Ever feel like you don't belong?

[Goldie locks]

If you're so annoyed, why post your opinion?

I'm not annoyed; just an annoying subject. Seems you are the one annoyed. Maybe you need to go into your bath room and look in the mirror.

[hunterrider23]

Maybe some don't fit in with the people with the WB's and the silver spoons hanging out of their mouths because of the vibes those who feel inferior spew out.

Just in the few writings here makes me feel like sticking my tongue out at some of you.

And so you know, I have a TB. But don't be such a hater. Some people that seem to have more "stuff" than you do may come across stuck up, but you don't know their battles. Yeah, some people are a holes. Even poor people.

Maybe you should be nice to them and stop waiving your fist at how nothing but a TB will do!!!!

This is one of the most annoying subjects on COTH!!!!!!!

!!!11!!!!1!!1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111!

Look I really don't see anyone feeling, as my friends put it so elegantly, "butt hurt" over the subject. My TB wasn't cheap, and I don't believe he was discounted all too much for being a tb, but I don't think anyone said anything about warmbloods VS tbs. They can be just as good as one another, it just depends on what sort of ride you like. I've been called spoiled before, but that's not a petty rich vs poor debate, it's a problem with the other person's personality. I don't think anyone here said anything awful about people with more than them.

[Peggy]

The posters that wrote about finding your niche or circle nailed it IMHO. I am quite happy showing at the county-level shows for the most part, but love going to bigger shows to watch and hang out with friends. At times I have hung out with friends who ride with BNT and nearly always felt welcomed by their barn mates.

[Goldie locks]

!!!11!!!!1!!1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111!

Look I really don't see anyone feeling, as my friends put it so elegantly, "butt hurt" over the subject. My TB wasn't cheap, and I don't believe he was discounted all too much for being a tb, but I don't think anyone said anything about warmbloods VS tbs. They can be just as good as one another, it just depends on what sort of ride you like. I've been called spoiled before, but that's not a petty rich vs poor debate, it's a problem with the other person's personality. I don't think anyone here said anything awful about people with more than them.

I think most of the people are telling the OP to enjoy her horse. Here are a few quotes that I was responding to and many come from the OP.

You just don't relate to the girls with 5 saddles and 7 imports?

I too sometimes walk past the sports cars, Prada and million dollar horses at the shows and think, "what the heck am I doing here?"

fighting against the warmblood nation

In he old days, the flat movement of the TB wold win the hack - now the WB movement is accepted it makes it harder. But then, in the old days, the
rider didn't reach forward, with their butt in the air and their crotch ahead of the pommel either...sigh.

TB is the bomb diggity dot com, and I'll never ride anything else! TBs are great, and those that mesh with that ride are the only people that really know that click you can have with a TB that just makes you love them.

never been jealous of the girl with the $120k import and the 4 $6k saddle

I just don't like the entitlement some of these girls have oozing out of their pores.

Sorry, but yes, a lot of feelings going on in this thread.

And let me say for the record, how would it be taken if I said "I would never ride anything but at WB because that is the only horse you can ride that jumps better than any TB out there." Yeah, sounds pretty stupid doesn't it.

[hunterrider23]

I think most of the people are telling the OP to enjoy her horse. Here are a few quotes that I was responding to and many come from the OP.



Sorry, but yes, a lot of feelings going on in this thread.

And let me say for the record, how would it be taken if I said "I would never ride anything but at WB because that is the only horse you can ride that jumps better than any TB out there." Yeah, sounds pretty stupid doesn't it.

mmmm what I said doesn't have quite the same tone. Click with the tb ride is something really awesome and unique, but the same goes for the warmblood type ride. I love my two TBs, and it's my type of ride, it goes best with me, therefore I really only want to own them. That has zero to do with how well a warmblood performs vs how a thoroughbred performs, just how much I happen to love the breed. I've ridden warmbloods before, I've really liked warmbloods before, but I've never clicked with one like I've clicked with my two TBs.

[supershorty628]

Whoa, goldie locks, calm down.

People have their personal preferences - and that's okay. Personally, I prefer the stereotypical TB ride to the stereotypical WB ride. I also prefer spinach to green beans. Either way, no one's life is drastically changed by it. I think TB lovers are probably more vocal than WB lovers because the TB is less frequently seen in the upper levels at this point, but it certainly doesn't mean everyone hates WBs or even that people who love TBs don't also love WBs.

