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Trainers Should Be Careful of Their Behavior

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  • #21
    Originally posted by Jsalem View Post
    Rude behavior is not acceptable. I will say this though: When you stand at the end gate, it's pretty natural to commentate, "OH, Sally!" or "Thank you horse" or a big "UUGGG!" But by the time the student rides back to the gate, you've formulated a professional response to the round. "Now, I liked how you did ____, but you dropped your body (with an unspoken AGAIN) at the 3rd jump...." I guess my point is, maybe standing at the end gate near the trainers is not the place to be if you want the censored version!
    ROFLMAO! I know my trainer has uttered "oh you saint" while watching me ride... and I'm pretty sure she doesn't mean me! But she always has constructive things to say when I leave the ring. Having heard both, you can tell the difference between those kinds of comments and the type mentioned in the OP.

    I've also wanted to cry after a bad ride. I never have though. I think it's from years of learning not to cry in the office no matter how bad it gets. I've been trained to cry only in private or with a good friend!

    But, depending on the situation, I wouldn't hold it against another adult for crying provided they're not doing it in drama queen "pity me" style. You never know how much preparation or pressure they'd been under prior to that round. For all you know, they'd been putting a lot of money and sweat equity into the show, things were going well, and then it all fell apart. That can be hard. Even for a mature adult!

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    • #22
      Unfortunately, the badly behaved trainers often have plenty of clients which leads them to believe that there is nothing wrong with the behavior. That type of training is not for me but I guess some can deal with it.

      When I hear a trainer at the in gate making belittling comments about their student, I am always tempted to look at them and say "You're right. It sure looks like Suzy could benefit from some quality training"
      Auventera Two:Some women would eat their own offspring if they had some dipping sauce.
      Serious Leigh: it sounds like her drama llama should be an old schoolmaster by now.

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      • #23
        I have been mighty lucky (after reading some of these tales):

        I can't remember enough about the trainers of my youth to recall if they were ever nasty, but I doubt it
        Since I returned to the show ring 17 years ago, I have been blessed only with trainers who, after one of my dearly beloved "amateur" rounds, would/will stand by me after I exit the ring and ask:
        "Tell me about your round - what did you like about it?"

        And, after I gave/have given my version of my round, might say:

        "well, I loved the outside 5 and you really rode the diagonal four great, but tell me again about the single oxer"

        And I, deer in the headlights, might have said:

        "you mean, where I couldn't decide if I was coming in long, or short, and kept changing my mind, and then, decided to lean into it and ask dear sweet (insert name) to leave from Temecula (or Charlotte, or Boone - let's just say, a wee bit too far away ???"

        Then we all would laugh.

        Shame on that "BNT" trainer (and mine were and have been -)
        It can be such a good time!
        "Her life was okay. Sometimes she wished she were sleeping with the right man instead of with her dog, but she never felt she was sleeping with the wrong dog."



        www.dontlookbackfarm.com

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        • #24
          Originally posted by BAC View Post
          I agree that there is no reason for trainers to be cruel, I would not spend my money on someone like that no matter how "big" the name. However, I also think an older adult (or any adult for that matter) should not leave the ring in tears either, grow up or don't show. I have no patience for such childish behavior. Save your tears for more serious problems than a bad ride; at that age they should be able to keep some perspective.
          Agreed. I would have no sympathy for a teary adult unless they were hurt. Maybe that makes me a bad person, but come on, if you are going to cry about something at least cry about something of lasting importance, not a refusal or chipped fences.

          Originally posted by Irish Ei's View Post
          Much easier said than done for alot of us BAC.
          Some of us have waited until WELL into our Adult years to start this dream.....

          Would you say the same about a beginner child and her pony being disappointed in herself????
          Yup, I routinely tell my daughter that "there is no crying in riding" and that it is just unacceptable. Had I cried my mother would have hauled me off my pony and out of the showgrounds so fast, my head would still be spinning 30 years later!

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          • #25
            I always shake my head when I hear railside comments from somebody's trainer about how bad they are or when they continue to heap on the criticisim after the rider bursts into tears right at the gate in front of everybody.

