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Can we have an adult re-rider support group?

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  • You are right I didn't tell the trainer I was quitting I just figured the horse owner did it. I will tell her in a nice way that when my leg is better then I am going in a different direction and I will thank her for her instruction and tell her I enjoyed the horse.

    Have a great easter and have fun riding!!!

    Comment


    • Jingles for you Tarheel. Please post updates

      Comment


      • Hey everyone - thanks so much for your kind thoughts. My trainer's boy has settled in at Auburn. They stitched up the wound, and he is comfortable. He has his usual appetite, so that is a good sign. I am sure the recovery period will be lengthy, but I don't know if his prognosis is just "pasture ornament" or if they think he has a chance at being rideable again. I don't think my trainer really cares, as long as he is alive and happy at the end of the road.

        ClassyRide - could you free lease out Velvet and/or Rose, and then lease or buy a solid citizen to get your confidence back? Then you can get Velvet/Rose back when you are ready for them?

        zacdos - I wouldn't postpone getting back into horses just because of some human communication problems. Just talk to the former trainer, as you mentioned above, and then set about finding a new instructor that is a good fit for you.
        Riding a horse is not a gentle hobby, to be picked up and laid down like a game of solitaire. It is a grand passion.... ~ Emerson

        Comment


        • Originally posted by TarheelJD View Post
          ClassyRide - could you free lease out Velvet and/or Rose, and then lease or buy a solid citizen to get your confidence back? Then you can get Velvet/Rose back when you are ready for them?
          I've always felt weird about the prospect of leasing because I feel like someone else probably wouldn't take care of my horses like I can. And since Rose is *so* green I really don’t feel comfortable leasing her because if her education isn’t handled properly, what kind of a mess am I going to have to clean up – you know? I guess I’m just scared I’d get one or both girls back with some kind of issues and it frightens me that I may have to clean up something that could’ve been avoided.

          Are there any options, like legal-ese in a contract or other measures I could take, that could lessen my risk in a lease situation?

          You do have an excellent idea, though. And one thing I never really thought of until now is that I could do a lease-to-buy with Velvet if I could find someone interested enough. Even if they just lease and decide not to buy, that would allow me enough leeway to at least lease something else. Then after I’ve had the confidence-building ride for a little while, I can re-evaluate whether I feel I can move forward with Rose myself, or whether I need to explore other options for her.

          I do want to give myself a little time to try to overcome my fears before pursuing any of this, but I guess it’s good to have a back-up plan if things don’t go well for me.
          ~*~*~*~Founding member of the Spotted Saddlebred Pals Clique~*~*~*~

          The equine love of my life: Gabriel
          4/6/1993 - 8/23/2015 ...RIP my big, beautiful boy <3

          Comment


          • Classy - I so hear where you are coming from. My boy is not an easy ride, in fact I always thought he would be way too much horse for me - and some days he still is! Some days I long for my little gaited mare - I could hop on her and go anywhere, any place, any time - no worries. But, my goals changed and there was the horse of my dreams. Our first winter together - very frustrating - oh boy, not what I signed up for, he scared me - a lot. But we got through it.

            This winter (our 4th) was the best yet. I've learned to read him better - and some days just aren't good days for a ride. I try not to set myself up for a fail and that has really helped with my confidence. That's not to say that I don't occassionally push the envelope, but I'm getting smarter about when and where. Spring is a tricky time - I think you need to cut yourself some slack!

            Tarheel - so glad the schoolie will be OK!

            zacdos - hope you get everything straightened out!
            http://fromdressagehorsetocowpony.blogspot.com/

            "I am still under the impression that there is nothing alive quite so beautiful as a thoroughbred horse." -- John Galsworthy

            Comment


            • Originally posted by Tiger Horse View Post
              Classy - I so hear where you are coming from. My boy is not an easy ride, in fact I always thought he would be way too much horse for me - and some days he still is! Some days I long for my little gaited mare - I could hop on her and go anywhere, any place, any time - no worries. But, my goals changed and there was the horse of my dreams. Our first winter together - very frustrating - oh boy, not what I signed up for, he scared me - a lot. But we got through it.

