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Can we have an adult re-rider support group?

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  • I think I can fit in here.

    We've moved back to my old trainer's place. He's fantastic with the patience of a saint and can do training rides on her as well, but I still worry, even though she never does anything wrong beyond an occasional tiny spook when the wind is bad and rattles the windows as she's going by.
    It's odd because our first lesson back we did w/t/c and it was great.
    She listens well, has power steering and power brakes at any gait and I still feel the need to grab my "Oh Sh*t" strap, even at the walk.
    I'm really hoping that things will improve when we can get outside. I think she is more nervous inside because she can't see anything coming. Outside she'll be able to keep an eye on everything and hopefully relax.

    Any words of wisdom for someone who has totally lost their nerve?

    NJR
    Last edited by Nojacketrequired; May. 1, 2013, 09:19 AM.
    Your beliefs don't make you a better person, your behaviour does.

    Comment


    • Originally posted by Nojacketrequired View Post
      I think I can fit in here.
      In the Fall, on a hack, my horse backed into an electric fence. Went straight up and over on me. Luckily, neither of us were injured. Since then my confidence has gone right down the toilet. Even though I know she did it because something "bit" her from behind, not out of attitude, I still find myself nervous to ride her.
      We've moved back to my old trainer's place. He's fantastic with the patience of a saint and can do training rides on her as well, but I still worry, even though she never does anything wrong beyond an occasional tiny spook when the wind is bad and rattles the windows as she's going by.
      It's odd because our first lesson back we did w/t/c and it was great. Next lesson I got a little spook and we haven't really cantered since. It's been at least a month. And canter is her best gait.
      She listens well, has power steering and power brakes at any gait and I still feel the need to grab my "Oh Sh*t" strap, even at the walk.
      I'm really hoping that things will improve when we can get outside. I think she is more nervous inside because she can't see anything coming. Outside she'll be able to keep an eye on everything and hopefully relax.

      Any words of wisdom for someone who has totally lost their nerve?

      NJR
      NJR - sorry about the incident/fall.

      One ride at a time! Do what you can, when you can - even if that means you walk a lap in the indoor and dismount. Celebrate the smallest of victories.
      Try not to think about all the "what-ifs" and don't stare at trouble.

      Sing!

      I force myself to take my guy (Dodger) out on the trail - he can be so unpredictable and there are so many scary things out there! I sing when I get really uncomfortable and it helps - alot. (I just hope no one hears me - I can't carry a tune to save my soul - my favorites are "God Bless America" and "Take Me Out to the Ballgame".) We also go out alone because I want to make sure I can do what I want, when I want and because I don't want anyone else to get hurt, if or when, he explodes.

      And most of all, don't impose a deadline - you'll get over it, when you get over it. And don't forget you are not alone! We've all been there.
      http://fromdressagehorsetocowpony.blogspot.com/

      "I am still under the impression that there is nothing alive quite so beautiful as a thoroughbred horse." -- John Galsworthy

      Comment


      • Originally posted by Opus1 View Post
        Sorry to be a Debbie Downer today. I haven't popped on in ages, but thought y'all might like to know how things were going with me.
        You're not the only one! I seriously think it's the weather that's got everyone in a funk . . .

        Do you have a trailer? Could you meet up with friends to ride?
        http://fromdressagehorsetocowpony.blogspot.com/

        "I am still under the impression that there is nothing alive quite so beautiful as a thoroughbred horse." -- John Galsworthy

        Comment


        • Opus1- I often feel the same way. I will never sell my boys and one is retired any way. But I just don't have as much fun as I used to. I know a lot of it is that my barn is small and there really is no social activity there. I'm used to my old barn where it was bustling with activity all the time. Alas I can't afford it there anymore and my old man needs more turnout than she can provide.
          So my solution was to have my trainer train my young boy and compete him. Then have one of the young girls ( she is 18 and an awesome rider) 1/2 lease him. It turns out to be a win-win. He gets the training and competions he needs and the girl gets to ride. She is actually the one that caught his colic. Now I can sit back and enjoy my horses company with out the guilt of not riding.

          NJR- I hear you and have been there!! Tiger horse has a great suggestion and I agree 100%. Time and small victories make all the difference in the world!!

          Paradox- I'm sorry about the appendix. Sounds like she just isn't such a great fit. You will find the right horse!!

          Comment


          • Yeah, my barn's pretty small. We do have social activities here and there, but other than parents, there's not many adults. And no, I don't have a trailer, nor do I have friends to ride with. I don't even know anyone outside the barn who rides. Which I think is part of my problem. This thread (and talking with my trainer during lessons) are about the only 'social' aspects of riding I have.

            I know riding should be about me/for me, but it's kind of lonely as it is now.
            The dude abides ...

