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Barn Drama...seeking advise

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  • Barn Drama...seeking advise

    Trying not to make this seem like a vent but...

    There is this girl who came to the barn i ride at about 6 months ago. she was really nice and we became good friends. She goes to my school but is a grade below me. About 4 months ago she got a nice 3ft hunter horse and it changed her completely. She now walks into the barn acting like she owns the place and talks down to everybody. She acts like she is so much better than everybody and everybody has noticed it. At the barn she is a total jerk to me and has said some hurtful things to me, but at school she some how manages to cross paths with me to EVERY class and acts like nothing is wrong. Now im not trying to be mean saying this but she doesnt have any friends in her grade because she talks to them like she is better than them and they think sheis a snob. So its like without me she has nobody. She won't let me hang out with any of my other friends at the barn or at school, and is so clingy that its annoying. I told her that her being rude to me at the barn and like an annoying puppy at school is not exceptiable and she needs to stop treating me like dirt! She then got defensive about it and told me to stop being a b***h. I said that if she wants to lose her only friend she can go ahead and blah blah blah,and have been trying to ignore her. I don't want to be mean but when i see her everyday and shes so rude to me I just want to punch her in the face!! I hate drama more than anything and just want her to stop causing it! Everybody has noticed that as soon as she got this horse she has turned into a snob,and we know that thats the new her and she isnt changing. Im not trying to engage in the drama and i understand that in life there will always be people like that, but is there anything i can do to tone it down or eliminate it?

    Okay before I write a novel i will get to my point. How do I deal with this, is there anything I can do about it without stiring it up more?

  • #2
    Originally posted by EquitationRider View Post
    She won't let me hang out with any of my other friends at the barn or at school, and is so clingy that its annoying.
    Oh, you sound young. I am assuming high school? Tough years for sure, especially as a girl! Just take a deep breath, smile politely and hang out with the people that make you feel good about yourself. Most likely this girl is insecure about herself, and that is why she is acting the way she is.

    Just remember, no one can let or not let you do something...you have free will. If she is clingy, just walk away, make an excuse. Be confident in yourself, and be nice to everyone, and when someone says something rude or annoying, bite your tounge or walk away. No point in getting upset!

    And believe me - none of this will matter in 5 years!

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by EquitationRider View Post
      So its like without me she has nobody.
      It sounds like you have an expendable friend. If you're sick of her drama, simply ignore her. Don't be rude about it though, just don't act so buddy/buddy with her anymore. Clingy friends are no fun when they're not wanted, so you have to give her a reason to not want to be with you 24/7 and if you seem completely uninterested in her shenanigans that should be enough motivation for her to find another friend.

      Comment


      • #4
        why don't you just tell her that you've had it with her garbage, and if she says ONE MORE nasty thing that you are DONE--and i mean it, stick to your word and COMPLETELY ignore her. don't be rude, mean, or stoop to her level. just shut her out 100% (i know, tough when you have school and barn together but it can be done. i've been there!)

        it's a lot easier than you think it is.
        (|--Sarah--|)

        Blitz <3 & Leap of Faith <3

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        • #5
          I wouldn't say anything or ignore her in any manner that is rude, or anything that you might regret later. I do think it would be a good idea to give yourself and her some space, while keeping things civil.

          Being the bigger person will either cause her to leave you alone or come to her senses and start being a true friend.

          She might be struggling with some insecurities that you don't know about, and setting a good example for her (by being polite) might make her realize that she is being mean.

          Either that or you might just stop being friends ... and sometimes that's okay too!
          a horseless canuck...

          Comment


          • #6
            I've seen this happen too many times at my barn when kids get new horses or move up levels or something. Unfortunately, none of the ones I know ever stop being that way. And most of them don't have any friends at school because of their bad attitude. I'm not really sure what to tell you, but to let her go and find some better friends at the barn. Maybe you can tell her that you're done dealing with her diva attitude, and point her toward some of the brats at shows. Lucky for me, my parents never bought me a fancy horse, so I was never sucked into all of that crap

            Comment


            • #7
              Girls in high school are annoying, silly, etc etc. Don't let it bother you. Treat her like you would a stranger. Be polite, but nothing more. That way, you'll avoid more drama from being rude, but you'll get the point across that you're not having anything else to do with her.

