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When someone insults your horse - bit of a rant

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  • #21
    I have two rescue horses- one was a freebie, the other I paid to get him out of his situation.They were both very skinny and out of shape when I got them.

    The OTTB toes out and had nasty skin fungus. He was pretty much lame for the first year I had him.

    We pretty much made a habit of firing trainers once he was sound and healthy enough for lessons, because they all called him "junk." He was not much to look at- his clearing skin infection had given him bald spots, and he didn't have much muscle, and he was awkward moving in an arena, because he'd never done it before. I actually had one trainer recommend I put him down, because she didn't think he would ever canter under saddle.

    Oh, you mean, like this? http://www.flickr.com/photos/erniedubs/5637397487/ (ignore fuzzies- it was spring!)

    When I bought the first saddle for him, I was standing at the register and made a crack to the friend standing with me that I was spending more on the saddle than I did on the horse. The cashier looked at me and said, "What kind of junk horse do you have?" I'm not even kidding.

    The Appy is a long story, but suffice to say he's had a long path, too. He was known on the local show circuit for being skinny and ugly (with his previous owner.) Four days after I got him back (long story), I took him to a show, ribboned in every class, and people asked me who my horse was. One girl even said he was the "most beautiful horse she'd ever seen." Huh. Fancy that.

    I get the mama bear thing, totally. People are awfully quick to judge the horses of others. Just as quickly as we say "ooh, I wanna ride THAT one," we say, "Ew, but I don't even wanna walk past THAT one!"

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    • #22
      Oh, honey, take it from a Southern girl! If ever there was a perfect occasion for our favorite phrase, here it is:

      Well bless your heart!

      That's it.
      http://patchworkfarmga.com

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      • #23
        Originally posted by Keg-A-Bacchus View Post
        Just laugh and prove them wrong :-)
        This.

        I had an experience similiar to Miraya's. Someone looked at my horse at a show once while I was getting ready to tack up, and said something alone the lines of "Ugh, that horse is hideous. What's wrong with him?"

        In their defense, he was pretty homely. He was an older TB, this sort of indescriminate dark brown color that was somewhere between seal brown, bay, and badly faded black, huge shark fin withers and a little bit of a sway back, tiny little scruffy sun-bleached tail, and a little bit of a club foot in front. I think I responded by laughing and saying "He's in his 20's. He's entitled to look like that."

        And then we went in the ring. Took Champion in Pleasure, and reserve in Equitation.

        Pretty isn't everything
        "In order to really enjoy a dog, one doesn’t merely train him to be semi-human. The point of it is to open oneself to the possibility of becoming part dog."
        -Edward Hoagland

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        • #24
          It's like someone insulting your children. We know our horse's faults but we don't won't to hear about them from outsiders. You just have to ignore her, when what you really want to do is smack her with Aunt Esther's purse.

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          • #25
            OP, you might enjoy this old thread that I started after having a similar experience:

            http://chronofhorse.com/forum/showth...light=ignorant

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            • #26
              I am pretty aware of my horse's "quality" & don't wear the rose colored glasses too much so it's probably harder to insult me.

              I say let it go cause you know what this person is like & their tendency to say things. Either don't hang out with them or don't bring up your horse as a discussion topic.

              In the other person's defense, you do admit at this moment your horse doesn't jump super huntery so they may be making their comments based off what they see right now. Or they could just be a rude jerk.
              "I'm not crazy...my mother had me tested"

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              • #27
                Sounds like she knows you and your horse will smoke the competition and she's jealous! But I would be offended and mad for my horse as well!

                I have had it happen multiple times. I consider myself lucky, I was able find a horse that fit all disciplines, is he awesome at them all...negative, he is most definitely a Jumper, but we have noticed as he relaxes more, an OTTB himself, hes been putting in some nice hunter rounds as well. At the local shows, he wont be the winner, but hell be competitive and I have had some people comment how their horses are better, etc.

                I just smile and let it roll off and prove them wrong! I just know that hey your horse might be a fancy hunter and beat mine....but can he go do an xc show, jumpers, hunter paces, hunt? probably not, but I know mine can and keep his head!