            Comment


            • Tiger, you are SO right – tomorrow is another day. I have been pushing myself too hard to get my horses ridden and I need to 1) stop and smell the roses, and 2) stop and listen to the beasties I’m about to hop on. It makes everything so much nicer. The story of you and Dodger is very inspiring for me – thank you so much for sharing that. It gives me a ray of hope.

              Also, *great* advice to NJR about singing! My friend has told me anytime she’s not comfortable she always sings. I have yet to put that into practice ‘cause it isn’t something I’ve ever used before and I keep forgetting about it. But I need to start.

              Event4Life – there are no trainers at my barn. My friend was a certified instructor at one time, so she helps me out some, but we don’t really do formal lessons, nor do I think she really wants to. I feel like it’d be weird to take lessons from a good friend, anyway – odd dynamic, you know? Though I should see if I can find one nearby to do lessons with.

              My friend and I spoke last night about Rose, and she wants to put 30 days on her for me, then we can re-evaluate. She said she probably can’t start this until it gets warmer out, but she wants to do it for me. How awesome of her! I’m so lucky to have her as a good friend.

              From this point forward, if one of them is tense or “up” I’m going to just groundwork or roundpen or something. It still works them, it just isn’t riding. That’s actually what I usually do – I just didn’t listen to my own common sense on Saturday I guess. And it’s good to be reminded of these things.

              I don’t think it’s their grain, but that’s a very valid point. I’m going to look up the content of this grain versus what they were getting and see if it might be contributing. I don’t think they necessarily need less – even though they’re getting tons of turnout, the grass is still very sparse in their pasture right now. I think it might just be the Spring Sillies based on my ride last night (will post about that later).

              Paradox – I’m sorry the appendix didn’t work out. How disappointing. But you absolutely made the right choice, IMHO. And have faith - the right one will come along at the right time. They always do.

              Is Chico doing ok? What did your vet say? That poor kid! I feel so bad for him! Abscesses suck.

              Opus1 – With my recent riding frustrations, I’ve been beginning to feel the same way about riding. I don’t know if it would help you at all, but sometimes when I feel like this, I just take a break from everything but the most basic care for about a month. I don’t pressure myself to do anything else *at all* during that month – it’s my vacation and I deserve it. I feel like that’s key, ‘cause I could go months on end making myself not enjoy the barn if I’m feeling bad about not doing XYZ. …By the end of that month, I’m usually more than ready to get back into it because I miss the joys that come with all the interaction with my horse. Perhaps a “vacation” is in order?

              NJR – Yes, you fit right in here! You may’ve read my recent posts regarding my fears, especially with cantering. I know exactly how you feel – you are not alone! We all just have to take it one step at a time, and try not to overthink it. I’ve found that I *can* canter and be fine if I just *do* it and don’t think about it. But that’s much easier said than done.
              ~*~*~*~Founding member of the Spotted Saddlebred Pals Clique~*~*~*~

              The equine love of my life: Gabriel
              4/6/1993 - 8/23/2015 ...RIP my big, beautiful boy <3

              Comment


              • So, my friend and I met out at the barn yesterday evening. I had a *much* better evening and I am feeling much better about things today.

                I rode Velvet in the indoor arena. We only did W/T. She was throwing her head around a little at the Trot, which made me immediately start psyching myself out about cantering. Ugh! So, I decided to forego it. But, we made some progress in the ride. She was much calmer, if a little opinionated last night. She wasn’t bending right again, so we worked on little circles, a bit of half-passing, and I put her up against a wall and made her side-pass. She got it right away moving to the right, but did *not* want to do it going left. After at least 10 minutes, we eventually got one *really beautiful* step left and I called that a win. By the end of all this, she was bending right really well on the rail.

                I also rode Gabriel. The entire time I was doing stuff with Velvet, Gabriel had his head out of his stall watching me. He *really* wanted some attention last night – sweet, silly boy. So, I ended up riding him in the indoor, too. He was really tight at the walk and wasn’t coming under himself as well as he normally does, so we did a lot of bending and transitions at the walk to get his old muscles loosened. Then we did a little Trot work. He was SUCH a good boy, as always. He was so starved for attention that when I got off of him he didn't want to go back to his stall - he just stood there and looked at me with his ears perked instead of coming with me. So I loved on him some more, gave him head scratches and a few kisses. That was good enough, and he walked with me to his stall. Hahaha!

                I also talked to my friend about Rose. When I got her two years ago, I honestly thought my life would be in a different place than it is by now. I thought I’d have the money to send her to a trainer to get her started. And I definitely never thought I’d lose my confidence so badly. So, I’m not 100% certain, and it breaks my heart to think it, but I might end up selling her. My friend said she wants to put 30 days on her for me, and then we can re-evaluate. She said you never know, if training goes smoothly she may be a fine mount for me; especially if my confidence gets boosted in that time. I hope that’s true, but I’ve already resigned myself to the possibility of selling her. I think she’s going to be a fantastic horse once she gets some miles, but I don’t think I’m at a point where I can do a total greenie.

