• Welcome to the Chronicle Forums.
    Please complete your profile. The forums and the rest of www.chronofhorse.com has single sign-in, so your log in information for one will automatically work for the other. Disclaimer: The opinions expressed here are the views of the individual and do not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of The Chronicle of the Horse.

Announcement

Collapse

Forum rules and no-advertising policy

As a participant on this forum, it is your responsibility to know and follow our rules. Please read this message in its entirety.

Board Rules

1. You’re responsible for what you say.
As outlined in Section 230 of the Communications Decency Act, The Chronicle of the Horse and its affiliates, as well Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd., the developers of vBulletin, are not legally responsible for statements made in the forums.

This is a public forum viewed by a wide spectrum of people, so please be mindful of what you say and who might be reading it—details of personal disputes are likely better handled privately. While posters are legally responsible for their statements, the moderators may in their discretion remove or edit posts that violate these rules. Users have the ability to modify or delete their own messages after posting, but administrators generally will not delete posts, threads or accounts upon request.

Outright inflammatory, vulgar, harassing, malicious or otherwise inappropriate statements and criminal charges unsubstantiated by a reputable news source or legal documentation will not be tolerated and will be dealt with at the discretion of the moderators.

2. Conversations in horse-related forums should be horse-related.
The forums are a wonderful source of information and support for members of the horse community. While it’s understandably tempting to share information or search for input on other topics upon which members might have a similar level of knowledge, members must maintain the focus on horses.

3. Keep conversations productive, on topic and civil.
Discussion and disagreement are inevitable and encouraged; personal insults, diatribes and sniping comments are unproductive and unacceptable. Whether a subject is light-hearted or serious, keep posts focused on the current topic and of general interest to other participants of that thread. Utilize the private message feature or personal email where appropriate to address side topics or personal issues not related to the topic at large.

4. No advertising in the discussion forums.
Posts in the discussion forums directly or indirectly advertising horses, jobs, items or services for sale or wanted will be removed at the discretion of the moderators. Use of the private messaging feature or email addresses obtained through users’ profiles for unsolicited advertising is not permitted.

Company representatives may participate in discussions and answer questions about their products or services, or suggest their products on recent threads if they fulfill the criteria of a query. False "testimonials" provided by company affiliates posing as general consumers are not appropriate, and self-promotion of sales, ad campaigns, etc. through the discussion forums is not allowed.

Paid advertising is available on our classifieds site and through the purchase of banner ads. The tightly monitored Giveaways forum permits free listings of genuinely free horses and items available or wanted (on a limited basis). Items offered for trade are not allowed.

Advertising Policy Specifics
When in doubt of whether something you want to post constitutes advertising, please contact a moderator privately in advance for further clarification. Refer to the following points for general guidelines:

Horses – Only general discussion about the buying, leasing, selling and pricing of horses is permitted. If the post contains, or links to, the type of specific information typically found in a sales or wanted ad, and it’s related to a horse for sale, regardless of who’s selling it, it doesn’t belong in the discussion forums.

Stallions – Board members may ask for suggestions on breeding stallion recommendations. Stallion owners may reply to such queries by suggesting their own stallions, only if their horse fits the specific criteria of the original poster. Excessive promotion of a stallion by its owner or related parties is not permitted and will be addressed at the discretion of the moderators.

Services – Members may use the forums to ask for general recommendations of trainers, barns, shippers, farriers, etc., and other members may answer those requests by suggesting themselves or their company, if their services fulfill the specific criteria of the original post. Members may not solicit other members for business if it is not in response to a direct, genuine query.

Products – While members may ask for general opinions and suggestions on equipment, trailers, trucks, etc., they may not list the specific attributes for which they are in the market, as such posts serve as wanted ads.

Event Announcements – Members may post one notification of an upcoming event that may be of interest to fellow members, if the original poster does not benefit financially from the event. Such threads may not be “bumped” excessively. Premium members may post their own notices in the Event Announcements forum.

Charities/Rescues – Announcements for charitable or fundraising events can only be made for 501(c)(3) tax-exempt organizations. Special exceptions may be made, at the moderators’ discretion and direction, for board-related events or fundraising activities in extraordinary circumstances.

Occasional posts regarding horses available for adoption through IRS-registered horse rescue or placement programs are permitted in the appropriate forums, but these threads may be limited at the discretion of the moderators. Individuals may not advertise or make announcements for horses in need of rescue, placement or adoption unless the horse is available through a recognized rescue or placement agency or government-run entity or the thread fits the criteria for and is located in the Giveaways forum.

