• Welcome to the Chronicle Forums.
    Please complete your profile. The forums and the rest of www.chronofhorse.com has single sign-in, so your log in information for one will automatically work for the other. Disclaimer: The opinions expressed here are the views of the individual and do not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of The Chronicle of the Horse.



Forum rules and no-advertising policy

As a participant on this forum, it is your responsibility to know and follow our rules. Please read this message in its entirety.

Board Rules

1. You’re responsible for what you say.
As outlined in Section 230 of the Communications Decency Act, The Chronicle of the Horse and its affiliates, as well Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd., the developers of vBulletin, are not legally responsible for statements made in the forums.

This is a public forum viewed by a wide spectrum of people, so please be mindful of what you say and who might be reading it—details of personal disputes are likely better handled privately. While posters are legally responsible for their statements, the moderators may in their discretion remove or edit posts that violate these rules. Users have the ability to modify or delete their own messages after posting, but administrators generally will not delete posts, threads or accounts upon request.

Outright inflammatory, vulgar, harassing, malicious or otherwise inappropriate statements and criminal charges unsubstantiated by a reputable news source or legal documentation will not be tolerated and will be dealt with at the discretion of the moderators.

2. Conversations in horse-related forums should be horse-related.
The forums are a wonderful source of information and support for members of the horse community. While it’s understandably tempting to share information or search for input on other topics upon which members might have a similar level of knowledge, members must maintain the focus on horses.

3. Keep conversations productive, on topic and civil.
Discussion and disagreement are inevitable and encouraged; personal insults, diatribes and sniping comments are unproductive and unacceptable. Whether a subject is light-hearted or serious, keep posts focused on the current topic and of general interest to other participants of that thread. Utilize the private message feature or personal email where appropriate to address side topics or personal issues not related to the topic at large.

4. No advertising in the discussion forums.
Posts in the discussion forums directly or indirectly advertising horses, jobs, items or services for sale or wanted will be removed at the discretion of the moderators. Use of the private messaging feature or email addresses obtained through users’ profiles for unsolicited advertising is not permitted.

Company representatives may participate in discussions and answer questions about their products or services, or suggest their products on recent threads if they fulfill the criteria of a query. False "testimonials" provided by company affiliates posing as general consumers are not appropriate, and self-promotion of sales, ad campaigns, etc. through the discussion forums is not allowed.

Paid advertising is available on our classifieds site and through the purchase of banner ads. The tightly monitored Giveaways forum permits free listings of genuinely free horses and items available or wanted (on a limited basis). Items offered for trade are not allowed.

Advertising Policy Specifics
When in doubt of whether something you want to post constitutes advertising, please contact a moderator privately in advance for further clarification. Refer to the following points for general guidelines:

Horses – Only general discussion about the buying, leasing, selling and pricing of horses is permitted. If the post contains, or links to, the type of specific information typically found in a sales or wanted ad, and it’s related to a horse for sale, regardless of who’s selling it, it doesn’t belong in the discussion forums.

Stallions – Board members may ask for suggestions on breeding stallion recommendations. Stallion owners may reply to such queries by suggesting their own stallions, only if their horse fits the specific criteria of the original poster. Excessive promotion of a stallion by its owner or related parties is not permitted and will be addressed at the discretion of the moderators.

Services – Members may use the forums to ask for general recommendations of trainers, barns, shippers, farriers, etc., and other members may answer those requests by suggesting themselves or their company, if their services fulfill the specific criteria of the original post. Members may not solicit other members for business if it is not in response to a direct, genuine query.

Products – While members may ask for general opinions and suggestions on equipment, trailers, trucks, etc., they may not list the specific attributes for which they are in the market, as such posts serve as wanted ads.

Event Announcements – Members may post one notification of an upcoming event that may be of interest to fellow members, if the original poster does not benefit financially from the event. Such threads may not be “bumped” excessively. Premium members may post their own notices in the Event Announcements forum.

Charities/Rescues – Announcements for charitable or fundraising events can only be made for 501(c)(3) tax-exempt organizations. Special exceptions may be made, at the moderators’ discretion and direction, for board-related events or fundraising activities in extraordinary circumstances.

Occasional posts regarding horses available for adoption through IRS-registered horse rescue or placement programs are permitted in the appropriate forums, but these threads may be limited at the discretion of the moderators. Individuals may not advertise or make announcements for horses in need of rescue, placement or adoption unless the horse is available through a recognized rescue or placement agency or government-run entity or the thread fits the criteria for and is located in the Giveaways forum.

