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Oh no! Did I insult my BO?? Ungood!!

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  • Oh no! Did I insult my BO?? Ungood!!

    First: I adore my BO. I really, really do. She is sweet and sincere, and not only is she a good horsewoman but she is a good person.

    I have boarded with her twice, once with my old mare Aisha and a prospect. Aisha was, of course, the most perfect angel horse ever...the prospect less so, but cute enough to get away with most of it. When I first started boarding, evil prospect chewed on some brand new boards which I immediately began coating with Quit and other nasty concoctions until she, well, quit. I always kept everything clean, and ALWAYS paid on time.

    When Aisha got sick, BO felt horrible and that she was at fault (she wasn't). And when I lost Aisha, BO cried with me.

    I got rid of the no-longer-evil-now-much-loved-at-new-home prospect and left on good terms with BO.

    Aaaand, more than a year later, emailed about boarding with new pony. Not only did she say yes, but she moved one of her personal horses to make room for me. And when the date got moved around a couple days, she was fine with it and didn't even let me pay pro-rate for the early days.

    So, to the insult part: Sometimes when I come out, she hasn't picked the two or three piles of manure in Pink's run (paddocks are attached to runs which are attached to stalls, and horses are locked in runs/stalls at night). Whenever this happens, I'll grab up those couple of piles. I did the same thing when I had Aisha there, because...well...because. It's there.

    Today she called me and asked if I had, because she thought she remembered seeing two piles in there this morning. I said I had, and she said that I paid her to do that. She was VERY nice about it and sort of laughing. I told her that no, I don't pay her to do that, I pay her to watch my pony when I can't and take care of her, but if she wanted I could stop? She said no, just that I didn't need to do it. She is just so nice, I can't tell if she was trying to tell me to stop...?

    Am I insulting her by doing this? Somehow I think I am, and I feel bad. I don't mean to imply that I do it better, or that I think it should have already been done, because neither of those are the case...but I think now that it may have come off this way. Oh no!!
    COTH's official mini-donk enabler

    "I am all for reaching out, but in some situations it needs to be done with a rolled up news paper." Alagirl

  • #2
    Don't worry your pretty little head about this for one minute more! It does not sound to me like she was offended at all. She probably just wondered where the poop went! And/or she really likes you and wants to make sure you don't think you have to do it.

    I get out to the barn late every night...hours after the last stall/paddock picking. I almost always pick up any in-between deposits. I always have and always will, so I know exactly where you are coming from. The manure is there and so am I...I could leave it but I could also pick it up and so I do!
    Founding Member of "I Kept 'Off Topic Day!' Open"


    • #3
      Well, now, as a very small time boarding barn (think, one other horse) and as someone who boards their other horse away from home and likes to do what the OP does....because I can, I want to, and it's there...there is another take on this.

      As a BO, I worry when my BDR cleans up...does she think I'm doing a crappy job with the crap? Is it not clean/right/nice/finished/etc?? I like to worry. I'm also a neat freak in the barn. I get paranoid.

      So, dear OP, I'd reassure your BO that she's doing a bang up job, and you just want to give her a hand, you're not "judging" her efforts. Sometimes, we nice BOs need some reassurance from our dear BRDrs
      Proud member of the "Don't rush to kill wildlife" clique!


      • #4
        She may also keep track of how much each horse is pooping. No poop piles may be a bit alarming to her, especially if she is as conciencious as she sounds.


        • #5
          TheJenners, you have a great BO! You are fortunate. I once (briefly) boarded in a place where the owner had evicted someone for removing one poop from their horse's stall. Everyone was so spooked about being evicted over that that no one even thought about doing the same in the turnouts. Guess it must have turned into magical fertilizer out there or something.

          You are a very nice boarder.
          "The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits." Albert Einstein



          • #6
            Well, if she is anything like me (I am a BO) she probably really appreciates it but is maybe a bit paranoid just from trying to keep everyone happy and wanting things to be right. In other words, she may be worried you are unhappy when you are not and was just checking.

            While I don't do any of the labor at my barn anymore I no get a little nervous when I see someone doing their own stall, I wonder f it is not beng done to their satisfaction or something. Usually I will just say "Was everything ok w/Blazes stall? I dont want you to have to do it" It is usually a case of "I was here and did it...or I washed him and was picking his stall while he dried" But by asking at least they know I am paying attention and opens the door to a conversation if they feel it is not up to snuff.


            • #7
              I have had this very same interaction with 2 BO/ BMs where I've boarded. My current one 'yell's at me for mucking my horse's stall. I'm stingy on removing shavings... just am looking for *anything* horse related that quantifies as exercise.

              He'd come out to the barn, scolding me. What on earth are you doing? WHY are you picking? That's what YOU pay ME for!

              I reiterate nicely that I need the exercise, that I find it therapeutic and that I want to be a contributing member of the barn, not just someone who comes to play with her horsey, then disappears.

              He's countered with the fact that he pays someone to pick (it's his son who's learning responsibility)... so I've stopped. But it had gotten a little dicey there. I too was worried I was offending. But we've seemed to come to an understanding.

              I also buy him a bottle of his favorite wine regularly. And express my gratitude whenever I'm able. I love my BO & his facility..


              • #8
                Hmmm...must be a Connecticut thing. LOL!
                "The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits." Albert Einstein



                • #9
                  I don't think you did. I bet she was just wondering where the poop had gone.
                  Horse Show Names Free name website with over 6200 names. Want to add? PM me!


