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Can we have an adult re-rider support group?

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  • Button - you have every right to be very proud of yourself! You go girl!

    "I am still under the impression that there is nothing alive quite so beautiful as a thoroughbred horse." -- John Galsworthy


    • I guess I really fit in here. 6 kids at ages 2 and 2, 7 and 7, 10 and 12. 3 horses pony at 3 yrs ( wanted to polish her off myself and have he be a true kids horse. She's doing beautifully.) rescue qh with stifle surgery recovery and ottb as my personal project. Full time job wonderful hubby. Busy doesn't even start to describe my life and I wouldn't trade any of it for nothin. Rode from age 5 to 16 when rents divorced and horses went with it. Rode sporadically after whenever I could afford a lesson then kids and now I'm back 15 yrs later. Don't take it for granted now. The horses keep me sane. Give me my own passion and I just think that's a good thing for kids to see. That mom has a passion for something and is not just mom or wife. I want them all to find their own passion in life whether its horses or other. To all the many ppl who think I'm nuts or neglect my kids, you just don't get it. The horses add positively to my relationship with my kids.


      • Wow I have a lot to catch up on!! Hope everyone is having a great holiday weekend.

        Well the kid that is 1/2 leasing Jack took him to an event yesterday with my trainer and some other boarders. They did well he came in 3rd overall with a dressage score of 31.5. Which is great. I couldn't go with them since I am having car troubles.

        I get a text after they were finished how thrilled she was and how great Jack was yada, yada.

        The around 7pm I get the dreaded call from my trainer. Jack is colicing badly. He is currently down and they are unable to get him up. UGH. Vet is called and I scramble around to get a hold of a running car. I finally get to the barn and he is up and had been oiled and what not. The vet thinks he may have an underlying issue either a severe vit E problem, some kind of GI issue or EPM. She thinks there is something else going on that he keeps doing this. He also took forever to come around after his last episode. We all discussed our concerns with his lack of hind end strength and muscling. He is in training and gets ridden and gets conditioning rides 5-6 days a week. He is turned out 8-10 hours a day with a herd in a big field. He is not lame but seems stiff and or weak while in a ring. In a field or out on the trails he looks great. He also has a roar that I haven't looked into since it doesn't seem to bother him at this point.

        UGH what am I to do with this beast???? He didn't get the memo that I lost my job back in Feb and funds are very limited.

        He is better today and passed some of the oil so my trainer is going to give him a little bit of soaked hay tonight.

        The vet also mentioned that he should go on senior feed, bran mashes for any kind of weather changes, schedule changes and possibly live out. Right now my trainer is full on her pasture board but if it comes to it we will figure something out. He is a 9 yr old OTTB who I have known since he was 3. He never had these issues and certainly didn't get the level of care he gets now that I own him.

        My poor trainer who was up and out showing since like 4am and finally left the barn last night around 10pm. She must have been exhausted!!!! She had 8 horses at the event yesterday. 2 of which she competed. ( her 4 yr old OTTB came in 1st!!! )

        I see huge vet bills in my future...........


        • I had a tough lesson on Friday. I'd done something to disappoint my trainer outside of the lesson and she was in a bad mood (I found this out afterwards). I am a very sensitive rider and trainers need to be careful in how they approach me, but this time, she wasn't very careful and I ended up crying in the porta-potty after my lesson for awhile. I never cry.

          I was riding a horse I hadn't ridden in a bit over a week and I forgot that he fell to the inside. Throughout the lesson she pointed out all of my mistakes, and it seemed like I was making more than usual. We're cantering and I have trouble taking off because he fell to the inside and changed leads. I'm attempting to hold him on the correct lead but he kept falling in and changing back. At some point she was exasperated and yelling at me to leg him (which I was doing so that didn't help me). In the moment I was so stunned by the repeated criticism that I wasn't using my head; I know perfectly well how to solve the issue of a horse falling to the inside at the canter. I took a breather and asked her what I was doing wrong, and got met with this:

          "I don't know, nobody else has that problem on him."

          She turned to another rider in my lesson and asked her what she did, and she describes an entire warm-up routine involving leg yields. She does not look at me again.