5. Do not post copyrighted photographs unless you have purchased that photo and have permission to do so.

6. Respect other members.
As members are often passionate about their beliefs and intentions can easily be misinterpreted in this type of environment, try to explore or resolve the inevitable disagreements that arise in the course of threads calmly and rationally.

If you see a post that you feel violates the rules of the board, please click the “alert” button (exclamation point inside of a triangle) in the bottom left corner of the post, which will alert ONLY the moderators to the post in question. They will then take whatever action, or no action, as deemed appropriate for the situation at their discretion. Do not air grievances regarding other posters or the moderators in the discussion forums.

Please be advised that adding another user to your “Ignore” list via your User Control Panel can be a useful tactic, which blocks posts and private messages by members whose commentary you’d rather avoid reading.

7. We have the right to reproduce statements made in the forums.
The Chronicle of the Horse may copy, quote, link to or otherwise reproduce posts, or portions of posts, in print or online for advertising or editorial purposes, if attributed to their original authors, and by posting in this forum, you hereby grant to The Chronicle of the Horse a perpetual, non-exclusive license under copyright and other rights, to do so.

8. We reserve the right to enforce and amend the rules.
The moderators may delete, edit, move or close any post or thread at any time, or refrain from doing any of the foregoing, in their discretion, and may suspend or revoke a user’s membership privileges at any time to maintain adherence to the rules and the general spirit of the forum. These rules may be amended at any time to address the current needs of the board.

Please see our full Terms of Service and Privacy Policy for more information.

Thanks for being a part of the COTH forums!

(Revised 1/26/16)
See more
See less

trainer hires old friend-- don't want her to ride my horse? opinions please...

  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • trainer hires old friend-- don't want her to ride my horse? opinions please...

    I'm going to preface this with the fact I *know* I'm using an alter. I just want to stay as anonymous as possible on this situation.

    And I'm fully prepared to hear EVERYTHING, even telling me I'm perhaps jealous or overprotective. I can hear that. I'm posting this because I want to know if my reactions are way way way out of line because he's *my* horse and it's *my* money.

    I board at a very very fancy "A" barn and ride with a wonderful very well known trainer. I couldn't be happier with his training program or the facility that we're at.

    Through the wonders of facebook, I have found out that an old friend of mine who I used to event with back in the day is going to start riding for my trainer. I'm happy that she has this opportunity-- to ride the quality of horses we have and for the trainer that I have is an incredible gift. At first I didn't know who she was riding with, and then it came out it was my trainer.

    Now, she's a great person, very sweet, loves her horse, good rider. She doesn't train with my trainer as she still does eventing. Anyways. I'm probably a slightly better rider than she is, I have a lot of miles, lots of experience etc. We're young, in our 20's, so we're not god but both are quite good riders.

    So this is where you get to tell me I'm jealous and overprotective. I pay a LOT of money for the training I'm getting. I love my trainer and he does an incredible job with me and my horse. However, I really don't want someone riding him that's no better of a rider than I am. I would prefer it if my trainer was the one to do all the riding on him.

    My next dilemma is this-- I'm a full time college student with a tough major. It only leaves me about 2-3 days to go out and ride. My trainer rides him on T/TH while I ride him W/F/S.

    So, do I suck it up, push myself, and find a way to ride him more if I don't want her riding him? Or do I just trust my trainer? I mean, this girl is nice, but my horse is in the green stage and fairly difficult to ride properly. I just don't want to come out to the barn feeling like I have to fix something that was fine last week.

    End of rant. I just don't want anyone but me or my trainer on him. With the amount of money I pay, is it ok to ask that she doesn't ride him? Do I just try and go crazy to make it out there an extra day a week? Or do I push my ego aside and let her ride my horse?

    I have a feeling it's my ego. I *should* be happy for this girl, I know, I guess I'm a little overprotective of my ponay.

  • #2
    Tell your trainer you don't want her on your horse. It's your horse, you're the one footing the bill, and he is the trainer you are paying to ride- not some amateur. I had to do this with my last trainer- he was away at shows nearly every week, but would still charge us for full training and have a 17 year old run the horses around the bull pen and then get on and 'school' them. When I and another person in training found out what was happening we approached the trainer, and when it didn't stop we pulled the horses from full training. Just go and voice your concerns to him. We went from the liability standpoint- that our insurance would not cover anyone but the trainer, much less a minor.


    • #3
      Two thoughts:

      First, you are entitled to tell your trainer that you don't want anyone other than him riding your horse.

      Second, watch your old friend ride. She might have gotten better. If you haven't seen her for awhile, you might be surprised.

      But I hear what you're saying. I don't let many people ride my horse either.