              This winter (our 4th) was the best yet. I've learned to read him better - and some days just aren't good days for a ride. I try not to set myself up for a fail and that has really helped with my confidence. That's not to say that I don't occassionally push the envelope, but I'm getting smarter about when and where. Spring is a tricky time - I think you need to cut yourself some slack!
              Thanks so much, Tiger Horse. It really does sound like you and your boy are very similar to Velvet and I.

              I think that most days she really is an awesome horse - not always easy, but awesome. But there are days sometimes where she is too much for me. Saturday was one of those days, and I got on her against my better judgement because I hadn't ridden her in a week and I felt like she needed to be ridden. I am usually really good about listening to the signs my horses give, but I also want to ride so badly now that my horses are here that I ignored how tense she was and just got on anyway. You're totally right - I *need* to pay attention to those things.
              ~*~*~*~Founding member of the Spotted Saddlebred Pals Clique~*~*~*~

              The equine love of my life: Gabriel
              4/6/1993 - 8/23/2015 ...RIP my big, beautiful boy <3

              Comment


              • Originally posted by ClassyRide View Post
                Thanks so much, Tiger Horse. It really does sound like you and your boy are very similar to Velvet and I.

                I think that most days she really is an awesome horse - not always easy, but awesome. But there are days sometimes where she is too much for me. Saturday was one of those days, and I got on her against my better judgement because I hadn't ridden her in a week and I felt like she needed to be ridden. I am usually really good about listening to the signs my horses give, but I also want to ride so badly now that my horses are here that I ignored how tense she was and just got on anyway. You're totally right - I *need* to pay attention to those things.
                OMG - we are so alike! That was my first winter with Dodger. I was so determined to ride whenever I could, because he needed the work, I started dreading it. I can't tell you how many times I dismounted so thoroughly frustrated, I was in tears. By the time spring arrived, I thought I was done - figured I had ruined him. But my rides got better and then my "summer" horse showed up and I remembered why I bought him. Winters will probably always be challenging - but, I have learned to listen to that little voice in my head and in the words of Scarlett O'Hara - "tomorrow is another day"!
                http://fromdressagehorsetocowpony.blogspot.com/

                "I am still under the impression that there is nothing alive quite so beautiful as a thoroughbred horse." -- John Galsworthy

                Comment


                • xxx
                  Last edited by Tiger Horse; Apr. 1, 2013, 12:56 PM. Reason: Duplicate post
                  http://fromdressagehorsetocowpony.blogspot.com/

                  "I am still under the impression that there is nothing alive quite so beautiful as a thoroughbred horse." -- John Galsworthy

                  Comment


                  • Originally posted by ClassyRide View Post
                    Thanks so much, Tiger Horse. It really does sound like you and your boy are very similar to Velvet and I.

                    I think that most days she really is an awesome horse - not always easy, but awesome. But there are days sometimes where she is too much for me. Saturday was one of those days, and I got on her against my better judgement because I hadn't ridden her in a week and I felt like she needed to be ridden. I am usually really good about listening to the signs my horses give, but I also want to ride so badly now that my horses are here that I ignored how tense she was and just got on anyway. You're totally right - I *need* to pay attention to those things.

                    ClassyRide - Can you take lessons at your new place? It sounds like the support of lessons is key to your confidence levels. It definitely is for mine too! Or get a trainer in once a week to ride Velvet and/or Rose? The trainer could at least point you in the right direction. Ideally you'd do ~4 training rides a week but we all know how expensive that is! I would decide which one to concentrate on and let the other "rest" (or lease out if you can find the right situation) so you are not so stressed in having two at a time. If you do feel they are too tense to ride, can you maybe do groundwork that session? Lunge? For babies it is mainly important that their brains are working. Riding is not always even the best thing for them. A lot of horses get "spring sillies", even the dead quiet older guys, and on those days its sometimes best to leave it, especially when you are already stressed.

                    I just had another thought. If they are getting grain maybe check into that? Is the sugar content too high, or has their hay type changed since you moved? Maybe you are just now seeing the symptoms? I think you said they are on more grass now than they were, so maybe they need less grain because of that?
                    "Choose to chance the rapids, and dare to dance the tides" - Garth Brooks
                    "With your permission, dear, I'll take my fences one at a time" - Maggie Smith, Downton Abbey

                    Comment


                    • Hi, all. I need to catch up on everyone's emails in a bit, but thought I would give an update. Not a great weekend in a few ways.