            No excuse. Except as long as people are willing to pay money to take it or subject their children to it when a simple hour spent railside watching how other trainers deal with poorish performances or mistakes would show them it's not the norm and not the way the winners are coached?

            Not a thing you can do. IME that line between getting tough and pushing and abuse ain't that thin and it rarely is crossed by accident or for the first time at a show.
            When opportunity knocks it's wearing overalls and looks like work.

            The horse world. Two people. Three opinions.

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            • #26
              Originally posted by RugBug View Post
              It's like the teen I recently saw at a show. Blamed her pony for HER mistakes...and did so loudly, from the ring, with a red face and huffing and puffing away. It was obnoxious and uncalled for and someone should've put that behaviour to a stop A LONG time before then. If I was that parent, the child would've been off the pony until she learned to handle disappointment without falling apart.
              I once saw a similar hissy fit by a tween/young teen girl in a warmup ring. I wanted to jump up and down and applaud when a man I assume was either her father or her trainer marched over, took hold of the bridle, ordered kiddo off and marched them out of the ring and back to their trailer. Shortly after, I saw the trailer leaving the show grounds.

              At another show, standing ringside watching a few rounds with a friend who was also a trainer, we got an earful from another trainer nattering on about how her student in the ring "always" does this and that, in very snarky tones. Friend's SO strolled up, listened a bit, then commented to friend in a stage whisper something along the lines of: "Wow, I wouldn't think she'd bring her student out if she hadn't prepared her better." It was so deadpan and out of the blue that I almost snorted my iced tea out my nose! Snarky trainer huffed off.
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              In the depth of winter, I finally learned that there was in me invincible summer.
              -Albert Camus

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              • #27
                Originally posted by RugBug View Post

                It's like the teen I recently saw at a show. Blamed her pony for HER mistakes...and did so loudly, from the ring, with a red face and huffing and puffing away. It was obnoxious and uncalled for and someone should've put that behaviour to a stop A LONG time before then. If I was that parent, the child would've been off the pony until she learned to handle disappointment without falling apart.
                then there are people like me, who ride around apologizing to our horses...

                Personally, I don't need a trainer to yell at me and tell me I suck.
                I know that.
                I prefer the one who says, that one fence was good, but what happened at the next one? And expects me to be able to at least figure out what mistake I made, which is the first step towards fixing it.
                "It's like a Russian nesting doll of train wrecks."--CaitlinandTheBay

                ...just settin' on the Group W bench.

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                • Original Poster

                  #28
                  [QUOTE]
                  Originally posted by RockinHorse View Post
                  Unfortunately, the badly behaved trainers often have plenty of clients which leads them to believe that there is nothing wrong with the behavior. That type of training is not for me but I guess some can deal with it.
                  Sadly, you might be right otherwise I would think they would be a bit more aware of their behavior. A trainer's talent can often best be seen at a horse show as we know and dealing with amateurs takes talent (and patience.)

                  As far as getting emotional after a bad round...yeah, I have done it. I tend to beat myself up over stupid mistakes. Hell, I'll be damned if a trainer is going to do that. Thank God, mine wears a velvet glove.

                  Comment


                  • #29
                    Yeah... I like/need a sensitive trainer, too. I don't need someone to tell me that I'm getting a bad spot to a fence, or leaning too far forward, or planting my hands on the horse's neck. I need someone who will remind me of said things when I'm distracted (say, focusing on my heels, or my shoulders, or my seat, or...) and help me learn how to fix my mistakes.

                    I have made a promise to myself that I will NEVER (again) voluntarily put myself in a situation where I will be verbally "chewed out." I'm not the kind of person you have to scream at to get through to - if someone quietly tells me, "This mistake you just made was very, very serious, and it's important that you never do it again" I will be internally yelling at myself far more than any trainer would or could. I discipline myself plenty for my mistakes, and always have - I don't need someone else to do it for me, especially not if I'm paying them!

