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Clients dating grooms?

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  • #21
    How 'bout this? Over the years I've had to have several quite sharp conversations to the effect that I have no intention of dating or becoming romantically involved with my help! For some strange reason, the odd horse dentist, backhoe driver, or farrier seems to think I'm fair game . . . and believe me I never led them on. I guess they must just dig old bats!

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    • #22
      Personally I think it is an employer's business if their employees are dating/having relationships with customers. It has absolutely zero to do with social or economic class. Rather, it is a concern because it has the potential to create issues for an employer, their business, and their employees.

      Aside from issues such as favoritism or unprofessionalism, if the relationship doesn't work out, there could be repercussions for the barn/trainer/employer. For example, they might lose the customer or there might be smutty gossip that might affect the reputation of the barn, or, one of the parties might try to make trouble for the other person and that trouble would almost assuredly take place at or affect the barn. As an example, one of my friends had a groom date a client but when the relationship ended the client made some very vocal unpleasant accusations about the groom in an attempt to get him fired. The accusations were untrue, but no trainer wants rumors that they have grooms that deal drugs/attack clients, etc. Obviously the groom in this situation was put in a VERY vulnerable position.

      I recognize that you are asking your question from a different perspective, and I'm answering you with what I think about the issue on a professional level because I think it will help you understand why people might react negatively about a groom dating a client. As far as what to do if you are another client at the barn where this is occurring, my advice would be to stay completely out of it unless there are issues that are affecting you personally as a client or unless one of the parties is not an adult.

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      • #23
        Originally posted by Couture TB View Post
        Ok I will be the one person to say I as the Trainer would not like it. My employee should not date at the end of the day, my boss. As they say don't s**t where you eat. This goes for the trainer letting the groom date the client or the groom who is dating the client. This has nothing to do with class. I would even go as far as some companies to have my grooms sign a thing saying they won't date the clients.
        A good policy all around, b/c it can be a mess.

        However, even if such a policy exists, it really isn't your business, OP. It is (literally) the BO/trainer/employer's & the employee's business.

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        • #24
          Originally posted by BeeHoney View Post
          Personally I think it is an employer's business if their employees are dating/having relationships with customers. It has absolutely zero to do with social or economic class. Rather, it is a concern because it has the potential to create issues for an employer, their business, and their employees.
          Absolutely. It's unprofessional and bad for business.

          I'd fire the groom in a heartbeat.
          Surgeon General warns: "drinking every time Trump lies during the debate could result in acute alcohol poisoning."

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          • #25
            Originally posted by EquitationDreamer View Post
            What is everyone's thoughts/views on this? I was told of one client who ended up going to Mexico with her boyfriend and I was interested about people's opinions on things like this happening. If you knew of a client, in the above example a young woman, dating a groom would you say something to them? or the barn owner? or would you leave them alone? etc
            This is such a disturbing post to me, and I use the word disturbing especially. I am not sure what angle you're coming from but it certainly sounds like you are asking because you disapprove of this "relationship". Why exactly is that? I could speculate many different reasons. These are all assumptions and I could very well be wrong, I know this. Oddly common, can't say I disagree with it. A negative opinion would be just as poor as racism or something along the lines of interracial disagreement. I will admit it would spark my attention as it has sparked yours, but why is this any of your business at all? As a "legal adult" you're well out of junior high and most likely out of high school. People of any race, gender and size are able to date anyone else from any race, gender or size. Welcome to the 21st century. Most importantly if both parties are of legal age, great for them, who's to say it isn't right. If I decided to date my groom when I was an amateur and someone decided to speak to the barn manager or trainer about it it would make me sick. Now that being said, if the trainer is completely unaware and has stated they do not want business dating business or encouraged the idea of business not dating business then it is a different story. However it is absolutely not your responsibility to go tell the trainer, or the BO/BM.

            The only way i'd hope you're viewing this is from a professional level. Even then it is not your place to speak to anyone about this. Relationships are difficult to hide long term. After all this is the equestrian industry. If you heard about it, someone else will, and someone else will. Let nature take its course, it always does.

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            • #26
              I would dare say there are many trainers who date clients, many grooms who date clients, many trainers who date grooms, many bm who date trainers or grooms.. the list goes on. Sure it may be unprofessional but it's going to happen... now I say this with consenting adults in mind.
              Last edited by gottagrey; Sep. 22, 2012, 01:39 AM.

