• Welcome to the Chronicle Forums.
    Please complete your profile. The forums and the rest of www.chronofhorse.com has single sign-in, so your log in information for one will automatically work for the other. Disclaimer: The opinions expressed here are the views of the individual and do not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of The Chronicle of the Horse.

Announcement

Collapse

Forum rules and no-advertising policy

As a participant on this forum, it is your responsibility to know and follow our rules. Please read this message in its entirety.

Board Rules

1. You’re responsible for what you say.
As outlined in Section 230 of the Communications Decency Act, The Chronicle of the Horse and its affiliates, as well Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd., the developers of vBulletin, are not legally responsible for statements made in the forums.

This is a public forum viewed by a wide spectrum of people, so please be mindful of what you say and who might be reading it—details of personal disputes are likely better handled privately. While posters are legally responsible for their statements, the moderators may in their discretion remove or edit posts that violate these rules. Users have the ability to modify or delete their own messages after posting, but administrators generally will not delete posts, threads or accounts upon request.

Outright inflammatory, vulgar, harassing, malicious or otherwise inappropriate statements and criminal charges unsubstantiated by a reputable news source or legal documentation will not be tolerated and will be dealt with at the discretion of the moderators.

2. Conversations in horse-related forums should be horse-related.
The forums are a wonderful source of information and support for members of the horse community. While it’s understandably tempting to share information or search for input on other topics upon which members might have a similar level of knowledge, members must maintain the focus on horses.

3. Keep conversations productive, on topic and civil.
Discussion and disagreement are inevitable and encouraged; personal insults, diatribes and sniping comments are unproductive and unacceptable. Whether a subject is light-hearted or serious, keep posts focused on the current topic and of general interest to other participants of that thread. Utilize the private message feature or personal email where appropriate to address side topics or personal issues not related to the topic at large.

4. No advertising in the discussion forums.
Posts in the discussion forums directly or indirectly advertising horses, jobs, items or services for sale or wanted will be removed at the discretion of the moderators. Use of the private messaging feature or email addresses obtained through users’ profiles for unsolicited advertising is not permitted.

Company representatives may participate in discussions and answer questions about their products or services, or suggest their products on recent threads if they fulfill the criteria of a query. False "testimonials" provided by company affiliates posing as general consumers are not appropriate, and self-promotion of sales, ad campaigns, etc. through the discussion forums is not allowed.

Paid advertising is available on our classifieds site and through the purchase of banner ads. The tightly monitored Giveaways forum permits free listings of genuinely free horses and items available or wanted (on a limited basis). Items offered for trade are not allowed.

Advertising Policy Specifics
When in doubt of whether something you want to post constitutes advertising, please contact a moderator privately in advance for further clarification. Refer to the following points for general guidelines:

Horses – Only general discussion about the buying, leasing, selling and pricing of horses is permitted. If the post contains, or links to, the type of specific information typically found in a sales or wanted ad, and it’s related to a horse for sale, regardless of who’s selling it, it doesn’t belong in the discussion forums.

Stallions – Board members may ask for suggestions on breeding stallion recommendations. Stallion owners may reply to such queries by suggesting their own stallions, only if their horse fits the specific criteria of the original poster. Excessive promotion of a stallion by its owner or related parties is not permitted and will be addressed at the discretion of the moderators.

Services – Members may use the forums to ask for general recommendations of trainers, barns, shippers, farriers, etc., and other members may answer those requests by suggesting themselves or their company, if their services fulfill the specific criteria of the original post. Members may not solicit other members for business if it is not in response to a direct, genuine query.

Products – While members may ask for general opinions and suggestions on equipment, trailers, trucks, etc., they may not list the specific attributes for which they are in the market, as such posts serve as wanted ads.

Event Announcements – Members may post one notification of an upcoming event that may be of interest to fellow members, if the original poster does not benefit financially from the event. Such threads may not be “bumped” excessively. Premium members may post their own notices in the Event Announcements forum.

Charities/Rescues – Announcements for charitable or fundraising events can only be made for 501(c)(3) tax-exempt organizations. Special exceptions may be made, at the moderators’ discretion and direction, for board-related events or fundraising activities in extraordinary circumstances.

