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My Daughter wants to take a break!

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  • #41
    Just talk to the trainer about the lease; if you haven't signed anything or paid for anything, the pony isn't leased yet.

    I second everyone else's thoughts on just taking a break. As a kid, I started violin lessons in 2nd grade, by 4th grade, I didn't want to do it. I started again after Christmas that year; I was a basket case without it by then. :>) Absence really does make the heart grow fonder. And if it doesn't, there wasn't any love there to begin with.
    Visit my Spoonflower shop

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    • #42
      When my sister and I were 7 we made our Dad drive us to the Hack stable every weekend no matter what, it may have been cold and at times the Hack stable was closed to the general public but the owner allowed us to ride the trails anyway as we were such regulars , There was only 2 or 3 times we could not go ,and that was because the E Way was closed due to snow storms . We used to think it was fun riding in fresh powder and funny thing was we never felt the cold while we were riding . Sorry but in this day and age if a kid doesn't love it, forget it, they simply don't have enough passion to pursue an expensive time consuming sport such as riding. Parents today want Kids to pursue and explore every sport and hobby .. and because of it we end up with drugged horses and undisciplined riders who ride once a week . If you feel you have to push your kid to ride or Take a break after only one year , have her take something that doesn't require her to tough it out. JMHO

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      • #43
        The trainer should understand about the lease. Any trainer who works with young children should know they are the deciding factor (or should be) and will change their mind more regularly than adults. Explain to trainer that if no one else has picked up the lease and daughter is interested once weather warms up, you would be happy to readdress it in the spring.

        I totally understand why a 7 y/o would be cold and unenthusiastic about riding in the winter. My sister feels the cold a lot and would have been miserable if our parents had forced her to continue doing an outside sport all winter. I love cold weather and would happily spend winter days at the barn - at the age of 10. 7 is still very young, let her be a kid for now! She has school to teach her commitment.

        After 2 weeks kid may well be asking for lessons again - remember two weeks is a long time when you're 7! In which case maybe pick up half hour lessons once a week and go from there. An hour is a long time out in the cold for a young kid.
        "Choose to chance the rapids, and dare to dance the tides" - Garth Brooks
        "With your permission, dear, I'll take my fences one at a time" - Maggie Smith, Downton Abbey

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        • #44
          I agree with what a couple different people have said here.

          From my experience.. I began riding when I was around 5, to be completely honest I don't remember it very clearly anymore when I was that young and at my first barn. However, there were many times that I asked to take a break or quit but.. My parents did "force" me to keep going. They told me no, and told me I had to go to my lesson. When I was young I rode once a week every saturday. When I was younger I did group lessons with other girls.. I found this very fun. And once a week is enough to continue growing and developing in the sport. I didn't lease until I was in middleschool, and this did make it feel a little more like work with tacking up/grooming. I don't know that I would lease for a girl that young. I personally, don't think its worth the money, but that is my personal opinion. All in all I was glad my parents pushed me to lesson once a week... I now love riding and am in college, and it is much harder to go back and ride when you are out of shape!!!

          I also agree with the last poster, it sounds like you miss the sport. I definitely recommend taking a lesson yourself!!! Your daughter might enjoy seeing you on a horse as well. Maybe she would enjoy this or it would inspire her to be like mommy.

          All in all... wouldnt recommend leasing.... wait for her to ask for it.. wait for her to ask to show as well.. Theres a lot of bad horse moms out there pushing there kids to show and then to place.. showing is scary in its own... she needs to be mentally prepared for that pressure. However, I would push one lesson a week and a lesson for yourself

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          • #45
            I'm going to start of saying I'm a trainer and I started riding when I was 8 years old. I rode through that first winter and I was so cold all winter I took the next winter off until about March or so but I missed it so much I never took another year off. From a trainer stand point we all want out students to keep riding so they can improve and reach their goals but if they are so cold they are having trouble riding and it's not fun for them it's not worth ruining riding for them all together.

            Why don't you take up lessons if you are going to miss the barn time. Your daughter can stay warm and you can have time for you. Good luck!