                      Went to my trainer's to try the Appendix on Friday. I liked her in part, and didn't like her in part. Too many little things that I didn't like, though. As far as riding, she was smaller than I thought. She's just 16 hands. So especially with Jerry, (Mr. Paradox) he couldn't quite feel her sides when he was riding. He needs a longer barreled horse or just a wider one. And she's the type of horse that needs leg on her up to a jump or she stops. She stopped yesterday, and to me it felt a little like a dirty stop. We don't want to have to have to clamp on before her jumps. Just a different type of ride. My trainer got on her and jumped some and she did really well for him. But of course he's a pro. She had a bit of a pissy attitude, but that might be attributed to her being out of shape. She kept wanting to swap her leads in back because I think she wasn't used to carrying herself. That's okay, if she gets out of it with work. But she had a bit of attitude. And then the second thing, she is 16 years old, which in itself is not bad. BUT she had some lameness issues in the past and I read the vet reports from Rood and Riddle. She had changes in her navicular and coffin bones which really makes me hesitant. She was not lame when we rode her, but at 16 what can I expect if she's already having issues. She has to have special shoes because of it, shoes Jerry cannot do himself. So that's an expense. Plus she's on Adequan every 4 weeks, plus the coffin and navicular bone injections. I just don't think we want that right now. I don't mind an older horse if it's sound. Sigh. I'm really disappointed. I did ride her, too, and she's a nice horse. Just probably not the right match for us right now.

                      The next day, Saturday, I took Chico there for my lesson. We also kept the Appendix to try one more time (paid to keep her there overnight.). But she was still the same as she was the day before. But anyway, after Jerry rode the Appendix, I got on Chico. I tacked up, got on, and he didn't feel right walking around. So before trainer came out I tried to trot and he was lame. ACK. Trainer was coming out and said, "that doesn't look good." So he had me go both directions and then go on the gravel drive. He didn't even want to walk on the gravel drive. Trainer things both front feet are bothing him and thinks it's probably abscesses. I hope that's all it is. I have had this guy two and and a half years and he has NEVER taken a lame step since the day I got him. I'm crossing my fingers. I have a vet appointment today at 2:30.

                      On a GOOD note, I went to a consignment sale this weekend and cleaned house on nice, practically new breeches and a nice new Grand Prix coat, a few Tailored Sportsman coolmax show shirts. Most of it brand new (all from one seller that was remarkably the same size as me!). Brand new TS trophy hunters less than 20 bucks. The coat was about 50. I don't tihnk these things were even worn. Sales lady said the owner had tags on some of the stuff still. So I had fun shopping and made the weekend a little more bearable. Amazing what a good deal can do.

                      Hope you all had a great weekend. I will catch up on everyone's posts soon!!!
                      “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”
                      ¯ Oscar Wilde

                      Comment


                      • Paradox - sounds like a pass on the Appendix - even if you were willing to take a chance on the attitude - who needs to buy lameness issues?! The right one will come along, I'm sure of it.

                        Sorry to hear about Chico - fingers crossed it is just an abcess. Please keep us updated.

                        You rocked the consignment sale - big congrats!
                        http://fromdressagehorsetocowpony.blogspot.com/

                        "I am still under the impression that there is nothing alive quite so beautiful as a thoroughbred horse." -- John Galsworthy

                        Comment


                        • Well, I've kind of relegated myself from Oliver's groom to his SmartPak fairy. I've not rode since my little tumble at the end of January. I wish I could say it was the tumble that did me in, but no. It was harmless, didn't hurt, and I've had FAR worse. No, I've just been lazy. And by lazy, I mean tired. February was kind of nasty weather-wise, and March is my annual project that takes 3 weeks. Three very long, very hard weeks.

                          Thankfully, I finished up last Thursday.

                          But all this time away has made me kind of wonder how much fun I'm really having anymore. I mean, I enjoy riding, and I do love Oliver, but I'm not in love with riding like I once was. For me, part of it is just not having other people to ride with, or having something to look forward to past riding alone in the ring, or riding in a lesson. And I'm not exactly a social butterfly, but it gets kind of lonely.

