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A Fictional Tale for Hunter Jumpers

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  • A Fictional Tale for Hunter Jumpers

    Hi all, I'm a bit of a lurker on her, and I occasionally post replies, yet I'm a little nervous about starting a thread. At the urging of some friends, I've decided to put up a short burlesque I wrote for Facebook last week. This is in response to my new saddle I started riding in. As a warning, I mean to offend no one at all as this is just a fun little piece I wanted to share.

    The Fall: A Tale for Equestrians:

    And on the fifth day equus was created, and God saw it, and it was good. And on the 6th day, bovine was created, as well as man. and God saw it, and it was good. Now on the seventh day, God rested, and man was left to his own devices, so he learned the usefullness of the creatures around him. And he saw that equus was built to carry and transport, so man began to use equus for this purpose.

    While man was able to travel effectively on equus, it was often times difficult, and even uncomfortable, especially so with his equus named Thoroughbred. So man observed the resources God had provided to him, and took measure of Bovine. Bovine's hide provided sturdy, yet comfortable material to allow man a means to ease his passage on equus.

    Now man's passage had become effecient and swift throughout the garden, and he could reach farther parts of the garden. While he was away in distant areas, a serpent appeared unto Eve. "Rider of Equus," he hissed, "Why do you not make your passage even more easy?"

    "I don't understand, sir?" Eve puzzled over his words, "We traverse with much ease currently."

    "But you could achieve maximum comfort with a small addition to your Bovine contraption," He hissed enticeling. Out of curiousity, Eve consented to hear his suggestion. And when man had returned, she delighted to show him her new addition to Bovine's skins.

    "They are known as knee rolls!" She exclaimed. "And they allow one to sit more passively and securely upon Equus. Now we have not to work so hard to maintain our position and balance."

    Man's first reaction was skepticism, "but will we not be hindered in the feeling of Equus's movement?" He implored. "Will this not prevent us from being as aware to the quality with which Equus moves beneath us?"

    But Eve was prepared for such a question, as the serpent had educated her. "Well, yes," she began, "But we no longer need to feel such attention to movement, as now it will be easier to hang on, and we will not have to maintain such strong physical conditions to ride in this manner."

    As Eve, continued, man's resolve began to weaken, and he consented to an attempt with the knee rolls. "But it is easy!" He exclaimed, as the serpent watched and smiled from his hidden shroud within the trees. "Why, now it is of such increased comfort that we may venture forthwith from the garden itself!"

    Now many years passed, and man begot man, and begot man, and begot more of man, and then even some more man, and it came to be that son of man was out on a traverse with Equus in the far regions of the world. Man had long since lost access to return to the garden, so he must exist is the less hospitable environment of the world. He did not feel the loss, however, as son of man had never experienced life within the garden.

    As son of man made his traverse through the eastern forests, a female form appeared to him from behind the trees. Upon closer observation, he recognized that she was not a daughter of Eve. She was in fact a daughter of Lillith, the succubus, Adam's first wife. Son of man was concerned, as all stories of the Jinn, or those with Jinn blood, lead to misfortune for man. Yet, her beauty was enticement enough for him to resist his urge to flee.

    "Son of man," She asked, "Why do you pretend at being a true equestrian?"

    "Whatever doest thou words intend, Lady," son of man betrayed his confusion. "I traverse as well as any other upon my bovine clad equss."

    "But you partake of deceptive equipment that removes your need of actual ability," The Lady glanced as son of man's knee roll and grinned wickedly, " Without such equipment, you are inadequately prepared for equus. Your father rode impressively throughout the garden for much time without such equipment that lowered his merrit as an equestrian. " With this parting information, she departed from henst, and took herself back to her trees to observe son of man's actions unnoticed.

    Son of man promptly removed his knee rolls at the lady's implied slight on his skill and his manhood. If man could perform satisfactorly without knee rolls, than son of man could surpass his ability. After removing his knee rolls, son of man urged Equus into a trot around the clearing. After much movement and insecurity in his bovine contraption, son of man was forced to admit defeat. Man had become so dependent upon knee rolls, that he had lost the ability to ride based on his own fitness and balance. He found himself an unbalanced equestrian with little natural feel, and a dependency upon overly compensating equipment.

  • #2
    So I'm guessing that your new saddle has no knee rolls?


    • Original Poster

      Yep. And while I love the saddle, I'm ashamed to say that I'm sliding around a bit and not feeling too secure.


      • #4
        As a worshipper of my original Crosby PDN purchased in 1976, I get it. If I win the lottery, you bet I'll be in a big cushy Decouveaux though! I am afraid to try one, in case I like it.


        • #5
          I love any PDN type saddle , knee rolls are uncomfortable and I still at my age would rather ride in a pancake!!
          Great tale!!! very very well written you need to send it off to be published!
          If you are lucky enough to ride, you are lucky enough.


          • #6
            Ha, this is perfect timing. I just bought a County plain flap, and I haven't been riding for months, so this will just enhance my out-of-shapeness...lovely.
            "On the back of a horse I felt whole, complete, connected to that vital place in the center of me...and the chaos within me found balance."


            • #7
              Bravo! Hats off, Hunter DQ! Stick with it, it'll come! (she says from the back of her Black Country that only lacks a seat belt )
              Blog: The Continuing Adventures of an (ahem) Mature Re-Rider without a Trust Fund...but, finally, A Farm of Her Own!!


              • Original Poster

                Thank you, Mortebella, for the saddle! You are entirely correct that it is as close to bareback as I can get. While I'm not having trouble picking up the left lead any longer (on a stubborn greenie who hates picking up the left lead), I'm so wimpy without knee rolls. Quite embarrasing, but I'm getting comfortable with it. BTW, it fits perfectly!


                • #9
                  Ah yes, but you have forgotten that on the fifth day god also created the greenie... and on the sixth day, the greenie spooked at the bovine, dropped his shoulder, and dispatched his rider. I loved my PDN, and I could ride about as well in it as I can ride now, but I love my knee rolls too!

                  Well done, by the way, keep writing!
                  "I'm not always sarcastic. Sometimes I'm asleep." - Harry Dresden

                  Amy's Stuff - Rustic chic and country linens and decor
                  Support my mom! She's gotta finance her retirement horse somehow.


                  • #10
                    Don't worry you'll get used to it... I ride in an old Hermes... flat as can be. The first few months I called it the torchure device, but now I absolutely love it.


                    • #11
                      Love the story! And love, love,love the pancake saddles!
                      Flip a coin. It's not what side lands that matters, but what side you were hoping for when the coin was still in the air.

                      You call it boxed wine. I call it carboardeaux.