Take a deep breath!

[VaudevilleD]

I think most of the people are telling the OP to enjoy her horse. Here are a few quotes that I was responding to and many come from the OP.



Sorry, but yes, a lot of feelings going on in this thread.

And let me say for the record, how would it be taken if I said "I would never ride anything but at WB because that is the only horse you can ride that jumps better than any TB out there." Yeah, sounds pretty stupid doesn't it.

You are taking my quotes out of context.

[VaudevilleD]

mmmm what I said doesn't have quite the same tone. Click with the tb ride is something really awesome and unique, but the same goes for the warmblood type ride. I love my two TBs, and it's my type of ride, it goes best with me, therefore I really only want to own them. That has zero to do with how well a warmblood performs vs how a thoroughbred performs, just how much I happen to love the breed. I've ridden warmbloods before, I've really liked warmbloods before, but I've never clicked with one like I've clicked with my two TBs.

Same here I just don't click with the TYPICAL warmblood ride.Have I clicked with all the thoroughbreds, the ponies, the mutts I've ridden? No. Does that mean one is better than the other, absolutely not. It's about personally preference in this sport.

You may like an Antares saddle, while I can't stand them. I might feel more secure in a CWD, and I have a right to have that opinion

[Jaideux]

OP:

It sounds like you like to show. Even if you switch to competitive vaulting, you'll probably meet people who are snobby and who are from a higher socioeconomic background and they may not even be the same person Why? Because they are EVERYWHERE, and they like to do hobbies, too! They are at school, they are at the store, they will be your boss, they will be your coworkers. And when they enjoy hobbies, they will probably spend more on it than you will be able it.

No matter what you pick to do for fun or for a career in life, you'll probably enjoy it a lot more if you stop conceptualizing what "the others have" with $$ in front of it. Whether you mean to or not, it sets your brain up to think in jealous ways which creeps into feeling jealous ways, undermining your goal to enjoy yourself.

If you enjoy showing hunters, maybe you just need to be at a more laid-back farm that has more clients like you. It may also mean showing at lower levels if they don't go to the big shows. If you're not sure you enjoy hunters, and you think you and your horse would enjoy eventing more, go for it! But if your horse 'just" has a "mediocre" eventing career, will you still enjoy it or are you more so looking to find the niche where you can "win"? And it's okay to feel that way, it really is. It will just influence where you go and what you do.

[Lucassb]

Have you ever felt you just don't belong on the A circuit hunter/equitation world? You just don't relate to the girls with 5 saddles and 7 imports?

I will be switching barns in the near future, but I'm stuck between going to eventing where the playing field is more level for a thoroughbred owner or sticking with the hunter/ eq world I have known for my 12 years of riding and showing.

Has anyone else felt like they just don't belong in the world they grew up showing in?

I grew up riding schoolies while many of my riding friends had their own (fancy) show horses. There were certainly times I was envious of their opportunities, but I never felt like I didn't belong. I rode as well as they did, and to me that was the goal.

The fact that money will play a part in horse sports is just a reality. If you think your horse is better suited to eventing than to the hunters for whatever reason, and you think you would enjoy that discipline more, there is no reason not to give it a try. But if you are making the move to eventing because you think there will be fewer riders who spend more than you do on their horses/tack/training/competing, I think you may well be disappointed. There are wealthy people in all disciplines, just as there are people of more modest means.

[Trixie]

I have never been unhappy with what my parents have so graciously provided for me and I have never been jealous of the girl with the $120k import and the 4 $6k saddle she has sitting in one of her five trunks ( I speak from experience ). I see nothing to be jealous about, I cannot have what she has nor do I want it

Have you ever felt you just don't belong on the A circuit hunter/equitation world? You just don't relate to the girls with 5 saddles and 7 imports?

You know, this all sounds downright whiny to me.

I'm so sick of threads where someone is complaining about the have/have nots.

My trainer took two TB's to Florida and won in the hunters.

I've been competing at TB for years and always placed where I should have.

I don't have any money behind me, just an extensive background in mere politics, and no one has ever made me feel like I don't belong.

