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When someone insults your horse - bit of a rant

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  • #61
    When I was a child some of my relatives rode, hunted, and drank with the monied midwestern horsey set. This crowd thought nothing of putting their kids on sensible Quarter Horses or Morgans and riding off track Thoroughbreds themselves. It's weird for me to see the conspicuous consumption in the horse scene now.

    First, the people who were securely wealthy weren't terribly impressed with other people's expensive toys. Buying a really expensive nicely trained horse is easy. All it takes is money. MAKING a really nicely trained horse is an accomplishment. Second, the people who came from old money were careful with spending. The thing about old money is that you can't get more of it once you've spent what you have. Why drop five figures to import a warmblood when you can find a perfectly decent Thoroughbred Belgian cross in a Mennonite's pasture? Being able to spot a diamond in the rough shows more about your horsemanship than dipping into your kid's college fund.

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    • #62
      Originally posted by doublesstable View Post
      Why would you want to insult a horse? The poor horse doesn't know it's a WB or a TB and probably doesn't care.
      The horse isn't being insulted, he couldn't tell what you called him....it's a lesson to the idiot snarky owner that just because people don't insult her horse doesn't mean he's perfect...they're just better than she is and like horses no matter what they are.
      "Sic Gorgiamus Allos Subjectatos Nunc"

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      • #63
        Originally posted by Jhorne89 View Post
        I know what you mean, yesterday I had a new farrier come out to do my horses, well my young TB mare pulled her hind leg away twice and he starts cursing at her saying "bitch! You want to fight, I'll win this!" I was so shocked I didn't know what to say. Then he proceeded to call my 18 year old paint a dumbass because he swatted a fly off his belly with his hind leg whil he was trimming him. Needless to say, he will never be working in my horses again!
        This guy doesn't belong around anything alive...sounds like he's got mommy issues at the least. Nobody abuses my horse. One fool in bib overalls grabbed my Shire mare's feathers to pull up her leg. This caused my mare pain...I knocked him on his butt...also causing pain while noisily chastising him with profanity for touching my mare without my permission.
        "Sic Gorgiamus Allos Subjectatos Nunc"

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        • #64
          I don't think it would bother me since you could be riding a 14.3h arabian/saddlebred/tb/qh/mustang cross and if its sound, I'd take that any day. Whats the point of bragging about your nice WB if you can't ride for most of the year?

          Plus, it sounds like there is some truth to what she said although obviously the snarky tone is completely unnecessary. I had an amazing jumper mare who doubled as my children's hunter. She had a really nice jump but definitely didn't move or look like a hunter. We would occasionally get comments from other girls at the barn who we competed against...Most of them stemmed from the fact that we beat them.

          Don't worry, once you start winning you'll hear all about how you're only winning because that very same horse is such an easy hunter

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          • #65
            Originally posted by Trakehner View Post
            The horse isn't being insulted, he couldn't tell what you called him....it's a lesson to the idiot snarky owner that just because people don't insult her horse doesn't mean he's perfect...they're just better than she is and like horses no matter what they are.

            You were offering advice to tell the OP to insult the WB horse to the WB horses owner.

            And the point I am trying to reiterate - a saying many know -

            "Treat others like you want to be treated!"
            Last edited by doublesstable; Oct. 4, 2012, 11:28 PM.
            Live in the sunshine.
            Swim in the sea.
            Drink the wild air.

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            • #66
              Originally posted by Trakehner View Post
              This guy doesn't belong around anything alive...sounds like he's got mommy issues at the least. Nobody abuses my horse. One fool in bib overalls grabbed my Shire mare's feathers to pull up her leg. This caused my mare pain...I knocked him on his butt...also causing pain while noisily chastising him with profanity for touching my mare without my permission.
              I could never imagine cursing the way this guy was around somebody he just met. My horses aren't saints, but they stand there and do what they're supposed to so I was shocked that he was acting like they're devils. I don't see how he deals with the naughty ones!

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              • #67
                I know it feels bad..I have the same gut instinct when someone criticizes one of my boys or a dog or anything else I'm responsible for.

                Ignore it, it's coming from her insecurity...someone who is confident in their abilities can emotionally afford to be generous with praise and keep criticism to themselves. Not so with the insecure. If she's saying that you might win an Eq class, but she'd win a hunter class, because her horse is fancier...she all but told you that you are the better rider . Take the compliment and ignore the rest.

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                • #68
                  Originally posted by ddashaq View Post
                  As to your downer friend, I would just be annoyingly positive in her presence. It will drive her batty.
                  Exactly! If I was able to think fast enough I probably would have replied "Thank you! How kind of you to say so" with a smile.

