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Can we have an adult re-rider support group?

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  • I'm sorry, Tiger Horse. Tough situation. There may not be ANY good way to explain your riding for her to approve and make sense of. I'm sorry you lost your husband and she lost her dad. That is very sad. You can explain to her that this is very important for your mental health to continue with horses. I know it would be for me. If you want, you can do research on the dangers of riding compared to other sports and even other everyday activities such as driving a car, riding a bike, etc. obviously this somehow has to be done in a sensitive way since this fear is very real to her. I would also kindly have her consider talking to a therapist which will help with all her feelings and insecurities. Good luck!
    “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”
    ¯ Oscar Wilde

    Comment


    • Originally posted by ParadoxFarm View Post
      I'm sorry, Tiger Horse. Tough situation. There may not be ANY good way to explain your riding for her to approve and make sense of. I'm sorry you lost your husband and she lost her dad. That is very sad. You can explain to her that this is very important for your mental health to continue with horses. I know it would be for me. If you want, you can do research on the dangers of riding compared to other sports and even other everyday activities such as driving a car, riding a bike, etc. obviously this somehow has to be done in a sensitive way since this fear is very real to her. I would also kindly have her consider talking to a therapist which will help with all her feelings and insecurities. Good luck!
      Thanks Paradox - I won't deny that it has been extremely hard. We were best friends, she was the apple of his eye and we both adored him.

      DD did have some counseling when she went back to school, sometimes it seemed to help, sometimes not. So hard, grief and grieving is so very different for each individual. In her heart she knows that horses/riding are part of my DNA - and that whether I ride or not - stuff happens. Maybe we should try going to a therapist together.
      http://fromdressagehorsetocowpony.blogspot.com/

      "I am still under the impression that there is nothing alive quite so beautiful as a thoroughbred horse." -- John Galsworthy

      Comment


      • Tiger, I think Paradox's advice was excellent. Family therapy would be a good idea, IMO.

        So, so sorry to hear about the loss of your DH. I can't imagine...
        Last edited by Dewey; Mar. 1, 2013, 10:14 AM.
        I heard a neigh. Oh, such a brisk and melodious neigh as that was! My very heart leaped with delight at the sound. --Nathaniel Hawthorne

        Comment


        • Alterageous, any word yet on the pony?
          I heard a neigh. Oh, such a brisk and melodious neigh as that was! My very heart leaped with delight at the sound. --Nathaniel Hawthorne

          Comment


          • Just have to share that Sky has been soooo good the last few days. Yesterday, we jumped a few courses with a couple of 2'9" fences in there...that's the highest I've jumped her yet. She was very relaxed cantering around and jumped great.

            The next show is away. That will be the next big challenge as she has not been on a trailer or off our farm since she arrived ~ 2-3 years ago. I have no idea how she will react. I may ask BO if I can load her once or twice before we go just to see how she does.
            I heard a neigh. Oh, such a brisk and melodious neigh as that was! My very heart leaped with delight at the sound. --Nathaniel Hawthorne

            Comment


            • Originally posted by Dewey View Post
              Alterageous, any word yet on the pony?
              Seller still has not returned my call.

              There is a local horse dealer here near me that just posted up several horses that I like the looks of. I made an appointment for tomorrow. At least with these guys I know what I am getting into as I've dealt with them before.
              Originally posted by PeanutButterPony
              you can shackle your pony to a lawn chair at the show...so long as its in a conservative color.

              Comment


              • Tiger - I'm so sorry you lost your DH last year, and I'm sure it's been extremely tough on both of you. To lose someone you love is never an easy thing. I agree with Paradox and others that counseling could be a fantastic way to help DD get through some of these feelings and make sure you're both on the same page with things.

                Alterageous - Good luck with your search! It's a shame the sellers of the pretty-pretty-pony haven't gotten back to you. But, I always say that if it's meant to happen, it will - so I guess it just wasn't meant to be.

                Dewey - Congrats on the awesome rides on Sky!!! I am SO delighted that she seems to be quite healthy and doing so well for you. I'm living vicariously through you with the jumping. I haven't jumped in, oh, 3 or 4 years - and even then it was like crossrails and stuff. I *want badly* to show in Jumpers and I know I have the horse to do it in Velvet and/or little Rose. I just need to find a trainer that can take me there. Also, good luck trailering. I think Sky will do just fine - I'll send "good behavior" vibes to her. Really, though, Gabriel hadn't loaded in 2+ years when I moved them the other weekend, Rose hadn't in 1.5 years, and Velvet hadn't for almost a year; and they loaded great. May your experience be as good as mine was.

                ........

