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riding moms of riding kids...

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  • riding moms of riding kids...

    How do you balance both of you, especially when you have very limited funds to spread around?

    For me, when I was a junior, I basically reached all my riding goals and quit after college due in part to a back injury. I started up riding again about 4 years ago at age 37 and have been fortunate to be able to ride other people's horses and lesson on nice show quality horses. I have no ambition with respect to showing right now since I am horseless and poor, although because it's in my blood, I do find myself missing being part of the showing world.

    On the flip side, I have a 7 yr old daughter who loves to ride and is just starting showing. I can't afford to buy or lease her a pony at this point and she's still too much of a beginner to really be responsible for a pony of her own anyway. I would love to get her riding at least once more per week and a partial lease or something would be ideal as far as I'm concerned (though I don't think that situation is available at her barn).

    SO if one of us is going to show or lesson more, who is it? Selfish me or my daughter? I feel like I've accomplished everything I wanted to in riding and it's her turn, but I can't help being jealous that she gets to show and I don't. I feel like if I have the money to show, it should go to her because she needs the experience. And if I have the money to lease a horse, it should be a pony for her. BUT, deep down, I still want it for myself.

    Anyone else deal with these issues? Or I guess, I know the right answer, but how do I make myself happy with my lesser status in this riding family?

  • #2
    I think I could've written this. DD is 8. She got "my" horse when I outgrew her ability-wise, and I moved onto another horse. We had leased a pony for her. One thing I found was that we got five times MORE riding in with two horses than one. She can be on hers and I'm on mine.

    That said, it doesn't sound like that is an option. If she's just beginning to ride, is there a local circuit you can go to? If you have one like we do here, could you each share appropriate horses? I have often shared my horse with another rider in a lower division which saved both of us money. If she's just, say, doing W-T right now, that may be something you could do.

    Could you find a horse to lease or buy that you could share? We bought Mare with the intention that we could both ride/show her if need be. It worked out great. When we had to, she would do the 18” w-t and I’d do 2’6”. You’re only paying one stall, office fee, etc. but both get a few classes in.

    Or rotate shows - you one time, her the next. DD has shown at 3 shows this year, me – none. My not showing hasn’t been financial this year, but still has not happened.
    A proud friend of bar.ka.

    Comment


    • #3
      a little for both!

      If it was me and my daughter (who is too young to ride yet), I would concentrate most of the effort on her, but save a few shows for yourself! You might find that one or two shows a season is just the "fix" you need to feel like you're still getting yourself out there and doing the darn thing!

      The problem with indulging your children all the time and never yourself (with ANYTHING, not just riding) is that you are left feeling unsatisfied and resentful, and this will inevitably spill into your relationship with your family. You have to make yourself happy in order to make others happy. And if doing a few shows at the expense of HER doing a few shows, will make you happy, dont' feel guilty! Think of how lucky she is in the first place to be able to ride and show! Most kids don't get that opportunity at all.

      You've worked hard and I think you both deserve a little piece of the pie.

      Hope that didn't come off like I'm some selfish mother but I think there's room in there to please both of you!

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      • #4
        It's too bad you don't live near me. I have two that would be perfect for a mother/daughter part-board. Have you put out any feelers for something like that? You may be surprised.

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        • Original Poster

          #5
          Unfortunately I highly doubt we'd find any horse that we could both share. I am 5'7" and and is oh a tiny 7 yr old She still looks small on the small pony she rides now! Maybe in a few years, but not at this point.

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          • #6
            I am horseless, my daughter has three ponies, enough said. My time will come again someday! Right now I am busy playing groom and biting my tongue during lessons . I have gotten into the breeding end though and love it so far!

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            • #7
              I am sure you will get many responses (from many a HSM.) I however, don't feel I can give you very sound advice based on my experience as a child. I can definitely sympathize with your jealousy however at the same time understand that you want to give your kid the chance.

              My mother grew up riding but gave up her horses before she was married. When I was about six, she took it up again in a big way and despite the fact that I wanted to ride more than anything (she knew this), the horses were for her. I never got to ride seriously until I was an adult, ironically with my mother many, many years later.

              As an adult now, I feel not only possessive of my horses but a bit entitled (for lack of a better word.) Perhaps this feeling is wrong but it honestly describes the way I feel. If my boys wanted to ride (I have 11 year old twins) I would of course try and indulge them, but they have no interest. If they did, I imagine I would feel very much the same as you.

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              • Original Poster

                #8
                oh and don't get my wrong, I LOVE watching my daughter ride and show *almost* as riding myself. BUT because I've been fortunate to ride such nices horses of late, I do get the hankerin'

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                • #9
                  I am in a similar situation. I was able to lease myself a horse this year to show, AND lease DD a pony (she's 7 and teeny - pony is 11.2.)

                  Unlike some of the responses, mine is a bit different. I am showing a lot more than DD. She loves to ride and wants to start showing mini stirrup. She's been to 1 show; I've been to about 8 since I leased my horse in December. I haven't show in years, and goodness I WANT TO SHOW. Her time will come. And for now, she is content to a show once in a while. I know I probably can't afford to lease this horse again next year and I am trying to qualify for the M& S Eq finals. Maybe I am being selfish. DD seems happy with this arrangement. We'll see how long it lasts!

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Mayaty02 View Post
                    Unfortunately I highly doubt we'd find any horse that we could both share. I am 5'7" and and is oh a tiny 7 yr old She still looks small on the small pony she rides now! Maybe in a few years, but not at this point.
                    I'm a mom with 2 kids who ride so I have a 'Mom' horse and a 'kid' pony that would be perfect for someone like you and your daughter.