                But I do know what he isn't the best in everything!
                Calm & Collected, 13, OTTB
                Forrest Gump (Catasauqua) , 17, OTTB
                Little Bit Indian, 29, TB
                Owner of Spur of the Moment, Custom made spur straps! Find us on Facebook

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                • #28
                  Someone insulted my JRT at a rest stop... said he was the fattest, ugliest dog he had seen. I let the Newt pee on the tire of his Audi when he went inside....
                  Come to the dark side, we have cookies

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                  • #29
                    Originally posted by Trakehner View Post
                    Try riding a Saddlebred, we get worse comments than Arab owners
                    AMEN
                    Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans

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                    • #30
                      I wouldn't have my horse if I didn't love her and believe in her. Other people are entitled to their opinions, but that's all they are. I wouldn't let it bother me.

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                      • #31
                        I appear to be in the minority, but I'm not really seeing where the insult to your horse is?

                        Maybe her horse IS the superior hunter and your horse IS more suited to equitation. Those are just facts, not insults.

                        I do dressage on a showjumper-bred horse who also has to do the hunters with me, so if someone with a full blown dressage horse doesn't politely pretend like my horse could compete with theirs it is fine with me. I still like my horse even though many others are better than he is.

                        So if your horse ISN'T as nice a hunter as hers and would in fact be more suited to the adult eq, that is just facts. Your horse is not going to be something it isn't just because everyone at the table makes pretend, nor was she even insulting him she was just discussing his most suitable division.

                        If you happen to go to a horseshow and blow her horse out of the water, that is also just facts.

                        No need to take any of it personally.
                        The Noodlehttp://tiny.cc/NGKmT&http://tiny.cc/gioSA
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                        • #32
                          Originally posted by EuroseatTB View Post
                          "well you may win the eq but your horse is no hunter" (insert loud condescending laugh)
                          "And you're no equitation rider" (insert loud condescending laugh then sip your wine)
                          Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans

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                          • #33
                            Originally posted by BLBGP View Post
                            You went out with someone well known for "huge mouth and incessant pessimism" and they said something rude?? If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck why bother being upset? Laugh it off and lesson learned - go to lunch with someone else next time.
                            ^^^^^

                            Don't spend time with someone you have to keep at arm's length. She may be right about your horse, or she may not. But you have to be lying down in order for someone to walk on you.
                            "Can you imagine what I would do if I could do all I can?" Sun Tzu, The Art of War
                            Rainy
                            Stash

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                            • #34
                              Originally posted by meupatdoes View Post
                              I appear to be in the minority, but I'm not really seeing where the insult to your horse is?

                              Maybe her horse IS the superior hunter and your horse IS more suited to equitation. Those are just facts, not insults.

                              I do dressage on a showjumper-bred horse who also has to do the hunters with me, so if someone with a full blown dressage horse doesn't politely pretend like my horse could compete with theirs it is fine with me. I still like my horse even though many others are better than he is.

                              So if your horse ISN'T as nice a hunter as hers and would in fact be more suited to the adult eq, that is just facts. Your horse is not going to be something it isn't just because everyone at the table makes pretend, nor was she even insulting him she was just discussing his most suitable division.

                              If you happen to go to a horseshow and blow her horse out of the water, that is also just facts.

                              No need to take any of it personally.
                              My sense from reading the OP was that the problem with the friend's comment was in the tone and delivery, not necessarily the words themselves. Maybe the OP was reading too much into it, or maybe the friend was being insensitive. Either way, unless the OP asked for some kind of assessment of her horse, it seems a little weird for the friend to offer a not very nice opinion of the horse. No one wants to sit around and hear about their horse's shortcomings while out for a nice meal, even if it is true that the horse has shortcomings (don't they all!?).

                              It's hard to tell what went on since we were not there, but it's obvious that whatever happened hurt the OP's feelings. That's just not a nice thing to do to a friend.

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                              • #35
                                Of course it's normal to go all mama bear. My horse is my kid that I didn't give birth to. I'm as protective/possessive/proud of her as I am of my kids. I'm lucky as hell to have her. Same with my kids. She's better than some and not as good as others, which, come to think of it, is like kids and, well, people in general.

