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I think my trainer thinks that I am an idiot or something

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  • Original Poster

    My trainer was away and said this girl would set jumps for me and I could jump. I am not on my high horse at all if you were to know me. It was in reference to an earlier question. I guess if I want to be eaten alive I should continue posting stuff here. Thought I would get some constructive advice but I guess not.


    • #22
      HiFi? Do you own a horse or are you riding schoolies or others that are a available to you that you do not own or lease?

      it makes a big difference in how we perceive you from your posts.

      I'll give you the benefit of the doubt without knowing if you were on your personel horse or a schoolie when you thought the young instructor was setting fences for you to jump at will or was under the impression she was giving you a lesson.

      Clarification of the point makes a huge difference in what meaningful advice we can give you
      When opportunity knocks it's wearing overalls and looks like work.

      The horse world. Two people. Three opinions.


      • #23
        OP, are you feeling insulted because you got put in a lesson with the WT instructor and you feel you are being treated as a child? You know, is this too high for oo? Let me put it down if you're afraid?

        That's more an issue with the WT instructor then, if the trainer is gone. My SS instructor can be very limiting and controlling - "You could DIE" is one of her phrases that she uses with the little kids and us older ammies and I've already mentioned elsewhere that when I boarded there over the winter pony and I were jumping teeny tiny ditches in her woods (from a standstill, NOT pretty) and she got all pale when she heard about it, but at least she didn't out and out forbid it, of course I was saying that I wasn't too happy with how it was going and likely wouldn't do it any more either (so I lied).

        How often do you ride and do you have any outside conditioning routine? Or do you look like me, the pudgy grey haired old lady with bad knees that has to hobble to the mounting block?

        Sometimes trainers do pigeonhole clients in their brains, you know, *that one* came here not aggressively pursuing improved riding, she's here to take her pony ride because she really enjoys it but has some fear issues so let her bop around the indoor on the quiet horses. I think sometimes working in horses there is just too much going on for a trainer to focus 100% on their students unless their students squeak a little - it stinks but there you have it.
        Courageous Weenie Eventer Wannabe
        Incredible Invisible


        • Original Poster

          My trainer was away this week and she told me the girl could set fences and I could jump around. Instead she gave me a lesson. I am not on my "high horse". Anyone who knows me would tell you that! I suppose if I enjoy being eaten alive I should continue to post here. All I wanted was some advice not an ass whipping.


          • Original Poster

            I have a horse who is laid up right now so I get to ride extras at the barn.


            • #26
              Well, I think that you and your trainer and the WT instructor have a leeetle communication problem. That would be best dealt with once the trainer comes back, but it might help if you just ignore the WT instructor's grating questions and try to think of the lesson as supervised riding time.

              The WT instructor might be one of those people that can't just watch and let you be, I know I can be way too "helpful" sometimes.

              Put together in your mind the schooling you want to do, exercises, lines, jump heights, and just do it. If you are really riding well it should be self evident after a lesson or two.
              Courageous Weenie Eventer Wannabe
              Incredible Invisible


              • #27
                Originally posted by hifi View Post
                I have a horse who is laid up right now so I get to ride extras at the barn.
                Even my most trusted students do not get to jump without supervision on either their horse or one of my lesson horses.

                I don't read any of what people have posted as an a** whipping. They are offering suggestions. You say you are timid and maybe not as balanced as some of the other riders. Nothing wrong with that. But expect that you won't get the same horses to ride as those other riders.

                What you have done when you were younger is great. But that is back then. Back before I was sick, injured, etc I did a ton. Rode with the best. Could tackle 5' jumps bareback on our eventers and jumpers. Now, after my most recent surgery when I get back to riding heck I won't have the balance and fitness as my riders that are jumping the speed bump jumps. It will come back in theory, but you can't expect to jump right back to where you were.

                If you really want to get an outside opinion post a video of yourself on Judge My Ride and get an unbiased opinion. BUT be willing to listen and accept what they say without excuses.


                • #28
                  My main impression is that you are clearly not happy with your trainer. You are clearly frustrated with your progress, you don't feel challenged, and you feel your trainer is not inclined to provide you with challenges. Get a new trainer! Really! If your trainer is asking if the jumps are too high, I do agree the trainer is sending the wrong message.

                  Now, whether you should be moving up yet or not is a separate issue and one I cannot answer. This is normally something you could discuss with your trainer.

                  You really do NOT want a trainer who pushes you or the horse beyond your limits. That will depend on your skill and fitness levels, as well as the horse's. You mention you are not super coordinated. As a fellow adult who is not super coordinated, I find I raise the fences slowly, trying to ensure I am capable of the new height.

                  You don't sound arrogant at all, just frustrated. Perhaps that made the first post a little confusing. I think it was a bit of a frustrated vent and that's okay!