Occasional posts regarding horses available for adoption through IRS-registered horse rescue or placement programs are permitted in the appropriate forums, but these threads may be limited at the discretion of the moderators. Individuals may not advertise or make announcements for horses in need of rescue, placement or adoption unless the horse is available through a recognized rescue or placement agency or government-run entity or the thread fits the criteria for and is located in the Giveaways forum.

5. Do not post copyrighted photographs unless you have purchased that photo and have permission to do so.

6. Respect other members.
As members are often passionate about their beliefs and intentions can easily be misinterpreted in this type of environment, try to explore or resolve the inevitable disagreements that arise in the course of threads calmly and rationally.

If you see a post that you feel violates the rules of the board, please click the “alert” button (exclamation point inside of a triangle) in the bottom left corner of the post, which will alert ONLY the moderators to the post in question. They will then take whatever action, or no action, as deemed appropriate for the situation at their discretion. Do not air grievances regarding other posters or the moderators in the discussion forums.

Please be advised that adding another user to your “Ignore” list via your User Control Panel can be a useful tactic, which blocks posts and private messages by members whose commentary you’d rather avoid reading.

7. We have the right to reproduce statements made in the forums.
The Chronicle of the Horse may copy, quote, link to or otherwise reproduce posts, or portions of posts, in print or online for advertising or editorial purposes, if attributed to their original authors, and by posting in this forum, you hereby grant to The Chronicle of the Horse a perpetual, non-exclusive license under copyright and other rights, to do so.

8. We reserve the right to enforce and amend the rules.
The moderators may delete, edit, move or close any post or thread at any time, or refrain from doing any of the foregoing, in their discretion, and may suspend or revoke a user’s membership privileges at any time to maintain adherence to the rules and the general spirit of the forum. These rules may be amended at any time to address the current needs of the board.

Please see our full Terms of Service and Privacy Policy for more information.

Thanks for being a part of the COTH forums!

(Revised 1/26/16)
See more
See less

barn drama/favoritism with other boarders and wtd

Collapse
X
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • barn drama/favoritism with other boarders and wtd

    i know there has been lots of threads on barn drama in past,but i am in need of some advice.not wanting a train wreck with this topic.
    i just moved to a barn almost 3 weeks ago.good place,not overly fancy and big,but good facilities none the less.felt like i was finally going to get somewhere with my horses training and being part of the horse community again.
    BO is not living on property and i do not know barn owner,but the BM is and who is most involved in everything about the barn.she was really adement(sp?) about she does not allow barn drama at all when i talked to her and signed contract.,but what do you do with a BM that is the one starting the drama, after she assured me that was not expectable in the barn.i am at the point where i just want to take my horse and leave with no notice..and we all know that isn't the best thing to do in this day and age.but she has driven me to that point.
    i have been keeping up with her rules(literally 3 pgs of them)with contract.kept my end of the deal of things organized at time of boarding.(semi boarding)
    there is a more detailed story,but would like to see what others say.
    talking with BM,i feel will just create a worse situation and problem.as it is her that has created the problem..

    sincerely frustrated boarder
    http://myridingjourney.blogspot.com

  • #2
    Ah, the many pages of rules, and an enforcer, can be a good thing at barns. Are they that hard to follow? As to the drama: I think it's pretty common for BMs to have a little fiefdom and social hierarchy going on. It's the sign of stress and unhappiness, try to have some empathy. Learning to let it roll off your back is good training for life, b/c it ain't only at barns.

    Now, if you can't do that, or if the drama affects your horse's care, then I guess an exit strategy is the way to go.

    Good luck. Too many rules is bad, no rules can be a whole lotta bad.
    http://behindthebitblog.com
    Dressage, riding, sport horse blog
    BTBbrowbands.com
    Unique browbands for dressage and hunter riders

    Comment


    • #3
      Agree with Staceyk, there is drama and pettiness everywhere! Most workplaces are like that too. So are many families . Three weeks isn't very long to get the feel of a new place and figure out here you fit into the social fabric. If the other boarders have been there for a while and it seems like BM is more lax with them on the rules, it might be because she knows them well enough to trust them. Once she knows you better, she may very well relax them with you too. I'd give it some more time, make a concerted effort to NOT take things personally and, if it's still intolerable, look for a new place.

      Comment


      • #4
        Head down, mouth shut, enjoy your horse and keep out of it unless it's negatively impacting on the care your horse receives.

