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Can we have an adult re-rider support group?

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  • zacdos - Sounds like trainer is using you to train the horse. You need to find somewhere you can actually ride, which is what you are paying to do. I am all for horsemanship, but what you described is excessive.
    "Choose to chance the rapids, and dare to dance the tides" - Garth Brooks
    "With your permission, dear, I'll take my fences one at a time" - Maggie Smith, Downton Abbey


    • Dewey are you okay? I'm sorry you came off but proud of you for getting back on. You should probably have the arm x-rayed even though you could use it some. Check back in tomorrow and let us know how you are feeling.


      • Dewey: I am so sorry about your fall. I came really close last Sunday but he actually let me put my arse back in the saddle.

        Take care of your arm, and let us know how you are doing. I am planning to ride Wed. had a tough couple of days and I really need a release from the stress. My son was accosted by a man with a gun on Monday morning walking to a friends house. We live in a very safe neighborhood with a park/creek area. He is fine, he ran to his friends house and called his dad. Filed a report with the sheriffs office. I just need a bit of my happy place right now.


        • Originally posted by zacdos View Post
          I am re riding after about 40 years. I am half leasing a horse and taking lessons once week. I rode a lot and studied dressage. My problem is with my trainer who I clicked with at first and thought this was going to be a great experience but now I am not too sure. I started lessons on Feb 6 and all we have done until a couple weeks ago is practice liberty and if I mentioned riding the trainer got upset. Weekend before last my leg started hurting so she said I have to ride. Last week my lesson consisted of half hour tacking up the horse and having her work horse at liberty. Next half hour I rode around arena but she pulled me in the center to explain stuff to me. Total riding time about 20 minutes. She told me last week the saddle is too small and she wants me to buy some slimming underware like a girdle. She said everyone wants stuff to happen now!! I am frustrated cause I can't ride horse unless she supervises and I have nothing to practice. I don't want to fight with her cause I dont want to burn bridges. Is this kind of stuff normal for lessons nowdays?
          If you are half leasing, could you just ride the horse on your own without a lesson? When leased I was free to ride the horse on certain days as I pleased. Also, if my trainer told me to wear slimming underwear or a girdle I would be pissed off. Find a new trainer!


          • Painted Hunter: You guys look great! Sounds like the show was a success experience wise and that will pay off in the future.

            Event4Life - congrats on the great lesson. It's amazing how much eyes on the ground help. Even pros have trainers.

            zacdos - welcome! Sounds like a new trainer might be in order and although I agree that not everything happens overnight, you should have made some progress by now. I think twelvebelles is right on!

            Dewey - sorry about your fall - hope you are better today. Silly horses!

            stolen virtue - OMG, I don't know what to say. What an awful experience for your son - and all of you. Very frightening to say the least. So very glad he is OK. Enjoy your ride today.

            Had a pretty good ride last night and was trying to apply some things from my lesson on Sunday. Canter work is great - I get him set up and he just rolls along. Trot work - not so much, probably because it's harder for him! Anyway, I was talking to "daughter trainer" after my ride, she suggested I give a pelham a try. Sounds like a good idea - and I understand the reasoning behind it - just not sure I can execute - I've never used one before. Tell me it's not as complicated as I think?!

            "I am still under the impression that there is nothing alive quite so beautiful as a thoroughbred horse." -- John Galsworthy


            • Dewey - keep an eye on that arm, sometimes there's some serious damage that you don't notice at first (especially up in the shoulder). If it's not feeling better today, or you're limited in range of motion it may be worth it to check in with an ortho.

              Zacdos - I'm hoping there's some kind of profound master plan behind this, but if there is she should be sharing it with you. And a girdle! WTF!?

              Virtue - Whoa! That's insane, I'm so glad he got away unscathed.

              Tiger - they're really not that bad. I kind of like them actually, having the second set of reins gives my pinky something to hold so I don't get yelled at for sticking it out (I swear I has a mind of it's own). They're really awkward at first, but once you get used to them they're ok.


              • Thanks for the concern, everyone. I feel a bit stiff but think I am going to be OK. Arm is a bit sore still, but the swelling has gone down. This is the same arm that I experienced "frozen shoulder" with a couple of years ago, and the pain is nothing like that. (For those of you who've never experienced frozen shoulder, the pain is excruciating.) No limitation of movement, just a bit of soreness. My usual riding days are Tuesday and Thursday; since it's Holy Week, I won't be going this Thursday as my presence is required at church. (I am in the choir.) The time off will be good for my arm. I may go in for an x-ray but really, I think it is OK.

