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Leaving my trainer- how do I tell her?

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  • #41
    I had to go through basically the same thing recently. I just told my trainer the truth, and that I really respected and admired her. although I would talk to her before she finds you a horse so that she understands what will happen, and it doesn't seem like you're using her
    My Horse Show Photography/ Blog

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    • #42
      Is the OP a minor? If she is then why haven't her parents, trainer and her sat down and discuss all the issues presented here on COTH? Take the emotions out of it. I get the feeling you have not had a real discussion about your issues. People leave trainers all the time, but you owe to your trainer to be completely honest about your concerns and about the decision to leave. This discussion should of happened when the OP first became concerned about her lack of progress. Change is sometimes needed to reach ones goals. The problem with is when you get too emotionally attached and then have a hard time being honest because you are afraid to hurt someone's feelings.

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      • #43
        Originally posted by PonyPenny View Post
        Is the OP a minor? If she is then why haven't her parents, trainer and her sat down and discuss all the issues presented here on COTH? Take the emotions out of it. I get the feeling you have not had a real discussion about your issues. People leave trainers all the time, but you owe to your trainer to be completely honest about your concerns and about the decision to leave. This discussion should of happened when the OP first became concerned about her lack of progress. Change is sometimes needed to reach ones goals. The problem with is when you get too emotionally attached and then have a hard time being honest because you are afraid to hurt someone's feelings.
        IDK, when I was a minor my parents were horsey-clueless. They took care of the actually transaction of the purchase of the horse, but I was mostly responsible for other communication with my trainer & BO. Obviously, we had my trainers advice (and actually found my first, amazing pony through word of mouth via the BO), but instead of paying her commission we paid her for her time as if it was a horse show. We never would have purchased a horse without her approval. The communication between me and the trainer, and me and the BO taught me responsibility as much as actually directly looking after my horse. Maybe that seems weird or not right to some of you, but it worked well enough for us that I stayed at the same barn until the owner retired.

        ETA: I'm not saying that I don't think, in this case, the above posters idea might be a good solution, but I am representing another side.
        "Choose to chance the rapids, and dare to dance the tides" - Garth Brooks
        "With your permission, dear, I'll take my fences one at a time" - Maggie Smith, Downton Abbey

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        • #44
          *never mind
          Last edited by Long Spot; Nov. 29, 2012, 10:26 AM. Reason: was just reminded of past posts.
          "Aye God, Woodrow..."

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          • #45
            For the OP here...I thought you rode at a competitive show barn... you posted on the Maclay Finals thread you wanted to see a certain rider that rode AT YOUR BARN compete? And that you were looking at a former GP Jumper in your barn since you sold your QH???

            But now you want to change because it is too recreational and local oriented and the trainer only does little stuff and can't move you up there????

            Kind of changes the advice anybody can offer. Other then you, and your parents, need to have a goal setting meeting with current trainer before doing anything or even thinking seriously about moving after she foregoes commission to get you a move up horse...before you sell the QH you apparently still have.
            When opportunity knocks it's wearing overalls and looks like work.

            The horse world. Two people. Three opinions.

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            • #46
              Ooooh. I thought her user name sounded familiar. Now I remember.
              "Aye God, Woodrow..."

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              • #47
                http://www.chronofhorse.com/forum/sh...43#post6651643

                Isn't the horse already at your barn? Isn't he older (18)......hmmmm probably trainer knows darn well this is a school master (that needs maintenance) and cannot and will not jump big anymore lest you want him to go lame!!..........hmmmmmmmmmmm aren't you saying here that GM trained him!!!...........doesn't sound like a "recreational local/yokel barn" to me!! Oh and let me guess, you're parents are against this horse because you later state he's 21 and of course he won't stay sound and they've figured out trainer is trying to sell them a horse that is of course, overpriced for what he is!!!!!!!! hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
                Last edited by eclipse; Nov. 29, 2012, 10:24 AM. Reason: read later about this horse being 21!!!!!!!!!!!!
                Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

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                • #48
                  Lest anybody think I am one of those who digs thru past posts...nope. I just clicked on the OPs profile to see if her age is listed...she seems really young and I'd give her the benefit of the doubt on some of this.