        Comment


        • #5
          I don't understand what the problem is. What kind of drama? About the rules? Enforcing the rules? And every barn has favoritism. When you moved in, you ok'd the board price, abiding by the rules, the level of care. So if someone is getting a "better deal" then you, then I don't see why you would care. Unless you know the backstory (perhaps that boarder saved the BO's life, or gave them $$ years ago as a favor), then I would MYOB.

          If the drama is affecting your happiness there, then leave. If you want to leave with no notice and therefore in a hailstorm of burned bridges, that's your prerogative.

          But I disagree that three weeks isn't enough time to know if you'll fit in. I usually can tell the first day if I'm going to want to leave or not. If you're this unhappy now, then get out and find another barn that makes you happy.
          That being said, I moved to a barn with LOTS of rules, some I didn't agree with, and a BO Enforcer who literally said to me "it's my way or the highway". Turns out it was the best barn where I've ever boarded. I board at a new barn with lots of rules, and I LOVE it too. Not everyone abides by rules, and some get free passes, but they're there to quote if I need to as a gentle reminder.

          Comment


          • #6
            Life is short. If you are not happy, leave. Don't leave without notice unless you are in a situation like the girl in off course whose one horse died. If the BM isn't endangering your horse, then give notice.

            If you think giving it more time wont solve anything, leave.

            I don't know how big the horse world is where you are from though, and if you leave like this often, you might not be welcomed to new places with open arms.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by Small Change View Post
              Head down, mouth shut, enjoy your horse and keep out of it unless it's negatively impacting on the care your horse receives.
              www.Somermistfarm.com
              Quality Hunter Ponies

              Comment


              • #8
                I too am having difficulty understanding your problem. My advice is to reiterate the aforementioned head down, mouth shut. Additionally, I try very hard to ride when I think the barn will be the least crowded, if possible. The fewer people I have to see at the barn, the less drama I encounter! It works like a charm, as does my tunnel vision...I am out there to ride my horse and to check on him - that's it! I love the camaraderie of being a part of the barn team, but try to keep my barn relationships light and to stay out of everything I deem dramatic!

                Comment


                • #9
                  Thread title says barn favoritism/wwyd and the post is a mish mash of barn drama, rules and unhappiness. Going to a new barn is like doing anything new - a new home, a new school, a new job - so its going to take some time to get used to. Are the 3 pages of rules reasonable or craziness. One would assume reasonable otherwise why sign contract? With a larger barn a BM is going to have to lay down more rules -particularly if you have different ages, riding levels, and perhaps disciplines.

                  My suggestion, take a deep breath.. suck it up and give it some time.. it's not like going to a new school and having to be part of the most popular group (let's hope anyway

                  Best of luck to you

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Small Change View Post
                    Head down, mouth shut, enjoy your horse and keep out of it unless it's negatively impacting on the care your horse receives.
                    Yup. Give it time. Know that you may be part of the problem in that part of what you said (in the OP) is that you liked being part of a horse community again. Maybe your expectations are too high for the being the new kid on the block just 3 weeks in! Count your blessings-- remind yourself what is right rather than wrong about this barn. If the BM is the instigator, let it roll off you until it actually affects the care you horse is getting. Think it's strange that the person who was most clear about No Drama causes it. It's not the first time you'll run into the psychological phenomenon of projection, you know?

                    Best of luck to you.
                    The armchair saddler
                    Politically Pro-Cat

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Small Change View Post
                      Head down, mouth shut, enjoy your horse and keep out of it unless it's negatively impacting on the care your horse receives.
                      Spot on advice!
                      Riding a horse is not a gentle hobby, to be picked up and laid down like a game of solitaire. It is a grand passion.... ~ Emerson

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Not really sure what the problem truly is? If its the rules, or the number of them, I'm sure I could make my rules wordy enough and detailed enough to reach 3 pages. If it the craziness of them, and you read them before you signed the contract, then they couldn't have seemed that crazy. As far as favoritism, what were you expecting? Like anyplace else, interpersonal relations are going to be at play. For example, everyone knows that the kid that leases my pony is one of my favorites, I've taught her since she was little and have watched her grow up and luckily, she's really a great kid with a great family, who gets on well with everyone. I've got a couple other boarders who we're tight with, and might make exceptions to the rules for, because of this or that circumstance, and we know they won't take advantage of it. Since you're still developing those relationships, and the BM is still getting to know you, I wouldn't worry about favoritism too much. If it doesn't affect the care of your horse, then it's a non-issue.
                        Different Times Equestrian Ventures at Hidden Spring Ranch
                        www.DifferentTimesEquestrianVentures.com

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          You said that "i have been keeping up with her rules(literally 3 pgs of them)with contract.kept my end of the deal of things organized at time of boarding." I don't understand why you're complaining if you were aware of the rules (all 3 pages of them) when you signed the contract. Did you think the rules wouldn't apply, or are you suggesting that the rules aren't being fairly enforced? If you weren't happy with the rules, why did you sign the contract?

