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Unrealistic Expectations

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  • #41
    Could not agree more....

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    • Original Poster

      #42
      So talked to parents. I said that dad had mentioned wanting daughter to do the jumpers at the last show, so I wanted to clarify goals. Dad starts stammering and tells me he "doesn't want to get so deep into this that they wish they had quit sooner than later." I am thinking what the heck does this have to do with original question I asked???
      Then he asks what my time-line/plan is for getting her to the jumpers. I am thinking he really doesn't know what he wants at this point. I explained that at the shows we attend she would have to be able to jump a 2'9 course to even consider it and the best plan would be to continue taking lessons and progressing and when she reaches say intermediates see if jumpers is something she is capable of or wants to do. I said she would really need to own her own horse at that point if they want to do jumpers. Dad stammered some more and said they were perfectly happy with how things are going and want to just stay the course.
      He did say getting her to lessons is a real pain. They live about 30 minutes away. I got the impression she will be pressured to quit riding after this year on the pony, as dad doesn't want to buy anything and she won't be happy to see her friends progress faster than she will if she is primarily riding lesson horses. Hope I am wrong on that. Such a great kid and she is absolutely horse crazy, would hate to see that happen. I got the impression parents had no clue what they were getting into when they started lessons and are feeling pressure as her peers have bought horses. I never pressure anyone to buy a horse and only suggest it if they have goals that necessitate it or if they approach me about it.
      I have plenty of lesson horses so she will always have something to ride, but won't be of the caliber that she is riding now, so I probably made a mistake in making such a nice pony available. I think they will have been spoiled after this year and disappointed with riding and showing dependable, but average lessons horses after this.

      Comment


      • #43
        It sounds a bit like the parents have a case of keeping up with the Jones's. They want their daughter to have everything her friends have and be at the same level, but don't want to pay for it.

        Hopefully, they will talk to other parents more and realize that that's not how it works and either adjust their expectations or put in the time/effort/resources. Good luck to you, and I hope it all works out for all of you.

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        • #44
          Originally posted by robinspaint View Post
          He did say getting her to lessons is a real pain. They live about 30 minutes away. I got the impression she will be pressured to quit riding after this year on the pony, as dad doesn't want to buy anything and she won't be happy to see her friends progress faster than she will if she is primarily riding lesson horses. Hope I am wrong on that. Such a great kid and she is absolutely horse crazy, would hate to see that happen. I got the impression parents had no clue what they were getting into when they started lessons and are feeling pressure as her peers have bought horses.
          Sounds like our situation 3 years ago. After DD had been riding for about 6 months. DH was adamant that he was not buying a pony.

          Three months later we bought the pony. Nine months after that we bought her first horse. About a year after that we bought the second horse. Now realizing that we need to start thinking about her Jr. Jumper.

          True, many parents don't see the point. But once I got it and was committed, DH got it. Some parents just need more lengthy explanations and prodding...

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          • #45
            Originally posted by robinspaint View Post
            ... Another client told me this father pulled them aside at last show and said he was concerned that I wasn't steering her toward the jumper ring.
            Perhaps you could suggest he take up riding and do the jumpers himself. Maybe then he could stop living vicariously through his offspring.
            Stoneybrook Farm Afton TN

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            • #46
              Originally posted by sammicat View Post
              It sounds a bit like the parents have a case of keeping up with the Jones's. They want their daughter to have everything her friends have and be at the same level, but don't want to pay for it.
              Or they CAN'T pay for it and didn't realize just how expensive it would be, since he immediately backpedaled when she explained the money and time aspects of getting to jumpers. I'm not sure other parents would be helpful in adjusting their expectations if the other parents are buying their kids expensive horses and lots of lessons and just see that as how one does it. That might do more to drive them to quit because it'll sound like "Your choices are spend money or not progress."
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              • #47
                Originally posted by danceronice View Post
                Or they CAN'T pay for it and didn't realize just how expensive it would be, since he immediately backpedaled when she explained the money and time aspects of getting to jumpers. I'm not sure other parents would be helpful in adjusting their expectations if the other parents are buying their kids expensive horses and lots of lessons and just see that as how one does it. That might do more to drive them to quit because it'll sound like "Your choices are spend money or not progress."
                It almost sounds to me like it's something he's realizing now that his family cannot afford. It's a very, very expensive sport and with a young one there isn't really the option of working off lessons, etc.,
                Trying a life outside of FEI tents and hotel rooms.

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                • #48
                  I would personally take him to the Jumper ring ( GP) .. ask him to pick out which jumper he likes then take him to the Trainer and or owner and say this gentlemen would like to buy your horse for his daughter , money is not a concern as he wants his daughter in the jumper ring ASAP and winning as she is quite a talented rider and the only thing holding her back is the lack of a quality jumper .

                  Comment


                  • #49
                    Originally posted by MIKES MCS View Post
                    I would personally take him to the Jumper ring ( GP) .. ask him to pick out which jumper he likes then take him to the Trainer and or owner and say this gentlemen would like to buy your horse for his daughter , money is not a concern as he wants his daughter in the jumper ring ASAP and winning as she is quite a talented rider and the only thing holding her back is the lack of a quality jumper .
                    Nice customer relations..........

                    Comment


                    • #50
                      Originally posted by robinspaint View Post
                      He did say getting her to lessons is a real pain. They live about 30 minutes away. I got the impression she will be pressured to quit riding after this year on the pony, as dad doesn't want to buy anything and she won't be happy to see her friends progress faster than she will if she is primarily riding lesson horses. Hope I am wrong on that. Such a great kid and she is absolutely horse crazy, would hate to see that happen. I got the impression parents had no clue what they were getting into when they started lessons and are feeling pressure as her peers have bought horses. I never pressure anyone to buy a horse and only suggest it if they have goals that necessitate it or if they approach me about it.
                      I have plenty of lesson horses so she will always have something to ride, but won't be of the caliber that she is riding now, so I probably made a mistake in making such a nice pony available. I think they will have been spoiled after this year and disappointed with riding and showing dependable, but average lessons horses after this.
                      I can sympathize with this family because I WAS that kid. My best friends in riding lessons all graduated to nice, expensive horses of their own. I was buying my riding apparel second (or even 3rd) hand and wearing the neighbor kid's blazer as my show coat, riding lesson horses. It's a tough situation for a kid to be in.

                      And I can make a pretty good guess as to why the Dad was asking you about jumpers. He doesn't know anything about horses, but he comes to lessons and shows and hears what people say. What he has concluded, based on those little snips of conversation and what he has seen is that if you show jumpers you don't need a "fancy" horse and you don't need the perfect "fancy" turnout and therefore, jumpers will be cheaper to do than hunters. Now, that may not be correct, but I can easily see how the non-horsey parent would reach that conclusion. Heck, people around here show in the jumpers at schooling shows in polo shirts, while the hunt seat eq. kids are all decked out in proper apparel.
                      "Facts are meaningless. You can use facts to prove anything
                      that's even remotely true."

                      Homer Simpson

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