5. Do not post copyrighted photographs unless you have purchased that photo and have permission to do so.

6. Respect other members.
As members are often passionate about their beliefs and intentions can easily be misinterpreted in this type of environment, try to explore or resolve the inevitable disagreements that arise in the course of threads calmly and rationally.

If you see a post that you feel violates the rules of the board, please click the “alert” button (exclamation point inside of a triangle) in the bottom left corner of the post, which will alert ONLY the moderators to the post in question. They will then take whatever action, or no action, as deemed appropriate for the situation at their discretion. Do not air grievances regarding other posters or the moderators in the discussion forums.

Please be advised that adding another user to your “Ignore” list via your User Control Panel can be a useful tactic, which blocks posts and private messages by members whose commentary you’d rather avoid reading.

7. We have the right to reproduce statements made in the forums.
The Chronicle of the Horse may copy, quote, link to or otherwise reproduce posts, or portions of posts, in print or online for advertising or editorial purposes, if attributed to their original authors, and by posting in this forum, you hereby grant to The Chronicle of the Horse a perpetual, non-exclusive license under copyright and other rights, to do so.

8. We reserve the right to enforce and amend the rules.
The moderators may delete, edit, move or close any post or thread at any time, or refrain from doing any of the foregoing, in their discretion, and may suspend or revoke a user’s membership privileges at any time to maintain adherence to the rules and the general spirit of the forum. These rules may be amended at any time to address the current needs of the board.

Please see our full Terms of Service and Privacy Policy for more information.

Thanks for being a part of the COTH forums!

(Revised 1/26/16)
See more
See less

Leaving my trainer- how do I tell her?

Collapse
X
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • #21
    Just something to think about - if this trainer isn't aware of what direction you want to go, and what your goals are, what is her basis for selecting this particular horse? Are you sure that buying this horse is the right thing to do if you are interested in going in a different direction than the trainer is intending?

    Comment


    • #22
      Originally posted by baileyanne View Post
      I've been riding for 8 years, three times a week. Two years ago I bought a green, off the track QH and with the help of my trainer I trained him into a really nice pre-green hunter, and we're now selling him. I've had some minor confidence issues for my entire riding career, but through riding this horse and a few others I've gained all my confidence back and then some. I understand that she doesn't want to push me too hard too fast and cause me to lose all my confidence, but I'm ready to move up. I've tried to talk to her about it before and she always just brushes me off, but this weekend I'll be sitting down and talking to her about it.
      Perhaps because she is going to have to tell you something that you do not want to hear....that you are not ready. Perhaps you are close....but often, a rider with former confidence issues will regress VERY fast. She could be seeing things in your riding which tell her you are not ready. And perhaps it is the horses you are sitting on as well. With the new horse, if you are a good match...perhaps she intends to move you up then. But without the right horse, there is no point in moving you along if it has the potential to undo your confidence. Other riders don't have a confidence issue....I didn't ride any differently after splatting on the ground or being run away with as a kid. I was the fearless kind the that trainer could throw up on any horse and push and know that it would not shatter my confidence if it didn't go well. My good friend was probably a better rider than me, but would regress if she had a bad experience...and that would often happen when she tried to push up a level. Different riders....different paths.

      ETA: To me leaving because you feel ready to move up and your trainer hasn't moved you up is not often a good reason (and doesn't end well). It sounds like you HAVE progressed as a rider with the horses you have....as opposed to a rider who hasn't progressed. Now moving because the barn is too far away...that is very understandable. Or moving because you want to go to other shows that will not be possible where you are...also a good reason. Or moving because of crappy training or horse care. But all of the above should be done after having some open conversations.
      ** Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip. ~Winston Churchill? **

      Comment


      • #23
        Originally posted by dags View Post
        Trainers have horses they get along with and horses they don't get along with, just like everyone else. An established trainer knows what types work well in their program and prefer to seek out that type. Starving trainers take whatever walks in the door and are typically stuck with a few they can't stand. And usually a few that routinely try to kill them. It's a standard of success when you can finally pick and choose your clients.

        Not saying there are no scumbags out there looking only for another commission, but there is a logical reason behind the trainer that will be training the horse and rider wanting to be involved in the purchase decision.
        Thanks for wording that better than I did.