                  The new format has a summary of your more recent posts next to your info (no clicking on "view posts" or anything). The...ummm...continuity...problems on 3 different threads are impossible to miss.

                  No age listed though.

                  You know, we can help regardless of age but kind of a waste of time if the situation is not as advertised or it changes within every topic.
                  When opportunity knocks it's wearing overalls and looks like work.

                  The horse world. Two people. Three opinions.

                  Comment


                  • #49
                    If she rides at the Atlanta Hunt Club then that is a far cry from local beginner barn.

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                    • Original Poster

                      #50
                      Just to clarify, my school's IEA team that I'm on practices out of that competitive show barn, the barn that I ride at mainly is the one in question here. The GM trained, 18-year old (I asked his owner, he is 18), is only boarded at my barn because his owner is close with my trainer.

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                      • #51
                        Originally posted by baileyanne View Post
                        Just to clarify, my school's IEA team that I'm on practices out of that competitive show barn, the barn that I ride at mainly is the one in question here. The GM trained, 18-year old (I asked his owner, he is 18), is only boarded at my barn because his owner is close with my trainer.
                        Would it be worth speaking to your IEA coach about your goals too? Maybe he or she could also offer some insight as to your suitability to do the 3'6?
                        "Choose to chance the rapids, and dare to dance the tides" - Garth Brooks
                        "With your permission, dear, I'll take my fences one at a time" - Maggie Smith, Downton Abbey

                        Comment

                        • Original Poster

                          #52
                          I'll definitely do that if I get a chance! She's leaving to coach at Sweetbriar College soon and I'm not sure if I'll see her between now and then

                          Comment


                          • #53
                            OP, do you have any videos of you riding that you can post? I won't subject you to any harsh criticism - it might just be helpful in evaluating a plan of attack that will get you to the level you want to be at as quickly as possible.

                            Am I correct in assuming that your goal for in the next few years is 3'6 hunters/equitation and eventually the bigger jumpers?

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                            • Original Poster

                              #54
                              For the next few years, my plan is at least 3' hunters/eq and if that goes well, up to the 3'6. At this point in time, I'm not sure I want to do the big jumpers but maybe 3'-3'6 jumpers

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                              • #55
                                Originally posted by baileyanne View Post
                                For the next few years, my plan is at least 3' hunters/eq and if that goes well, up to the 3'6. At this point in time, I'm not sure I want to do the big jumpers but maybe 3'-3'6 jumpers
                                That seems pretty realistic. Any visuals that you have of your riding would definitely help us sort of gauge WHY it is that your trainer seems to be holding you back.

                                Comment

                                • Original Poster

                                  #56
                                  I have a few pictures of me over lower stuff recently, none of them are very good angles for judging. There's this one of me on the horse I'm thinking of buying, it was my second ride on him I believe. We caught a bit of a flyer here: https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?f...0&l=eedfe287e1
                                  This one is pretty decent: https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?f...0&l=a0feae3fc4
                                  My leg has improved drastically since these pictures, even though its only a few weeks. I wasn't used to how he jumps because it's very different than what I'd ridden before

                                  Comment


                                  • #57
                                    trainer might beforegoing commission because the horse is at your barn already and so might have worked something out w/ seller, and she might be thinking she'll have the horse staying in her barn which = $ for her. Frankly, if I were the trainer and worked hard to ensure a good purchase on your behalf, I'd be a little out of joint to learn that 30 days later the horse & client are leaving. Do you have another trainer in mind to help you? I can certainly see the mileage and time to get to/from a barn. You have very valid point for leaving but I can see its going to be a bit difficult if you get this new horse. I would have a frank talk w/ her sooner rather than later - you never know she could be your advocate in helping you locate another trainer...

                                    Comment


                                    • #58
                                      I agree with the other posters who have said that you need to sit down and have a talk with your trainer about your goals.

