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Your life after selling your only horse...

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  • Your life after selling your only horse...

    So, after months of dealing with a 'special' barn owner that has caused the loss of a dear friend and client of mine, trying to sabotage the relationships with my horse owner clients (I was training horses for a couple of people, with the barn owners full permission of course) and threatening me because I wouldn't put my horse on antibiotics when the barn had a very mild Rhino outbreak, I've decided to sell my mare. My mare never got sick at all, and she wantes me to treat her with antibiotics for a damn virus. I refused, and wouldn't let her bully me.

    I'm done with boarding and the drama associated with it. The money from the horse sale is going to good use towards a down payment on a house.

    I've carefully checked the interested parties for my horse, and have found her a wonderful mother/daughter to try her out. Even if they choose not to take her, I've made some friends.

    The point I'm slowly getting at is how do you live life after you sell? I know there are going to be tons of tears. I feel like I'm selling part of my soul, because some idiot ruined it for me. After the mare is at her new home, and my tack is retrieved, I'm going to email this woman and tell her why people are leaving her barn and never stay longer than six months. It may ne a complete waste of time, but it will make me feel better and hopefully plant a seed to make the future boarders lives better.

    How do you deal with the emptiness in your life after you sell someone so special? So far, I'm taking up running and bicycling.

    Do you just buy lessons so you don't get out of shape? Do you take up a second job so you can afford to buy property and have a horse again? I would like to know how you cope... I'm at a loss and feel sad.
    Originally posted by dizzywriter
    My saddle fits perfectly well. It might be a little tight around the waist, but I take care of that with those spandex things.

  • #2
    I'm going through this same issue, minus the barn drama.

    I've had my mare for almost a year and she just isn't turning out to be suitable for my needs, so I have decided to either free lease her or sell her outright.

    I love her, she's been wonderful, just doesn't like what I want to do (jumpers, she gets very bored easily doing lots of ring work).

    I, too am either going to take the money and put in savings for buying a farm down the road.

    I actually have one woman intersted in doing a trade for a made foxhunter/jumper which I am considering, but if not, then I'm going to stay horseless for a bit.

    It's really tough, and I am going to try to catch-ride in the interim, but there certainly isn't anything like owning your own horse to dote on.

    Chin up
    Friend of bar.ka!
    Originally posted by MHM
    GM quote of the day, regarding the correct way to do things:
    "There's correct, and then there's correct. If you're almost correct, that means you're wrong."


    • #3
      My question to you, and I dont mean this in any unkind way, but why are you letting someone have so much control over your life? Why sell your beloved horse because of a crazy barn owner? I don't understand.
      Stoneybrook Farm Afton TN


      • #4
        My first horse I got as a 7 mth old filly. I helped train her, shown in local hunter shows, hacked out in endless fields. When I got engaged, I knew we would be moving across the states to the west coast, so after 7 years, I sold her. I had a HUGE hole in my heart as she was my life during college and dating my hubby while he was in dental school. I had been taking lessons from my next door neighbor who had a dressage barn. She let me ride/show her older pony. That helped some, but it wasn't the same as having Crisco. It took me quite a while to get over it, but with having other things to do, like work, ride the other horse, spend time with hubby, it eased the pain. It does get better.


        • #5
          Originally posted by tidy rabbit View Post
          My question to you, and I dont mean this in any unkind way, but why are you letting someone have so much control over your life? Why sell your beloved horse because of a crazy barn owner? I don't understand.
          I agree, but I'm sure there are other issues...maybe no other good barns to move too? Too much money if you aren't teaching ot help cover board, etc.

          I cannot imagine being horseless. Of course, I've had no less then 2 at a time for nearly 10 years now... I would like to imagine having only 1 I think! LOL

          In all seriousness, I think I would be severely depressed if horses were wiped out of my life or minimized to a hobby. They'be been such a huge part, its WHO I AM. It's my job, my love, my hobby, my obsession. Who else would I be without horses? I'm not sure.....
          Concordia means "Harmony" in Latin.
          Full Time Dressage Addict


          • #6
            Originally posted by tidy rabbit View Post
            My question to you, and I dont mean this in any unkind way, but why are you letting someone have so much control over your life? Why sell your beloved horse because of a crazy barn owner? I don't understand.
            I was thinking the same thing. It sounds like the OP may be looking for a "reason" to sell her mare and perhaps this situation helps justify it in her mind.

            To the OP: make sure you really examine why you want to sell your horse so you don't end up regretting your decision six months from now.
            Proud owner of a Slaughter-Bound TB from a feedlot, and her surprise baby...!


            • #7
              Work on yourself- run go to the gym, get in great shape (if you aren't already) take lessons on amazing horses, take the time to learn and grow and the right one will come along at the right time. Me- I stop in every now and then and give my old mare carrots and kisses, she's happy, I'm was all for the best. Sure there were tears, but for the most part, when I make a decision I accept as the right choice and go forward knowing the best is yet to come.


              • #8
                I'm in the same boat, but for an all too common reason - divorce. More specifically, the time from when the abused party leaves and when we actually get in front of a judge and I get some sort of judgment about support. So, in a little more than 24 hours my horses and I are headed out so they can live with a dear friend. Realistically, I might never be able to go get them back. Sucks. Big time. The only good thing is that they are going to a great home and there is hope that one day they may be part of my life again.
                "You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars;
                you have a right to be here." ~ Desiderata by Max Ehrmann


                • #9
                  I think a lot of people will get out of horses temporarily. Sometimes the just don't fit our needs sometimes. They're way too expensive to have just to have.