        While I agree that a trainer should do their best with whatever horse a client happens to bring them, many years of experience have brought me to the conclusion that it is much more productive to purchase a horse with input from the trainer whose program you plan to use. This advice is coming from someone who did not always do so..... older and wiser now.

        Comment


        • #24
          Originally posted by baileyanne View Post
          I'm extremely comfortable and succeeding at 2'6 right now, and the horse I'm looking at I've been riding for a few months could easily do 3'6+. My trainer just isn't moving me up and hasn't explained why she isn't either.
          Time to be an adult and have a conversation and listen to the answer and not do the la la la can not hear you thing.

          You think you are ready and your trainer is not jumping at the chance to push you. Maybe your trainer knows how quickly you fall backwards when something goes wrong so instead of doing all kinds of things to push you forward too fast she is making one change at a time. New horse means working at a good known level until all those little glitches are figured out.

          If you do decide to move anyway, deal with it like you deal with anything, facts and honestly.

          Comment


          • #25
            Honestly, if "moving up" is your main goal and you think that a new horse and a new trainer is the fast track to success, you may want to reconsider. Usually with a new horse, the time that it takes to get acquainted to eachother sets you back a bit, regardless of how ready you feel on your current horse.

            When I was at the end of my pony years (I did the pony jumper thing rather than the bows and garters thing) I felt like I could ride anything and jump any height. They used to have pony jumpers at the North American during Spruce Meadows Summer Series, which I took my pony to, and we did great. It was my first foray in the "big leagues", or so I thought. When we took my pony home from Spruce and tried to do the 1.10 jumpers, we ran into quite a bit of trouble in the horse-strided combinations. I began to get frustrated and felt that being on a pony was "holding me back", and that I need a horse so I could just move on up and do the 1.10-1.15 jumpers, equitation and beyond.

            I ended up getting a very scopey 10 year old been there, done that WB gelding for a song, and thought that it would be my big break, so to speak. We started in the 2'9 pre-childrens hunters. I don't know how different this new horse is from your current horse, but by the sounds of it, it might be quite a different ride for you. Going from a quick strided jumper pony (or in your case, a little off track QH 2'6 specialist) to something with scope and step for 3'6+ is a challenge in itself.

            I did eventually move up to the junior hunters and the equitation on said horse, but only after a full year of rebuilding and learning how to ride a nice horse that could go well, instead of just hanging on and running around on my pony at breakneck speed.

            If I were in your shoes and really was set on this new horse, I would have a serious sit down with your trainer and say, "Hey. I want to show more this summer so I can make some real progress with Dobbin. Do you think we could maybe hit some of the A shows in the area?"

            I'm sure your trainer would be happy to oblige. If she is helping you out that much to get a horse, she should be willing to take you to a few A shows. That doesn't necessarily even mean that you have to jump any bigger to do these bigger shows - it will just give you the needed A show experience. If she truly does not have the resources to get you there, lots of trainers are happy to send a student with another trainer-friend to a few As.

            Comment


            • #26
              You may not have to tell her. If she reads Coth no doubt she would recognize the situation with all the details that have been given.

              Agree with those saying that if you buy the horse and leave you should insist on paying her a reasonable commission for her efforts. If you can't afford to do that, maybe take a pass on the horse.

              Comment


              • #27
                I think you might be a bit too big for your britches.

                Id get new horse, see how things go, then after 6-12 months, reassess BUT you MUST talk to her and tell her you want to go to the bigger shows and you want to move up. You MUST find out why she hasnt moved you up yet, etc. You may be making assumptions that are incorrect. You might not be as good as you think you are. Its tough but its honest. On the other hand, you might be and your trainer isnt confident enough to teach at that level. Either way, an honest conversation should unearth all this.

                Sounds like you have a great trainer and I wouldnt be so quick to throw that away. Its priceless and sounds like she has a vested interest in you, not only as a rider, but as a friend and mentoree (if thats a word)

                Comment


                • #28
                  Originally posted by Crockpot View Post
                  Agree with those saying that if you buy the horse and leave you should insist on paying her a reasonable commission for her efforts. If you can't afford to do that, maybe take a pass on the horse.
                  If you buy the horse, don't pay her a commission and then leave, that is a surefire way of making a bad name for yourself. Not to mention it will likely ruin not only your professional relationship, but your PERSONAL relationship with this trainer, because you are essentially using her to get you a deal on this horse and then leaving her high and dry. Ouch. Not to get into a whole ethics debate, but IMO that's a completely unethical way of doing things.