          I finally took a breather at the trot, tuned out my trainer, cleared my head and started cantering again. I was perfect. He no longer fell in and had the correct lead the whole time. My trainer didn't say anything. We went on to jumps. Again, no problem with leads. The other riders in the lesson kept talking about how well I was doing and how I did really good over the fences. I did not however get a single compliment from my trainer (other people did).

          I found out after the lessons that she had been disappointed with how slow I'd been working during the day (I work in exchange for lessons) and she was not happy with a mistake I'd made the day before. We had a chat about it and I will fix those problems. But overall I am very apprehensive about my next lesson on Tuesday.

          I know it sounds silly. I know she was just upset. But I can't stop living in fear that now I'm a bad rider and I must have messed up so bad and what if I never get to ride that horse again? I am mulling over all the mistakes I made during my ride. I was thinking of telling her that I just won't take the next lesson until I earn it by working better. I want to ride so badly, more than anything and the thought of not riding is physically painful to me (especially since, due to memorial day I'm only riding twice this week instead of 3x). But what if I have another bad lesson?

          I sound nuts here and I'm sorry. I care a lot about my riding and hate the thought of another lesson where I don't learn anything out of it. They say it takes 10,000 hours in the saddle to become proficient and I don't want to waste one second of it. I want to be incredible so that when my horse is old enough to be ridden I can get on her and do most of her training rides. Will I ever get there?


          • We had an unusual, but effective, lesson yesterday. For some reason I was the only person that showed up for the group lesson. I almost didn't because my back was hurting a lot (we gotta find out why and how to fix it) but I got on, and asked my trainer to work on quality, not quantity. So we did some great flat work for a few minutes. Then we trotted a few jumps in the warmup area. Next, she told me to go into the main ring, and jump a course, as if we were in a show. That's a bit different mentally from a lesson. Eight perfect fences later, the lesson was over.
            It's 2017. Do you know where your old horse is?

            www.streamhorsetv.com -- website with horse show livestream listings and links.


            • Ladyfreckles your trainer was out of line, immature and dare I say bullying you. If she had an issue with something she did or did not do outside of your lesson, she needed to discuss it with you directly and honestly so that you were aware of her concerns and able to modify your behavior. It is not appropriate for her to persistently criticize or ignore you in a lesson. That is passive-aggressive behaviour and you are both adults. You do not take lessons to be demoralized in front of other students, regardless of how you pay for them. Just my humble opinion.

              Good for you Pony4me!

              SuperD jingles for Jack. I just detest colic. Keep us posted on how he's doing.


              • SuperD - ugh - so sorry for the whole situation! It's hard to see our critters NQR and our efforts at resolving it fall short somehow. Yeah, what HazelG said: JINGLES!!

                Ladyfreckles - I'm thinking you might need a new situation. I have someone who has been working off her board. She has had a SWEET deal. She will be paying board starting June 1. Our work ethics are different & I'm just not okay with how she's handling things...that said, she's been given loads of instruction on "my way" and every opp to shift things up, but doesn't. I started feeling some strong animosity for her which bothered ME b/c I love this kid (she's 18). So we changed the arrangement. Now we're all happy. Not saying you fall into the same situation as mine, just that changing the situation can be very beneficial. HOWEVER - she shouldn't have been rude, tacky, and unprofessional in the ring. Your post sounds like you are a sensitive sort...her "teaching" doesn't seem like a good fit if this is SOP for her. So sorry your time on the horse was marred with the stress of what happened!

                pony4me - how's the TWH doing? Is he staying w/you or headed to another farm? Kudos to you for helping him out!! I'm headed in for an MRI this morning due to back issues. The ONLY thing that doesn't make it hurt is riding...everything else seems to exacerbate whatever's going on. I see lots of yoga in my future...and hopefully some meds in the short term as OTC stuff isn't making ANY difference.

                So I submitted my deposit and registration for Dressage Boot Camp at Fellowship Farm (Tami Batts) yesterday. No turning back, I guess. The Amazon & I will hopefully have a good weekend (last wkend in June) and best of all, there are NO alpacas!! Until then, we working, working, working...

                Hope everyone had a great holiday weekend!! BTW - anyone hear anything from Dewey lately???