                Zacdoes, I never heard of a lesson like that. I would find that very frustrating unless I was a real beginner. The tacking up in the ring seems like overkill to me. I am a former Pony Clubber, so I don't take horsemanship or stable management lightly, but really...it sounds as though she is something of a control freak. Is that too unkind to say? And as for the comment on the girdle, did that come as a response to a complaint from you, or was it out of the blue? There's a difference between your saying, "I hate the way I look in breeches," and her recommending a product, and her just coming up to you and saying that you really should buy the girdle. That I would find insulting.

                Tiger, riding with a pelham bridle is a useful skill. I jump Sky in a pelham at shows. It's not hard although it may feel a little awkward at first. As long as you take the time to set up your reins properly (get someone to show you), it should be fine. Remember to keep the curb rein a little longer than the snaffle. When I show a beginner how to hold double reins, I always stand next to the child who is on the horse, take the reins into my hands as if I were the rider, and have the girl put her hands right over mine. I let go when I see that she is holding them correctly.

                Event4Life, I'm so glad to hear about your lesson! Glad things are going well at the new place!

                Stolen virtue, How is your son doing? And how are you? I can't imagine such a thing happening to one of my children. The idea is terrifying!
                I heard a neigh. Oh, such a brisk and melodious neigh as that was! My very heart leaped with delight at the sound. --Nathaniel Hawthorne


                • Painted Hunter, you and Ollie look great. Sorry about your refusal. But looks like you redeemed yourselves in your next class! Progress.

                  Event4Life, Awesome on your lesson! It really is hard to fix things on your own. I'm glad you enjoyed the lesson. How was your lesson yesterday? And have fun with the kids!

                  Dewey! Sorry about the fall. Have you had it checked out yet, or is it better? I give you props for getting back on and getting the job done! How old is Sky?

                  Stolen virtue, good luck with your ride today. Hope you have fun and it's a good stress reliever. Sorry to hear about your son. That's never fun. Hope they caught the jerk.

                  Tiger Horse, Did "daughter trainer" say why she felt a pelham would be beneficial? Glad you're canter work is cruisin'!
                  “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”
                  ¯ Oscar Wilde


                  • Update on me. Lesson still scheduled for Saturday morning. While I'm looking forward to it, I feel very unprepared.

                    Also, TENTATIVELY we will be looking at/trying the Appendix mare on Friday. I don't have a time yet, so it's not written in stone. But I'm crossing my fingers. In the meantime, my poor Chico is getting lonely out there alone. My friend had to take her horse home (she sold him) so Chico is on his own till I find a new horse. Hopefully we'll find the right one soon!
                    “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”
                    ¯ Oscar Wilde


                    • Originally posted by ParadoxFarm View Post

                      Event4Life, Awesome on your lesson! It really is hard to fix things on your own. I'm glad you enjoyed the lesson. How was your lesson yesterday? And have fun with the kids!
                      Thanks! - it was the same lesson lol, only had one so far. I am soooo sore right now - sitting trot and two point HURT. Getting back in shape, here I come! I'm going again next Tuesday for a lesson then next weekend to hack some of her sale horses :-D. Her kids programs sound awesome & she does a fun evening jumper series in the summer (too hot during the day!) so that'll be a blast too!
                      "Choose to chance the rapids, and dare to dance the tides" - Garth Brooks
                      "With your permission, dear, I'll take my fences one at a time" - Maggie Smith, Downton Abbey


                      • Sorry, Event4Life, jumped the gun! haa. It certainly sounds like you've found a nice place. We used to do a "jumper night" back when I lived in Michigan. Actually, that's where I met my husband, oh, 20 years ago!
                        “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”
                        ¯ Oscar Wilde


                        • Paradox, Sky is 8, though I tell everyone she is more like a 5-year-old in terms of what she knows and how she acts. She was green broke (Western) and then sat in a pasture for several years till the guy I bought her from found her online and bought her for her bloodlines. He is smitten with Skys Blue Boy, her sire. He had dreams of breeding her, but that didn't happen. He asked me to make her into a riding horse in the meantime, and the rest is history. Wow..it's just about one year ago that I bought her. Time flies!