                          So right now, I'm just sort of weighing the costs of riding / horse ownership with how much fun I'm actually having. It's not a decision I'm looking to make right now, or even a month from now, but I think it warrants some serious thought from my end. And I hate to say it, but I bought a $60 game about 3 months ago, and I've gotten way more enjoyment out of that, and how I can jump on anytime, in any weather. Which kind of led me to question the money/fun ratio with riding.

                          I've also wondered if changing barns might help, since other barns have more adult riders, some even have adult group lessons. But the board at those barns would be way out of my price range. So, I could lesson with them, but not own a horse. That could very well be an option for me down the road. But I think I need some space from riding before going that route.

                          Sorry to be a Debbie Downer today. I haven't popped on in ages, but thought y'all might like to know how things were going with me.
                          The dude abides ...

                          Comment


                          • I think I can fit in here.

                            We've moved back to my old trainer's place. He's fantastic with the patience of a saint and can do training rides on her as well, but I still worry, even though she never does anything wrong beyond an occasional tiny spook when the wind is bad and rattles the windows as she's going by.
                            It's odd because our first lesson back we did w/t/c and it was great.
                            She listens well, has power steering and power brakes at any gait and I still feel the need to grab my "Oh Sh*t" strap, even at the walk.
                            I'm really hoping that things will improve when we can get outside. I think she is more nervous inside because she can't see anything coming. Outside she'll be able to keep an eye on everything and hopefully relax.

                            Any words of wisdom for someone who has totally lost their nerve?

                            NJR
                            Last edited by Nojacketrequired; May. 1, 2013, 10:19 AM.
                            Your beliefs don't make you a better person, your behaviour does.

                            Comment


                            • Originally posted by Nojacketrequired View Post
                              I think I can fit in here.
                              In the Fall, on a hack, my horse backed into an electric fence. Went straight up and over on me. Luckily, neither of us were injured. Since then my confidence has gone right down the toilet. Even though I know she did it because something "bit" her from behind, not out of attitude, I still find myself nervous to ride her.
                              We've moved back to my old trainer's place. He's fantastic with the patience of a saint and can do training rides on her as well, but I still worry, even though she never does anything wrong beyond an occasional tiny spook when the wind is bad and rattles the windows as she's going by.
                              It's odd because our first lesson back we did w/t/c and it was great. Next lesson I got a little spook and we haven't really cantered since. It's been at least a month. And canter is her best gait.
                              She listens well, has power steering and power brakes at any gait and I still feel the need to grab my "Oh Sh*t" strap, even at the walk.
                              I'm really hoping that things will improve when we can get outside. I think she is more nervous inside because she can't see anything coming. Outside she'll be able to keep an eye on everything and hopefully relax.

                              Any words of wisdom for someone who has totally lost their nerve?

                              NJR
                              NJR - sorry about the incident/fall.

                              One ride at a time! Do what you can, when you can - even if that means you walk a lap in the indoor and dismount. Celebrate the smallest of victories.
                              Try not to think about all the "what-ifs" and don't stare at trouble.

                              Sing!

                              I force myself to take my guy (Dodger) out on the trail - he can be so unpredictable and there are so many scary things out there! I sing when I get really uncomfortable and it helps - alot. (I just hope no one hears me - I can't carry a tune to save my soul - my favorites are "God Bless America" and "Take Me Out to the Ballgame".) We also go out alone because I want to make sure I can do what I want, when I want and because I don't want anyone else to get hurt, if or when, he explodes.

                              And most of all, don't impose a deadline - you'll get over it, when you get over it. And don't forget you are not alone! We've all been there.
                              http://fromdressagehorsetocowpony.blogspot.com/

                              "I am still under the impression that there is nothing alive quite so beautiful as a thoroughbred horse." -- John Galsworthy

                              Comment


                              • Originally posted by Opus1 View Post
                                Sorry to be a Debbie Downer today. I haven't popped on in ages, but thought y'all might like to know how things were going with me.
                                You're not the only one! I seriously think it's the weather that's got everyone in a funk . . .