                • Sorry I haven't been posting lately. I had a bad end of the semester; my grading had really piled up (mostly my own fault), and I had to pull some all-nighters to get it all done. More to the point, I have been having family problems involving both kids. I won't go into too many details here, but I will say our son, aged 23, is living with us for the time being. We just brought him home a couple of weeks ago. Meanwhile DD has decided to drop out of school and isn't sure whether she is coming home for the summer or not. A friend at the barn told me that "having children is like getting pecked to death by a duck"; that is how I feel right now!

                  I am not teaching this summer but have agreed to do a curriculum development project for pay. I have done zero work on this--it's due June 15. Meanwhile we are getting new kitchen counters, which was supposed to be something to look forward to but which instead has turned into more stress. DH and I are not the most organized housekeepers to begin with, and with son's stuff all over the place, I feel I am not ready to let the counter people into the house yet.

                  Oh, yes. Sky is fine. As usual, she is my stress relief and my therapy. Our show last month was cancelled because of low entries; we have another this weekend (June 1). We'll see if that happens. I wanted to ride more this summer, but so far it has been less because of the problems around here. I did make it out on Sunday afternoon. I rode Sky and a greenie.

                  The greenie is one that has been around for a year and has gotten no consistent work. I always liked him and wanted to work with him and was hoping that this summer would be the time. Unfortunately, BO has decided he's not going to work out as a school horse, and she wants to get rid of him. If I have time to ride extra horses, there are others she would prefer I ride. But I really like the little fellow she has written off. It's too bad. He's a cute little guy, about 15 hands, sound and sweet. His problem is that he is a bit of a nervous type who rushes, especially at the trot. You can see why he is not a good school horse candidate. He needs a calm, experienced rider, and I feel that anyone who worked with him consistently would end up with a nice horse. He loves to jump. Well, maybe I can sneak in some more rides on him. I can't see anyone rushing to buy him right now.
                  Last edited by Dewey; May. 28, 2013, 08:42 AM.
                  I heard a neigh. Oh, such a brisk and melodious neigh as that was! My very heart leaped with delight at the sound. --Nathaniel Hawthorne


                  • Oh, Dewey - so sorry...I was one of those kids who put more grey hairs on my parents' heads that one 10 people should have. It will iron out...some of us youngins just take longer (A LOT in my case!) to get it together. Hugs to you and hoping you're getting some ride time in. Being in the barn with my horses is my "church time." Fixes everything at least while I'm in there.


                    • Color me shocked...

                      Trainer friend thought it would be a good idea to take my baby to a rated show this past weekend so she could get a feel of the atmosphere and scary jumps (since we've yet to find her a scary fence yay!)

                      Anyhow I haven't been to a rated show in probably at least 7 yrs. So I was going in kind of blind but we thought the little cross rail pleasure division we planned on doing was an opportunity division. Wrong. It would have cost me over $200 with member fees or paying non member fees to show over x rails against just the one other entry in the division. Needless to say I didn't show. Hacked around the grounds and in the schooling areas and called it a day.

                      When did things get so expensive? I didn't think I'd been away that long...


                      • superD - Congrats on the show - I hope Jack is feeling much better. A pony at our barn coliced Friday night (I was not there, but from what I heard the whole situation was quite the fiasco - angry vet, pushy boarders - it was ugly) all is well now, but colic is just so scary.

                        ladyfreckles - I agree with HazelG - trainer was totally out of line. I think we all tend to dwell on our mistakes (I know I do!). The key is learn from them and keep trying - you will get there!

                        pony4me - congrats on the great lesson!

                        Finzean - good for you - we'll need a full report.

                        Dewey - hang in there - as the mother of a 20 year old college student, I can relate. Having kids is not for the faint of heart! But, from what I've seen, it does all iron out in the end . . . sounds like you had a productive day at the barn!

                        Rebels_Princess - I only show at schooling shows and that's expensive enough for me!

                        Speaking of which - after a great lesson on Sunday - that included jumping logs out in our pasture - my trainer has talked me into doing a mini event on June 9!
                        I'd better dig out that dressage test again . . .