                I went to the barn last night. I got to the gate of the field and they were aaalllllllllll the way at the other end of the pasture, so I called to them. Rose nickered loudly to me and started trotting quickly toward me. Velvet saw Rose start going and tore off after her. When Gabriel heard me, he gave the biggest buck I've ever seen him give (he literally was 5 feet off the ground) and then tore off toward me, as well. Thankfully, everyone is polite and stopped a couple of feet away. However, being that I was tired and they were obviously full of themselves, I figured it was a good night to play and not try to do anything too complicated. I handwalked Gabe to give him a "tour" of the rest of the farm (he was up, but listened well. Good boy!), then took both girls (one at a time) in the indoor and free lunged them. Fun times.

                Saturday I'm going out again. The farrier is coming and my friend says she's going to give me a riding lesson. I'm super excited, but very nervous at the same time! I haven't lessoned in 3 or 4 years, I know my equitation is *not* what it used to be, and frankly, I'm worried she's going to make me canter. I know, I know - here I go again with this. But, I haven't cantered in months now because of the bad footing at the other place, so now here I am again, completely afraid of it. I'm such a weenie.
                Last edited by ClassyRide; Mar. 1, 2013, 07:43 AM. Reason: Got my "years" mixed up.
                ~*~*~*~Founding member of the Spotted Saddlebred Pals Clique~*~*~*~

                The equine love of my life: Gabriel
                4/6/1993 - 8/23/2015 ...RIP my big, beautiful boy <3

                Comment


                • Tiger Horse - I cannot even imagine what you and DD must be going through and I'm so, so sorry. Having said that, as I'm probably fairly close to DDs age I can sort of understand how she feels about you riding. However, as a horse lover I can totally understand how you feel too. I agree with the others that counseling together to work through this is probably a good idea. Try to make it her idea if you can so she'll be more receptive. Again, I'm really sorry.

                  Alterageous - I hope they get back to you about the pony!!!! So so cute!!

                  Dewey - YAYYYYY!!! I'm so glad Skye sounds completely recovered from her ulcers & is jumping so well. Patience & hard work pays off!

                  CR - I love your updates on your crew. Funny about them galloping towards you. My lease guy and his friend did that once. I went out & called, first he ignored me, then a split second later I hear thundering hooves, look up, and they were practically on top of me. It was quite impressive!

                  As for me, I have a completely un horse related update as I haven't ridden since Monday. The barn has been under so much water only the small ring is vaguely drained and I've had a ton of work to do. However, my exciting update is I AM PICKING MY DOG UP TODAY!!! This is the first pet I am fully responsible for, so that's kind of scary but I am so so so excited!!!! She's a black lab/flat coated retriever mix, ~3 years old. EEEEEEEEE.
                  "Choose to chance the rapids, and dare to dance the tides" - Garth Brooks
                  "With your permission, dear, I'll take my fences one at a time" - Maggie Smith, Downton Abbey

                  Comment


                  • Tiger Horse, that sounds like a tough situation. I am sure your daughter is worried about losing her surviving parent. Stay sensible, try not to fight about it. I think she will come around eventually.

                    Yesterday as part of our warm-up, we chased some newly-arrived Canada geese yesterday (she gets over any fear of critters if she can chase them... and when we made them fly away she was quite pleased with herself!) Had an ... OK ... lesson until the very end when everything came together very well. Trainer had just said, "oooo pretty trot!" when Feronia took a bad step and went instantly lame. She is still lame today. Just had a $1200 vet bill and I am not sure how much more of this I can take.
                    You have to have experiences to gain experience.

                    1998 Morgan mare Mythic Feronia "More Valley Girl Than Girl Scout!"

                    Comment


                    • For better or for worse, I made an appointment to go see horses at the dealers tomorrow.

                      I must be out of my mind. I don't NEED a horse. Figures that I post this just after someone's post about recurring vet bills, which would be a not.good.thing for me. We have the $$ but it always seems to have another place to go.
                      Originally posted by PeanutButterPony
                      you can shackle your pony to a lawn chair at the show...so long as its in a conservative color.

                      Comment


                      • Thanks everyone for the kind words. I guess, like everything else, we have to take this one day at a time. I do think I will look into some counseling for this summer though. It certainly couldn't hurt.

                        CR - sounded like not riding was a good decision! Hope your lesson goes well and can't imagine it won't!

                        Event4life - congrats on the new pooch - we will, of course, expect pictures!

                        Oh know quietann - hope the lameness resolves without having to get the vet involved - fingers crossed for you.

