• Welcome to the Chronicle Forums.
    Please complete your profile. The forums and the rest of www.chronofhorse.com has single sign-in, so your log in information for one will automatically work for the other. Disclaimer: The opinions expressed here are the views of the individual and do not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of The Chronicle of the Horse.



Forum rules and no-advertising policy

As a participant on this forum, it is your responsibility to know and follow our rules. Please read this message in its entirety.

Board Rules

1. You’re responsible for what you say.
As outlined in Section 230 of the Communications Decency Act, The Chronicle of the Horse and its affiliates, as well Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd., the developers of vBulletin, are not legally responsible for statements made in the forums.

This is a public forum viewed by a wide spectrum of people, so please be mindful of what you say and who might be reading it—details of personal disputes are likely better handled privately. While posters are legally responsible for their statements, the moderators may in their discretion remove or edit posts that violate these rules. Users have the ability to modify or delete their own messages after posting, but administrators generally will not delete posts, threads or accounts upon request.

Outright inflammatory, vulgar, harassing, malicious or otherwise inappropriate statements and criminal charges unsubstantiated by a reputable news source or legal documentation will not be tolerated and will be dealt with at the discretion of the moderators.

2. Conversations in horse-related forums should be horse-related.
The forums are a wonderful source of information and support for members of the horse community. While it’s understandably tempting to share information or search for input on other topics upon which members might have a similar level of knowledge, members must maintain the focus on horses.

3. Keep conversations productive, on topic and civil.
Discussion and disagreement are inevitable and encouraged; personal insults, diatribes and sniping comments are unproductive and unacceptable. Whether a subject is light-hearted or serious, keep posts focused on the current topic and of general interest to other participants of that thread. Utilize the private message feature or personal email where appropriate to address side topics or personal issues not related to the topic at large.

4. No advertising in the discussion forums.
Posts in the discussion forums directly or indirectly advertising horses, jobs, items or services for sale or wanted will be removed at the discretion of the moderators. Use of the private messaging feature or email addresses obtained through users’ profiles for unsolicited advertising is not permitted.

Company representatives may participate in discussions and answer questions about their products or services, or suggest their products on recent threads if they fulfill the criteria of a query. False "testimonials" provided by company affiliates posing as general consumers are not appropriate, and self-promotion of sales, ad campaigns, etc. through the discussion forums is not allowed.

Paid advertising is available on our classifieds site and through the purchase of banner ads. The tightly monitored Giveaways forum permits free listings of genuinely free horses and items available or wanted (on a limited basis). Items offered for trade are not allowed.

Advertising Policy Specifics
When in doubt of whether something you want to post constitutes advertising, please contact a moderator privately in advance for further clarification. Refer to the following points for general guidelines:

Horses – Only general discussion about the buying, leasing, selling and pricing of horses is permitted. If the post contains, or links to, the type of specific information typically found in a sales or wanted ad, and it’s related to a horse for sale, regardless of who’s selling it, it doesn’t belong in the discussion forums.

Stallions – Board members may ask for suggestions on breeding stallion recommendations. Stallion owners may reply to such queries by suggesting their own stallions, only if their horse fits the specific criteria of the original poster. Excessive promotion of a stallion by its owner or related parties is not permitted and will be addressed at the discretion of the moderators.

Services – Members may use the forums to ask for general recommendations of trainers, barns, shippers, farriers, etc., and other members may answer those requests by suggesting themselves or their company, if their services fulfill the specific criteria of the original post. Members may not solicit other members for business if it is not in response to a direct, genuine query.

Products – While members may ask for general opinions and suggestions on equipment, trailers, trucks, etc., they may not list the specific attributes for which they are in the market, as such posts serve as wanted ads.

Event Announcements – Members may post one notification of an upcoming event that may be of interest to fellow members, if the original poster does not benefit financially from the event. Such threads may not be “bumped” excessively. Premium members may post their own notices in the Event Announcements forum.

Charities/Rescues – Announcements for charitable or fundraising events can only be made for 501(c)(3) tax-exempt organizations. Special exceptions may be made, at the moderators’ discretion and direction, for board-related events or fundraising activities in extraordinary circumstances.

Occasional posts regarding horses available for adoption through IRS-registered horse rescue or placement programs are permitted in the appropriate forums, but these threads may be limited at the discretion of the moderators. Individuals may not advertise or make announcements for horses in need of rescue, placement or adoption unless the horse is available through a recognized rescue or placement agency or government-run entity or the thread fits the criteria for and is located in the Giveaways forum.