            Comment


            • #46
              Trainer will understand about lease. If pony is that good, she won't have trouble leasing him to someone else. I'd talk to your daughter to see what the issue really is. She may not be able to really articulate it, so suggest is it the cold? Is it no longer fun? Would she rather do something else? If you're close, you can ask, would it be more fun if you and I took a lesson together?

              Also, 7 is a fear stage year, so ask if something has scared her. One of my students (who started at age 3) at age 6 (when her she had her own Shetland) suddenly admitted to being afraid of falling off (she never had). What worked was me taking her fear very seriously and talking about why she was scared. Turned out she was afraid of being hurt. I asked her if I could show her a way to 'fall off' safely would she like to learn that? Oh boy yes! For the next three lessons all we did was practice 'emergency dismounts'. When she could do them from the trot (at 6!) she told me she was no longer afraid to ride and could she learn to canter now? BTW she's 21 now and still riding

              Hope it all works out for you
              ~Kryswyn~ Always look on the bright side of life, de doo, de doo de doo de doo
              Check out my Kryswyn JRTs on Facebook

              "Life is merrier with a terrier!"

              Comment


              • #47
                Let her take a break. If you are lucky, she will decide she likes soccer better than ponies and you will save a ton of money!

                There are lots of ways to have mother/daughter time that doesnt involve horses. Just find whatever that is and if she decides she wants to go back to the barn, then thats great. Dont force it.

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                • #48
                  Let her take her break for a while. I was about eight when I told my mom I wanted to take a break for a month or so... she thought I was being silly and made me ride anyways. In my mother's defense, I didn't really like to commit to ANYTHING at that age (lots of starting projects and not finishing, etc) so she was trying to be the tough parent.

                  I did end up taking a few months off (whining about it after the first week), and then went right back to it. I'll be turning pro in December and have two wonderful sponsors, so taking a break as a young one certainly did not hurt me

                  I would probably ask if something has made her scared, though... that does tend to be the age where kids start to think about falling off and that can be scary.
                  Trying a life outside of FEI tents and hotel rooms.

                  Comment


                  • #49
                    Coming at this from different direction...have been in 2 H/J barns that also did of Ponies. One show barn for 3 years that had about 8 or 10 kids over that time. The other a show barn that was also a sort of mega Pony barn I stayed with for 17 years until I retired my adult Hunter. I speak as an observer but I have observed an awful lot of Pony kids from age 5 up-probably close to 100. Everything from the 2 times a week tots thru half leases, full leases, ownership, thru Pony Finals and Big EQ/Junior Hunters.

                    Some things with kids under about 9 or 10 are constants IMO. That means most of the kids and parents, not all so please don't take this personally. On the other hand, most parents think their kid is the exception...most are not 'cause I see the exact same thing over and over and over.

                    #1. Many real young kids want a Pony but really don't want and/or are not equipped to deal with a structured lesson program that requires them to do as they are told. Many real young kids cannot concentrate for more then a short period of time either-the standard hour format is too long. The kid just wanted the Pony to love on, maybe go for rides with their friends or just hang around the barn.

                    #2. Many younger kids, particularly under that 9/10 group, are not ready for criticism. That's a biggie. Sometimes trainer has to stop saying "good job" because the kid is going to get hurt or is going off course or showing wrong lead, wrong diagonal or even wrong direction in the flat class. They are TOO young and that is not abnormal when they are 5 to 8.

                    #3. Many smaller and/or younger kids cannot operate the buckles, girths, blankets and/or can't reach to get the bridle on or lift the saddle. They stand around and watch the parent, maybe hand them something. They just are not big enough and they get B.O.R.E.D. Thats normal for very young kids.

                    #4. Fear. Thats the age they first become aware of things that can cause pain and they have not yet learned to handle that. Even seeing another kid fall (and burst into tears) can and will scare them. This is not music lessons or gymnastics with a spotter always within a few feet - and padded mats.

