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Tough Situation - WWYD?

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  • #1

    Tough Situation - WWYD?

    I wanted to get some advice from others about a situation I am in. My horse is currently boarded at my trainer's barn which is located an hours drive away (even further if there is rush hour traffic). I adore my trainer; I have been with her for 7 years. I appreciate her kind training style and her patient manner, yet she knows exactly when to push me.

    However, despite all this goodness, I am not really able to get out to the barn regularly to take advantage of all this wonderfulness. Between university and other life's priorities, there has been weeks at a time I couldn't fit in the two hour round trip. And, it almost always seems when I can go ride, it has been raining and the rings are too wet to ride in. So my horse is kind of "wasting" away, in his peak years, without regular riding.

    So I have been considering moving my horse closer to me. In fact, there is a H/J barn that is five minutes away from my house that nearly meets all my needs. My trainer is friends with the trainer who owns this barn.

    There is also a dressage barn 10 minutes from my house that is quite nice as well, and considering I do hunters and dressage on my horse, either option is viable.

    I feel almost selfish and like I am betraying my trainer by moving my horse away just so he is closer to me. If I was to move, my trainer would take it well but I know inside it would hurt her some. I don't necessarily want to LEAVE my trainer, but what good is it to me if I can't ride my horse regularly?

    What would be the most ideal thing to do is board my horse close to me and pay my trainer to come up once a week to give me a lesson and continue to show under her. I have a feeling the dressage barn would perhaps be more accommodating to this (since it's not a conflict of interest, especially if I am perhaps taking lessons from the trainer there as well) in compare to the H/J farm (or this may be way off and since my trainer is friends with the H/J farm trainer, we could work something out). The H/J farm doesn't really go to shows either, so would it be uncouth of me to continue to show under my previous trainer at shows the H/J farm doesn't attend?

    I am trying to find a middle way to make things "work". What would you guys do?
    Tags: None
  • #2
    I think it's very considerate of you to think so much about your trainer's feelings, but business is business and your reasons for wanting to move your horse are 100% valid and reasonable.

    Since the H/J farm doesn't show that often, I would board there, show with your trainer, and perhaps try to have your trainer come teach you there once a week if that's OK.

    If your trainer is truly as awesome as you say, she'll want you to succeed with your horse and part of that is understanding when you need something different.

    Comment

    • #3
      I think that your trainer will understand if you explain the situation to her. No matter how much I liked the barn or the trainer, I couldn't board an hour away because I wouldn't be able to ride very often. Perhaps you can trailer to your trainer's barn and take a lesson every once in a while, but horses are too expensive to not be able to enjoy.

      Comment

      • #4
        Originally posted by Tha Ridge View Post
        I think it's very considerate of you to think so much about your trainer's feelings, but business is business and your reasons for wanting to move your horse are 100% valid and reasonable.

        Since the H/J farm doesn't show that often, I would board there, show with your trainer, and perhaps try to have your trainer come teach you there once a week if that's OK.

        If your trainer is truly as awesome as you say, she'll want you to succeed with your horse and part of that is understanding when you need something different.
        Exactly. It is very considerate of you to keep your trainer in mind!

        Before you move, I would make sure you lay down very clearly with whomever you decide to move to that you still want your trainer involved. It may be a conflict of interest/solicitation for the HJ barn so the DR one may be easier, but really, it's most important about who can accommodate you and your horse best.
        AETERNUM VALE, INVICTUS - 7/10/2012

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        • #5
          I know how it feels to connect with a coach/trainer and not want to loose them. But if she is worth your respect then she will want to see whats best for you and your horse which would be practicing what you learn in your lessons and riding consistently.

          I am in disagreement though about the joining the dressage barn. If the h/j barn will allow you to bring in an outside coach - then really like for like is better. I've been at a multi discipline barn before and enjoyed it, but it was very multi riding (western, trail, dressage, jumpers, kids, adults, in hand, theraputic) but when its mainly one style and your the only "other" you may find issues. Dressage riders not wanting jumps in the ring, may have a problem with a forward riding h/j rider - I've seen it happen when there isn't a fair balance.

