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Can we have an adult re-rider support group?

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  • And welcome MrsFitzDarcy!


    • Great shots, Tarheel! Thanks for posting them! Looks as if the weather was great, too! You'll have memories for a lifetime.

      Welcome to the newcomers!

      I have not been around much as I just returned from another car jaunt up the east coast, this time to deliver my daughter to college for her sophomore year. All went well except for a small accident on the way home. We had just changed drivers and gotten back on the interstate. I was in the passenger seat and turned around to get a drink from the cooler. Some papers my husband had been working on started to slide off the dashboard and while driving, he reached over to grab them. The car hit the guard rail. The tire blew out, the front bumper ripped off, the parking light smashed, and the passenger door was badly dented.

      We changed to the donut spare and were able to get off the highway. A guy at a service station directed us to a Sears tire center two exits down. We limped there and were able to get an appointment for the next morning (yesterday). They put a new tire on, rotated the tires, cut off the dangling parts and duct-taped us together enough to get us home. The car actually drove fine sans bumper for the last 600 miles. We are taking it in to find out if it is worth fixing. It's an old mini van that we were going to replace this fall anyway, but we wanted to give it to our son who needs a car. We'll see! Anyway, we made it home safely, and now are starting the crazy round of meetings before the semester starts next week. I hope I can ride once or twice before then, but I don't know. I miss my girl Sky!
      I heard a neigh. Oh, such a brisk and melodious neigh as that was! My very heart leaped with delight at the sound. --Nathaniel Hawthorne


      • Wow Dewey what an adventure. Glad neither of you were hurt! It's too bad about the van but it's just metal, more important that you are safe.


        • Sorry about your all-too-exciting road trip, Dewey. Hope things settle down for you.

          I'm in terrible need of a mini-vacation, so I'm off to Lexington for Hunter Derby finals tomorrow. Just taking two days off work, but with all of the recent job eliminations, I shouldn't even been doing that. However, my barn has two horses entered, and many barn buddies are going, so it should be great fun, plus I get to watch some spectacular riders and horses. I will just have to work late and put in some weekend time when I get back.

          Enjoy the cooler weather, and happy riding!
          It's 2017. Do you know where your old horse is?

          www.streamhorsetv.com -- website with horse show livestream listings and links.


          • Good Lord Dewey - so glad you are OK! That accident sounds scary. The weather in London was generally pretty good. We were at the dressage session on Thursday, when there was about 20 minutes of really hard rain, and the Canadian horse was excused for having a total melt down. That was so sad for that rider, and the whole Canadian team. But after that awful 20 minutes or so, the weather was fine.

            Have a great time pony4me! Work will be waiting for you when you get back.

            And glad to see another new face around here MrsFitz. This has been a fun group to get to know. We are all at different places in our riding, but everyone has something to offer to everyone else. Very supportive atmosphere.

            We still need to come up with a field trip so we can meet up in person. Rolex 2013 maybe?
            Riding a horse is not a gentle hobby, to be picked up and laid down like a game of solitaire. It is a grand passion.... ~ Emerson


            • Tarheel do you know the dates of Rolex? I have to plan ahead. Like WAY ahead. I think it would be fantastic for us all to meet somewhere. We talked about this at some point many posts back and then it got dropped. But I'd still really like to. Anyone else?


              • Rolex is April 25 through 28 next year (I think it is always the last weekend in April). I am game if other people are. I have never been, because it always conflicts with the New Orleans Jazz and Heritage Festival. But I think this is the year!

                I am already planning ahead to WEG in France in August, 2014! It' s earlier than 2010 - it's late August through early September. Our plan is to go over, spend a couple of days in Paris, and then move on to Caen for the eventing through the first day of show jumping.

                In case you can't tell, I love travel, and I am not happy unless I have a big trip in the works!
                Riding a horse is not a gentle hobby, to be picked up and laid down like a game of solitaire. It is a grand passion.... ~ Emerson


                • Hook, line, and sinker

                  Wow, what a great thread to read through. I peeked in back in November (page 17, I think), but now I think I'm back for real. Today was my second riding lesson in 2 weeks - also my second lesson since 2005 if anyone is counting! It is great to be back.