                                Do you have a trailer? Could you meet up with friends to ride?
                                http://fromdressagehorsetocowpony.blogspot.com/

                                "I am still under the impression that there is nothing alive quite so beautiful as a thoroughbred horse." -- John Galsworthy

                                Comment


                                • Opus1- I often feel the same way. I will never sell my boys and one is retired any way. But I just don't have as much fun as I used to. I know a lot of it is that my barn is small and there really is no social activity there. I'm used to my old barn where it was bustling with activity all the time. Alas I can't afford it there anymore and my old man needs more turnout than she can provide.
                                  So my solution was to have my trainer train my young boy and compete him. Then have one of the young girls ( she is 18 and an awesome rider) 1/2 lease him. It turns out to be a win-win. He gets the training and competions he needs and the girl gets to ride. She is actually the one that caught his colic. Now I can sit back and enjoy my horses company with out the guilt of not riding.

                                  NJR- I hear you and have been there!! Tiger horse has a great suggestion and I agree 100%. Time and small victories make all the difference in the world!!

                                  Paradox- I'm sorry about the appendix. Sounds like she just isn't such a great fit. You will find the right horse!!

                                  Comment


                                  • Yeah, my barn's pretty small. We do have social activities here and there, but other than parents, there's not many adults. And no, I don't have a trailer, nor do I have friends to ride with. I don't even know anyone outside the barn who rides. Which I think is part of my problem. This thread (and talking with my trainer during lessons) are about the only 'social' aspects of riding I have.

                                    I know riding should be about me/for me, but it's kind of lonely as it is now.
                                    The dude abides ...

                                    Comment


                                    • Tiger, you are SO right – tomorrow is another day. I have been pushing myself too hard to get my horses ridden and I need to 1) stop and smell the roses, and 2) stop and listen to the beasties I’m about to hop on. It makes everything so much nicer. The story of you and Dodger is very inspiring for me – thank you so much for sharing that. It gives me a ray of hope.

                                      Also, *great* advice to NJR about singing! My friend has told me anytime she’s not comfortable she always sings. I have yet to put that into practice ‘cause it isn’t something I’ve ever used before and I keep forgetting about it. But I need to start.

                                      Event4Life – there are no trainers at my barn. My friend was a certified instructor at one time, so she helps me out some, but we don’t really do formal lessons, nor do I think she really wants to. I feel like it’d be weird to take lessons from a good friend, anyway – odd dynamic, you know? Though I should see if I can find one nearby to do lessons with.

                                      My friend and I spoke last night about Rose, and she wants to put 30 days on her for me, then we can re-evaluate. She said she probably can’t start this until it gets warmer out, but she wants to do it for me. How awesome of her! I’m so lucky to have her as a good friend.

                                      From this point forward, if one of them is tense or “up” I’m going to just groundwork or roundpen or something. It still works them, it just isn’t riding. That’s actually what I usually do – I just didn’t listen to my own common sense on Saturday I guess. And it’s good to be reminded of these things.

                                      I don’t think it’s their grain, but that’s a very valid point. I’m going to look up the content of this grain versus what they were getting and see if it might be contributing. I don’t think they necessarily need less – even though they’re getting tons of turnout, the grass is still very sparse in their pasture right now. I think it might just be the Spring Sillies based on my ride last night (will post about that later).

                                      Paradox – I’m sorry the appendix didn’t work out. How disappointing. But you absolutely made the right choice, IMHO. And have faith - the right one will come along at the right time. They always do.

                                      Is Chico doing ok? What did your vet say? That poor kid! I feel so bad for him! Abscesses suck.

                                      Opus1 – With my recent riding frustrations, I’ve been beginning to feel the same way about riding. I don’t know if it would help you at all, but sometimes when I feel like this, I just take a break from everything but the most basic care for about a month. I don’t pressure myself to do anything else *at all* during that month – it’s my vacation and I deserve it. I feel like that’s key, ‘cause I could go months on end making myself not enjoy the barn if I’m feeling bad about not doing XYZ. …By the end of that month, I’m usually more than ready to get back into it because I miss the joys that come with all the interaction with my horse. Perhaps a “vacation” is in order?

                                      NJR – Yes, you fit right in here! You may’ve read my recent posts regarding my fears, especially with cantering. I know exactly how you feel – you are not alone! We all just have to take it one step at a time, and try not to overthink it. I’ve found that I *can* canter and be fine if I just *do* it and don’t think about it. But that’s much easier said than done.
                                      ~*~*~*~Founding member of the Spotted Saddlebred Pals Clique~*~*~*~

                                      The equine love of my life: Gabriel
                                      4/6/1993 - 8/23/2015 ...RIP my big, beautiful boy <3

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                                      • So, my friend and I met out at the barn yesterday evening. I had a *much* better evening and I am feeling much better about things today.