          As well people tend to pick up on what they are around, on those days that your coach can't come out, it would be nice for you to have someone to be your eyes on the ground, or perhaps bounce idea's or your homework off of.

          We just recently went through a barn change - and I let my coach know before, we discussed what our goals through the winter was, what would work for me and my horse - if you tell her your current challenges, she might have a completely different angle you can go. Perhaps she has a client or associate that has room for you and your horse thats closer to your home, but she feels is a good fit for you.

          Good luck with your adventure, I'm sure it will work out great for you.

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          • #6
            Start by talking to your trainer - she may not be interested in travelling an hour to teach a single lesson (if you factor in gas + time, you will need to pay her a much higher lesson rate, for her to even break even). If she's not available for lessons, that would change your barn selection criteria, e.g., go try some lessons with the other H/J trainer before moving your horse.

            As for the dressage barn, they may be more open to a jump trainer coming in (other boarders may also be interested in lessons) but there is the consideration of jumps.

            I doubt that trainer will be surprised by your decision - just give her appropriate notice etc - you can always come back during term breaks, for lessons etc

            Comment

            • #7
              If your trainer is truly a good professional, she'll realize that your inability to get in consistent riding on your horse is a problem and one you take very seriously. I have more respect for trainers who understand that their clients' lives and their training capabilities don't always stay stagnant. Things change, situations change, and sometimes clients have to make changes as well.

              Talk to your trainer.
              Lucy (Precious Star) - 1994 TB mare; happily reunited with her colt Touch the Stars

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              • #8
                You have some very excellent advice here already. I have to agree 110 percent that horses are too expensive not to enjoy. !! I would definitely move closer if that means more riding time.
                Proud to have two Takaupa Gold line POAs!
                Takaupas Top Gold
                Gifts Black Gold Knight

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                • #9
                  You could always trailer to your trainer for a weekly lesson.

                  Comment

                  • Original Poster
                    #10
                    I sincerely appreciate all of the advice given. It's nice to have some reassurance I am not a bad person by leaving! My mother, who lives close to my trainer, will continue to board her horses there with my trainer, so I will be able to stay in touch with her easily. I hope that the H/J trainer at this new barn will allow if I have my old trainer come up once a while to give me lessons and I don't mind taking lessons with her as well. Nothing bad about have two eyes on you instead of one. Otherwise, I could always just trailer my horse down. I am just absolutely giddy at the possibility of having my horse a closer drive than even my grocery store!

                    One more question -- is it wise to talk to the trainer (who is also barn owner) of the H/J barn I am looking into and see if she has any openings first? Or should I talk to my trainer first?

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                    • #11
                      My BM/trainer has stated numerous times that her goal is to get us all out of her program! LOL

                      Seriously, unless she is super hard up for boarders, or it is a specialized riding style (like the one reining barn in a 700 miles radius), she should completely understand you wanting to move Dobbin closer so, you know, you can actually RIDE!

                      Talk to NewBarn first - if she doesn't have any openings, it's a moot point and no sense in getting OldTrainer concerned about something that isn't going to happen b/c of logistics.
                      "Let's face it -- Beezie Madden is NOT looking over her shoulder for me anytime
                      soon . . . or ever, even in her worst nightmares."

                      Member, Higher Standards Leather Care Addicts Anonymous

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by karasha View Post
                        One more question -- is it wise to talk to the trainer (who is also barn owner) of the H/J barn I am looking into and see if she has any openings first? Or should I talk to my trainer first?
                        Given that both know each other, I'd absolutely discuss with current trainer 1st - nothing quite like having prospective (new) trainer call up current (old) trainer & say, about that girl 'an her horse ...

                        Just because you discuss something with your present trainer, does not mean that you must move by a certain date ... though you might give your 30days notice now & then move to a daily rate

                        Comment

                        • Original Poster
                          #13
                          It's difficult because if I don't tell my trainer first, how am I to explain the full situation to the new trainer? I would be ashamed if I go to new trainer first and before I can tell my trainer, my trainer gets a call like "Hey, so let's talk about karasha..." and it blind sides my trainer. Goodness, I guess that would not only hurt my trainer, but make the new trainer suspicious of me ("She didn't even have the respect to tell her trainer?!").