                        Alterageous - of course, you have to go and see! We'll expect pics of your new mount tomorrow night!! Have fun.
                        http://fromdressagehorsetocowpony.blogspot.com/

                        "I am still under the impression that there is nothing alive quite so beautiful as a thoroughbred horse." -- John Galsworthy

                        Comment


                        • Tiger horse-I am so sorry about your DH, what a shock. I can understand your daughter's fear, driving is likely more dangerous however.

                          I watched my now 6 year old OTTB jump with his trainer. He is the calmest nicest jumping horse I have ever watched. My first bolted for her first 2 years jumping (and pretty much half of the time after that), my older TB never picked up his feet until I asked, this new (relatively) guy is really nice. He picks up his feet, takes the right distance and maintains the same pace after the fence. No drama !
                          It was 78 today and I left work early and tacked him up for her and did jump set up and carrot giving for jumping new jumps. he was so good, we were both so excited and it was great to spend time with him and watch him jump.

                          So two years later and I feel that he is really coming together. Thanks, work has been a disaster and I just needed to write about something positive in my life right now.

                          Comment


                          • Tiger Horse - I am so sorry for your loss. I have been where your daughter is at. My Dad died when I was in college and my mom was your age. My mom doesn't even have any "dangerous" hobbies and I was still paranoid about losing her for the first couple years. I think I would've tried to talk my Mom out of jumping too, but she would not have listened to me, and ten years later I can understand why. At the end of the day you deserve to do the things that you enjoy. At least for me, it wasn't a fear therapy could remove for me, it just took time and learning how to let go of things I couldn't control.

                            I would just keep reminding your daughter that riding is a source of happiness for you, that you are being as safe as you can and that you can't live your life in a bubble. If she is anything like me, eventually she will accept it even if she doesn't like it. Does she ride at all, or ever go to the barn with you? Maybe it would help if she spent some time with your horse and saw what a good boy he is, how you ride together, and how much fun you are having.

                            Comment


                            • Oh geesh Tigerhorse I am so sorry for your loss Isn't it funny how our children act when something happens. I have not lost DH yet but have had several mmm lets just say medical setbacks and the last effected Ds's oddly. Kinda like your DD. Neither really want me to ride I think they would have a heart attacks if I was actually jumping.. (I have yet to ride due to weather) which I plan on doing again once I am sure my balance is back to where it was prestroke. Which I figure will be maybe 2wks then 3ft maybe horse willing 6wks after that.
                              I have no words other than have already been said maybe as someone else mentioned. Excpet maybe this would help.
                              ( Im not really good that these things soo here is my suggestion).. sit down with her when she is home as her what she is really scared of is it you just riding or jumping, then have her come and what you and see how happy you are and remind her how her father always encouraged you to do this and in so keeps you happy and keeps his memory alive and this is what he would want you to do.. etc. if she is an analytical(sp) type Jumping is just another part of riding and X amount % fall off when first learning but I am not just learning remember I jumped as a JR so it is recalling muscle memory etc. Them x% die each yr from jumping(ring not xcountry) this is out of X amount of ring riders due to both rider and horse error die each year ( the number has got to be very small or it would be all over COTH and we would probably have an obit page...)let her see the amount is really small if nonexsitant. And let her see while the sport is a "dangerious" sport that you and your father know/knew this and excepted this and do your best to reduce the danger by.....
                              After all reminder life is terminal and life ( meaning we all have one thing in common we all die eventually) is also dangerous and we do our best to reduce the dangers we face. But we do not stop living because of the danger that are "out there" by not going beyond our doorsteps do we...
                              Like I said I am not very good at this stuff and am not very touchy feely some say hard and cold... Good luck with DD..
                              Friend of bar .ka

                              Comment


                              • Tigerhorse- I am so orry for your loss. No words of wisdom except keep communication lines open and listen...
                                Well, I must say I feel like the ssteady eddie. Each lesson we have is better nad better and I am finally starting to get inside leg to outside rein! Takes me a while especially when I get near the end of my ride and I am so tired. I love this horse he makes things so simple for me. When I get it right it feels so good. I never thought I would feel movement like that again after losing Tyler. It is about training ore so then natural movement... YIPPEE.. Wish i had more time to ride though.
                                Best all and hope for an early dry spring
                                Mai Tai aka Tyler RIP March 1994-December 2011
                                Grief is the price we pay for love- Gretchen Jackson
                                "And here she comes. Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it's ZENYATTA!"