5. Do not post copyrighted photographs unless you have purchased that photo and have permission to do so.

6. Respect other members.
As members are often passionate about their beliefs and intentions can easily be misinterpreted in this type of environment, try to explore or resolve the inevitable disagreements that arise in the course of threads calmly and rationally.

If you see a post that you feel violates the rules of the board, please click the “alert” button (exclamation point inside of a triangle) in the bottom left corner of the post, which will alert ONLY the moderators to the post in question. They will then take whatever action, or no action, as deemed appropriate for the situation at their discretion. Do not air grievances regarding other posters or the moderators in the discussion forums.

Please be advised that adding another user to your “Ignore” list via your User Control Panel can be a useful tactic, which blocks posts and private messages by members whose commentary you’d rather avoid reading.

7. We have the right to reproduce statements made in the forums.
The Chronicle of the Horse may copy, quote, link to or otherwise reproduce posts, or portions of posts, in print or online for advertising or editorial purposes, if attributed to their original authors, and by posting in this forum, you hereby grant to The Chronicle of the Horse a perpetual, non-exclusive license under copyright and other rights, to do so.

8. We reserve the right to enforce and amend the rules.
The moderators may delete, edit, move or close any post or thread at any time, or refrain from doing any of the foregoing, in their discretion, and may suspend or revoke a user’s membership privileges at any time to maintain adherence to the rules and the general spirit of the forum. These rules may be amended at any time to address the current needs of the board.

Please see our full Terms of Service and Privacy Policy for more information.

Thanks for being a part of the COTH forums!

(Revised 1/26/16)
See more
See less

When your horse breaks your heart...

  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • When your horse breaks your heart...

    I have nine years invested in a horse I started as an unbacked 3 year old. Love him to death. He's like the guy in your life that's the best you ever had, but just when you think you can trust him, he steels your last 20 bucks and spends it on some other girl. Good looking, athletic, and as soon as you let your guard down, he lets you down again.

    My husband just bought The Big Horse a brand new 4 star HUGE 2+1 with all the drop down windows and room you can get. He's loaded like a champ on it 10 times with no problem, up to and including last night.

    So after staying up til 11 giving him a bath, and getting up at O'dark-30 this morning, I'm all ready to go hunt with my buddies with my big, gorgeous boy. I know it will be a trail ride, because they went screaming yesterday and it was the Huntsman's 50th birthday. Weather was perfect.

    Do you think he loaded? No sirrreee, he just flipped me the bird, and acted like he'd never seen a trailer or had a leadshank with me on the end of it before. Just stubborn, stupid and strong.

    No excuse. No trigger. Not just the trailer. It could be the third 20 meter circle, the 6th jump, Tuesday. He fears nothing. He lives by the freeway. Powered parasails fly OVER HIS HEAD! He just looks up calmly, as if to say "cool" and goes back to grazing.

    I love him, he replaced a very big hole in my heart left by a horse I simply can't replace. He's had every advantage, he's had tons of training. He just sometimes, for no reason, is a complete jerk.

    I've had enough, because I'm not having any fun, I can't depend on him and I spend way too much time working to have my entire day ruined because "he just didn't feel like it". Again.

    I think I'm sending him to boot camp, though based on every trainer he's worked with, it isn't me.

    I want a partner that might be slow and not flashy, but will be loyal and not break my heart.

    I want the equine version of my husband.

  • #2
    This is SO frustrating.


    I hope it gets worked out.


    • #3
      {{{{Big Hugs}}}}

      I hope the trainer can do the magic. Your new horse is coming soon? (I thought you got a new one)

      Give us a call and come visit if you want a sympathetic happy outing- We will see if we can help...
      Intermediate Riding Skills


      • #4
        I'd look for an opportunity where you BOTH can work with a trainer.

        You need to find the key to train him through these isolated episodes. No shame in that. Don't get frustrated.

        He sounds like a great horse. They all (most) have their moments. Good luck.


        • #5
          We've all been there and if you train people or horses you've met them. We have one of these in our barn. He's a rockstar for 90% of the kids and adults. However my DD is NOT his cup of tea. She gets up there and it's like he has forgotten any kind of training he has ever had. He's a technical ride and very unforgiving no matter your age or skill level. DD is a very technical rider, you'd think they were a match made in heaven... not so much. She says turn left he turns right, she asks for a trot and he passages or piaffes or does one of those mouth watering canter departs. He's dropped a shoulder and deposited her into my trainer's arms and then departed tail flagging to the other end of the arena to snort and blow and act like a damn green horse with no sense. Rather than fight him, I thank my lucky stars for two things. 1. I don't own him 2. Trainer has more horses than him and they like DD.
          Adoring fan of A Fine Romance
          Originally Posted by alicen:
          What serious breeder would think that a horse at that performance level is push button? Even so, that's still a lot of buttons to push.