The only thing I can say is please get over your insecurities. They're not doing you any favors.

[fargaloo]

OP: The lady doth protest too much, methinks.

I am having a hard time seeing how you don't fit in. You have a nice horse who holds his own in good company -- not the hack winner, but we can't all ride the hack winner. He is suitable as a hunter, and you enjoy hunters/eq. You say that no one looks down on him (or you) at your barn. So, really, where is the problem? I see 2 things:

1) You really need to stop caring about what other people have or don't have. Before you vigorously protest that you DON'T care -- yeah, you do. That is what is coming out in every sentence you write. The girls "oozing entitlement out their pores" -- are they really being nasty beotches or are they just girls with nice stuff (onto whom you are projecting some feelings of resentment and jealousy)? It could be either, but that's a question you need to answer for yourself. I am sure you realize that the fact that you own a horse at all automatically makes you a "rich entitled spoiled brat" to a lot of people. Yes, that is totally unfair -- so don't reflexively do the same to people with more than you.

2) You need to think about what you want to get out of showing. If you really want to be "competitive" (i.e., have a good shot at a ribbon in most classes), maybe you should consider showing in a different circuit. If you think that you would feel more comfortable and happier showing in an environment where you feel that you "fit in" would be more fun, then go for it -- your horse isn't sobbing in his stall that he isn't showing the A's.

Not dumping on you -- you sound like you are not quite happy and I hope you can fix it. The important thing is that you say you are not happy with the instruction - yes, fix that asap as that can ruin your nice horse (or you). There are lots of reasons why you might not "fit in" with a particular group and it's important to feel like you have found your niche. But for your own sake, drop the "TB/WB/$6k saddles" chip on your shoulder - it's heavy and you don't need to carry it. Good luck!!

[BostonHJ]

I've been at a wide range of barns, even in my relatively brief adult return-to-the-show-ring phase - everything from eventing barns where people didn't lesson regularly to a full care barn full of expensive horses who do the entire season of WEF. My own circumstances fall in between, but skew to the lower end of things, at least in the show world. You know what? I have never felt out of place. Everyone at these barns loves to talk horses and that is something I really cherish, since you don't find it in your everyday life! As a junior, my life was horses and school, and I kind of took it for granted that horses would always be around. Now, I only get to ride a few days a week, and those days are heaven, in part because of being around other horsey people. I can assure you I was the least financially well off person at the show barn, but I was never treated differently. Sure, it would be nice to have a few horses and saddles, and maybe someday I will get there in the $$ department, but in the grand scheme of the whole world (both real and horse), I'm doing pretty well.

You will be a lot happier if you focus on what you have instead of what you don't. I've read a few of the Dalai Lama books and they helped my attitude hugely when I was fresh out of college and figuring out life on the outside. One thing that has always stuck with me is that if you seek happiness through money/stuff, you will always be unhappy unless you are the richest person in the world because someone will always have more.

[GoneAway]

The real issue seems to be that you're not satisfied with the instruction that you're getting. Have you talked to your trainer about your concerns? By all means, if the instruction is not meeting your needs and the trainer is not willing to accomodate your needs, then look elsewhere for the level of coaching that you want. You can shop around for barns that offer that as well as an atmosphere that you feel more comfortable in. If you and your horse enjoy the hunters, stick with hunters. Or, maybe find a barn that dabbles in hunters and eventing (they do exist), and try the dark side. I did and loved every second of it. No, your horse does not need to be a fire breathing dragon to go to some horse trials. And no, going to some horse trials will not turn your quiet hunter into said fire breathing dragon.

The TB vs. WB discussion is being taken a little out of context, and I agree that perhaps the OP needs to drop the chip on her shoulder. I was the middle class kid whose parents sacrificed a lot to get me lessons, lease ponies, and finally buy a nice little TB mare and let me show locally pretty extensively (while I worked off some of my expenses). I did the A circuit on a budget as well - lots of long days and short nights and hard work. No, I didn't have the six-figure import and the fanciest tack, and as a teenager that bothered me some, but I was given opportunities to ride and succeed, and was accepted at that big show barn because we ALL worked our butts off out there (even the kids with the nice horses). Some of it is a self-fufilling prophecy: if you act like you're being looked down upon or are inadequate, it comes out in your attitude and actions, and people start treating you that way. It's hard not to concern yourself with what other people think of you, but at the end of the day, you need to figure that out. As goodlife mentioned, until you do, you'll never be truly satisfied with anything in life.