                          Am looking forward to hearing how the horse try-out goes Friday!
                          I heard a neigh. Oh, such a brisk and melodious neigh as that was! My very heart leaped with delight at the sound. --Nathaniel Hawthorne


                          • Originally posted by ParadoxFarm View Post
                            Sorry, Event4Life, jumped the gun! haa. It certainly sounds like you've found a nice place. We used to do a "jumper night" back when I lived in Michigan. Actually, that's where I met my husband, oh, 20 years ago!
                            I'm keeping my fingers crossed for me then...lol!

                            anddd good luck with the horse! I love Appendixes, so hope it goes well for you :-D.
                            "Choose to chance the rapids, and dare to dance the tides" - Garth Brooks
                            "With your permission, dear, I'll take my fences one at a time" - Maggie Smith, Downton Abbey


                            • Thank you all for your amazing responses and I appreciate every one of them. I did a month of liberty and I do not like chasing a horse around with a whip. I was excited when I had to start riding because of my leg injury but the situation isn't getting any better. The "last straw" for me was last Saturday when I was insulted. I do not want to see the trainer again if I do I will talk back to her because I am so pissed! If I didn't know any better I would say she is trying to discourage me so I will leave but that may be the case.

                              Event4 Life-I feel the same way that I am training the horse to ground tie and to do liberty.

                              twelvebelles- I cannot ride the horse without one lesson per week. I have the lesson but I still can't ride on my own-go figure! Yes, I am pissed about the slimming underware remark-It is an insult.

                              Tigerhorse. I agree that not everything happens overnight but I should have made progress by now. I am not a beginner but she treats me like one-another insult!

                              Button-I have to laugh at your response! Master plan? I don't think there is one I don't think she has that one figured out and if there is I would never reach it at the rate I am going. WTF a girdle? I couldn't have said it any better!

                              Dewey-I am glad your arm is going to be ok. A control freak? Never thought of that one pretty well sums it up. The girdle remark came out of the blue-she was complaining about my posture and she told me about the girdle right in front of other people. Then she had the next student sit too far forward so I could see what I looked like!!

                              Here is my next step: I started the lease in March and paid 1st and last months rent. I am to give 30 days notice if I wish to stop lease. I just sent my notice today registered mail. I sent a check for April before I decided not to continue but stopped payment on the check today. Tomorrow I let trainer and horse owner know by text what is happening. I have previous injuries that are bothering me again and am starting PT tomorrow. Not that I need one, but that will be my reason for quitting otherwise they might make me take lessons thru April as required by contract. I can't handle anymore contact with trainer!

                              Tomorrow I will let you all know what the responses are from all involved!


                              • Welcome aboard, zacdos! Sounds like you are doing the right thing ditching that trainer. As you get more familiar with COTH, you may be able to get pointed towards a trainer that more suits your style.

                                Sounds like everyone has a lot going on! Dewey, I hope you're ok! Falls are never fun. Paradox is back to lessons, so high five on that! And SV, ummmm, that's NOT supposed to happen to your son. Ever. I hope he's ok. And Event4Life, are you contemplating a barn change? If so, I hope it goes well.

                                My horse is going soundly, and we are finally allowed to jump everything that everyone else in the lesson is jumping. He's turned out most of the day, and that seems to have stopped his coughing. Our current plan is to just treat symptoms if and when they appear, and don't do any invasive diagnostic work. After all we've been through, I'll be happy enough with lessons and fun shows. I'll miss the big A shows, but my bank account won't.

                                Looking forward to some warm weather over the next few days! Winter has been here way too long.
                                It's 2017. Do you know where your old horse is?

                                www.streamhorsetv.com -- website with horse show livestream listings and links.


                                • zacdos - glad you have decided to move on. Good for you, and please continue posting as you pursue further lease options! We're usually good at "smelling a rat" lol.

                                  Pony4me - I hear you on the warm weather! It is at least sunny, but I could do with some mid-high 60s days! Barn move has happened. Luckily I'm just moving me and not a horse so there's less drama involved. I don't want to go into the details but I'm glad I got out now. It is rough because the last place was great in some ways, but my moral compass dinged too far in the "this is not okay" direction for multiple reasons. The lesson I described from Tuesday was at the new place & it went really well. I liked the trainer a lot and she's like the hunter-jumper version of my old event trainer from when I was a teen, which is great. I think I've been trying to find that since I left her. I'm home the rest of this week but will go back next week so I'll lesson again Tuesday then hack a few sales horses for her hopefully at the weekend.
                                  "Choose to chance the rapids, and dare to dance the tides" - Garth Brooks
                                  "With your permission, dear, I'll take my fences one at a time" - Maggie Smith, Downton Abbey


                                  • *sigh* I finally had my first fall at the new(ish) barn. We did a really nice line (complete w/ 2' vertical! My first vertical in years!! Small, yes, but still!) and then he spooked at something happening in the outdoor - which he could see in the 4" gap the indoor door was open -I'm used to his spooks, so thought I was ok, but then he decided whatever happened was scary enough to also warrant taking off...I wasn't quite back from the spook, so off I went My "upper" bottom and left thigh are so sore!