                  Good luck!
                  Born under a rock and owned by beasts!


                  • #29
                    When it's somebody else's horse? You are at the mercy of owner wishes and/or whatever policy the barn has regarding jumping other people's horses at significant heights- you may scoff at 2'9" (which is a standard schooling and lesson height for those under High Performance or Grand Prix talents) but perhaps expecting to do higher then that on somebody else's horse with no specific authorization in place in trainers absence indicates a...failure to communicate?

                    Either trainer did not want you on that horse jumping higher or she did and never told the assistant.

                    You may not liike the assistant but she was left in charge. It is her call in traners absence. You need to work things out with a sit down meeting or move to another barn.

                    Most barns won't let the schoolies and extras jump over 2'6" and a great many you can't jump outside of lessons at all, particularly on somebody else's horse.
                    Consider what is available to you at this barn before you chuck it to move only to find out you don't get any extras and/or can't jump them at all.
                    When opportunity knocks it's wearing overalls and looks like work.

                    The horse world. Two people. Three opinions.


                    • Original Poster

                      Thanks I appreciate that. I just want to Lear . It is extremely stale around here!


                      • #31
                        If you weren't supposed to get a lesson from the WT trainer why didn't you just tell her? I wouldn't just sit there and let someone waste their time coaching me when that wasn't the arrangement. Did you pay for that lesson too?


                        • #32
                          I'm reading that though your knowledge and understanding exceed your current skills, you want to be treated as someone who understands the theory, and helped as though you are coming back into competence, not entirely new to it. Do I get it??

                          What are your goals, either generally or with your horse when he's back in action? Focusing on skills like finding the best canter for each particular horse - learning to identify the tempo, energy, and balance combination that makes James and Spoogums and Greyboy jump the best course - so you can be better at finding the right canter on your guy, and keeping it all steady through the corners and on the long stretch to the single vertical...(I need a verb and an ending to that big ol sentence, but hopefully you get my meaning!)



                          • #33
                            You're getting a lot of good advice, not a butt-whipping. You ARE coming across as having an ego problem, whether or not you mean to. If you have to tell us you don't have an ego problem, odds are that you DO have an ego problem (otherwise you wouldn't feel the need to correct a bunch of internet strangers).

                            We have a rider in our barn who has what *sounds* like a great resume, including training for a few years in Europe. However, she's one of the worst riders in the barn, and most of us refuse to ride in the same arena with her. She doesn't take feedback well, gets upset when a trainer brings her back down to basics, and switches trainers when she doesn't hear what she wants to hear. She gets upset at people for warning others that her horse is a biter/kicker or that he will try to run her into the rail so to stay inside of him if you have to share an arena. Then she turns around and complains that she's a better rider than *insert random ammy here* so she should be jumping higher than them. She simply refuses to see her own limitations, and the only person that's limiting her is herself. If she was actually willing to work on improving herself, she'd be able to ride a lot better. Many of the things you say are exactly the same things this rider says. And most of the trainers who have worked with her give up on trying to get her to progress because she simply refuses to can her ego long enough to make any actual improvement in her riding.

                            No, it's not an butt-whipping. It's a dose of reality, which you can accept or ignore at your leisure. I would, however, highly recommend ASKING for lessons on the basics. Ask for longe lessons without stirrups, ask for help improving your eye over cavalletti. The riders who dedicate themselves completely to nailing the basics are the ones who will move up fastest in the end. They have an incredibly solid core set of skills that allow everything else to be easily added in time. The ones who aim to be adding skills sets spend more time compensating for lack of the basics than they would have spent learning those basics up front. There is a difference in theoretical knowledge and actual skill.

                            This is a good time to sit down with your trainer and have a heart-to-heart about your skills. And I suggest you go into that meeting with an open mind and willing to listen. Shelf the ego, and you'd be amazed what you can learn about yourself. You're probably NOT going to want to hear the things she says, but listen anyway. It could be that the other rider is getting the rides because she is better at taking instruction, or has a better attitude. You won't know until you stop fuming and start listening.

                            If the heart-to-heart doesn't answer your questions, then look elsewhere. But I'd give the trainer the benefit of a doubt here.
                            Proud member of the Snort and Blow Clique


                            • Original Poster

                              Thank you MyssMyst you are too kind.


                              • #35
                                Originally posted by FlashGordon View Post
                                Here's the thing-- it doesn't really matter what you were able to do "back in the day," the instructors/ trainers need to teach to where you are NOW. I'm not at all discounting your experience, but the fact you might have jumped 4' has little relevance to your skill set today if you haven't done it in 10 years. You may know tons of theory but you still have to be able to execute. And if you have not communicated your experience to your trainer, how could they know? Especially if you ride/represent like the "typical" adult ammie who is jumping 2' and riding a few times a week.