      Does your horse need to be ridden six days a week? Or is the five you've outlined sufficient.
      Equine Ink - My soapbox for equestrian writings & reviews.
      EquestrianHow2 - Operating instructions for your horse.


      • #4
        I would feel the same way you do. It doesnt really matter your reasons--its YOUR money and YOUR horse. You get to choose who rides him and who doesnt. Youre paying your trainer because hes a pro, and im guessing this girl isnt. If you express your concerns, your trainer should understand. (If it were me, I wouldnt feel the need to explain, I would just say to trainer, "I prefer you and I to be the only people riding pony.")
        Charlie Brown (1994 bay TB X gelding)
        White Star (2004 grey TB gelding)

        Mystical Moment, 1977-2010.


        • #5
          Make sure that you and your trainer both understand clearly what service you are paying for. As long as you BOTH think that you are paying X amount per month for TRAINER to ride 2x/week, then you're fine. If you think you're paying for trainer to train and trainer thinks you are paying for "someone" to "exercise" your horse, then you have a problem.

          Spell it out. Failure to do so causes some really ridiculous problems in the horse world.

          Third Charm Event Team


          • #6
            I agree with the others so far. I wouldn't focus on the other rider, just tell your trainer that you want the two of you to be the only ones to ride your horse, unless you specifically give an exception. Are you ok with this other person longeing, tacking up, and otherwise handling your horse, just not riding?
            Stay me with coffee, comfort me with chocolate, for I am sick of love.


            • #7
              Originally posted by AliCat518 View Post
              I would feel the same way you do. It doesnt really matter your reasons--its YOUR money and YOUR horse. You get to choose who rides him and who doesnt. Youre paying your trainer because hes a pro, and im guessing this girl isnt. If you express your concerns, your trainer should understand. (If it were me, I wouldnt feel the need to explain, I would just say to trainer, "I prefer you and I to be the only people riding pony.")
              Agree! You are paying for training with this trainer.
              Quality Hunter Ponies


              • #8
                Can you approach your trainer about who will be riding your horse & say you prefer he continues the same program as it's working for you.

                I don't think how you feel is out of line or crazy. You choose to train with this trainer & have them ride your horse. I pay my trainer to ride my horse otherwise I would ride him. I would not be happy if somebody else was doing the riding that is on the same level as me or lower yet I am still paying top dollar for it. My $$$ means my input in how it's spent.
                "I'm not crazy...my mother had me tested"


                • #9
                  Yep - you're paying for the trainer, not this new girl. My clients understand that the full training ride price means I'm the one in the saddle. There is a separate exercise ride fee if you simply want the horses hacked because you can't make it out, and those rides are sometimes passed on to a very capable junior in my program. Owner's have the option of specifying whether that rider is ok or if it needs to be me every time. So far nobody has had a problem with my judgement and believe it is beneficial for said junior to work with the horse too. I wouldn't mind at all if they did though.


                  • #10
                    thank you all for your replies

                    horse is ridden only 5X a week. he's in a pretty strenuous program during those days so two days off for him seems fair. Trainer always rides him Tuesday because he's had the previous two days off and needs a pro ride. I'll be the first to admit that's the best thing for him. Not that I can't handle him on Tuesdays he just does better with a pro reminder

                    The groom usually does the tacking up for Trainer, but I totally trust her with that task. She's a good horsewoman, no doubt, loves her own horse like crazy, and feel she would be completely capable of grooming him. Lunging is ok I guess as long as it's a free lunge. He's pretty picky about the Pessoa system and tends to react pretty strongly to it (like, if it's not done properly he feels like crap the next day. On his forhand etc.) However, I've never seen her do this so she may be capable of it, I'd have to watch tbh. My major concern is the rides.

                    My trainer is completely approachable and would understand, he's been a huge part of my support system and life this past year, we have a good honest business relationship. There's no doubt that he would take this fine, I guess I just wanted to know if I was being unreasonable before I approached him.

                    And I will certainly watch her ride. It has been a while, though I see her photos a lot on facebook etc. it is true that I haven't personally seen her ride for a while.

                    thanks for all the feedback!


                    • #11
                      If the friend does a good job, and rides under the trainer, it is a great opportunity for the horse to get more mileage under a different person as well. Look at it from all points of view. Imho it is nice if the horse can get ridden daily/hacked out if you want it advanced easily. Go for it.
                      I.D.E.A. yoda


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by CuriousAlter90 View Post

                        My trainer is completely approachable and would understand, he's been a huge part of my support system and life this past year, we have a good honest business relationship.