          • Original Poster

            I sent him to boot camp.

            While I was in Florida, I didn't want to be there in case he was a jerk about loading. Of course, he got right in a step up slant load he'd never seen, with someone he didn't even know on the second try.

            The trainer is top notch and takes no crap from human or equine. He's currently learning about herd dynamics and how to longe (never taught him).

            He is going into full eventer training and after a couple of months when she figures out what he is, he'll be sold.

            For reasons having nothing to do with the "other hunt horse" I took a pass.

            So I'm still looking. When he asked me what type of horse I wanted, I told him I wanted a horse I could ride into a pub, who'd make me leave before I got too drunk to ride home.

            He laughed and said that while he'd never had it put that way, he knew exactly what type of horse I meant.

            We're still trying to find one that's less than 16 hands, or at least less than 17.


            • #7
              I completely understand and support your decision to let the horse go. Life is too short to keep one that isn't fun for you. As an amatuer owner who works 4 days a week- I have "X" hours I can spend riding and that is suppose to be for fun. I don't feel brighter or more enlightned picking myself up off the ground if the horse keeps dumping me, bolting or being a twit. I'll leave that horse to a Pat Parelli type to figure out.

              In July '10 I bought a quarter horse mare and hunted her all last season. She was decent and honest outside the hunt field but in the hunt field, she had toys in her attic. That was such a shame because she was game and cat like on rough terrian but mentally she was out in orbit. Two times in late winter I found myself making excuses not to go hunting, red flag.

              I found her replacement in late March, a connemara who hasn't done much in her 10 years. She roaded hounds three times and I've had her out cubbing 4 times and by golly she gets it already. I was prepared to hilltop all season but we're already going second flight for part of the hunt. She has no toys in her attic. I'm jumping her at home over 2' fences and I haven't jumped in many years. The quarter horse mare got sold to a rancher so life is good.

              Hope you find a new horse that suits you perfectly! Hunting is much more fun with a horse that fits your personality.


              • #8
                Toys!! YES!!

                I loved the "toys in the attic" comment and find it sooooo appealing and right for me!
                I have one with a toy (and another with a whole playground! ) and can't help blaming myself and my lack of effort & training as the cause. It's not her fault she's not a perfect loader...it's mine imho. I made her this way....the incident made her this way....I feel like I can beat this....she's worth it to me...she just needs more practice & experience...she's just green...I think......
                Maybe I'm the one with the toys in the attic!!
                You know the saying" They aren't being bad they are just being a horse"!!


                • #9
                  I don't mind a consistent quirk with a horse. You know they horse- on the third ride out he will do "X" every.single.time. Not a problem. The horse that is always changing up what makes them angst or a challange or unique isn't my kind of horse.

                  I get a charge reading the articles in COTH about the big time horses and their quirks and dang, I admire beyond words what those pro's can work through to get results.


                  • #10
                    You guys are killing me with some of these descriptions.... they are spot on.

                    OP, I think you are smart to move on. Horses like that just are not fun. After awhile, they also deplete your trust in equines in general... you start to think every horse is goofy like that.

                    Anyway good luck and I hope you find a more deserving partner!
                    We couldn't all be cowboys, so some of us are clowns.


                    • #11
                      Glad that you're doing the right thing for YOU.

                      To me, the loading quirk (be it consistent or every now and again) is the straw that breaks the camel's back. There are other ways to "deal" with other quirks. But there isn't a way to get around a horse that sometimes just. won't. load. It makes everything else you do pointless.

                      My old TB is that way. About 10 years ago, I decided I was "done" with him. I plop myself up on him a couple of times a year to walk around, and he gives pony rides. Otherwise, he hangs out. Fortunately, I have the room at home to let him do so. He will never get over his trailer "issues." And I just didn't have it in me anymore to put up with it.

                      No particular point to this story except to say that many of us understand. We work too hard and spend too much money on them to not enjoy it.
                      "We need a pinned ears icon." -MysticOakRanch


                      • Original Poster

                        Thanks guys, really.... and keep your fingers crossed

                        Because I think I've found The One.

                        If the stars align, he'll be here Thursday. I'm trying not to be too excited. His discription is as follows:
                        Draft cross gelding, big ol' roman nose. Big feet. Kicking quiet, comes with a reference from the MFH of his hunt, absolutely made. More white than I like, but I can live with that. 16.2. Stout. Honest. Kind eye. Goes in a snaffle with his big old Roman nose pointed out front, on a not quite loopy rein. Great brakes.