                  I rode as a kid, but my parents couldn't support it so I stopped in middle school. Rode in graduate school and through my first job, until my horse pulled a suspensory and I got pregnant. That was 2004. I took a few lessons after my daughter was born but it was too frustrating - my brain expected things my body couldn't do. So that was it until this summer, when I caved and agreed to take my daughters (7yo and 4yo) to a friends barn. Honestly, it wasn't too hard for them to convince me!

                  The girls love riding as much or more than I do (overheard today from the 4yo who was grooming her pony, "taking care of horses is a very good life"), although I suppose just a few weeks in it is too early to tell. The barn is a great little family barn with a perfect back-to-basics style trainer that I love. The horses are great, including my trusty boy who took me through a line of little 18"X's today.

                  Like so many of you here I am already overwhelmed with:

                  A young family
                  A demanding job
                  A wonderful spouse
                  A long commute to work and the barn
                  A need to get in shape

                  But somehow, I think I can work the horse addiction back into it. It makes me happy.

                  Looking forward to enjoying the journey with you guys.



                  • Welcome, RRB! Sounds as if you're in similar positions to most of us on this thread! After a childhood filled with horses and Pony Club, I took a loooooong hiatus from riding (over 20 years) while I worked and got DH through grad school, raised my kids and went to grad school myself. Didn't sit on a horse again until DD started lessons at age 9. Now my kids are grown, but still am working full time, and I manage to work in two or three rides per week. Riding keeps me sane!

                    Riding is a wonderful family activity! Look forward to the journey!
                    I heard a neigh. Oh, such a brisk and melodious neigh as that was! My very heart leaped with delight at the sound. --Nathaniel Hawthorne


                    • I really should join this group!
                      It should be my turn now after all these years past of being the groom for short st through the Jrs, mucking, hauling, fretting, putting up with the trainer drama, everything that goes with being the show mamma.
                      Daughter is leaving again for school. Her horse needs a rider. I haven't ridden since my kids were born over 20 years ago. Haven't been in a show ring since like 1977 and haven't jumped a fence since the early 90's. Wait, I have ridden on trail rides on vacation and actually went to a working cattle ranch and rode rode rode but that doesn't count....
                      If I were to horse shop for one, I couldn't afford one for my champaign taste on my beer budget with 2 kids in college.
                      But I own 2 right now.
                      Daughters show horse is loving being owned by an occasional riding kid that plucks him from outside to hack and even got him in enough shape to take to an "A" or maybe it was "AA", not sure, I just was the check writer and didnt even go for the first time EVER! Anyway, cold turkey like that they won just about everything in the 3 fts and that was the first time he had dropped down to showing 3 ft as he was previously her Jr hunter. He can slow his step and do the 3 fts and do it well.
                      Long story short, I have a horse already so what is my problem?
                      Honestly I think I am either too lazy or afraid of making a fool of myself! Probably the latter. Ugh. How do I make myself do this? Have horse, have ring, have jumps, have indoor, have time, have everything but the gumption.
                      Maybe because since I am the sole support of my kids, just moved my parents in with me and am a single mom, I can't afford to be hurt? Excuse or valid? Talk to me people.....I know I should just give it a try, heck I need the exercise!
                      I will let you know when I go buy a new helmet, breeches and whatever....


                      • Hunter Derby finals last night were great! And, ummm, educational. Several people from my barn went and we all sat together. The two horses from my barn did not make it to the finals. One of them did qualify for the consolation round, but the owner did not compete her. So here we are all sitting together, and the assistant trainers are scoring the rounds along with the judges, and seeing who has the closest agreement with what shows up on the Jumbotron. Big gasp when a certain horse broke to a trot, and then spirited debate about how the scores should have been different. Then a serious "what the hell was that?!?" when a rider pulled the horse out of the second element of a combination. Great evening.

                        Should be home in time to get a ride in.

                        Have a great day, everyone!
                        It's 2017. Do you know where your old horse is?

                        www.streamhorsetv.com -- website with horse show livestream listings and links.


                        • First lesson on MY horse in a while!

                          First, it felt good to get on my horse after a couple of months. Oddly enough, I think he was happy too. Other than a failure to follow directions - trot a circle come back to the walk. As I go past on the 2nd circle - What are you doing???????? Yeah, and I was not good at Simon Says as a kid....

                          Points off for not listening. See, that's part of your problem says trainer - you are too busy worrying about what you are doing, what he is doing (um nothing but moving forward) that you don't listen. Sigh - she is totally correct.

