer, or dryer when it goes off. You've trained dogs before, so maybe a liver treat would be a good reward.

                        You need to claim your territory, and get your time back so you can ride, or just relax before the stress hurts you more.
                        Last edited by JanM; Sep. 10, 2018, 02:19 AM.
                        You can't fix stupid-Ron White

                        Comment


                        • #32
                          Your son can't find a rental that will allow a pit bull because those don't exist. There is no way I would keep a dog like that in my house for more than one hour. That dog needs to be euthanized pronto. It has proven, to the detriment of your household for six months, that it is not capable of being part of family life. Do yourself and the dog (oh, and YOUR dogs who aren't destroying your house but are locked up in one room through no fault of their own) a favor and put it to sleep. There is nothing cruel about that in this kind of situation.

                          The rest of your problems maybe won't seem so bad after you get rid of the dog that is literally destroying your home.

                          Comment


                          • #33
                            About the barking. They make bark collars that shoot a citrus spray at them whenever they bark. Try that. Or a collar that shocks them when they bark if necessary. We have used both with success. When we were away from home on business trips the Boxer (now deceased) used to get the other ones barking from his insecurity. So we had our petsitter alternate collars, citrus in the day and electric ones at night so our neighbors wouldn't have anything to complain about.

                            https://www.amazon.com/PetSafe-Gentl...07048087&psc=1

                            Some dogs chew walls to get out, some accept it OK for a time. We have had both types, had to replace drywall and door jams. Our Boxer adopted at 9 months was a holy terror who took months to train. I put him through 2 obedience classes because he flunked the first one...and it wasn't because I didn't work with him. He was the biggest (sweetest) air head we have ever had. He was amazing at getting out of crates too, a total Houdini and we worried too that he would hurt himself trying to get out.

                            There are people here who understand how to work with dogs, and people who don't. We go the extra mile at my house, once adopted we don't turn our backs on them. (And we've had some doozies that most wouldn't have handled. The Boxer was a walk in the park compared to them.) That's what we do. Everyone is different. Obviously you know what you are doing. You know your limits and are kind hearted. Good luck.

                            Comment


                            • #34
                              It sounds as though your son does not fully comprehend the extent to which HIS dog is affecting your home and your life. You might want to take a few photos of
                              what you are having to clean up, to help convey the magnitude of the problem. I definitely agree with giving the son a deadline to step up and take responsibility for HIS dog. You have been so gracious but I don't believe you are morally bound to keep the dog, train the dog, deal with the separation anxiety, and impact your own dogs this way for much longer. Surely your family can see that, and come to an arrangement.....good luck. Perhaps with the occasional house cleaners and the dog not taking up bandwidth you will be better able to find the elusive life balance and more horse time!

                              Comment


                              • #35
                                I think some of the best advice I've heard for women in particular is something they tell you in Al-Anon, but which is really applicable in so many relationships. Do not shield your loved one from the consequences of their own decisions. This doesn't mean don't help out when they need it, but don't spend your life going around making things easier for them when they are not holding up their end of the deal.

                                Women are raised from an early age to be helpers and to see to the comfort of others. It is time for you to take care of yourself first. Your son is an adult who made a very bad decision in getting this dog. Stop shielding him from the unpleasant consequences of that. If your husband doesn't do his laundry for three weeks and doesn't have clean clothes for work, sympathize but do not fix it.

                                This was SO HARD for me to start doing but really helped rebalance the relationship, and it's fairer to both parties in the end. They needed to step up, and I needed to stop fuming silently which was unproductive and unfair.

                                The problem with telling them what to do is that you will still be taking on the emotional labor of organizing the whole house and their lives, and that's a lot of labor. Stop doing that and expect them to handle their own responsibilities, or deal with the consequences.

                                Comment


                                • #36
                                  Late to the party, but I'll contribute.

                                  Buy a Roomba and use it where it won't stand the chance of running over dog poop. Seriously, my Roomba brought my house from 'too-embarrassed-for-company' to 'HOLYCOWHOWVACUUMED?' in an after noon.

                                  Use paper plates.

                                  Hire a house keeping service to come once a week.

                                  Make one pot meals that last several meals.. assign dinner making to another household member at least one night a week AND STICK TO IT (you'll get McDonald's or pizza a few times, just keep something decent as a backup for you on the nights someone else is 'in charge').