                        I'm buying a horse suitable for a novice riding rookie, and as painful as that is for me to admit, I'm really looking forward to smiling on my way out to the barn again.


                        • #13
                          Big smile for you right here!

                          If I ever, ever find a horse with loppy ears that can hunt I am buying it! A big roman nose is right there on my list of "a horse I would like to own." Keep us posted!

                          A novice riding rookie? Heck, the joke around here is that some 12 year old girl is having a miserable childhood because I'm riding her horse.


                          • #14
                            Congratulations! There's absolutely nothing wrong with riding a "novice rookie" type horse if that horse allows you to put thejoy back in riding. Life is too short to be miserable at a sport you once loved.

                            And when I've seen sale ads that say "ridden by my 12 year old daughter" I usually figure that it will be too much horse for me....as the 12 year olds that I know can ride circles around me, and have no fear


                            • #15
                              I want lop ears, too

                              Those lop ears are important to me, too. That's one of my signs of the relaxed, competent, been-there-done-that, can analyze and pick apart the puzzle, mind. The mind that gives you confidence, because the horse will take care of you and him. And enjoy doing it.
                              Intermediate Riding Skills


                              • #16
                                I wanted to say kudos to you for realizing your current horse is not what you want/need, and I hope this horse you are trying out is exactly want you are looking for. I also want to say that it is great that even though your current horse is a jerk, you have made sure he is trained so that he will find a new owner that will enjoy him. Good job!

                                I do know where you are coming from. My current mare has "toys in her attic" (love this!). I often wonder if she had been trained properly from the beginning if she would still have been the way she is or if she would have been a lot more stable. We had a lovely ride on Thursday, she was responsive, paying attention, just lovely! Then Saturday someone down the road had a sign out on the side of the road with two balloons tied to it. Sigh... we had a very long ride on Saturday reminding her that above all else she needed to pay attention to me. I am not to the point where it is not fun anymore, but it does get old. Really old.


                                • Original Poster

                                  And he's had thousands of dollars and hours of training

                                  By both myself and very respected BNT. I cannot tell you how many times I was advised to sell him and buy something else. I just figured it was about making two sales, and continued on.

                                  Now, I miss the big jerk, and I have a VERY empty barn, no horse in the field behind my house. No whicker when I go to the barn to feed the cats.

                                  I don't think I'm going to wait til Thursday when they can bring the new horse, I think I'm going to hook up the trailer and head North tomorrow!

                                  If someone offers to overnight you a PPE complete with xrays that's only 9 months old to support the horse's value, I think they're legit.

                                  Keep your fingers crossed, I'll keep you posted.


                                  • #18
                                    Originally posted by SLW View Post
                                    Heck, the joke around here is that some 12 year old girl is having a miserable childhood because I'm riding her horse.

                                    Love it!

                                    So much more fun (IMHO) to hunt where you aren't saying a prayer that you'll stay on.
                                    Equine Ink - My soapbox for equestrian writings & reviews.
                                    EquestrianHow2 - Operating instructions for your horse.


                                    • #19
                                      Thursday will get here soon enough. Go do something goofy like get a manicure or pedicure to pass the time. Once the new guy is here and your back in the barn you'll remember why you don't bother paying for those sorts of things.

                                      As for my "Toys in the attic" horse, I can only imagine what she would say about me. The good and the bad works both ways but for sure, hunting jazzed her up beyond a level where I was having fun.

                                      We were hunting yesterday and had a good laugh. As we waited for the hounds one member's horse was being angst- really up and down angst- because his pasture mate was off doing whipper in duties. The angst horse's rider is fabulous and skilled beyond words- we hate him. Anyway the Field Master commented (in jest) We can have three fields today: The first field, the second field and the Mine field. I love my hunt.
                                      Last edited by SLW; Oct. 4, 2011, 09:07 AM.


                                      • #20
                                        You know I haven't ridden in close to 14 years, after doing nothing but ride for the 30 years before that. I thought I would never want to ride again, but certain comments have made me look at my situation differently.

                                        I think I would like to ride again; on a lop earred, big footed, stout draft cross, or Irish Sport Horse. One I wouldn't have to worry about "riding", one I wouldn't have to worry about "training" as we schooled. Just enjoying the scenery as we moved through the woods and over the fields. I don't think I want to see the inside of a ring again except to get my muscle tone back.

                                        Thanks for the eye opener!
                                        ~Kryswyn~ Always look on the bright side of life, de doo, de doo de doo de doo
                                        Check out my Kryswyn JRTs on Facebook

                                        "Life is merrier with a terrier!"