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by superpony123 View Post
                why don't you just tell her that you've had it with her garbage, and if she says ONE MORE nasty thing that you are DONE--and i mean it, stick to your word and COMPLETELY ignore her. don't be rude, mean, or stoop to her level. just shut her out 100% (i know, tough when you have school and barn together but it can be done. i've been there!)

                it's a lot easier than you think it is.
                I completely agree. There's a girl in my group of friends that sounds exactly like this girl. Talks down to everyone, starts trouble just to start trouble, etc. Well after 2 years of me trying to just ignore the things she did to me just because it was easier, at the beginning of the semester she did something that just reaffirmed that she is not the type of person I want to be around. I don't speak to her anymore or associate with her at all, except at horse shows because it is my duty as captain to help her. But anyway, my life since stopping my association with her has gotten so much better. I don't need to worry about all the stupid crap she pulls!

                Edited to add: Don't let anyone make you think you are being rude for ignoring her! There's nothing wrong with not associating with someone that you feel is a bad person.
                My CANTER cutie Chip and IHSA shows!
                http://www.youtube.com/kheit86

                Comment


                • #9
                  Since you have to see her on a consistent basis, when you see her, say a friendly "hello", smile and keep walking.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Minimize your contact with this girl and just be civil. Things have a way of boomeranging back on barn divas with 'tude.

                    My wager is the fancy horse goes chronically lame or becomes a dirty stopper.

                    Thus, un-showable.

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                    • #11
                      Just a different viewpoint -- while this girl ACTS like she's better than everyone else, I can guarantee that inside she feels beneath everyone else. The nice horse is all she has to make herself feel superior. And it's a falsehood that everyone really can see through. That's why you and others are so uncomfortable around her.

                      Yes, you can ignore her.

                      Or you can try to be a bigger person and win universal brownie points. Be friendly. Include her, when you can. Counsel her afterward if she's inappropriate. give her feedback about what's not acceptable to say. Shut her down when she trashes others. Compliment her when you can. Help her know what it means to be a good friend.

                      Remember, she's no competition to you. You appear mature and caring and confident in your skin. she is not . . .

                      Sorry and good luck. (HS sucks!)

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        I totally agree with Hollyhorse. In fact, she just wrote what I was going to write! I have teenaged (and older) daughters, so I "get" the girl thing. When girls (people in general) act superior to other people, I believe it's because they feel totally insuperior and insecure. My advice (as I would tell my daughters) is to sit down with her and be honest with her about what you are noticing in her behavior and gently tell her other people are noticing it to. Tell her that you want to be her friend but that you can't continue to be, if she continues to act the way she is acting. She might have a horrid home life, you never know. Please don't stop being her friend, I don't think that's the right thing to do, but set boundaries and stick to them and tell her she needs to do the same. it's so hard being a girl these days and good friends are hard to find.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by hollyhorse2000 View Post
                          Just a different viewpoint -- while this girl ACTS like she's better than everyone else, I can guarantee that inside she feels beneath everyone else. The nice horse is all she has to make herself feel superior. And it's a falsehood that everyone really can see through. That's why you and others are so uncomfortable around her.

                          Yes, you can ignore her.

                          Or you can try to be a bigger person and win universal brownie points. Be friendly. Include her, when you can. Counsel her afterward if she's inappropriate. give her feedback about what's not acceptable to say. Shut her down when she trashes others. Compliment her when you can. Help her know what it means to be a good friend.

                          Remember, she's no competition to you. You appear mature and caring and confident in your skin. she is not . . .

                          Sorry and good luck. (HS sucks!)
                          agree with this completely! Good advice!

                          High School years are tough, you couldn't pay me to go back and do them over again. Keep your chin up and be the person that you are. This is a great learning experience, continue to treat her with respect and be civil. You will gain so much more by taking that approach Good luck!