                                I am not trying to insult you-- I used to ride 7-8 horses a day and jump 5 days a week. Now I'm lucky if I'm on a horse 1x a week. I have lots of knowledge in my head but the fitness level and coordination is not where it once was due to time off, limited riding, etc. the last 5 years.
                                I'm with Flash on this one, getting old sucks, and it's not possible to present the same dashing figure you did as a 20-something rider. You're in it for a different reason now that you're "aged", and I know, I'm walkin' in your shoes.....


                                • #36
                                  Here's the thing-- it doesn't really matter what you were able to do "back in the day," the instructors/ trainers need to teach to where you are NOW. I'm not at all discounting your experience, but the fact you might have jumped 4' has little relevance to your skill set today if you haven't done it in 10 years.
                                  *raising my hand* I resemble this. And it SUCKS. Trying to make your now body do what your then brain and body could do without a moment's hesitation.

                                  I was just looking at classes for the next horseshow and trying to figure out whether I belong with the beginner riders or not, even though my equine resume was quite lengthy before I took 10 years off to have children and then had a somewhat ok 2 years before more or less not riding often or well for another 6. (Incidentally, I still don't know where that puts me, so perhaps I need to start another thread about that).

                                  It *is* hard for trainers to help without coming across as condescending, and I don't blame them for not necessarily having tools in the arsenal to deal with people like us...whose brains are a bit ahead of our bodies. I repeatedly yell at myself "I KNOW better dammit!"

                                  Regarding whether you are better or worse than other riders, I would say to not even think about that. Focus on your own riding, and it will come. I look at pony kids right now doing W/T and cross rails and some of them have better Eq and balance than I do right now. Sucks, and makes me insane. So I don't focus on that.

                                  It is probably worth a nice, non-confrontational conversation with your trainer where you ask her what she is seeing. I will admit that I have had trouble finding someone to go back to basics with me. I wanted longe lessons to help me regain my seat, and I'll be darned if I can't find anyone to do that. I may have to teach my husband have to longe and try to teach myself!

                                  Anyway, good luck!


                                  • #37
                                    Have to agree, yes 10 years ago I jumped 4'. Lol no way now. Why? Because I took on a greenie did some combined training, he was not talented at jumping so never went over 3' with him and never showed him over 2'3. That's what was best for him. Then retired him and haven't jumped in 3 years. There is no way I could hold myself over 4' now heck probably couldnt over 2'. Lol. Have a talk with your trainer and ask her what is holding you back. I'm sure she has a good reason.
                                    Horses aren't our whole life, but makes our life whole


                                    • #38
                                      hifi----tried to pm you but for some reason it did not work

                                      Your first post was "erased" but I got the gist of it from the responses on here. I get where you are coming from and I don't think you are coming across on your high horse. I posted something smiliar once and got much of the same feedback. It was discouraging to say the least.

                                      So you are not alone in this....what I learned from it was both positive and negative.....ok, more negative... I get that what I did a long time ago doesn't matter to others....but it matters to me and it was a big deal (to me) ....just b/c it's years later doesn't erase those accomplishments.

                                      I may not ride like I used to, but I feel like I am more knowledgeable in some areas than the trainers.... but I get passed over b/c I'm an old adult and what I did was YEARS ago that has absolutely no merit today. And I too, feel like I've been treated like an idiot.

                                      My point is I feel for you and get it.....Hang in and try not to let the other posts bring you down.....



                                      • #39
                                        If the "wt" instructor is in charge while the trainer is away, it's her responsibility for the riders and the horses in HT absence. Sometime setting rails can turn into more.... I see it a lot. I don't think it's worth getting upset about. You got to ride( someone else's horse), you got to jump, someone set rails for you.) if you weren't charged for a lesson- no biggie. If I was charged, I'd be annoyed.

                                        Feel great about your past accomplishments, but realize that is what they are- past. Use your knowledge and background to build on where you are in your riding NOW.

                                        You said you are a timid rider so asking if the jump height is ok seems legit.

                                        However, if you are that unhappy, move. I've also found getting a lesson from a different off the farm trainer is a reality check. It can substantiate your stance or disprove it. Be ready for the outcome.
                                        Come to the dark side, we have cookies


                                        • #40
                                          The WT trainer probably doesn't know the much about you or what you're capable of doing comfortably. She likely really doesn't want either you or the horse to get hurt/scared while she is in charge, and then have to explain why to the head trainer. Give the girl a break! Her resume may well be just as good as yours and she may be capable of giving you a good lesson if you're open to it. There is one young trainer at our barn who doesn't have much resume at all, but she gives very good lessons.