                  You need to have an honest conversation with her like YESTERDAY, about where you are now, what your goals are (with or without New Horse), and your concerns about her program and why you aren't moving up. Honest, non-confrontational, tell her EVERYTHING about how you've been considering moving after buying New Horse. Total transparency.
                  Adversity is the stone on which I sharpen my blade.

                  Comment


                  • #29
                    Originally posted by PlatinumVt View Post
                    Just something to think about - if this trainer isn't aware of what direction you want to go, and what your goals are, what is her basis for selecting this particular horse? Are you sure that buying this horse is the right thing to do if you are interested in going in a different direction than the trainer is intending?
                    This would be my question, too. Surely, if you are moving onto a different horse, one that's already been selected, you've had some sort of conversation with the trainer about goals and why the new horse is a good match?

                    If the horse you are considering has 3'6" potential, you've obviously had some sort of meeeting of the minds with your current trainer about your future. I suspect something else is going on with this trainer relationship.

                    It's business. Don't personalize it or stay in a professional relationship with someone because you feel you "owe them" or they'll get upset if you leave. True professionals understand that clients/customers leave all the time for various reasons, none of which may have anything to do with the quality of the services they provided.
                    Surgeon General warns: "drinking every time Trump lies during the debate could result in acute alcohol poisoning."

                    Comment


                    • #30
                      I don't think you need to leave, I think you need to COMMUNICATE with her about...

                      1. Your goals in terms of height and show type/frequency
                      2. The deal with the new horse/no commission

                      If she cannot accommodate you then you need to leave. I would either not buy this horse or pay her a standard commission. If she can accommodate you, then I would stick with someone who you clearly trust who has invested in you and done right by you to date.
                      ~Veronica
                      "The Son Dee Times" "Sustained" "Somerset" "Franklin Square"
                      http://photobucket.com/albums/y192/vxf111/

                      Comment


                      • #31
                        God I hate this new BB. My answer just disappeared into the ethernet...

                        To The OP:
                        "He lives in a cocoon of solipsism"

                        Charles Krauthammer speaking about Trump

                        Comment


                        • #32
                          If you don't trust this trainer's judgment (which I assume you must not to some extent), I am wondering why you are using her guidance to choose your "move up" horse. You say she isn't capable of moving you up the levels; if this is true how can you be so sure she is the right person to find you a horse to do so? It seems the bigger problem is the communication breakdown between you. I somehow don't think that if you had already discussed plans to move up on your new horse that you would be on here feeling frustrated as you currently are.

                          Talk to your trainer. Find out why you haven't moved up. Be open minded. Moving above 2'6 and competing at A shows in the 3' level, or 3'6+ as you mention, is often way more difficult than many people think. It takes a certain quality horse and rider experience. If these are your goals, you need to make it clear to your current trainer. Listen to what she says about her plan to get you there. If she really doesn't have the resources or talent, that's one thing. But I agree that leaving solely because you want to jump higher isn't the best bet.

                          If what you really want is to compete at 3'+ at A shows, maybe shop around for a trainer who would be a better fit to help you do this. Take a lesson so new trainer can evaluate your riding. Talk about your goals and what they think you need both financially and riding wise to get to the next level. If you find the right person, maybe that is who you should select to help you find a new horse; someone who is more familiar with the quality and experience needed. Of course all of this is predicated on the assumption that your not moving up really has been because of the trainer and not you or your horse. Before making any rash decisions, I would be sure this is the case. You will only know this after having a very straightforward conversation with your trainer!!

                          Comment


                          • #33
                            3rd try...................................
                            To the OP: You do not want to tell her you are moving. You want to present everything in such a way that SHE sees the need for you to move so you can accomplish your goals. This means you have to present your goals in such a way that her current situation is incapable of providing you with what you need.To go a step further, you need to define your ideal trainer in such terms that the person you want to go with is the only trainer who fits your criteria. The SHE will see that you not only ove on, but that XXX is the perfect trainer for you. Even ask her to call Mr. XXX to ask if he has room for you. (Warn XXX that she will be calling, but do not tell him about the subterfuge.) If all this goes well then she will be like a mother hen, seeing her little chicks fly away and wishing them well. ------ My ENTER key is not working, so I have not been able to put this into paragraphs, sorry. I am also high on Robaxin for horrible muscle spasms in my back. I hope this makes sense.
                            "He lives in a cocoon of solipsism"