                        "I am still under the impression that there is nothing alive quite so beautiful as a thoroughbred horse." -- John Galsworthy


                        • Dewey, so sorry that things are tough with your kids right now. So many young adults go through tough phases, though, and I am sure they will pull through. I wish you the best! Amp up your barn time for therapy

                          Ollie and I had an AMAZING show this past weekend. it's the best he has ever been at a show, and he LISTENED and didn't get rushy and stupid. He didn't pull any antics like trying to run out the in-gate or doing first-jump drive-bys. I am SO PROUD of him. We even got a 2nd and 3rd over fences in the baby greens, and we were showing against some trainers and very fancy babies that were undoubtedly 5X or more the cost of him I was proud he held his own in there. We did long stirrup too, and he did great there too, but he started getting tired and a bit careless, so we pulled a rail in one class. But I couldn't be happier with how the day went. Two photos:


                          Blog chronicling our new eventing adventures: Riding With Scissors


                          • Dewey- Sorry about the kids try to get out for some barn time, best therapy around.

                            Painted- Congrats on your show!!! He looks great.

                            Tiger- So exciting for your event in June!! Have a great time.

                            Finzean- That sounds like so much fun!! My trainer was talking about doing an away type of cross country schooling weekend. Let us know how it goes!!
                            Oh and I am glad there won't be any Alpacas!!

                            Pony- I love lessons like that!! Glad you had a great one.

                            Soloud- I would buy the new trailer!! You know what you are getting and don't have to worry about any hidden issues.

                            MS- Good luck!!! Pictures please when you get her!!

                            Ruby- That was a horrible thing for her to say!!!

                            I know that I missed some but hope all had good holiday weekends!!


                            • Had a less-than-positive ride on Nessie a few days ago. Now, to her defense, she hadn't been ridden all week, and she had been in a stall overnight due to rain the previous night. Well, we tacked her up and DH lunged her for me. I got on and we trotted for a good ten minutes. Then we worked on some circles with trot poles on the circle (not raised, just on the ground). After a few times over that she started getting balky. Now, I'm not at my most confident right now about my balance issues due to the ankle problem AND being heavier than I have been in the past. I feel my balance is very iffy. I NEED to get in shape...I know, I keep saying that. But it does affect my balance, and my confidence dealing with silliness. Now, if I was on Chico, it's not a problem since I TRUST him. Trust is such a huge thing with me and my horses. I'm two different riders on the horse I trust versus the horse I don't yet trust (or worse, have reason to distrust). I'm a fairly good rider with Chico. I don't have any issues with him. I can go out today even though I have crappy balance, and feel comfortable jumping 3'6". Now, put me on the new girl, or another horse, and the confidence goes straight out the window. So anyway, she was doing her balky thing not wanting to go forward. I tried to move her forward, tapped with crap, used my legs. She would go for a revolution then try to stop and prop again. Eventually she stopped and would not go, but was doing a little crowhop. And it was probably really little, but with me getting nervous, it felt bigger than it likely was. I got to the point where I felt I was going to come off if I pushed her any more, felt she was buck. I HATE that I felt that way. I panicked and got off. She won. My DH was less than thrilled with my decision because he's sure I can ride through it. Sigh. I need to get over this. I just had flashbacks of a previous mare who would get balky and crowhop and I came off twice. DH got on Nessie the next day and she balked a little bit, but he's not worried about it and rides through and she's fine. She did get over it with him. So I need to toughen up and just ride through it. I would feel better if I was in shape. I guess that's my main goal right now. I need to have the reflexes and strength to stay upright in the saddle when things get silly. The broken ankle from over a year ago, I think, has really done a number on me. No exercise and eating junk. I have to stop. In-shape me from a few years ago: http://i740.photobucket.com/albums/x...mp/Lydian6.jpg And current me: http://i740.photobucket.com/albums/x...pse250b570.jpg

                              The only reason I'm posting is now it's on record. I need to fix it! haha. Wish me luck. Any words of advice are welcome.
                              “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”
                              ¯ Oscar Wilde


                              • superD - Jingles! Hope he's recovering well. Please keep us updated on his progress and the search for the cause. My equine medical experience is pretty limited, so anything I can learn from others is helpful.

                                PaintedHunter - Ohh he's a cutie! You two look good together.

                                Dewey - Sorry about the kid induced stress, I like the duck quote though, I might steal that.

                                Ladyfreckles - Man that's tough. Sounds like the trainer is pretty out of line, and kind of immature. Perhaps it's time to find a new arrangement? Or at least to sit down and have a little heart to heart.