                                      When you mentioned that you had confidence issues in the past, it jumped out at me as a reason why your trainer is hesitant to move you up. Like others have said, she may be thinking that one bad ride could knock you down in a damaging sort of way. If that's the case, then I'm assuming she means well and is only trying to do what's in your best interest. Also, it might help your case more if you find ways to ride more than three times a week. I know you said that this barn is about an hour away though, so that could be difficult. I think it would be good though if you could ride more, especially if it's the A shows you want to go to. I ride 5-6 days a week and have weekly lessons and let me tell you, I don't feel ready to go an A show, maybe not even a C show. Granted, I just got back into hunters from a stint in dressage (which was awesome btw ), and I've not yet shown at those levels, but you get my point, right? I'm sure you know what it takes to get to an A show so I'll take your word for it when you say you're ready. You never know what could come from just talking to her about your goals. Who knows, maybe she's been wanting to move you up but wanted the initiative to come from you so that she knows you're really ready and not feeling pressured.
                                      If i smell like peppermint, I gave my horse treats.
                                      If I smell like shampoo, I gave my horse a bath.
                                      If I smell like manure, I tripped.

                                      Comment


                                      • #59
                                        Ok Bailey,

                                        I have looked over your entire album and I will give you credit that it was a new horse to you and that you weren't used to it. But a couple pics pop out that maybe you need to bide your time a bit more with your current trainer.

                                        I don't see someone who is ultra confident and schooling fences at home that are challenging. I do see a new partnership and in these brief pics you and the horse have some pieces to put together to work as a team.

                                        We all have an adjustment period and I understand that. What I am having a little trouble with is the pic of the refusal. Not because these things don't happen. But he's a high dollar horse. And you're a rider who has been doing 2'6". Even if you don't know each other and such, he should have gone over the fence. It was 2'.

                                        So it makes me wonder if this was just a surface blip. Has he had refusals or run outs in your work together since? And those pics are labeled as from a lesson, was that with your trainer?

                                        ~Emily
                                        "Courage is not the absence of fear but rather the judgment that something is more important than fear. The brave may not live forever but the cautious do not live at all." ~2001 The Princess Diaries

                                        Comment


                                        • #60
                                          Originally posted by Xctrygirl View Post


                                          We all have an adjustment period and I understand that. What I am having a little trouble with is the pic of the refusal. Not because these things don't happen. But he's a high dollar horse. And you're a rider who has been doing 2'6". Even if you don't know each other and such, he should have gone over the fence. It was 2'.

                                          So it makes me wonder if this was just a surface blip. Has he had refusals or run outs in your work together since? And those pics are labeled as from a lesson, was that with your trainer?

                                          ~Emily
                                          I had a the same sentiment. I have no idea how much you're paying for this horse, but as something that you want as a 3'6 schoolmaster that will take you to the next level, you don't want a horse that's going to stop dirty (he looks like he's spooking a bit, too) at a 2' fence. Especially one that's 18 years old and going to have little to no resale value.

                                          I genuinely think that if you really want to leave this trainer, pass this horse up. There are going to be younger, more quality horses out there for you, especially if you're moving to a trainer that is a bit more well-connected. They will find you something either as a lease or purchase that will take you where you want to go.

                                          If you do decide to stay at this barn, I would encourage you to lease this horse, but not buy. This horse is going to have no resale value and be a liability more than it will be helpful to your riding career. If I'm correct, you're like most of us in that your funds are not unlimited, and paying for the retirement of a 21 year old+ horse is going to put a significant dent in the money that could go towards the purchase of something new once you outgrow this horse. Especially since you will likely have no sale money from this horse to use towards a next one - putting you at a bit of a dead end.

                                          Disclaimer** - I'm trying really hard to not be presumptuous - please do not be insulted or feel like I'm assuming too much about your financial situation or otherwise. I'm just giving advice if it were me in that situation, or your average teen/young person that doesn't come from a family on the Forbes list.

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