                  Divorce can be a reality check too! Can you afford your horses on your own? Something to remember in a relationship.
                  "Sic Gorgiamus Allos Subjectatos Nunc"


                  • #10
                    I am there also.

                    My girl is for sale and it is only because of the expanding family. After she is gone I KNOW I will regret it but I guess you have to do what you have to do.

                    Selling has been a large pain. I've had some STUPID requests of reducing her already LOW price. Then, I had one say I don't have money but I can give you a foal out of her (but I would have to pay vet, foaling out and lord knows what else). I just put her price back up to what I am slightly happy with and said F$&% it and if it happens it happens. Guess selling her wasn't ment to be yet.
                    Draumr Hesta Farm
                    "Wenn Du denkst es geht nicht mehr, kommt von irgendwo ein kleines Licht daher"
                    Member of the COTH Ignorant Disrepectful F-bombs!*- 2Dogs Farm


                    • #11
                      I completely understand how a barn owner can ruin your entire horse experience. I am horseless right now and one of the factors that made my decision to send my mare to a retirement farm was that I couldn't find a decent barn. It is either million dollar dressage/hunter barn or red neck nightmare. And a freak in charge of all of them. Maybe it is me. It really doesn't matter.
                      If you are irritated by every rub, how will your mirror be polished?
                      ? Rumi


                      • #12
                        Without going into details, I gave up my last horse about two years ago and it was very hard, but I knew it was the best thing for us both. It was as if someone had died, having to come to grips with the fact that I no longer owned a horse - it was the first time in over 15 years I had not been a horse-owner. There was a strange sort of "silence" to my life.

                        I know someday I will get another one, and that brings me great comfort. For now, I have a lot of freedom to ride other horses, because I have no option to ride my own. I am focussing on getting some big bills paid off/down and when the time is right, I WILL buy another horse.

                        I dream about my first horse often - I dream of riding him. Sometimes I dream of a horse I have never "met" and I wonder if that's my next horse.

                        Gotta go - very sad now.
                        Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
                        W. C. Fields


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Gayla View Post
                          ...I couldn't find a decent barn. It is either million dollar dressage/hunter barn or red neck nightmare. And a freak in charge of all of them. Maybe it is me. It really doesn't matter.
                          Nope, not you at all. I especially like the "One lesson a week is required for boarders" crapola. Excuse me, I can teach the bloody things and have more experience than your instructor....but you've got to pay this fee. How special is that.

                          Some barns I've seen I'd be afraid to keep my horse there for worries they'd be riding him.

                          One by me has a "doggy pond to keep him happy while you ride, credit cards for the kids so they can buy what they need in the tack shop or snack bar, they'll polish your boots and you only need 2 lessons a week to make everyone happy...and yep, it's a DQ barn. Yech!
                          "Sic Gorgiamus Allos Subjectatos Nunc"


                          • #14
                            I was horseless for two years 16 years ago due to a move and my husband's illness. Sold the horse to my vet, so no guilt there, but it was very hard. Fortunately I was able to buy another horse, and soon had three horses, but there was definitely a void when I was horseless. Not just the horses, but the horsey friends, too.

                            I plan to have horses for the rest of my life, but I'm realistic enough to know that things can change, and priorities have to change sometimes, too. Horses are a very expensive pursuit. Life happens.


                            • Original Poster

                              All really great responses. Thank you.

                              I've been contemplating selling her for a few months now. I was going to keep her and just find another barn, but everything is very expensive to begin with, I pay about $200 less than most barns charge a mirth around here for full care. We also want to buy a house now while the market is still a buyers market and money has been tight for a very long time. I moved to a different city and therefore lost my clientele and the. The economy ranked. I've been hit very hard by the economy. In reality, I knew I was going to get what I was paying for as far as a boarder goes.

                              I got tired of dealing with the BO's drama and was NEVER at the barn and working tons to try and drum up enough money to even live. The horse definitely Heya what she needs, but the rest of us feel the tight girth. It's not fair to my family. The BO was the very last straw that I couldn't deal with...
                              Originally posted by dizzywriter
                              My saddle fits perfectly well. It might be a little tight around the waist, but I take care of that with those spandex things.


                              • #16
                                Originally posted by jenm View Post
                                To the OP: make sure you really examine why you want to sell your horse so you don't end up regretting your decision six months from now.
                                Or thirty five years down the road like me. I still think about and miss that boy even though I have two special ones now.
                                You know why cowboys don't like Appaloosas?" - Answer: Because to train a horse, you have to be smarter than it is.


                                • #17
                                  My first horse, I regret giving away but she's treated like the princess she thinks she is. Her human loves her dearly so that is what matters most. I just miss her terribly!

                                  My second horse I regret selling. But I have to admit that it was probably the best thing I did for all three (the buyer too) of us. I keep up with the new owner who is also a friend and the horse cannot have a better home. The two of them click and the love is mutual. I also went through some issues after selling her that if I had to pay board or a horse emergency arose, I would not have been able to afford it.

                                  I now torture myself by looking at horses for sale/adoption/giveaway that I currently am not able to get. I am trying to get myself more financially stable so that I can once again afford to keep/pay for emergencies. I think if all goes well I'll be on the market again by January (oh yeah, 2011!)

                                  ETA: It sucks and there may be some regret but in the long run it works out.
                                  Last edited by Widget; Jul. 21, 2010, 11:40 AM. Reason: Trying to stay on subject with my rambling.