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                    • #30
                      I'm grateful that my trainer doesn't behave like this! Unfortunatly her husband does, ESPECIALLY to her when she's showing. Sometimes over the phone when her ride wasn't great and she needs sympathy, not a lecture. I've been at a couple of shows where it's been pretty bad, and unfortunatly it's just as bad around the barn.

                      As great as she is, I'm considering a barn change since it puts such a cloud over everything
                      "Adulthood? You're playing with ponies. That is, like, every 9 year old girl's dream. Adulthood?? You're rocking the HELL out of grade 6, girl."

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                      • #31
                        Hmm... maybe she should change barns with you? (and husbands!)
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                        • #32
                          As for belittling a person ( whether it be an adult or child) - that is uncalled for. Reviewing what went wrong, even if for the thousandth time, is appropriate. I can do things at home, that one my horse gets nervous at a show I completely forget what to do and revert back to old and bad habits. But then again - the only way to fix soemthings is to put yourself in that situation.
                          As for the adult leaving the ring in tears - I've done that. First - adult have many things going on in their lives and riding is their outlet. With the hard work they put in, generally they want to do well, and get disappointed ( or frustrated when they don't). Some are just a little more emotional. Now if they are ranting, and hysterical - yes that is a bit much unless they were injured, but some tears - that is human nature for some. I personally get very frustrated when I don't do what I know I should do, and feel like I've disappointed myself ( or my trainer) does it make me weak- no, I build on that to become more determined to improve where I feel I failed.

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                          • #33
                            I couldn't imagine crying over a bad round, falling off etc.

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                            • #34
                              Luckily I've worked with some great trainers... Although the barn owners daughter at one of the barns who considered herself a 'trainer' haha was SUPER rude to not only her clients but to those of us who weren't her clients. She would stand at the in gate during a flat class and talk extremely loudly about OTHER people in the class not her students. Over fences was even more embarrassing but we'll talk about that another time!

                              My trainer then was a well known man who treated me like I was the only rider he worked with when we were together. If I couldn't do something he'd always reassure me that it'd come to me. My favorite was concentrate on something else today ex I couldn't nail my lead changes he'd say just don't even worry about them ask for the correct lead in the air or do a beautiful simple change. Better to be simple than unorganized.

                              The trainer I work with now I LOVE she is just a very positive person who would rather laugh off your mistakes than hound you for them. At home she is famous for 'One more time' but at shows she says 'There's something we can work on at home, thank god I thought lessons were getting boring how about you?'
                              Attack life it's going to kill you anyways.

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                              • #35
                                Hmm, have those have you who criticized the adult ammy in question for crying thought that maybe is was mainly the cruelty and lack of support from her trainer that caused her to lose it? Makes sense to me and you never know what else is going on is someone's life so I wouldn't be so quick to judge anyone.

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                                • #36
                                  Originally posted by naters View Post
                                  Hmm... maybe she should change barns with you? (and husbands!)
                                  Would if I could! Seriously... she's losing clients over it, including potentially this one. And she KNOWS what he's like. And just shrugs her shoulders.
                                  "Adulthood? You're playing with ponies. That is, like, every 9 year old girl's dream. Adulthood?? You're rocking the HELL out of grade 6, girl."

                                  Comment


                                  • #37
                                    Originally posted by Ghazzu View Post
                                    then there are people like me, who ride around apologizing to our horses...

                                    Personally, I don't need a trainer to yell at me and tell me I suck.
                                    I know that.
                                    I prefer the one who says, that one fence was good, but what happened at the next one? And expects me to be able to at least figure out what mistake I made, which is the first step towards fixing it.

                                    Yeah, I've been known to let out an "oops, sorry" to my pony as I go. Usually at home more than shows but every once in a while I get crazy and really owe my saintly horse a big ol' "thank you!" as he saves my butt.

                                    In fact, at our last show, he had at least 6 opportunites to put me head first into a jump...I totally deserved it!! He just kept going and ignored me the best he could. I was wrong, I was way wrong a couple times and on my way out of the ring (not the appropriate time I know but I couldn't help myself) I said to my friend "I love this horse, he totally saved my butt! I lost my mind but he just went about his business anyway".