                                Comment


                                • Originally posted by jody jaffe View Post
                                  Just took my OTTB to a clinic lead by a Ray Hunt type clinician. Best weekend I've spent with horses in a very long time. Did lots of groundwork, saddle work. At first both my mare and I were nervous, but we both left with a much higher level of confidence in each other. And I now have lots of new tools to use if I need them.
                                  I think it's a great way to knock off the rust.
                                  JJ
                                  Yes, I think a good nh clinic is the best for inspiring confidence with a green horse.

                                  Comment


                                  • Well, went to the dealers. Tried 1 of 2 I went to go see, first was already sold, second was a paint mare who quit in front of the jumps so was a no go. I would have given her credit for the situation but as soon as she caught sight of a jump she'd try to duck away from it. Definitely no dice.

                                    In the back corner there was a bay mare, been there at least a month, 12yo. A little cranky, probably either sore or possibly got some ulcers going on after being there a month. I really liked her, but I keep talking myself out of her-- she's not particularly fancy, a bit funny conformationally, but a super kind soul and offered me an easy lead change. A cute mover as well, not a world beater but cute. Considering this was a dealers of the truest sense, I literally rode her in the barn aisle.

                                    I'm not sure what to do. She's likely worth what they're asking, but it's hard to tell. I am guessing she'll need ulcer treatment which is an extra couple hundred a month I hadn't counted on. Not sure where to go from here.
                                    Originally posted by PeanutButterPony
                                    you can shackle your pony to a lawn chair at the show...so long as its in a conservative color.

                                    Comment


                                    • Alterageous – I’m not sure what the best decision is for you in this situation. For myself, I’ve never had a question in my mind about any of my three. With each of them, it was love at first sight. However, I’ve had friends who went back and forth about a horse, sort of like you with this bay mare, and ended up growing to positively adore the horse. I think you’ll just have to weigh the positives (how willing/kind, and how cute of a mover she was), the negatives (a little sour, possible ulcers), and the unknowns to determine whether you feel she’s worth it to you. Keep us posted! I know you’ll find the right one, whether it’s the bay mare or another horse.

                                      I had my little lesson yesterday on Velvet. I feel like I learned *a lot* and my friend made me feel really good about my equitation. She was happy with how good I looked in the saddle, just gave me a couple of pointers. For instance, Velvet’s been tossing her head a little when I ask her to trot. I hadn’t realized, but as a defense mechanism, I’ve started grabbing her up with the reins when she transitions, which is only making it worse. Between steadying my hands and transitioning W/T/W/T until there was no head tossing, we had her doing *beautiful* transitions yesterday. Also, my friend had me drop my stirrups W/T and gave me *awesome* instructions for riding that way. I felt so secure.

                                      The crappy thing is that I’m *so* out of shape, and my horses are *so* out of shape, that both Velvet and I were done for after like 20 minutes of real work. Hahaha! I only did W/T, but my friend says she wants us to canter next time, ‘cause she doesn’t see anything wrong with my position in the saddle and doesn’t see any reason I shouldn’t be able to do it from a logistics standpoint. She knows it’s just mental for me, and if I want her to get on and canter Velvet first, she will.

                                      I might actually get to lesson with *her* instructor next weekend if schedules work out. If not, I’m sure she could give me another lesson. Either way, I’m so looking forward to it!
                                      ~*~*~*~Founding member of the Spotted Saddlebred Pals Clique~*~*~*~

                                      The equine love of my life: Gabriel
                                      4/6/1993 - 8/23/2015 ...RIP my big, beautiful boy <3

                                      Comment


                                      • Alterageous, I'm not sure if you should get that horse or not. I think I would definitely have to get a good PPE, even if it's a low-cost horse. Like you said, if it is ulcers, that's not cheap to care for. I may be hesitant with that. And they can be a recurring problem with some horses. Might be easier to not get that horse before you fall in love with it!

                                        ClassyRide, talk about out of shape! Spending about 4 sedentary months, I am way out of shape. I hate it. I need to lose a few pounds. And my "pony" is slowing getting back in shape, too.

                                        My last few rides have gone really well. I ended up buying some MDC stirrups with the adjustable "eye" and they're flexible. They really help my ankle! Love them.

                                        Supposed to be a NICE weekend here. (68º or so!). It is the first show of the season that I usually do, but will have to miss this one till we both are in better condition. I'm bummed, though, as it's an all-jumpers show. Sigh.
                                        “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”
                                        ¯ Oscar Wilde

                                        Comment


                                        • Alteragerous, I read your post several times. It sounds as if you don't really want the mare. I sensed none of the excitement of your posts about the paint pony.

                                          Maybe you should keep looking.
                                          I heard a neigh. Oh, such a brisk and melodious neigh as that was! My very heart leaped with delight at the sound. --Nathaniel Hawthorne

                                          Comment

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