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Kestrel View Post
                    She may also keep track of how much each horse is pooping. No poop piles may be a bit alarming to her, especially if she is as conciencious as she sounds.
                    Agree. She also might be making sure the horse - I hate this but I have seen them do it - wasn't EATING the poop. Gross, yuck, but.....


                    • #11
                      Just reassure her that you love her barn and her care for your horse. Sounds like she was just checking that you are still happy there and that you know she saw the poop and would have removed it for you. NICE BO you've got there.

                      A friend of mine was unhappy with how her stall looked after the BM cleaned it in the mornings, so friend started just picking through it and getting out a few stragglers and wet spots that had been left behind when she came out in the afternoons. When BM realized what was going on, she stopped cleaning my friend's stall! She would leave it dirty because she knew my friend would clean it for her!! Friend actually put up with it for a full month before having a heated discussion with BM and now things are back up to par.

                      A conversation between the two much earlier would have avoided that whole situation, so be happy the lines of communication between you and your BO are open! Good luck.


                      • #12
                        I'm sure she was just worried about whether pony was pooping or not. Very vigiliant BO! Good on her.

                        Boy, I wish I had majikally disappearing poop
                        Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Kestrel View Post
                          She may also keep track of how much each horse is pooping. No poop piles may be a bit alarming to her, especially if she is as conciencious as she sounds.
                          I was thinking this as well. Which makes an awesome BO in my mind

                          I don't think you insulted her at all.

                          What is insulting is when all the stalls in the barn are clean, freshly beeded, clean water and because there is one pile of poop in the stall a hour later the boarder goes in to clean the entire stall again + give un necessary bedding. Ugg, glad she stopped that !!!

                          Sounds like you have a GREAT BO


                          • Original Poster

                            I do, you guys! I heart my BO.

                            Due to vacancies, my BF's mare is boarded about seven minutes down the road. It's also a super nice facility, turnout is about five times bigger per horse, larger barn, washrack etc etc...and he still wishes there was room at my place for his mare. I just don't ever want to upset her...

                            ...I think I might get her a card.
                            COTH's official mini-donk enabler

                            "I am all for reaching out, but in some situations it needs to be done with a rolled up news paper." Alagirl


                            • #15
                              Bake her some cookies. Everyone loves cookies.
                              Thus do we growl that our big toes have, at this moment, been thrown up from below!


                              • #16
                                I would not worry about it at all! I always pick my horse's stall when I'm at the barn, and I board at a full-service facility with my horse on full training board. Heck, even if the guys just cleaned it, if my horse poops, I will pick up that one poop, ha ha!

                                It all sort of started when my horse was on stall rest. I would come clean at night so that he had a nice place to lay down. He was also developing some thrush from the stall rest despite the fact that the barn staff actually does clean the stalls twice daily.

                                I did talk to the BO and the stall cleaning guys before I started doing it. I just said that they do a great job but that I like to pick my horse's stall before I leave each day. I asked where they would like me to put the poop and they asked that I just put it in a corner of the stall near the front so that they (a) know he has, indeed, been pooping despite his pristine stall, and (b) can easily remove it when they clean in the morning. Win-win for everyone.

                                Sometimes the guys joke with me/each other about how they didn't do a good enough job cleaning my horse's stall (they do a FANTASTIC job - way better than me!). I usually just agree that, yes, in the future they should just stand behind my horse all day waiting for him to poop so that they can catch it before it hits the ground, or, alternatively, reach up in there and be proactive about it, lol.

                                So, really, really don't worry about it. You could maybe just mention to the BO that she does an awesome job and that you have no complaints, but that you just can't help but pick up a pile if you happen to see it!


                                • #17
                                  Originally posted by TheJenners View Post

                                  ...I think I might get her a card.
                                  Does Hallmark make a card for that?


                                  • #18
                                    Originally posted by Kestrel View Post
                                    She may also keep track of how much each horse is pooping. No poop piles may be a bit alarming to her, especially if she is as conciencious as she sounds.
                                    I know when I took boarders, I did feel a bit discombobulated when boarders would pick for this reason. I always felt it my duty to know each horse's pooping habits. I mostly learned to live with it, but did request of new boarders that they refrain from this during the first month of boarding so that I could learn the new horses' habits and be able to flag the owners on any changes ASAP.
                                    Equinox Equine Massage

                                    In the depth of winter, I finally learned that there was in me invincible summer.
                                    -Albert Camus


                                    • #19
                                      Originally posted by Alagirl View Post
                                      Does Hallmark make a card for that?
                                      Duh, it's in the "Sorry I picked up horse poop and perhaps suggested your care was less than optimal" section.
                                      Tell a Gelding. Ask a Stallion. Discuss it with a Mare... Pray if it's a Pony!


                                      • #20
                                        Originally posted by arizona101 View Post
                                        Well, if she is anything like me (I am a BO) she probably really appreciates it but is maybe a bit paranoid just from trying to keep everyone happy and wanting things to be right. In other words, she may be worried you are unhappy when you are not and was just checking.
                                        This, plus I like to know that the horses are pooping.

                                        As a side note, all too often people try to "help" by cleaning their own stall but instead they make a mess of the aisle, leave forks where they don't belong, throw away huge amounts of clean bedding, or do other weird things. (This doesn't at all sound like it applies here.) Though I appreciate people wanting to be involved in their horse's care, generally it's easier if they let us take care of the stuff we're supposed to take care of.