                                    My trainer wasn't there that day. It didn't matter though - I knew I screwed up and I knew exactly what I was doing to screw up because, like Ghazzu, I have had an awesome trainer for years who has taught me to think for myself. Unfortunately I couldn't stop on course, take a deep breath, and think my way through the first part of the course so I could salvage the second half...or not but I was able to laugh about it when I got out of the ring. I absolutely hate when in my mind I know I'm wrong but I can't control my body to make it stop. Pony got some extra carrots that day and has been thanked over and over again though I know he doesn't remember

                                    My trainer has yelled at me but I honestly think only once. I was being stupid but I couldn't get past my fear - it was a fear of nothing but a fear none the less. It was a bad show. My trainer and I eventually laughed it off because I straight up admitted I just couldn't get past my mind. We changed some things and made it better for the next show.

                                    I've also thanked my trainer for putting up with me. I know I've been frustrating to teach at times and I fully appreciate the patience my trainer has had with me. I couldn't appreciate a trainer who didn't understand me. I have confidence issues. They are getting better but it's taken me over 10 years! I have been in tears many times, not usually in the ring though. When I'm upset like that, I get my space to cry it out, then I get "what can we do" talk. I'm never alone. My trainer always supports me - even if it's laughing at me for losing my mind like my last show
                                    Lord Stanely, Lord Stanley - come back to Pittsburgh!!!
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                                    • #38
                                      I will always clap for my students, I am always proud that they went in and gave it their best shot at that moment. They may not have been perfect but I want them to know that I am pleased to get them in and out in one piece . I make sure to always find something to praise them on before I talk to them about what we need to work on. This is suppose to be fun.
                                      Of course I did have a student leave me because I made her clean her boots....
                                      Fullcirclefarmsc.com

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                                      • #39
                                        Originally posted by TemperTantrum13 View Post
                                        The trainer I work with now I LOVE she is just a very positive person who would rather laugh off your mistakes than hound you for them. At home she is famous for 'One more time' but at shows she says 'There's something we can work on at home, thank god I thought lessons were getting boring how about you?'
                                        I absolutely agree with this and it's one of my favorite things about my daughter's trainer. This past weekend daughter did the junior hunters for the first time (insert small brag--she was reserve champ ). During her handy round she had a beautiful hand gallop going but her brain didn't go along for the ride, and she forgot that her stride length would change. So of course there was an ugly distance to the jump. As she exited the ring her trainer smiled wide and said, "Congratulations. You perfected the hand gallop to the chip." It was the ideal way to handle the situation, and my daughter will remember the "lesson" in a positive way.

                                        I like logical people---they provide a nice contrast to the real world.

                                        Comment


                                        • #40
                                          I have to admit that my trainer does sometimes fly off the handle and it is quite embarrassing - I'm not sure for who more - for the person she is screaming at or her -having all these people witness her leather-lunged assault on a client. She will admit that she is bad about coaching from the sidelines and when she goes off on someone - it's because,she claims, she is so passionate about her teaching and wanting her students to do well and succeed. I will say, she does not care about the ribbons, she does care - alot - about you and your horse's performance - was it a good round, did you ride well- that's what she cares the most about.

                                          Now last weekend I witnessed a trainer/ring/gate conflict that set the feminist movement back 50 years - Several trainers had conflicts w/ the jumper ring; one barn has a husband and wife training team. Wife has student at hunter ring and is going over the course telling client how to ride the course etc etc etc. Ingate guy says is she ready to go - So called Wife Professional says: Well I'm a trainer too but I will get yelled at if I let her go in alone? Hmm Alone - didn't you just spend 20 minutes telling her what to do and how to ride and isn't that why you are a professional too - why do you have to wait for HIM and why does HE have to yell at you?? isn't the point of having 2 professionals help is so they can help each other. What is this control thing ? Anyway forget the holding up the ring for 30 minutes so hubby doesn't yell at his professional trainer wife - I just get can't over her admitting she'll get yelled at...

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