                    #5. Fear. Stage fright. They are too afraid of making a mistake everybody will see and they have not yet learned to handle that. When you start talking horse show and something like SS where they will be out there all alone and have to get the course and the lead changes???? Scares an awful lot of kids and at 6-8, they have yet to learn to handle it.

                    #6. Believe it or not, even this young, kids can hear so much of the cost of the sport, they start feeling like failures.
                    Telling them you are spending all this money to lease or buy them a Pony and they HAVE to take lessons (that they may hate) and HAVE to overcome fear and nerves and they HAVE to go horse show (and win) and HAVE to listen and do exactly what trainer says or it's a waste of money? When they are 7 or 8?????

                    #7. Little kids thermostats are not fully developed. They may actually be having problems dealing with temp. extremes. For Mom? Wait until you hit age 50 or so and it starts going the other way...


                    Those are the most constant things I have both seen and heard...and because I also rode and showed and lessoned with those kids around? They often talked to me for support.

                    Just read them and examine your own situation.

                    One more thing and specifically for this OP. Going from twice a week lessons to a full lease and horse shows jumping around by herself??? That, my friend, is a heck of a leap. Even if the kid was demanding 5 days a week at the barn, a full lease is a huge change. And this little 7 year old is bothered by something, losing interest or just wants to go ride a little and not get the regimented training program and pressure that goes with it. There are about a million lease Ponies out there when and if she indicates she is ready for that.

                    Remember, trainer is a business person who, like a car salesman, makes money off sales and leases. Not your BFF. May be ethical and kind etc. but it's in her best interests to get you committed to a lease. Preferably for a full year. Don't do it.

                    Let the kid take some time off and let her tell you when and if she want to go back to that twice a week lesson. Go from there.
                    When opportunity knocks it's wearing overalls and looks like work.

                    The horse world. Two people. Three opinions.

                    Comment


                    • #50
                      Originally posted by findeight View Post
                      Coming at this from different direction...have been in 2 H/J barns that also did of Ponies. One show barn for 3 years that had about 8 or 10 kids over that time. The other a show barn that was also a sort of mega Pony barn I stayed with for 17 years until I retired my adult Hunter. I speak as an observer but I have observed an awful lot of Pony kids from age 5 up-probably close to 100. Everything from the 2 times a week tots thru half leases, full leases, ownership, thru Pony Finals and Big EQ/Junior Hunters.

                      Some things with kids under about 9 or 10 are constants IMO. That means most of the kids and parents, not all so please don't take this personally. On the other hand, most parents think their kid is the exception...most are not 'cause I see the exact same thing over and over and over.

                      #1. Many real young kids want a Pony but really don't want and/or are not equipped to deal with a structured lesson program that requires them to do as they are told. Many real young kids cannot concentrate for more then a short period of time either-the standard hour format is too long. The kid just wanted the Pony to love on, maybe go for rides with their friends or just hang around the barn.

                      #2. Many younger kids, particularly under that 9/10 group, are not ready for criticism. That's a biggie. Sometimes trainer has to stop saying "good job" because the kid is going to get hurt or is going off course or showing wrong lead, wrong diagonal or even wrong direction in the flat class. They are TOO young and that is not abnormal when they are 5 to 8.

                      #3. Many smaller and/or younger kids cannot operate the buckles, girths, blankets and/or can't reach to get the bridle on or lift the saddle. They stand around and watch the parent, maybe hand them something. They just are not big enough and they get B.O.R.E.D. Thats normal for very young kids.

                      #4. Fear. Thats the age they first become aware of things that can cause pain and they have not yet learned to handle that. Even seeing another kid fall (and burst into tears) can and will scare them. This is not music lessons or gymnastics with a spotter always within a few feet - and padded mats.

                      #5. Fear. Stage fright. They are too afraid of making a mistake everybody will see and they have not yet learned to handle that. When you start talking horse show and something like SS where they will be out there all alone and have to get the course and the lead changes???? Scares an awful lot of kids and at 6-8, they have yet to learn to handle it.