                Whether I sell Rose or keep her, I would like to give my friend something in return for the work she puts in. My friend said she just wants to do it for me and doesn’t want anything, but I really want to give her something. What would be a fair price or gift or something to give her for a 30-day starting fee?
                ~*~*~*~Founding member of the Spotted Saddlebred Pals Clique~*~*~*~

                The equine love of my life: Gabriel
                4/6/1993 - 8/23/2015 ...RIP my big, beautiful boy <3

                Comment


                • Originally posted by Nojacketrequired View Post
                  I think I can fit in here.
                  In the Fall, on a hack, my horse backed into an electric fence. Went straight up and over on me. Luckily, neither of us were injured. Since then my confidence has gone right down the toilet. Even though I know she did it because something "bit" her from behind, not out of attitude, I still find myself nervous to ride her.
                  We've moved back to my old trainer's place. He's fantastic with the patience of a saint and can do training rides on her as well, but I still worry, even though she never does anything wrong beyond an occasional tiny spook when the wind is bad and rattles the windows as she's going by.
                  It's odd because our first lesson back we did w/t/c and it was great. Next lesson I got a little spook and we haven't really cantered since. It's been at least a month. And canter is her best gait.
                  She listens well, has power steering and power brakes at any gait and I still feel the need to grab my "Oh Sh*t" strap, even at the walk.
                  I'm really hoping that things will improve when we can get outside. I think she is more nervous inside because she can't see anything coming. Outside she'll be able to keep an eye on everything and hopefully relax.

                  Any words of wisdom for someone who has totally lost their nerve?

                  NJR
                  Think like a horse! As riders we worry about the past and future, but horses just live in the moment - your horse is not thinking about what spooked her before or what might spook her in the future, she is just doing her thing right now.

                  I tend to through phases where I will feel good about my riding,and then I will feel nervous and tense about something new or that I'm not getting. I just try to remind myself that horses don't work that way, and to not think about where things might lead in the future. They are just waiting for my current instructions!

                  Comment


                  • CR - I'm glad you had a better ride last night on Velvet. Don't feel too bad about Rose, these things happen, and as much as we may try hard to plan ahead sometimes things just don't work out. Its great your friend wants to do 30 days on her, and sounds like you need the time to spend on your other horses. As for gifts, maybe a spa day? Gift basket filled with her favorite things?

                    NJR - welcome, and sorry about your incident. If you have totally lost your nerve I would recommend lessoning on an quiet older horse and getting a session of training rides for your horse. Maybe trainer rides her twice a week and you do groundwork the rest of the days or something. Take the pressure of yourself to ride her when you don't feel comfortable doing so. I had to do that with my chestnut mare, and it made a world of difference for her. We actually did a few months with a local NH trainer who did not fall into any of the gimmicky programs, and it worked great for us. I did a series of lunge lessons on a school horse which was huge in regaining my confidence.

                    Tarheel - jingles for your trainers horse! Everyone's worst nightmare .

                    Paradox - Sorry about your rough weekend, but good decision to pass on the Appendix. You don't want to deal with a lameness issue before you even buy the horse especially if you didn't like it that much to begin with. I hope Chico gets better and good for you for doing some shopping therapy in the meantime!


                    I had a great lesson again. I rode a different horse this time and he is HUGE. Like 17hh 6 year old HanoXTB. Did I mention how nice the lesson horses are at this place? He was so sweet though and extremely patient with me. I really enjoyed him on the flat and especially his canter. He's fun O/F too but got a bit rushy towards the fences - was great going into the first but then grabbed the bit towards the second, so that was a perfect opportunity for me to work on slowing everything down, especially my upper body & seat. The one time I did loose it and get too far ahead he stopped then jumped big and I nearly came off. Superstar horse totally took care of me and slowed down so I could crawl back into the saddle. We tried again and this time managed to get the add in the line we'd been working towards - whoop! Trainer said my jumping ahead looked better at the beginning, lost it in the middle, then got it back after the near fall. I was more steady on the flat too but still lift my heel/leg up and pinch with my knees. It takes time!
                    "Choose to chance the rapids, and dare to dance the tides" - Garth Brooks
                    "With your permission, dear, I'll take my fences one at a time" - Maggie Smith, Downton Abbey

                    Comment


                    • CR - so glad the next ride was better! You are smart to be thinking ahead about Rose, but I would hold off on any decisions until you see how the 30 days go. What a great friend! How about a gift certificate to a favorite restaurant or tack store?

                      Event4Life - congrats on another great lesson!