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                    • #11
                      I'm in the market for the smallest horse a 5'6" 160 lb woman can get (partially because I feel more confident on little horses) so that my daughter now 4 will have something to pony club down the road.

                      I'm not sure how that'll work. I may end up riding less than I want. But we're boarders, so we'll be a 1 horse family.
                      ==================
                      Somehow my inner ten year old seems to have stolen my chequebook!

                      http://reriderandpony.blogspot.com/

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                      • Original Poster

                        #12
                        yes i definitely can't wait until she's 10 or so then maybe we can share For now I need a big horse and she needs a little pony. i rode a horse last fall (who was sold, darn you sidesaddlerider) and I could totally see us sharing him. He would have been the perfect children's/adult horse for my family in about 3-4 yrs. Oh well!

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Mayaty02 View Post
                          yes i definitely can't wait until she's 10 or so then maybe we can share For now I need a big horse and she needs a little pony. i rode a horse last fall (who was sold, darn you sidesaddlerider) and I could totally see us sharing him. He would have been the perfect children's/adult horse for my family in about 3-4 yrs. Oh well!
                          Sorry about that... But hey, in 3-4 years, I'll find another one, no worries! And did you *really* want to scrub all that white, Ms. Chestnut Lover?
                          Cherry Blossom Farm - Show & Field Hunters, Side Saddles

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                          • Original Poster

                            #14
                            Originally posted by SidesaddleRider View Post
                            Sorry about that... But hey, in 3-4 years, I'll find another one, no worries! And did you *really* want to scrub all that white, Ms. Chestnut Lover?
                            HAHAHA He didn't get quite grimy didn't he

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                            • #15
                              I have to agree with you....it's so hard to give up your horsie wants for those of your kids! Even when my kids were small I had my own horse and did horse show about 8-10 times per year. At that time my kids were taking only weekly lessons. Now that they are older and showing a bit more, I don't ride at all.
                              I'm lucky enough to be smaller.....I bought my kids a "medium" pony that ended up being a large pony. I rode him for the first 3 years and then turned him over to my daughter when they were both 8 years old. So now, while I technically do have something that I "can" ride, I never do because all of my time at the barn is spent watching my kids ride.
                              I miss it terribly, especially standing at the fence watching the shows. But I do really enjoy watching them ride and grow. I keep saying that I will get a horse again for myself someday, but I can't even imagine how I would be able to afford it! My future goal is to be able to partial lease or borrow something to ride - hopefully in the next 5 years!
                              On the plus side....now that my 9 year old is a capable rider at the walk/trot/canter, I have been able to borrow a horse on occasion and we can ride together (after I get two horses tacked, the younger kid situated with a book/toys, and get us all to the ring!).
                              Maybe the future is looking brighter!!!

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                              • #16
                                Originally posted by Mayaty02 View Post
                                Unfortunately I highly doubt we'd find any horse that we could both share. I am 5'7" and and is oh a tiny 7 yr old She still looks small on the small pony she rides now! Maybe in a few years, but not at this point.
                                Keep it in the back of your mind, though. DD was 6 when we got Mare. I was a re-rider (also 5'7" and fluffy) and the mare is so good she'd teach me what I needed, then shift down to tote the little one around. She's a 15 hh QH. Neither of us looked out of place on her.

                                BTW - I'm starting to think one of my other personalities wrote the OP!
                                A proud friend of bar.ka.

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                                • #17
                                  Unless your seven year old is begging you, I wouldn't push the showing on her. My oldest started showing leadline at five and then walk, trot the next year, cross rails the next, etc. etc. She told me last year that her favorite part of showing when she was young was playing with her friends. Yes, it's great experience but it's not necessary. I think if they start doing Short Stirrup when they're nine or ten, they catch up very quickly to their peers.

                                  My younger daughter is seven and has a super Nanny pony. I am waiting patiently for her to ask about showing. She is mostly just interested in trail riding at this point so I might be waiting a while. I've got adorable leadline photos of her so I can be patient.

                                  So I say; indulge yourself right now if you can.

                                  Comment

                                  • Original Poster

                                    #18
                                    Originally posted by Limerick View Post
                                    Unless your seven year old is begging you, I wouldn't push the showing on her. My oldest started showing leadline at five and then walk, trot the next year, cross rails the next, etc. etc. She told me last year that her favorite part of showing when she was young was playing with her friends. Yes, it's great experience but it's not necessary. I think if they start doing Short Stirrup when they're nine or ten, they catch up very quickly to their peers.

                                    My younger daughter is seven and has a super Nanny pony. I am waiting patiently for her to ask about showing. She is mostly just interested in trail riding at this point so I might be waiting a while. I've got adorable leadline photos of her so I can be patient.

                                    So I say; indulge yourself right now if you can.
                                    HA so true and no she is not being pushed into showing. I plan on her doing 5-6 shows this year and then hanging up the stirrups until next year when hopefully she'll be in short stirrup (and age 8.5). She is 7.5 now and just went to her first show, mostly because I wanted to see how she liked it. She had a great time, was reserve champion, and wanted to go again the very next day

                                    Comment


                                    • #19
                                      Mine is happy going to shows to be with her friends, too. Especially bigger shows. Of course, since she and Mare have won several championships this year already, she's stoked about showing!
                                      A proud friend of bar.ka.

                                      Comment


                                      • #20
                                        Does learning to drive interest you? You could share a pony with your daughter and groom for eachother --
                                        "I never mind if an adult uses safety stirrups." GM

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