                  That usually gets the speaker to stop and think -- 'wait a minute . . . I didn't really say something nice, did I? Uh, no.' and then they are the ones feeling awkward.
                  https://www.facebook.com/SugarMapleFarm
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                  • #69
                    Originally posted by EuroseatTB View Post
                    Was having lunch with a barn friend who I've gotten semi close to, but always kept an arms length from because of her huge mouth and incessant pessimism.
                    OMG, do we board with the same person?! Oh wait, no the person I'm thinking of has a TB herself...and drugs it to do the 2'3"-2'6" at itty bitty local-er than local horse shows with about 4 entries per class. But she has put my horse down so many times I can't even remember all the negative things she's said.
                    Except I rescued my older, OTTB mare, with very little off-track experience for only $600. A drugged out looking hunter she is not, but she cracks those knees and back over every jump and never peeks at anything. Took me 3 years, and about 4 different pros to figure her out, but you know what- we started jumping this May, did our first course at a show in June and wound up Reserve Champion, then got good ribbons at a rated show in August (won stakes money too woot woot!). Now we're doing the jumpers up to 3'1 rather nicely. I say "rather" nicely because she is still an OTTB mare at heart, so she's not 100% predictable
                    Yes, the pessimism and insults hurt, but I know what my goals were when I bought my horse (just to ride again), and how much (or little) I paid for her, so now every accomplishment is that much sweeter Now I just laugh that other person's comments off because they are obviously getting more and more bitter as our success improves.
                    If your warmblood friend's horse is anything like this other person's, she paid a lot more for her horse when he was already pretty much maxed out in value, and won't get any nicer. Mine started at the bottom and ended up a sweet surprise in the end! Here's wishing you the same success

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                    • #70
                      Horses do know when they are being insulted. And they do get their feelings hurt. I don't believe in species discrimination.

                      However, who cares what others think of your horses? I owned pintos when I was a kid. Pintos were not popular. However, people who dissed pintos were always calling and trying to buy my 2nd pinto. Even a kid can figure that out.

                      Now that pintos cost extra, , I have the expensive pinto wb that others call a dumb blood. However, all of them went looking for one just like him, but couldn't afford one. Some cothers down here even had their clients buy WBs because of Cloudy. Who cares? He's what i want.

                      I also had 3 otto mares. Calle was called "psycho mare" by one BO, was called perfect by another BO. Who cares? She had perfect conformation and was smarter than 99% of humans. Callie was perfect for me, and we thought alike. (Altho the one BO who told me almost every day for 2 1/2 yrs that I couldn't have picked out that perfect mare was insulting me.)

                      I know people who have had people tell them their horses were worthless. I think that is totally rude, and I'd never tell anyone his/her horse did not have perfect conformation or was dumb.

                      BTW, my WB is 1/2 tb. So he's not dumb. Although Callie was brilliant, they were related by blood. She just had more TB blood than he does.

                      ETA I did take Cloudy's girlfriend altho she does not have perfect conformation. I buy what I want. And I buy what Cloudy wants. As long as we are happy with what we want, we are happy. I suspect that unhappy people have to run down other people and their horses in order to make themselves feel superior. It does not work unless you let it get to you.

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                      • #71
                        Originally posted by EuroseatTB View Post
                        An alter.
                        Is it normal to feel extremely mama bear when someone says something disparaging *to your face* about your horse? I swear I would take it better if it was an insult directed at me then to my horse. How much more do you want to prove them wrong?

                        Was having lunch with a barn friend who I've gotten semi close to, but always kept an arms length from because of her huge mouth and incessant pessimism. I adore my horse and I plan to take him to the local shows next year and hopefully do well in whatever box I fit into by then. Adult eq, hunters, maybe even some derbies! It all depends. His jump isn't gorgeous, but may be...but his canter is lovely and a close friend who competed for years on the A circuit thinks he's very typey and has a nice hunter look. Grumpy friend at lunch who has a WB compared our two horses and said something to the gist of, well you may win the eq but your horse is no hunter (insert loud condescending laugh) and we'll be taking the hunters - just because she's got a nice WB that happens to have been lame 9 months out of the year and she's been riding one decade as compared to my three. Okay, snarky on my part but I was mad!

                        Honestly, it really irked me and made me wonder how others feel when people can be so rude, especially to your face about your horse. It actually fueled me to train my butt off for next year. All I've been is a supporting person to those I ride with. I hate the mean girl side of this sport.
                        Who cares what she thinks? Enjoy riding your horse (it is supposed to be FUN after all), improve on your terms, and ignore everyone else.