                      I have been flatting Dodger in the pelham - what a difference it has made! He is so much lighter and more responsive, it only takes a whisper to get a response. I so prefer that to "yelling" all the time. Now the question becomes, do I ride in it all the time? Or save it just for jump days? Interesting - I have found it easier to handle the reins with the snaffle on the outside of my little finger. Tried it with the curb on the outside and I was a mess - weird.
                      http://fromdressagehorsetocowpony.blogspot.com/

                      "I am still under the impression that there is nothing alive quite so beautiful as a thoroughbred horse." -- John Galsworthy

                      Comment


                      • TH--you are holding the reins correctly. The snaffle rein goes on the outside.

                        I would save the Pelham for jump days. You don't want your horse to take it for granted.
                        I heard a neigh. Oh, such a brisk and melodious neigh as that was! My very heart leaped with delight at the sound. --Nathaniel Hawthorne

                        Comment


                        • Originally posted by Dewey View Post
                          TH--you are holding the reins correctly. The snaffle rein goes on the outside.

                          I would save the Pelham for jump days. You don't want your horse to take it for granted.
                          Thanks Dewey and I was afraid you'd say that! Now to figure out what to use on a regular basis on the flat. I've tried numerous bits - he seems to prefer a double jointed mouthpiece and so far a Dr Bristol seems to fit the bill most days . . . other days not so much . . . on "other" days, I feel like I'm "screaming" at him the whole ride.
                          http://fromdressagehorsetocowpony.blogspot.com/

                          "I am still under the impression that there is nothing alive quite so beautiful as a thoroughbred horse." -- John Galsworthy

                          Comment


                          • Originally posted by Nojacketrequired View Post
                            Any words of wisdom for someone who has totally lost their nerve?
                            I rode off/on during university, and stopped after I was thrown from a horse (breaking my nose in the process), and so the instructor put me on a "quiet" schoolie who had a sudden spook while jumping which terrified me. I stopped riding.

                            What got me back was finding an instructor that listened to me about being afraid to jump and was willing to slowly move from flatwork to trot poles. If something was scary, I just spoke up and said "that looks too big/too tight for me to turn/that seems too hard for me" and we would go from there.

                            Best of luck! It will take time, but you can do it

                            Comment


                            • I use a Dr. Bristol on Sky as our regular bit. The Pelham comes out a few days before the show.
                              I heard a neigh. Oh, such a brisk and melodious neigh as that was! My very heart leaped with delight at the sound. --Nathaniel Hawthorne

                              Comment


                              • Dewey how is your arm feeling?

                                Believe it or not it is snowing and windy up here, temps below freezing AGAIN!!! We had a few nice spring-like days and now we're back to this. It feels more like February than April. So not much riding happening, I'm sulking instead. First show is in 5 weeks. Unbelievable.

                                Comment


                                • Hazel, my arm is better. It's still not 100%, but it is much better. I rode today with no problem. (I won't mention that the temp here reached 80 degrees...)

                                  Hang in there, kiddo.
                                  I heard a neigh. Oh, such a brisk and melodious neigh as that was! My very heart leaped with delight at the sound. --Nathaniel Hawthorne

                                  Comment


                                  • Dewey do you have a guestroom ha ha??

                                    Comment


                                    • Sure! Come on down! The azaleas are in full bloom!

                                      http://i841.photobucket.com/albums/z...2/100_0666.jpg
                                      I heard a neigh. Oh, such a brisk and melodious neigh as that was! My very heart leaped with delight at the sound. --Nathaniel Hawthorne

                                      Comment


                                      • Hi, all. Well, I'm a little behind, so sorry I am not commenting on everyone's latest! Hope those who have had a rough spot are doing well.

                                        Thanks for the encouraging words on my horse search. I'm a little frustrated. I cannot seem to find anything. Problem is I want what I cannot afford to spend at this point. (16.1 or taller and SANE). But my budget is only around $2000 right now. I'm striking out. I don't mind an older horse that is sound, but even those late teens seem out of range right now. I'm spoiled because my current horse (Chico) is just such a good fit for us, and he was given to me. I want another one like him!

                                        Speaking if Chico, seems it is not abscesses. Took X-rays and we think it is just thin soles that bruised. Weird since he has never had a problem before. Need to get shoes on him. He was bare this winter due to my not being able to ride. But I have ridden him a full season without shoes before. Ah, well, shoes it is!

                                        And to top off my good news, I don't think my ankle is fixed. It is starting to feel like it did before I had my cast(s) put on. My next appointment is on the 18th. Hope I'm wrong.

                                        Okay, if I have to say something good, we are heading to Equine Affaire the weekend of the 12th. I have never been there before, so I am looking forward to it. Plan to see the Will Simpson clinic. And shop.
                                        “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”
                                        ¯ Oscar Wilde

                                        Comment


                                        • Dewey, beautiful pic! Love azaleas! Can't wait for my irises to bloom this year. They are my favorites. Will post pics in a month or so.
                                          “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”
                                          ¯ Oscar Wilde

                                          Comment

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