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*UGH* Why can't people just mind their own business?!

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  • *UGH* Why can't people just mind their own business?!

    I have an amazing horse. I know everyone thinks their horse is amazing, but mine really is! I know she is. I know that even though I got her off the track for $500, I got something really special. She is beautifully put together, a nice mover, crazy athletic and now that she has been off the track for 1 1/2 years she also has a sane mind. She also just has a way about her that tells you how awesome she is. I am lucky. I know this.

    I am also a teacher. A second year, non-tenured teacher. They cut one of the other specialists so we have two teachers doing the job of three. I teach 3 grade levels and write 8 completely different lesson plans a day, while also catering to the classroom teachers modifying work for my kiddos, writing IEPs (I had to do 7 in Jan) and attending a gazillon meetings and trainings for these stupid modules. I also do after school help 3 days a week because the classroom teachers are constantly telling me how stupid my kids are and how I need to help them more. Life sucks right now.

    That having been said, my time at the barn limited and when I go I just want to spend time with my amazing mare who I love more than anything and VALUE.

    Instead, all I get is another boarder (who, might I add is a stay at home mom with a rich husband) telling me that I don't realize what a great horse I have, I am wasting her and she does not believe for one minute that I am busy enough that I can't be at the barn everyday.

    It is so annoying. I am already ridiculously stressed out at work and all I want is to spend time with my horse. I don't want her opinion. If all I want to do is brush my horse today, then you know what? All I am going to do is brush my horse. Don't bug me about working her and tell me how I should be riding her the whole time that I am there. All it does is make me NOT want to come out and deal with your BS!

    I really do not want to end up telling her off. I like her a lot as a person and I genuinely do think she thinks that she is doing what's best for my horse by telling me all these things (as messed up as that is).

    How can I nicely tell her to STFU? I have already said repeatedly that I know I have a nice horse and thats why I searched for THREE YEARS and tried MANY horses before I chose her.I have also explained my work situation, and she responds with eye rolls and repeats that she doesn't believe I am that busy.

  • #2
    "Well, bless your heart."
    Proudly blogging for The Chronicle of the Horse!


    • #3
      Repeat after me: Do you mind leaving me alone?


      • #4
        I don't think I'd even bother being nice. This kind of person doesn't really understand anything but "STFU, get out of my face, and go work your OWN horse."
        "The standard you walk by is the standard you accept."--Lt. Gen. David Morrison, Austalian Army Chief


        • #5
          Either ignore it, or say something less than 100% nice. Sounds like you have nicely explained it quite a few times. You can be polite and firm and next she brings it up say "I do not want to discuss how often I ride my horse with you. Please do not bring it up with me again as it does not concern you." Then switch the topic to something else and continue the conversation like nothing happened.


          • #6
            Get yourself a set of earplug headphones, put on your Pandora and groom away.

            Just go, uh-hu and okay... and hopefully she will get the hint. I wouldn't be mean to anyone.... if you feel comfortable just tell her you want to spend alone time with your horse and that your horse is your therapy and really need it.. don't explain that you are all up and busy - quite frankly that tends to annoy people anyway... it's like saying "your not busy, you don't understand, your a stay at home Mom so you are not as busy as me." I would guess that's not what you mean. But even reading your post kind of indicates some stress and negativity to that fact. You don't know how busy she is or isn't. I think to stick to the main issue and that is quiet time with your horse. Who cares what others think of how much time you spend riding or whatever......
            Live in the sunshine.
            Swim in the sea.
            Drink the wild air.


            • #7
              So sorry she is bugging you! In her defense, sometimes it is disappointing to see really nice horses at a show barn who stand around and do nothing and owner does not ever ride them. However, I always just think, not my horse and not my problem. If you want to just brush your horse and hang out with it, go for it! After all, it is YOUR horse and you can do what you please!


              • Original Poster

                yeah...we are at a backyard boarder barn in the middle of nowhere...6 boarders, no lessons, no trainer, but a really nice indoor!