                                  Throw out clothing that sits on the floor for more than 24 hours. Leave it in an open, visible trash can, then have the offender take out the trash. (this will be an interesting conversation but it will get you toward your goal)

                                  Stop bringing up clean laundry from dryer.. then, when they complain about this, stop doing other's laundry altogether and tell them why. I used to sort, turn inside out, wash, dry, turn right side out, fold and bring back to the dressers, but DH would always have things jammed in so nothing else fit to put it away. So I stopped putting stuff away. He complained. Now he's lucky if he can find clean underwear on top of the dryer in a pile. He's learning.

                                  Arrange long-term boarding for the dog, then tell son he's got to bring dog to boarding situation and pay. There are boarding + training facilities he can keep this dog. I agree, it's a tough decision but the dog needs to be re-homed. I would not personally euthanasia b/c I know of several a poorly behaved as your son's that have found good homes. Find a rescue that specializes in pits.. I like http://www.pitstopny.org and can highly recommend them.

                                  Comment


                                  • #37
                                    I really don't see what the dog has done to need to be euthanized? He's not aggressive. He is bored. He needs toys and things to chew on. he needs more exercise. Does he need to be rehomed, I'd say yes. OP, it's not your dog, and I know you've tried.
                                    I've raised one pitbull puppy and a bunch of other breeds. The pit, while the absolute sweetest dog I ever owned, was the toughest. They need a lot of your time and training. I lived on a farm and he would chase a kong all day long and play with my other dogs. I took him to puppy classes and he always had dog chews and toys. Your son's dog is only going to get worse in his current situation. Either your son steps up, or he needs a new home.
                                    Accuracy is the twin brother of honesty; inaccuracy, of dishonesty.
                                    Nathaniel Hawthorne

                                    Comment


                                    • #38
                                      I totally feel you. I have 5 kids (and 2 stepsons every other weekend), all under age 12, and I feel the house is always a mess. I AM very lucky that my husband pitches in when I get behind. I also assign chores, and even though it may be easier somedays to do it myself rather than spend an hour or more screaming bloody murder and standing over them for an hour or two to make them do them, I do it, because they have to learn to be functioning adults. Even my 4 year old has to help pick up her toys.

                                      Somedays, I let the house go, say goodbye when DH gets home from work, and haul butt out to the barn. I do self care, so I am responsible for ALL care when it comes to them. So it is non negotiable that I make it out to the barn 2x a day, and my family has had to live with that fact . Somedays I AM too tired to ride, but that is my choice, not my familys'.

                                      With a grown son, and hubby, they need to step up. You are NOT a maid. As for the dog, make your oldest son take him or he goes to the shelter. I hate to say it but it will take a LOT of stress from your life, and you won't be spending all that time picking up what he destroys.

                                      Good luck OP. I really hope you can kick their butts and make them pick up their slack.

                                      Comment


                                      • #39
                                        Some confusion - OP has 2 sons, the messy 19 yo that lives with her, and an older son that does not live with her but dumped his pit bull with her?

                                        That's easy. Give the pit bull owner 2 weeks to find another place for the dog to live. At the end of 2 weeks, put the dog in a car and drive to the owner's residence and hand the dog over. You can do it. That son needs to grow tf up.

                                        The younger son - confine his mess to his room and he does his own laundry. You can "jail" the stuff he leaves around the house and have him pay to bail it out. If it sits in jail for over a week and he doesn't care, throw it out or donate it or whatever.

                                        Husband - you had to know what he was like before you married him. I can't think of a way to get him to change his behavior in a polite and respectful way, and spouses deserve respect. So get to counseling because it sounds like this really affects your mental health and he is not hearing you.
                                        "When a true genius appears in the world, you may know him by this sign, that the dunces are all in a confederacy against him."

                                        Comment


                                        • #40
                                          Can you use your rescue contacts to place the pit in a foster that is more equipped to deal with his issues? Frankly I could not handle a dog like that. It isn't that the dog has done anything wrong, but it is a huge issue that it is destroying your house. I bet if the dog is gone, your stress level would go down about the rest substantially.

                                          I would have a hard time taking the dog to a shelter but this simply isn't sustainable and the dog clearly isn't happy either or it wouldn't be so destructive or have so many accidents. Euth is not necessarily the worst thing for a dog that reasonable efforts can't make happy within himself. Sad situation for all of you.

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