                                        I rode Velvet in the indoor arena. We only did W/T. She was throwing her head around a little at the Trot, which made me immediately start psyching myself out about cantering. Ugh! So, I decided to forego it. But, we made some progress in the ride. She was much calmer, if a little opinionated last night. She wasn’t bending right again, so we worked on little circles, a bit of half-passing, and I put her up against a wall and made her side-pass. She got it right away moving to the right, but did *not* want to do it going left. After at least 10 minutes, we eventually got one *really beautiful* step left and I called that a win. By the end of all this, she was bending right really well on the rail.

                                        I also rode Gabriel. The entire time I was doing stuff with Velvet, Gabriel had his head out of his stall watching me. He *really* wanted some attention last night – sweet, silly boy. So, I ended up riding him in the indoor, too. He was really tight at the walk and wasn’t coming under himself as well as he normally does, so we did a lot of bending and transitions at the walk to get his old muscles loosened. Then we did a little Trot work. He was SUCH a good boy, as always. He was so starved for attention that when I got off of him he didn't want to go back to his stall - he just stood there and looked at me with his ears perked instead of coming with me. So I loved on him some more, gave him head scratches and a few kisses. That was good enough, and he walked with me to his stall. Hahaha!

                                        I also talked to my friend about Rose. When I got her two years ago, I honestly thought my life would be in a different place than it is by now. I thought I’d have the money to send her to a trainer to get her started. And I definitely never thought I’d lose my confidence so badly. So, I’m not 100% certain, and it breaks my heart to think it, but I might end up selling her. My friend said she wants to put 30 days on her for me, and then we can re-evaluate. She said you never know, if training goes smoothly she may be a fine mount for me; especially if my confidence gets boosted in that time. I hope that’s true, but I’ve already resigned myself to the possibility of selling her. I think she’s going to be a fantastic horse once she gets some miles, but I don’t think I’m at a point where I can do a total greenie.

                                        Whether I sell Rose or keep her, I would like to give my friend something in return for the work she puts in. My friend said she just wants to do it for me and doesn’t want anything, but I really want to give her something. What would be a fair price or gift or something to give her for a 30-day starting fee?
                                        ~*~*~*~Founding member of the Spotted Saddlebred Pals Clique~*~*~*~

                                        The equine love of my life: Gabriel
                                        4/6/1993 - 8/23/2015 ...RIP my big, beautiful boy <3

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                                        • Originally posted by Nojacketrequired View Post
                                          I think I can fit in here.
                                          In the Fall, on a hack, my horse backed into an electric fence. Went straight up and over on me. Luckily, neither of us were injured. Since then my confidence has gone right down the toilet. Even though I know she did it because something "bit" her from behind, not out of attitude, I still find myself nervous to ride her.
                                          We've moved back to my old trainer's place. He's fantastic with the patience of a saint and can do training rides on her as well, but I still worry, even though she never does anything wrong beyond an occasional tiny spook when the wind is bad and rattles the windows as she's going by.
                                          It's odd because our first lesson back we did w/t/c and it was great. Next lesson I got a little spook and we haven't really cantered since. It's been at least a month. And canter is her best gait.
                                          She listens well, has power steering and power brakes at any gait and I still feel the need to grab my "Oh Sh*t" strap, even at the walk.
                                          I'm really hoping that things will improve when we can get outside. I think she is more nervous inside because she can't see anything coming. Outside she'll be able to keep an eye on everything and hopefully relax.

                                          Any words of wisdom for someone who has totally lost their nerve?

                                          NJR
                                          Think like a horse! As riders we worry about the past and future, but horses just live in the moment - your horse is not thinking about what spooked her before or what might spook her in the future, she is just doing her thing right now.

                                          I tend to through phases where I will feel good about my riding,and then I will feel nervous and tense about something new or that I'm not getting. I just try to remind myself that horses don't work that way, and to not think about where things might lead in the future. They are just waiting for my current instructions!

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