                        Seriously, I'm just getting back into the horse world after a hiatus and this is one of the things I HAVEN'T missed. I have no patience for judgmental people. Screw them.
                        "Choose to chance the rapids, and dare to dance the tides" - Garth Brooks
                        "With your permission, dear, I'll take my fences one at a time" - Maggie Smith, Downton Abbey

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                        • #72
                          I have an Arab. I'll do just about anything on him. We've never done hunters, but I've done just about everything else. He's sneered at just about everywhere we go. I find it particularly satisfying to place over the jerks.

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                          • #73
                            You should have told her at least she realizes that you are a better rider than her since you will be winning the eq and that you can ride Tbs like your horse because you don't need a made horse like her's to carry you around. Well...at least when he is sound enough for her to ride.

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                            • #74
                              Originally posted by cloudyandcallie View Post
                              Horses do know when they are being insulted. And they do get their feelings hurt. I don't believe in species discrimination.

                              Why would you even want to insult a horse - and I did said, they don't even know what breed they are - they don't know....... But the owner does.

                              The point was since she didn't like the girl disrespecting her horse why would someone give advice to do the same. Treat others as you want to be treated.
                              Live in the sunshine.
                              Swim in the sea.
                              Drink the wild air.

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                              • #75
                                Originally posted by trubandloki View Post
                                I guess I do not get what there is to be so offended by.
                                You admit your horse's jump is not the fanciest so why get yourself tied in a knot when someone, who is your friend, states that in different words.
                                Originally posted by Giddy-up View Post
                                I am pretty aware of my horse's "quality" & don't wear the rose colored glasses too much so it's probably harder to insult me.

                                I say let it go cause you know what this person is like & their tendency to say things. Either don't hang out with them or don't bring up your horse as a discussion topic.

                                In the other person's defense, you do admit at this moment your horse doesn't jump super huntery so they may be making their comments based off what they see right now. Or they could just be a rude jerk.
                                These two posts...and meup's get the "like" from me.

                                If someone says something about my horse, I evaluate it and respond. If it's true, I really can't disagree and I might even laugh with them. If I think it's overly harsh or inaccurate, I will tell the person. Simple as that...and it usually makes them think about whether the next thing they say is based in reality or exaggeration.

                                Originally posted by FineAlready View Post
                                No one wants to sit around and hear about their horse's shortcomings while out for a nice meal.
                                I'm pretty darn realistic about the horse's I ride. I have no problem hearing about their shortcomings...because it's not news to me. It makes life so much easier to be realistic.

                                Originally posted by BAC View Post
                                I tend to agree with this, since you are admitting your horse doesn't have a particularly beautiful jump and is probably more suited for the eq. I think you are taking her comment too personally. Its easy to feel offended by a perceived slight to your beloved horse, while in reality it may have just been a realistic assessment of both animals.
                                I "like" this one, too. It's just too hard to cut/paste it to up there with the others on my newish iPad.

                                Originally posted by KateKat View Post
                                Eh. I think everyone thinks their horses are super special and better than every other horse out there. I mean even when we're honest with ourselves, who REALLY goes around out there pointing out all the crappy things about our horses instead of their virtues? I doubt anyone would.
                                )
                                I kind of do. :shrug: Again, I have no problem being realistic about my crappy horses.
                                Keith: "Now...let's do something normal fathers and daughters do."
                                Veronica: "Buy me a pony?"

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                                • #76
                                  Some people are just better not to talk horses with!

                                  My BEST friend and I have VERY different opinions and how to express them.

                                  She always got upset when I beat her in the Eq classes ( which was when ever we competed against each other) She would get sulky and rude.

                                  Later in life when she rode with a different trainer she "looked down" at me while I was still at our old schooling barn. I had a mare I was working with whom I adored and was super fun. She cam to watch me ride her one day and said something along the lines of " She doesn't move enough through her shoulder, she'll never be a good hunter" I was very hurt but brushed it of. Our first show we took Reserve Champion. Higher than my friend has placed since we left our JR. years behind.

                                  Now she's tends bar and I own a barn. My STUDENTS place in the year end awards and qualify for our medal finals ( and sometimes win) I showed my baby to a 4th over all in Very greens. I have shown on the A's. NONE of which she has done or will ever do. Her A barn has moved DOWN to schooling shows. ( Not that I don't like her trainer! )

                                  What have I learned since we were 15? That while she's my BEST friend we are better off leaving horses out of it! There are some great horse people out there who are insecure in themselves or their horses and it comes out as jealousy just like the mean girls in high school!

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                                  • #77
                                    OP, your friend just sounds *peachy*.

                                    I do get all Mama Bear when someone insults my horse. He's not a world-beater by any stretch of the imagination, but he's a good egg and tries really hard. Normally insults like those are just sour grapes, anyway. Or completely out of the blue--there was one teenager who used to board at my barn who told me it would be such a shame if I had a child who had the personality of my horse (yes, really). I think I said something like, "yeah, I'd hate to have a child that's sweet, gets along with everyone, and loves me as much as my horse does." I had to bite my tongue on that one.....the original comeback was much nastier and, um, not fit for sharing with COTH.