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              • #27
                Originally posted by Go Fish View Post
                Absolutely. It's unprofessional and bad for business.

                I'd fire the groom in a heartbeat.
                Exactly. Which is why " I heard....." and "I" is not the barn owner or employer is touchy. Gossip can be very damaging.

                In my experience, when thoses relationships occur, They are hard to keep under wraps. Let the BO/ trainer sort this out. If your concern was neglect due to this relationship, that's one thing.

                As a BO, I have had gossipy customers. I am quite aware of what goes on, even if I appear not to be. When I hear " I heard X about Y" , if it is a concern- I ask from who. If it is gossip, I footnote you as such and you lose credibility.
                Come to the dark side, we have cookies

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                • #28
                  I can tell you that most of the client dating groom situations that I am aware of the groom was female and the client in many cases was also female.

                  Now how does that change peoples opinions!

                  As a fellow client, it doesn't bother me as long as it doesn't impact how my horse is cared for or how I am treated by either the client or the groom.

                  As a BO/manager I would try to discourage the relationships from the start, but we know it happens and I would rather it be out in the open, than the sneaking around aspect that can happen. However both parties would have a talk from me that their relationship is not be front and center in the barn, no PDA's no fights. Again being open about it, makes it easier for everyone in the long run.

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                  • #29
                    Originally posted by Couture TB View Post
                    Ok I will be the one person to say I as the Trainer would not like it. My employee should not date at the end of the day, my boss. As they say don't s**t where you eat. This goes for the trainer letting the groom date the client or the groom who is dating the client. This has nothing to do with class. I would even go as far as some companies to have my grooms sign a thing saying they won't date the clients.
                    This. I probably wouldn't go so far as a no-frat policy, as both legally and morally I'm not big into trying to dictate behavior to THAT level, but would probably adopt something like my old dance studio owner's rule for his teaching staff--you're adults, you do what you like, but if your 'dating'/screwing around costs the studio a client, the lost revenue's coming out of YOUR paycheck.

                    As another client, unless one party or the other's underage or married and lying to their bf/gf about it, people date who and what they date.
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                    • Original Poster

                      #30
                      Why I was first inspired to start this conversation was because when I was at dinner with a close friend who is an assistant trainer at a facility in northern VA, he stated that as long as the relationship stayed out of the barn and behind closed doors so to speak, he would not consider it much of an issue. So it's interesting to me to read about how different trainers/employers would approach it. Besides the young woman I mentioned in the first post, I haven't really encountered such a thing, so if my simple curiosity is offending the please leave, there's no harm in asking a question.

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                      • #31
                        Well, it's very oddly framed. Had you framed it as if your concern was clients dating staff in a barn, and left "went to Mexico" and "Would you say something to her" out of it, perhaps the response you got would have been different.

                        If you don't care who is with whom, I don't see why you started the thread. What would you say to her, exactly?

                        I do think you're going to have a hard time with telling the offended people to leave. Srsly? You asked a baited question.
                        ---
                        They're small hearts.

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                        • #32
                          Originally posted by Trixie View Post
                          Well, it's very oddly framed. Had you framed it as if your concern was clients dating staff in a barn, and left "went to Mexico" and "Would you say something to her" out of it, perhaps the response you got would have been different.

                          If you don't care who is with whom, I don't see why you started the thread. What would you say to her, exactly?

                          I do think you're going to have a hard time with telling the offended people to leave. Srsly? You asked a baited question.


                          I agree with this.

                          To the topic starter - when you start a topic as sensitive as this that could have any sort of aim toward race or social class etc... you should consider a disclaimer or a better explanation of where you're coming from. Just future advice, not trying to jump down your throat. I am still a little taken back by this post.

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                          • #33
                            Originally posted by Go Fish View Post
                            I'd fire the groom in a heartbeat.
                            I might fire the client... a great groom is can be more valuable to a business than just one client.

                            Originally posted by EquitationDreamer View Post
                            Why I was first inspired to start this conversation was because when I was at dinner with a close friend who is an assistant trainer at a facility in northern VA, he stated that as long as the relationship stayed out of the barn and behind closed doors so to speak, he would not consider it much of an issue. So it's interesting to me to read about how different trainers/employers would approach it. Besides the young woman I mentioned in the first post, I haven't really encountered such a thing, so if my simple curiosity is offending the please leave, there's no harm in asking a question.