                          But on the other hand, if this/these barns don't have openings, I don't want to potentially cause a moot point.

                          I guess it's best just to be super honest.

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                          • #14
                            I am a trainer, and I generally form a pretty close bond to most of my "kids". Many start with me when they are very little and ride with me for close to a decade or more. But most of them end up going to University and I am proud of them and I am thrilled if they take their love of horses forward in their lives. I love their loyalty and when they are in the area they always come "home" to me. But I completely understand that at some point they will move on.

                            Comment

                            • #15
                              Why do you ride....because you enjoy your horse, or because you enjoy your trainer? I'm going to guess you ride because you like to ride your horse....so bring your horse closer to home so you can enjoy this expensive equine you're paying for whether you ride it or not and your trainer should understand.

                              Comment

                              • #16
                                Originally posted by karasha View Post
                                It's difficult because if I don't tell my trainer first, how am I to explain the full situation to the new trainer?

                                But on the other hand, if this/these barns don't have openings, I don't want to potentially cause a moot point.
                                Talk to your current trainer - she may have suggestions of who is likely to suit you & your horse, & which barn you may wish to avoid re care or training insuitabilities.
                                Even if a barn does not have a current opening, you can then get on wait lists ...

                                Comment

                                • #17
                                  Surely you can call the H/J barn and ask if they have any openings without getting into who you are.

                                  Comment

                                  • #18
                                    I would talk to your trainer first.
                                    If you are allergic to a thing, it is best not to put that thing in your mouth, particularly if the thing is cats. - Lemony Snicket

                                    Comment

                                    • #19
                                      Talk this over with your trainer. Not as a 'done deal', but as 'I really need to do this, even though I hate leaving you'. Ask her advice. And be straightforward (as others have suggested) with both closer barns - that you have no intention of giving up contact with your current trainer. If you decide to board at the h/j barn, and if your current trainer is friends (really? or just knows and has some respect for?) local h/j trainer, the three of you should be able to work something out. And it would be easier for dressage trainer to go to h/j for an occasionaly lesson (I'd mention that desire to h/j barn at first meeting, too) than for h/j trainer to go to dressage barn - for the jumps issue that someone else mentioned.

                                      I really don't understand why trainer-people just can't get along (as long as there's mutual respect). Everyone seems to feel so threatened. I DO understand that there's $$$ involved, but there is in every business - and people need to realize that one size does not fit all.
                                      www.ayliprod.com
                                      Equine Photography in the Northeast

                                      Comment

                                      • #20
                                        Changing barns

                                        We've moved barns twice. Once for the exact reason that you are stating. The commute was killing me. We moved houses and the commute could be an hour each way, it just wasn't working although I really tried to make it work for about 2 years.

                                        In that instance I had a talk with my trainer A and said that I just couldn't do the commute any longer. She helped me find a new trainer and I am still on very good terms with her.

                                        The second time we moved because the new trainer B changed her business plan and moved barns and it just wasn't working for us. I did speak with her prior to moving to bring up my concerns. She didn't take it well but I felt that because we had been there so long, I owed it to her to be honest.

                                        I spoke to trainer C prior to leaving trainer B and had a stall ready to go in the instance that things didn't go well with trainer B.

                                        I told trainer C that I would be honest with trainer B and let her know when we were moving etc prior to just taking the horse. I gave her a timeline so that she wouldn't be in the middle of everything.

                                        It is a business and I don't think it is horrible and going behind someone's back to speak to another trainer before you leave them. I don't know how the relationship is between you and your trainer.

                                        My relationship with trainer B was personal as well as professional and that ended really badly. My relationship with trainer A and C is strictly professional and I think that is the better way to go. They are both older been there done that trainers and are used to people coming and going.

                                        It is never pleasant to lose business but I think in this instance, especially if you wanted to go and show with her it would be fine.

                                        Trainers make way more money on showing etc than they do on boarding.

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