                                Ruby2Shoes - I'd say you fit in just fine here, welcome!

                                I'm sure I forgot some people, my apologies.

                                Update for me. Rode a new horse this morning for my lesson. Huge chestnut beastie. He took a LOT of leg (feeling like jello now), if I took my leg off I got immediate downward transition/stop. Turns out he's my trainer's old GP jumper, imported as a 9 yo from Germany, and not taking to retirement too quietly. Once he's convinced that you mean what you say, he's pretty awesome. (I don't think he believed that we were really only doing 18" and just stepped over it instead of jumping the first time ). Looks like I'm going to be on him and the belligerent spine bruiser for my lessons.

                                The belligerent spine bruiser and I are actually getting along for now, I don't trust him, but I'm figuring him out. And I really like the chestnut beastie. Things are looking up.


                                • Paradox - As far as the photos go, you are a) brave to post them and b) still not looking bad. You are always your own worst critic. As far as the confidence goes, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for posting this, because I'm struggling through the same thing, and it comforts me to know that I'm not alone. I wish there was something I could say to take away the fear, but if I knew what that was I could fix myself too. I just repeat one of my 2 (admittedly stupid) mantras in my head and try to push through. Could DH hubby perhaps walk her forward (from the ground) when she gets silly like this? That's about all I can think of, hopefully someone more knowledgeable can chime in.


                                  • Thanks for the kind words, Button. I just have to get through this, I guess. Maybe I can ask DH to do that for me when it gets rough. Good idea. If I can get ONE good ride on her and actually work through an issue without coming off, I'll feel better! The other day, however, I wasn't even up to the challenge, which makes me disappointed in myself.

                                    I think the chestnut beastie sounds AWESOME!!!
                                    “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”
                                    ¯ Oscar Wilde


                                    • Well you can only do one ride at a time, so let the next be the ONE time. And then you'll have another, and another, and then it will just be a distant memory. I've let them get to me before the same way, all we can do is keep trying. Even if you weren't up to the challenge one day, don't forget all the days you were up to it and then some. One bad day doesn't negate all of the good ones.

                                      Chestnut beastie IS awesome. He's lazy, but I got a few hints of his glory days. He got up to the baby fence at an odd distance a few times, but he can just lift himself. I caught it again on a few trots, he'd lift his back and suddenly there was this suspension and this sense of POWER coming from him.


                                      • Originally posted by Button View Post
                                        Well you can only do one ride at a time, so let the next be the ONE time. And then you'll have another, and another, and then it will just be a distant memory. I've let them get to me before the same way, all we can do is keep trying. Even if you weren't up to the challenge one day, don't forget all the days you were up to it and then some. One bad day doesn't negate all of the good ones.
                                        Great advice Button - we would all do well to remember it!!

                                        "I am still under the impression that there is nothing alive quite so beautiful as a thoroughbred horse." -- John Galsworthy


                                        • Originally posted by Tiger Horse View Post
                                          Great advice Button - we would all do well to remember it!!
                                          YES! And ditto on Paradox not looking bad at ALL! Promise.

                                          I have learned over the past year that I am better and stronger than I ever think I am in my head, at any given moment. Remember that it's likely true for you too, unless you're some sort of mutant over-confident adult that doesn't really exist If you're feeling particularly weenie one day, put on a protective vest and large undies, and just DO IT. i always tell myself: what's the worst that could happen? Usually that will mean falling off, and usually it's just bruising. And then you get back up and do it again and again until it doesn't feel scary anymore. That sense of accomplishment when you push past something that scares you is THE BEST FEELING EVER. it's better than sex. better than chocolate. You feel like this: http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l8t0c...djb4o1_500.gif

                                          After that, it's going to get less and less scary. I have been through this so many times, in so many situations, and it feels better and better every time I break through a barrier. And as a Weenie Adult Rider, I have *many* barriers. The first time I cantered on Ollie and his GIANT percheron stride, I thought I was going to die. And then I could do it for hours. You will get there too. Have someone with you for safety and encouragement, and just do it If she bucks... sit back, hang on and scream "I don't EFFING CARE, you're gonna do it!" or whatever your curse or fake-curse word of choice is. Get a bucking strap. Anything to set yourself up for success and confidence.
                                          Blog chronicling our new eventing adventures: Riding With Scissors