                I have spent many years working at show barns and thinking, darn, I feel like that horse should be getting used...but I would never say that to anyone because we all have our own lives and no one knows what is really happening with anyone when they leave the barn.

                She knows that I do not have any real goals for my horse in the winter. I just want to be able to get on her a few times a week, maybe pop around some little jumps and enjoy her company. I think that is totally reasonable for the type of environment I am in!


                • #9
                  There is a type of rider that will go out in dead of winter and train their horse at 10:00 at night if that's the only free time available. I am not that rider, and it sounds like you aren't either. There is nothing wrong with a lack of ambition. Your horse certainly doesn't mind. I agree with those who say not to be rude about it. The horse world is too small to burn bridges. Just smile and keep brushing.
                  A helmet saved my life.

                  2017 goal: learn to ride like TheHorseProblem, er, a barn rat!


                  • #10
                    An ipod will do wonders for such a situation. I made good use of mine back in the day when I had to board. Thank goodness I no longer need it, having all my horses at home now!


                    • #11
                      Maybe that's just her way of saying she likes your horse and is fishing to see if you're looking for a rider to help you out while you're busy (but she is obviously going about it the wrong way!)
                      A quick tutorial on interval training: Conditioning your horse for eventing


                      • #12
                        Invite her to act as a classroom volunteer
                        even if all she does is non-kid-interaction stuff, that will likely still help you with your To Do list & after a couple times she'll likely stop disbelieving how busy you are


                        • #13
                          OP. you shouldn't justify what you do with your horse to her, to us, or to anyone.

                          Really. It's OK to do whatever you want with your horse, even if that is nothing at all. You don't need anyone's approval.

                          Do not be nice if you want to be left alone. Being nice will just enable the behavior.


                          • #14
                            "Thank you for your interest." Go back to what ever you were doing. Repeat as necessary.
                            Donald Trump - proven liar, cheat, traitor and sexual predator! Hillary Clinton won in 2016, but we have all lost.


                            • #15
                              I am one of those people that would say STFU. I don't deal with people acting that way to me and I let them know. I have said that to a few barn people in my time.


                              • #16
                                And you will still have a lovely horse well into her 20s because you didn't overdo it. Good for you. Smile and nod.
                                You don't scare me. I ride a MARE!


                                • #17
                                  Originally posted by LovinLatte81 View Post
                                  She knows that I do not have any real goals for my horse in the winter. I just want to be able to get on her a few times a week, maybe pop around some little jumps and enjoy her company. I think that is totally reasonable for the type of environment I am in!
                                  Absolutely. How many of us only showed in fair weather years ago, and the horses did not dissolve into a puddle of flab.

                                  And even these days, in chatting with riders at other barns, not everyone demands of themselves that the maximum be done this time of year.

                                  And the horses don't mind taking a little respite.

                                  I like the idea about suggesting she volunteer at the school. 'Long as she's in another part of the school!
                                  But he thought, "This procession has got to go on." So he walked more proudly than ever, as his noblemen held high the train that wasn't there at all. H.C.Anderson


                                  • #18
                                    I understand your pain, I have been on both sides of this. Enjoy your time with your mare, try to ignore Ms rude and if you are worried about getting your girl enough riding time you may want to consider a partial lease. Summer is just around the corner!


                                    • #19
                                      STFU sounds like a good plan to me.


                                      • #20
                                        Hey, Lovinlatte81, I have a perfect solution. I once worked with a very nosy woman. She constantly was prying into my life. I decided to turn her questions back on her by simply saying "Why do you ask?" Now she had to defend herself. For example, when the lady asks "Why don't you ride more?" Just politely reply, "Why do you ask?" or "Why is that?" I found a few sessions of her having to explain herself instead of me explaining what I was doing and why was all it took for her to mind her own business.
                                        I hope this works for you.
                                        My mom didn't raise no jellybean salesman!