                      #6. Believe it or not, even this young, kids can hear so much of the cost of the sport, they start feeling like failures.
                      Telling them you are spending all this money to lease or buy them a Pony and they HAVE to take lessons (that they may hate) and HAVE to overcome fear and nerves and they HAVE to go horse show (and win) and HAVE to listen and do exactly what trainer says or it's a waste of money? When they are 7 or 8?????

                      #7. Little kids thermostats are not fully developed. They may actually be having problems dealing with temp. extremes. For Mom? Wait until you hit age 50 or so and it starts going the other way...


                      Those are the most constant things I have both seen and heard...and because I also rode and showed and lessoned with those kids around? They often talked to me for support.

                      Just read them and examine your own situation.

                      One more thing and specifically for this OP. Going from twice a week lessons to a full lease and horse shows jumping around by herself??? That, my friend, is a heck of a leap. Even if the kid was demanding 5 days a week at the barn, a full lease is a huge change. And this little 7 year old is bothered by something, losing interest or just wants to go ride a little and not get the regimented training program and pressure that goes with it. There are about a million lease Ponies out there when and if she indicates she is ready for that.

                      Remember, trainer is a business person who, like a car salesman, makes money off sales and leases. Not your BFF. May be ethical and kind etc. but it's in her best interests to get you committed to a lease. Preferably for a full year. Don't do it.

                      Let the kid take some time off and let her tell you when and if she want to go back to that twice a week lesson. Go from there.

                      As a mom to a 10 yr old who started when she was 6.5 (and I made her BEG for lessons because I didn't want her to do it just because mommy liked to ride), you are completely on target here findeight. I am especially curious if something has scared OPs daughter or if its just lack of confidence and feeling pressured. VERY common at that age and beyond. I am still dealing with confidence issues with my 10 yr old. It's a tough tough age.

                      Comment


                      • #51
                        Being cold is a pretty big deal. It physically hurts at times. I can totally see a little one not wanting to have aching toes and fingers after they have gone numb during an hour long lesson.

                        Comment


                        • #52
                          Originally posted by tehehegirliee View Post
                          I agree with what a couple different people have said here.

                          From my experience.. I began riding when I was around 5, to be completely honest I don't remember it very clearly anymore when I was that young and at my first barn. However, there were many times that I asked to take a break or quit but.. My parents did "force" me to keep going. They told me no, and told me I had to go to my lesson. When I was young I rode once a week every saturday. When I was younger I did group lessons with other girls.. I found this very fun. And once a week is enough to continue growing and developing in the sport. I didn't lease until I was in middleschool, and this did make it feel a little more like work with tacking up/grooming. I don't know that I would lease for a girl that young. I personally, don't think its worth the money, but that is my personal opinion. All in all I was glad my parents pushed me to lesson once a week... I now love riding and am in college, and it is much harder to go back and ride when you are out of shape!!!

                          I also agree with the last poster, it sounds like you miss the sport. I definitely recommend taking a lesson yourself!!! Your daughter might enjoy seeing you on a horse as well. Maybe she would enjoy this or it would inspire her to be like mommy.

                          All in all... wouldnt recommend leasing.... wait for her to ask for it.. wait for her to ask to show as well.. Theres a lot of bad horse moms out there pushing there kids to show and then to place.. showing is scary in its own... she needs to be mentally prepared for that pressure. However, I would push one lesson a week and a lesson for yourself
                          I agree with this. I began riding when I was six and although I loved it, I definitely tried to get out of it many times. I only rode once a week, though. And I agree with making sure she's warm, and trying a lesson with her for fun. Also, it might be more fun if she's in a group.

                          My extra opinion: My parents always made me go. to. everything. ALL THE TIME as a kid. There was no getting out of practice, a game, a meeting, etc. I was extremely shy, though, and doing this definitely made me stick to my plans and follow through with what I'm doing. The downside: I have become so involved with horses and working for horses, and working to pay for riding that I literally don't know many other things I enjoy doing. Horses are the best part of life sure, but there is more to life than horses and working for them. So maybe get her involved in other activities as well to make sure she's not overly-involved.

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