                          Comment

                          • Original Poster

                            #14
                            Originally posted by cleartheoxer View Post
                            I totally agree with Hollyhorse. In fact, she just wrote what I was going to write! I have teenaged (and older) daughters, so I "get" the girl thing. When girls (people in general) act superior to other people, I believe it's because they feel totally insuperior and insecure. My advice (as I would tell my daughters) is to sit down with her and be honest with her about what you are noticing in her behavior and gently tell her other people are noticing it to. Tell her that you want to be her friend but that you can't continue to be, if she continues to act the way she is acting. She might have a horrid home life, you never know. Please don't stop being her friend, I don't think that's the right thing to do, but set boundaries and stick to them and tell her she needs to do the same. it's so hard being a girl these days and good friends are hard to find.
                            I highly doubt its because she's insecure. This girl gets EVERYTHING she wants. She is extremely wealthy. She has said these exact words to me...."You are probably the poorest person here and that's why your not as good as me." She is not the type of person I want to be associated with because it makes me look bad.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by EquitationRider View Post
                              I highly doubt its because she's insecure. This girl gets EVERYTHING she wants. She is extremely wealthy. She has said these exact words to me...."You are probably the poorest person here and that's why your not as good as me." She is not the type of person I want to be associated with because it makes me look bad.
                              well bless her little heart.... Perhaps starting to move away from this person is in your best interest.

                              Comment


                              • #16
                                She does sound incredibly insecure, poor thing; the follow up post really makes it clear. It sounds like she is also very socially awkward (or the target of her school's Mean Girl clique -- which seems possible from what's described here). Shyness can also come across as being snobby. Honestly, it sounds like the OP is a bit jealous of all the material items her acquaintance gets and that may be feeding in to her perception of the situation.

                                OP, if you don't like her and her attitude avoid her, but there is no reason to be impolite or nasty. Say hi and move on, don't talk about her with your other barn friends, and avoid her at school.
                                According to the Mayan calendar, the world will not end this week. Please plan your life accordingly.

                                Comment


                                • #17
                                  Not trying to disagree, but money has nothing to do with feeling secure in a social environment.
                                  Having said that, if she tells you that you are not good enough, tell her that is fine, she doesn't need to associate with you.

                                  Comment


                                  • #18
                                    I think we ALL have a "Frenemy" in our lives.. despite our age. These people are just poisonous and best held at a distance. Someone said "treat her as you would a stranger or someone you just met" - I'm with that. Polite, slightly distant. No need to have a chummy relationship.
                                    Rural Property Specialist
                                    Keller Williams Realtors

                                    TexasEquestrianProperties.com
                                    Email Me for Horse Property!

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                                    • Original Poster

                                      #19
                                      Originally posted by loshad View Post
                                      She does sound incredibly insecure, poor thing; the follow up post really makes it clear. It sounds like she is also very socially awkward (or the target of her school's Mean Girl clique -- which seems possible from what's described here). Shyness can also come across as being snobby. Honestly, it sounds like the OP is a bit jealous of all the material items her acquaintance gets and that may be feeding in to her perception of the situation.

                                      OP, if you don't like her and her attitude avoid her, but there is no reason to be impolite or nasty. Say hi and move on, don't talk about her with your other barn friends, and avoid her at school.
                                      She is not a victim of cliques or socially akward. She had a lot of friends until she started being inpoliet and snobby.

                                      I am a little jealous of how she can just say the word and get what she wants versus me who is a working student and works for her rides and shows but that is not transfering over to this.

                                      I do not talk about her behind her back and I am not rude to her. She is just not pleasent for me to be around!

                                      Comment


                                      • #20
                                        Try not to let someone so insecure bring you down. The best advice comes from the answers given to your question - just ignore her. I know, it's hard. Something to think about when you are trying to do that - take pity on someone who must feel so badly about themselves that they treat others like dirt to make themselves feel better. This too shall pass. Good luck.

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