                                    One of these days, I'm going to use "well, bless your heart!" It's hard for me, though, because I live in Philadelphia and our version of that is "f*** off."
                                    I love my Econo-Nag!

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                                    • #78
                                      Originally posted by Rel6 View Post
                                      I don't think it would bother me since you could be riding a 14.3h arabian/saddlebred/tb/qh/mustang cross and if its sound, I'd take that any day.
                                      I have a 14.3 hand arabian cross (dressage)... someone said something bad about him that I overheard at the horses' first show.......

                                      later I wanted to take the ribbons and wave them in her face--- ta da! 74% baby.....

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                                      • #79
                                        A simple solution would be not to have lunch with this person again. Be cordial but not overly friendly with her at the barn. Why have lunch with someone who puts you or your horse down?

                                        Why all the drama? Just remove yourself from the situation.

                                        Comment


                                        • #80
                                          Some people say she was only "stating facts", but I can totally understand the kind of person she is and how the way in which she said it would bring out the "mama bear" anger. My aunt is probably similar to this nasty woman so I understand how annoying it is. As I got older and my aunt didn't have to "babysit" my riding, she become more and more rude about everything. For that reason, I no longer associate with her in a "horsey" setting.

                                          I do adore my horses for what they are, quirks and all, and recognize their flaws. Yes, I can mention what their issues are, but unless you are my trainer and giving me criticism as a tool to improve what I have, I don't want to hear it from you. Especially if it's in a rude manner. When someone is intentionally rude about my horse, a reply of "mmm okay well I think I'm going to go now" usually suffices.

                                          Last weekend, I invited my friend over to ride with me. Horse is boarded at a very nice facility, the barn owner is also the trainer and has always been nice to me and good to her working students, and there are nice, happy, drama-free boarders. We went in the evening so no one was around. I had never really seen my friend ride, but she says she foxhunted and evented and used to ride green horses all the time. She had also been a working student at this barn. I figured she could ride well enough on my horse...he is well-schooled enough that you could put a nervous rider on him (like I did the afternoon before) and he would pack you around on a loose rein, or you could ride him more like a dressage horse and he will be responsive to your leg, seat, and rein aids.

                                          The friend I had on him the night before has only done hunters, is a timid rider with little confidence, and she hadn't ridden in a while. I put her on him, taught her how to ask him to come on the bit/get round, and move him laterally. She did a great job on him, even jumping (where all you need to do is apply leg to the jump and let him have his head), and even gained more confidence by the end of her ride. My "amazing great talented" rider friend, however, did not do such a good job.

                                          I hopped on first, he was a saint, so I put her up. She was on him probably fifteen minutes and it was a fight the entire time. Miserable to watch. I tried to give her some polite advice on how to get him on the bit/to relax/to canter/to bend/everything, but she ignored every piece of advice. If that wasn't bad enough, she INSULTED my horse the entire time, got angry, and started losing her temper WITH HIM. "He's resisting all my aids and I'm asking correctly"..."He's really heavy on the bit"..."He's so heavy on the forehand at the canter"..."He is soooo lazy"..."He keeps running at the jump"...."He's so tense and won't listen"...."He won't even canter"....etc, etc....Pair that with obvious frustration with my poor horse, and it was a mess. We had one small jump set up, and she would lap around the ring doing the SAME thing to try to fix it. Each time, she would grab a tight, tense hold of his mouth before the jump, which does nothing for him other than making him more uptight, and then she would pull back on his mouth over the jump. I tried to give her advice on how to get a good jump out of him...."If you relax your reins, he'll come into it steadier without rushing and find his own distance" but she changed nothing about her riding. I also reminded her many times to release over the jump, but again, she actually pulled BACK each time. My honest, honest horse continued each time and went steadily after each jump, but it was awful to watch.

                                          I was so insulted because he IS actually well-schooled...not automatic, but he WILL give you exactly what you want if you ask correctly. If you don't know how to ask correctly? I can teach you in two minutes and you can accomplish it, OR just let him on a loose rein and he'll go around very relaxed and steady. Needless to say she will never be on my horses again after bragging about her abilities, then riding him absolutely horribly, then not taking any of my advice, while insulting him the entire time.

                                          Oh yeah, and she also insulted everything about the barn and owner while she was there. Everything down to how it's overpriced for having electric tape fencing around the pond instead of "real" fencing, and how the flashing lightbulb in the utility room is really awful and needs to be fixed, and how the owner/trainer rides really badly and weird. She's not even my trainer, but I think she rides nicely and all her horses go well and relaxed. This friend just sucks!

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