                        Kudo's to you for recognizing this is a "good, honest business relationship" and not thinking "my trainer is my friend, how could he do this to me!".

                        You sound like level-headed young person. Trust your gut and have an open conversation with the trainer about what you want and what you think you are paying for.


                        • #13
                          I say watch her ride one horse after she arrives, then make your decision. You do have every right to ask that only you and trainer ride your horse.


                          • #14

                            Well another thought is - my experience is that at most Top A farms - the head trainer does not ride all the green horses all the time. Usually he or she is far too busy. And is at shows a lot - a lot of the assistant trainers do some or most of the riding too. So if you have had this trainer on your horse every time so far, you ARE very fortuneate. Now, you might approach this a little open minded wiht the trainer. Maybe he has gotten super busy or is planning to be gone a bit and NEEDS this rider to help him ride all the horses.

                            You are not in full training I suspect - usually 4-5 times a week riding for fulltime training. PT training is 2-3x. SOUNDS like you are paying the trainer to ride the horse 2x a week. If you are paying the trainer for HIM to ride the horse that is something else. I fyou are paying for training - like you are IN a program, then you usually have to buy into the trainer's program. BUT you should be able 100% to share your concerns too.

                            So I would be open to letting someone he feels is right to ride your horse. But I agree with the others that you might have a sit down with the trainer and talk about goal setting and what your wants are and he share what he thinks the program needs to be. You should share with the trainer that you know this person and think she is not a god enough rider for her to warrant PAYING for her to ride him. Like if this girl is going to ride him, you might rather ride him. BUT he MIGHT say that the girl with ride him and HE will be on the ground. Some trainers get a lot accomplished being on the ground and having an assistant on the horse.

                            I think you should have a sit down with the trainer so you can find out what his plans are with this rider - she might not be on his mind TO ride your horse at all and all this worry is for nothing.


                            • #15
                              thank you all again.

                              I pay for full training. I get lessons 3X a week, he rides horse 2X per week. And thats a rough schedule. For instance, I have finals next week so I took this week off and next week off so I can study so he's riding him for two weeks. If I can ride more, I do. If I can only get out there 1X a week, that's what happens. My horse is probably costing me close to 2K a month (including board but not showing), so it's a lot of money to fork over.

                              It is a good point that I am paying for full training thus paying for his training package.

                              I will talk to my trainer soon, I may be able to escape my studies and hop over to the barn to smooch my horsey and give him some orange crunchies anyways.


                              • #16
                                Originally posted by ideayoda View Post
                                If the friend does a good job, and rides under the trainer, it is a great opportunity for the horse to get more mileage under a different person as well. Look at it from all points of view. Imho it is nice if the horse can get ridden daily/hacked out if you want it advanced easily. Go for it.
                                You've gotten some great advice, and I agree with the others who have said that you sound level-headed and don't come across like a psycho, over-protective owner.

                                But, I do think ideayoda raises a good point: if this rider is just as capable as you, it could be beneficial to have her on the horse. I realize it's not the "pro ride" you're asking for, but assuming that she's just hacking the horse, she's not going to cause damage.

                                Having said that, it is your horse and you do ultimately have the right to dictate who can and cannot ride him - but hopefully you trust your trainer enough to believe that he wouldn't hire someone incapable of riding to his standards.


                                • #17
                                  You're paying for the trainer to ride your horse, not the assistant.
                                  Be honest and tell trainer, he is the only one to ride your horse.


                                  • #18
                                    Originally posted by Gideon View Post
                                    You're paying for the trainer to ride your horse, not the assistant.
                                    Be honest and tell trainer, he is the only one to ride your horse.

                                    Blitz <3 & Leap of Faith <3


                                    • #19
                                      Hmmm. I'm going to take a different view here.

                                      Sometimes the trainer doesn't need to be the one riding the horse.

                                      You've admitted that you can't make it to the barn for a couple of weeks. So what would be the problem with having the assistant ride on your days? Especially if the horse is being ridden under the supervision of the trainer (which I think is a fully reasonable expectation).

                                      If people think that the trainer, and only the trainer, is riding their horse 5x a week, in a busy A barn, they're kidding themselves.
                                      "Adulthood? You're playing with ponies. That is, like, every 9 year old girl's dream. Adulthood?? You're rocking the HELL out of grade 6, girl."


                                      • #20
                                        your the paying customer hes the service provider- your paying him to work for you
                                        so tell him- under no circumstances do you want anyone else riding your horse
                                        - period end off- and dont pussy foot around with him
                                        say it as you mean it - authority - as no doubt if your a student you i think might be younger than the trianer - but your paying for that service so speak clear and pricise let him know you mean business