                                    He's a spooky guy in general, but usually much more mild than this. I already noticed that I've been a little anxious about the possibility of him spooking and I realllly hope that doesn't get worse Not only is he really a good boy and my part-lease, but he's really the only horse in the barn I can lesson on since the rest are ponies or too advanced for me right now.


                                    • Well it has been a rough week. Jack still hasn't passed all the oil the vet gave him. He is happy and active and banging the barn down so we are feeding him his normal amounts. He will get his hay soaked and his grain will be as sloppy as can be. He will also be turned out with his herd again. Hopefully this is all good for him to keep progressing in the right direction.

                                      Rolypolypony- Sorry about your fall. I hope all is well. It can be challenging with the spooky ones!!

                                      Zacdos- I'm glad that you are moving on. That place just isn't right.

                                      Pony4me- Glad your boy is doing better! I hope for a fun summer for you guys!! I still miss all the excitement of going to the big shows but really I found out they aren't worth the worry for our guys. Have fun with him. There are a ton of other things you guys can do to get away from the farm a bit.

                                      Paradoxfarm I will be thinking of you hopefully trying that appendix tomorrow!! I hope everything works out!!

                                      Eventforlife- Good luck at this new place. Sounds like it will be a good fit for you. I also feel like I have been looking for my trainer that I grew up with here in Pa. I just can't seem to find what I had in CT here. But my place now is pretty darn close and my trainer is all kinds of awesome.


                                      • I am having severe horse buying anxiety at the moment. I found one that I really like (From CANTER) and I am just having real difficulty committing to the financial and time aspects. I really would like to ride and am having a lot of difficulty finding something capable that won't cost just as much as owning my own.

                                        I can afford it, but I am just having real difficulty committing and I don't know why. The last time I owned a horse I had a lot of time, and I was at a barn where I knew a lot of people-- but I've since moved and this means buying a new horse, putting him at a new barn, and basically jumping in feet first. I don't know why that makes me nervous, but it does.
                                        Originally posted by PeanutButterPony
                                        you can shackle your pony to a lawn chair at the show...so long as its in a conservative color.


                                        • Alterageous, of course it makes you nervous. It's such a huge commitment. This is a post of mine from just over a year ago when I was made up my mind to buy Sky. Hazel, Pancakes, and others who who around then will remember how hysterical I was as I was dealing with the results of the PPE and the owner's odd demands. Anyway, after everything was settled, I still had doubts:

                                          "I really appreciate your post. You have outlined all the reasons why I did not want to buy a horse at this time in my life. The only reason I am buying her is that I adore her, and I don't want to lose her.

                                          I think I can keep my head above water, but I don't have a lot of extra just now for emergencies, and the fact is, though I have tried to budget carefully, no one can really know how everything will play out ahead of time. I have been trying to think of things I can give up to save money so I can have an emergency fund or even insure her. Believe me, I have seen enough heartache at the barn over the past ten years to give anyone pause. One woman I know (actually, she's a bit older than I am) paid for three colic surgeries on her lovely young gelding, and then he died anyway. Another woman's mare died of an allergic reaction after a routine shot. Our barn owner bred her favorite mare to a lovely warmblood, and the gorgeous yearling filly died of sudden colic. And the stories go on.

                                          On the plus side, the B/O, whose experience and friendship I trust implicitly, is trying hard to help make this work by giving me a very good deal on board. She is doing this because she likes me and likes the mare. I am going to go ahead with this; I'm going to do my best to be careful, knowing that there are no guarantees. Call this a cautious leap of faith."

                                          So you can see that even though every situation is different, you're not alone. Buying a horse is a huge commitment, and there is no guarantee that you are going to get what you want out of it. All you can do is your due diligence--do a pull PPE and don't let anyone rush you into anything. You're among friends. We understand what you're going through.

                                          (And we want to see pictures of the CANTER horse!!)
                                          I heard a neigh. Oh, such a brisk and melodious neigh as that was! My very heart leaped with delight at the sound. --Nathaniel Hawthorne