[englishcowgirl]

Stop being concerned with people other than yourself. Ride your horse, and be supportive of the others at your barn. Ok, you can't afford to have multiple $$$ horses, and the tack that goes with them. Work with what you have, and earn respect. If you bring your not so fancy horse along to reach whatever its potential may be, that will make people notice. That attention will get you other opportunities that you never thought would be an option, worse case you might make some new friends!

[rockfordbuckeye]

The only way to get around envy and feeling like you might not belong is to come to terms with and enjoy what you do have and who you are. No one can take that away and personal satisfaction and liking yourself/loving your horse cannot be purchased. We would all be in a better place if we would quit worrying so much about what everyone else is doing/thinking/buying and spend more time making ourselves a good person/better rider/more loving owner.

The great equalizer in life: true happiness. Just look for that for yourself and everything else will sort itself out.

[Goldie locks]

mmmm what I said doesn't have quite the same tone. Click with the tb ride is something really awesome and unique, but the same goes for the warmblood type ride. I love my two TBs, and it's my type of ride, it goes best with me, therefore I really only want to own them. That has zero to do with how well a warmblood performs vs how a thoroughbred performs, just how much I happen to love the breed. I've ridden warmbloods before, I've really liked warmbloods before, but I've never clicked with one like I've clicked with my two TBs.

I get what you are saying but when you say things like I will never ride anything but a TB (as a TB owner myself) it can put people off.

I am glad to see other posters think the OP's is a bit in the have and have not corner.

OP you asked for thoughts so you got them. Out of context or not. Your words were glaring to me.

[fordtraktor]

OP, if your horse isn't what is going to give you a decent chance of winning if it puts in its best trip in the hunter ring, think about doing the jumpers. There, if you leave all the rails up in the fastest time, no one gets a say in what color your ribbon is. BTDT, never regretted turning my back on the hunters for a moment!

I do think the jumpers are almost always the answer for those of us who can't afford super fancy horses and get frustrated with not being competitive in the hunters. In the jumper ring, you *can* be competitive at some level if you work hard enough and ride well enough. Any horse can learn to turn, and a horse that turns well and stays balanced is a horse that can get a ribbon anywhere.

You don't have to careen around like an idiot at the lower levels, and in fact it is counterproductive. Learn to turn and stay balanced in a good jumpoff pace at the lower levels and you will still be faster than the galloping fools.

[2bayboys]

Thank you all so much for your comments. I do not want to sound conceded but I can hold my own in the eq ring. My OTTB is built like a classic thoroughbred so he doesn't fit in and I don't want to force him into a mediocre show career because he can't float like the warmbloods. OTTBs are not hated at my barn they are actually welcomed. I just feel maybe fighting against the warmblood nation trying to prove my tb can compete is a waste of my time and his talent. I don't want to sound like a whinny baby who only wants to win but I want to be realistic about my and my horses chances

I'm confused. Is this why you feel you don't belong, because your horse doesn't "fit in"?

If so, sell him and get a horse that is more competitive in your chosen discipline, or switch to a discipline where he will be more competitive and you will feel he fits in.

Or make the most of what you have and be happy

[goodlife]

OP, I know a lot of people that are in the upper echelons of socioeconomic status, and frankly, I can't think of even one that has a sense of "entitlement oozing from their pores", as you so indicated. I think your perceived idea of these people compared to their actual presentation of themselves is quite different.

Why not try leaving your judge-y pants at home and hanging out with them a few times? I think you'd be surprised to find that they don't stand around all day comparing their Hermes belts and one-upping eachother with the number of custom saddles they own. You aren't going to be excluded from their club for showing up in your pleather belt from Target and trying to go over the course map with them.

OR,

If you give them a sincere opportunity to show you their true colors and they turn out to be as evil and spoiled as you make them out to be, they're probably not the type of people you want to be around. You might then want to consider changing barns, because I promise, if all of the people you ride with are too stuck up to give you the time of day because you can't keep up with their lavish spending and bank account balances, there's a larger, overreaching issue there.

Problem solved.