                            Charles Krauthammer speaking about Trump

                            Comment


                            • #34
                              It seems like you're beig an adult by sitting down with her and discussing the issues. I just wanted to give you my experience because I had a very similar one. I was an hour away from my trainer who I was with forever and loved her. She also only does the local shows because it's mostly kids and a couple of adults that are only interested in doing the local stuff. I did leave and go to a barn closer to me. I felt so bad because she had taken on my lame horse even though I offered to take him, etc. but she kept him for free. The grass really wasn't greener. The new barn had a lot of things going on that I didn't like and I ended up going back to my old trainer. Honesty is the best policy. I know my trainer was really mad at me but I think because I didn't do anything shady or behind her back she appreciated that. On the other hand, I am still an hour away and don't know if that will work forever but right now I am happy I returned. Definitely talk to her about your concerns but think really hard about all of the pros and cons of moving too. There are a lot of them!

                              Comment

                              • Original Poster

                                #35
                                Thank you all for all this advice! It definitely helped me think about things in ways that I hadn't before. Rethinking about everything, I do think I may be jumping the gun a little bit with moving, because I haven't even had a conversation about it with her yet. When we talk this weekend I'll give her a clear picture of my goals and she'll either agree that I need to move because her place isn't the place to get me there or she'll say that she is the right person to help me reach my goals.

                                Comment


                                • #36
                                  Originally posted by baileyanne View Post
                                  Thank you all for all this advice! It definitely helped me think about things in ways that I hadn't before. Rethinking about everything, I do think I may be jumping the gun a little bit with moving, because I haven't even had a conversation about it with her yet. When we talk this weekend I'll give her a clear picture of my goals and she'll either agree that I need to move because her place isn't the place to get me there or she'll say that she is the right person to help me reach my goals.
                                  Good idea. This is, IMO, the wise thing to do. Try to come up with a plan together of how you will get there. Stay realistic; things don't happen overnight!

                                  Comment


                                  • #37
                                    I agree that sounds like a good plan. Trainer/client relationship should be just like any other relationship-communication really is the key to success. Its not fair to your trainer to expect her to just know certain things that you want. They're horse trainers, not mind readers!

                                    Good luck!

                                    Comment


                                    • #38
                                      Pay the lady

                                      Originally posted by baileyanne View Post
                                      I don't know why she's forgoing her commission other than that she thinks this horse and I are a perfect match and wants to help me get him because he's more than a little over the original budget. I plan on talking to her this weekend about everything, but I just wanted a little advice on how to tell her that I won't be staying with her much longer.
                                      Shes forgoing her commissoin because of her realtionship with you that she assumes is going to continue. Don't take advantage of that relationship, just pay her and be honest BEFORE you buy the horse. She is doing the work FOR YOU so pay her what she would normally get. To skip out on the commission and then move the horse is a terribly dishonest way of doing a move.

                                      Her relationship with you, no matter how far away you move, is worth saving and keeping in tact. NO horse is worth getting at the cost of this friendship, she has been good to you.
                                      [url]http://www.horseshowbiz.com
                                      [url]http://www.ijumpsports.com

                                      Comment


                                      • #39
                                        Like some others have said, I think this may be a communication issue. I have a feeling since you are younger, you may be like most young people and do not communicate as well as you think. I know as a young person I had difficulties communicating with "adults". What I would recommend is have a sit-down with one or both of your parents. Really explain what you are trying to accomplish. Let them read this thread. Then, together, go talk to your trainer. It may help to have someone there to back you up. It may also come across more serious and legitimate. Good luck.
                                        Last edited by ParadoxFarm; Nov. 28, 2012, 03:40 PM. Reason: Add
                                        “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”
                                        ¯ Oscar Wilde

                                        Comment


                                        • #40
                                          Originally posted by baileyanne View Post
                                          Thank you all for all this advice! It definitely helped me think about things in ways that I hadn't before. Rethinking about everything, I do think I may be jumping the gun a little bit with moving, because I haven't even had a conversation about it with her yet. When we talk this weekend I'll give her a clear picture of my goals and she'll either agree that I need to move because her place isn't the place to get me there or she'll say that she is the right person to help me reach my goals.
                                          Further proof that sometimes its best to think out loud and get the opinions of others before doing something that may end up being a knee-jerk reaction. Glad you're going to take the time to think about it and talk it over with your trainer.
                                          Adversity is the stone on which I sharpen my blade.

                                          Comment

                                          Working...
                                          X