                                So, yes, the Mama Bear feelings are normal. Lesson learned, though, clearly this person is an energy suck and best avoided. While I may WANT to poke her in the eye or make a similarly disparaging comment about her beastie, I've learned to employ Jsalem's advice and just give a good old "Well, bless your heart" and let my hard work show in my riding.

                                (Took years and years of therapy to be able to get there!LOL)
                                Me&MyBigGirl
                                My Blog: A Work In Progress

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                                • #36
                                  Dont let it get you down

                                  My lovely husband sent me flowers yesterday "just because" We have been married short of a year. My co-worker comes in and sees the flowers, rolls her eyes and says Well dont get used to it because it wont last"

                                  Really? I laughed at her. She's just jealous.

                                  Dont waste your time with this gal. Not worth it!

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                                  • #37
                                    Originally posted by meupatdoes View Post
                                    I appear to be in the minority, but I'm not really seeing where the insult to your horse is?

                                    Maybe her horse IS the superior hunter and your horse IS more suited to equitation. Those are just facts, not insults.

                                    I do dressage on a showjumper-bred horse who also has to do the hunters with me, so if someone with a full blown dressage horse doesn't politely pretend like my horse could compete with theirs it is fine with me. I still like my horse even though many others are better than he is.

                                    So if your horse ISN'T as nice a hunter as hers and would in fact be more suited to the adult eq, that is just facts. Your horse is not going to be something it isn't just because everyone at the table makes pretend, nor was she even insulting him she was just discussing his most suitable division.
                                    Maybe, but even if that were the case (and if Grumpy Lady's horse is lame 3/4 of the year, seems more like sour grapes than a calm assessment), it's a bit like pointing out to a parent that the child they think is beautiful and brilliant and destined for greatness is just an average-looking future cube farm resident with no special skills or talents. It might be TRUE, but no one really needs to hear it.
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                                    • #38
                                      I jump a Saddlebred. **Insert insult here**

                                      My favorite comment was when I was volunteering at a local hunter (AQHA) show and was chatting with the steward. I can't remember what we were talking about (but I had not disclosed my mare's breed) and with no prompting the girl said, "That's why I hate Saddlebreds, they can't jump and when they try, it's dreadful." I smiled, pulled my phone out and replied. "I have to disagree. Granted my horse will never be an upper level horse and she would never pin in the 'hunter' ring, but I think my Saddlebred jumps pretty well." The girl blushed, got really quiet and changed the subject.

                                      I learned a long time ago that when in company with people you do not know, you NEVER breed bash. It just comes back to bite you in the rump.
                                      Dreaming in Color

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                                      • #39
                                        Originally posted by meupatdoes View Post
                                        I appear to be in the minority, but I'm not really seeing where the insult to your horse is?

                                        Maybe her horse IS the superior hunter and your horse IS more suited to equitation. Those are just facts, not insults.
                                        I tend to agree with this, since you are admitting your horse doesn't have a particularly beautiful jump and is probably more suited for the eq. I think you are taking her comment too personally. Its easy to feel offended by a perceived slight to your beloved horse, while in reality it may have just been a realistic assessment of both animals.

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                                        • #40
                                          Originally posted by Keg-A-Bacchus View Post
                                          Just laugh and prove them wrong :-)
                                          Totally this!! ^

                                          When the eventing trainer at my barn quit, my only choice for a trainer was the BN H/J trainer. My greenbean needed jumping miles, so I asked Mrs. Fancy BNT if I could put my horse in full training with them. She looked at me and said "There is NO WAY I would ever work with your horse. She's clumsy, untalented and unathletic (sic)." Yes, I left the barn in tears. I think what she really meant was "Your horse is not worth $100,000 so she will not fit in our program".

                                          So, I found someone who would work with us, and my horse, still an eventer, can out jump (and look good doing it) many of the jumpers in her barn and has the show record to prove it! Recently, a friend of mine told me Mrs. Fancy BNT's husband (former Olympic rider) remarked about how great my horse was doing, and she said: "I don't believe it".

                                          Yes. Mrs. Fancy BNT insulted my horse twice and the best revenge was show her that just because she's a BNT doesn't mean she's a good judge of horses!
                                          Proud owner of a Slaughter-Bound TB from a feedlot, and her surprise baby...!
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