                          I have such a hard time relaxing all the things that need to at the same time!!!!! I lock my knees, ok relax that - wait back is tight, relax that now shoulders. And breathing would be good too. Gah! Which, of course, plays into my riding and balance and I feel like a complete failure!

                          But, it got somewhat better toward the end. Except for the part where stubborn boy showed up - I don't want to circle to the right, I want to bulge. Ok, then spin a tight, tight circle left every time you do and see how you like it. Um, not so much - guess I will go in circles. And I did discover that I can actually sit Finn's trot (couldn't do that before)

                          So, all I need to do before my next lessen is: breathe, relax, bend my knees, stop over thinking and listen - shouldn't be a problem, right?

                          And dodedo - just do it. Get on the horse and start riding - even if all you do is walk and trot. You will be glad you did.
                          And nothing bad happened!


                          • Wisdom needed

                            I need the collective wisdom of this thread. My trainer keeps asking me what am I afraid of?

                            And I answer, I don't know.

                            I am not afraid of falling, not that particularly want to, but it happens. I mean, your gracefulness managed to fall off the mounting block not too long ago.

                            So, I have done a lot of thinking and done some on-line reading - can't go to the bookstore or library at work.... and I think I have an answer.

                            Apparently, I am some sort of perfectionist. I work so hard at getting it right, that I get it wrong. I seem to be incapable of "just ride the f-ing brown horse" as my trainer says.

                            I used to not do this - I had one of the best canter seats in the barn - as in no bounce. Now and can't even arrange my pieces and parts to post.

                            Thoughts? Suggestions? Drugs? Heavy drinking? Hypnosis?
                            And nothing bad happened!


                            • Jaslyn this is a really good question. I overheard another trainer asking her beginner adult student exactly that question in the warm up ring at a show a few weeks ago. Poor lady looked like she was about to throw up or cry. Her answer was also "I don't know". The trainer said she was afraid of falling but I don't necessarily think that's it (not that I'd ever met the woman, I've just been in that position enough times that I don't think that's it).

                              I have asked myself this question too. I think it has to do with wanting to do it right so badly and not wanting to fail. A lot of us have put our horse dreams on hold for so long in favour of everything and everyone else. Now when we finally can ride we feel we have to cram it all in and learn it all before we run out of time. " just ride the brown horse" sounds a lot like my trainer saying that I need to ride around saying "I don't give a s***". and I gotta tell ya I ride a lot better when I'm too tired or whatever to care. A girl that groomed for me said "fake it til ya make it" to me when I told her I was nervous about going in the ring. And I followed her advice, told my trainer I was on it, rode into the ring not caring, and that was my best show. I don't know that you need to identify what exactly it is that you're scared of. Are you scared? If you are, accept that you are, and work WITH it. Telling yourself or whoever doesn't make you NOT scared. I think we all are on some level at this stage, we have kids and jobs and responsibilities. Not to mention anxiety about aging etc. Just accept how you feel, work with it, manage it, and ride anyway.

                              Oh and I find an herb called rhodiola, a spray called Rescue Remedy, and some very good equestrian sports psychology reading helps a whole lot.

                              Does this make any sense?


                              • Dodedo, welcome. My advice would be tell yourself you're going to get on once and try it and see if you still like it. If you do, tell yourself you'll get on once more. You don't need to make a huge commitment it's too overwhelming and then you don't want to try at all. Try it once with no expectations and see if it makes you happy.

                                Good luck, let us know how it goes


                                • Originally posted by HazelG View Post

                                  I have asked myself this question too. I think it has to do with wanting to do it right so badly and not wanting to fail. A lot of us have put our horse dreams on hold for so long in favour of everything and everyone else. Now when we finally can ride we feel we have to cram it all in and learn it all before we run out of time. " just ride the brown horse" sounds a lot like my trainer saying that I need to ride around saying "I don't give a s***". and I gotta tell ya I ride a lot better when I'm too tired or whatever to care. ...
                                  OMG I am SO there. It took me over 40 years to buy my first horse, and she is amazing and beautiful, I want to show her off SO much (her breeders argued a bit over whether to sell her to me; husband was worried I wasn't a good enough rider to take her out there and show what their horses can do, while wife wanted her with me because she "knew" I'd do right by the mare and she'd have a loving home, no matter what. They both were right...)