                            Note that your friend-- a guy and a professional-- has adopted a "don't ask, don't tell" policy. I don't know your gender or profession, but really? Your response to people who ask your to rein in your "simple curiosity" is to ask them to "please leave"? Apparently, the MYOB approach is not ok with you.
                            The armchair saddler
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                            • #34
                              Originally posted by EquitationDreamer View Post
                              Why I was first inspired to start this conversation was because when I was at dinner with a close friend who is an assistant trainer at a facility in northern VA, he stated that as long as the relationship stayed out of the barn and behind closed doors so to speak, he would not consider it much of an issue. So it's interesting to me to read about how different trainers/employers would approach it. Besides the young woman I mentioned in the first post, I haven't really encountered such a thing, so if my simple curiosity is offending the please leave, there's no harm in asking a question.
                              What about trainers who date clients? Or is that ok?
                              Come to the dark side, we have cookies

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                              • #35
                                If we're talking about adults here, then I don't care what people do as long as it doesn't create drama in the barn/work environment.

                                Comment


                                • #36
                                  I know a private groom who not only dated her boss, she ended up marrying him. She's come up a lot in the world, and more power to her!

                                  The dating isn't the problem, it's the break up. From the client's POV who wants to see their ex when they go to the barn to relax? From the groom's POV who wants to see their ex when they're supposed to be working?

                                  From the boarders' POV, it's just icky to watch what is supposed to be a clandestine relationship going on. Really, is there anything ickier that watching two people flirting while trying to act like they barely know one another?

                                  But to answer your original question, no I don't approve of it, but unless I'm the BO it's none of my business or yours.
                                  ~Kryswyn~ Always look on the bright side of life, de doo, de doo de doo de doo
                                  Check out my Kryswyn JRTs on Facebook

                                  "Life is merrier with a terrier!"

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                                  • #37
                                    Originally posted by Couture TB View Post
                                    Ok I will be the one person to say I as the Trainer would not like it. My employee should not date at the end of the day, my boss. As they say don't s**t where you eat. This goes for the trainer letting the groom date the client or the groom who is dating the client. This has nothing to do with class. I would even go as far as some companies to have my grooms sign a thing saying they won't date the clients.
                                    As long as they keep their relationship off your time I really don't see how you can have a say one way or the other. That goes for any company too.

                                    Comment


                                    • #38
                                      Originally posted by SwampYankee View Post
                                      How 'bout this? Over the years I've had to have several quite sharp conversations to the effect that I have no intention of dating or becoming romantically involved with my help! For some strange reason, the odd horse dentist, backhoe driver, or farrier seems to think I'm fair game . . . and believe me I never led them on. I guess they must just dig old bats!

                                      People always want what they can't have. You threw down the baton and now they are out to change your mind!

                                      Comment


                                      • #39
                                        If you've ever wondered why your farrier is consistently late...

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                                        • #40
                                          Originally posted by candyappy View Post
                                          As long as they keep their relationship off your time I really don't see how you can have a say one way or the other. That goes for any company too.
                                          You may not 'see' it, but many companies can and do enforce a no dating policy. So does the military (enlisted x officers). If you can't see why, re-read the thread. It's not the actual dating so much as the break up. But the dating is problematic too because bosses are always wondering if the couple is really working to their full potential. Co-workers frequently become either jealous or suspicious that the lower ranked employee will somehow benefit from dating someone further up the corporate ladder.

                                          When I was a legal assistant, an unmarried secretary began an affair with her legally separated boss, a partner in the firm. He was verbally warned by the PTB to stop seeing her until the divorce was final. He didn't, the administration placed her with another attorney (how uncomfortable that must have been for HIM), and when the divorce was final he married her. And was promptly told he shouldn't EVER bring her to a partners' dinner. He left the firm taking her with him.

                                          It was a source of gossip for MONTHS; didn't help that her sister worked for ANOTHER partner and everybody took sides and had an opinion which was shared on a daily basis.
                                          ~Kryswyn~ Always look on the bright side of life, de doo, de doo de doo de doo
                                          Check out my Kryswyn JRTs on Facebook

                                          "Life is merrier with a terrier!"

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