                                  And most of the time, I have to struggle just to get her on the bit... My position sucks, I feel like I am ruining her, and our Big Show Season has kind of turned into a bust as we poke along at Training Level dressage in schooling shows. Judges love her but don't love how I ride her.

                                  And I can get caught up in silly stuff, like the fact that I want to show her in dressage at a Morgan breed show, but she's palomino, and New England is VERY traditional about its Morgans, palomino is Just Not Done, so we'd really stand out... so I can't do it unless we are *perfect*.

                                  BUT it's different in our jumping lessons, because I know we're doing *that* just for fun, because we both have physical limitations that make tiny crossrails our only option. If I ever get to do a whole course of them, I'll be thrilled. Our jumpers trainer says that "everything changes" about my riding when we move from flatwork to jumping; I get a smile on my face and if the mare could smile, she'd be smiling too

                                  We also trail ride, and while she's not thrilled about it, between the bugs and going out alone most of the time, it's a challenge in a way that showing isn't... I don't have "performance anxiety" about trail riding, I am much more patient, and just view it as a challenge... with no audience, and no sense of "failure" if things don't work out the way I planned. On our own, we've dealt with SO much... from little yappy dogs to all sorts of other dogs to over 200 kids on a school field trip to getting tangled in vines to having the men's cross country team from the local Uni coming right at us to dirt bikes and ATVs. I am very proud of us for this, given that neither the mare nor I are the bravest!

                                  My barn's going to have an awesome "Trail Riding Mare Posse" this fall with at least 4 great trail mares and their mostly older adult female riders (the youngest just turned 30, I am second youngest at 48, and the other two are in their late 50s or early 60s. I am actually the only re-rider in the bunch.)

                                  So yes.... this is a huge issue!
                                  You have to have experiences to gain experience.

                                  1998 Morgan mare Mythic Feronia "More Valley Girl Than Girl Scout!"


                                  • " A lot of us have put our horse dreams on hold for so long in favour of everything and everyone else. Now when we finally can ride we feel we have to cram it all in and learn it all before we run out of time. "

                                    I think this is a big part of it - I turned 57 this year. Finn is my first, and honestly, probably my only horse. There is definitely a sense of "borrowed time" with riding which makes me worry about getting it right all the more.

                                    Thanks for the support, it really helps.
                                    And nothing bad happened!


                                    • I think many of us older riders just "think" about it too much. In all likelihood we have achieved a level of success in our professional lives (we would not be able to afford this sport if we hadn't), and the very characteristics that lead us to professional success (thinking about every possible contingency, analyzing each step we need to take, having a back up plan, etc.) get in the way of us just being able to ride, without over-analyzing it. And all of that energy being expended on being overly cerebral gets in he way of us just "feeling" the ride.

                                      When we were kids, we never thought about the mechanics of riding, we just rode, and made the corrections our trainers told us to. And we were much better!

                                      Like others mentioned, I always ride better when I can let go of the analytical part of me, and just do what my trainer says to do, without thinking about it so much. Problem is, it's hard to let go most times!
                                      Riding a horse is not a gentle hobby, to be picked up and laid down like a game of solitaire. It is a grand passion.... ~ Emerson


                                      • Just a little celebration

                                        It has been almost impossible for me to ride without help to watch my younger son. He is seven now. He is probably more the psychological age of a three year old. (He was very premature, was chronically ill for a long time, and now diagnosed with autism.) Mostly he has problems with obsessing on things and not being able to control his impulses. But, this is not a sob story. Lately, I have been able to get in a 20 minute ride while he plays on his iPad! I wasn't sure this was ever going to happen.

                                        Here is a picture of a happy boy and a happy dog (his service dog), taken by a happy mom!

                                        Me, Malcolm, Darcy, and Leo
                                        Last edited by MrsFitzDarcy&Feliks; Aug. 21, 2012, 01:21 PM. Reason: changed link
                                        You hate that, don’t you? Do you like oysters? You have to acquire a taste for oysters and the deep distance.”
                                        -- George H. Morris on learning to love the deep distance


                                        • WAY TO GO MrsF!!!!!!!!! That's so great!! But I can't see the picture. I'm not a facebook person myself but I think you have to do something to the privacy settings so we can see it.