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Without additional details it is going to be difficult to give you more than just generic advice. Based on past experiences in all sorts of situations, give it a month or so before deciding whether to leave or not.

                            It takes time for horses to adjust to a new barn, new pasture-mates, etc. So to with people, sometimes you need some time to figure things out. I'd give it a month or two before making any big decisions. Settle in and see what happens. As long as your horse is receiving good care, just deal with it and hold all the other issues in a jar on a shelf somewhere. After some time take that jar down again and think about all your experiences to see if it's still worth moving...

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              I am confused?

                              One thing I have noticed, and this applies in and out of the barn: The people who talk the most about wanting "no drama" and "drama free environment" are usually the ones causing the problems. I would be a bit leary of a barn owner who went on and on about drama and not wanting any at her barn. I would also be leary of a potential new border who went on and on about wanting a drama free environment. It makes me feel that they have been involved in so much of it that they need to make a point in talking about it in excess. If you are someone who is mild-mannered and stays out of things, barn drama wouldn't matter as much because you know you wouldn't really be involved in it anyway.

                              I am one of those people who refuses to get involved in anything, so even if there is "drama" at a barn, it doesn't effect me. I learned the hard way when I was a kid what barn drama does. So now I may have fewer close barn friends, but it keeps things light and fun when I am at there.
                              I WAS a proud member of the *I'm In My 20's and Hope to Be a Good Rider Someday* clique..but now I am 30!!!!!!!!!!!
                              My new blog about my Finger Lakes Finest:
                              She Ain't No Small Potato!

                              Comment


                              • #16
                                I am in the camp of give it some time. If the favoritism and rule crap get to be too disruptive, don't feel bad about leaving. I signed a contract once with multiple pages of silly rules which seemed fine at the time until you had to actually live them.
                                I don't always feel up to arguing with your ignorance

                                Comment


                                • #17
                                  be the best customer

                                  As the newest person, follow the advice Small Change gave you.
                                  In addition, be the best customer. Follow a bit of simple guidance:
                                  1. Pay on time.
                                  2. Any issues with the barn operation should be discussed professionally and PRIVATELY with the appropriate person (I assume the BM). Not with other boarders, etc. Likewise, don't get involved in other people's issues: encourage them to address their problems professionally and PRIVATELY.
                                  3. Lend a hand. Pick up after other people, close the gate for someone else, whatever. This is amazingly rare, and will make you a treasure.
                                  4. Be upbeat and friendly to the other boarders.
                                  5. Thank the BM and BO for the services they provide. Yes, i know, you are paying for it. That does not matter. Thank them anyway for dragging the ring, keeping the aisles cleaned up, whatever. Good operations take pride in the quality of the barn, and appreciate it being noticed!
                                  6. Follow all the rules and don't be snarky. IF the rule says park in the next county, do it! Don't do it, and gripe to everyone about it.
                                  7. If you have a suggestion about how to improve, then again, talk to the BM. Don't talk to everyone else, and then tell the BM that you talked to everyone and they all want ___ changed. Nope, this is not a good idea.

                                  Comment


                                  • #18
                                    How in the world anybody can offer an opinion of favoritism and somebody starting drama with nothing at all but a mention of the 3 pages of rules OP willingly signed is beyond me.

                                    Realize OP does not want to get specific but there are certainly ways of expressing the gist of a situation without risk of revelation.

                                    I can't tell of there are specific things that were allowed to happen that violated the rules and created drama or if OP just does not feel accepted yet and feels others are treated differently and get advantages she does not. Or even if the BM is a meddling busybody that grates on the nerves.

                                    If it's the first, a talk with the BM is needed. If it's the second, tend to your own business and don't worry about what others are doing-especially if they have been there a long time. Their deal is their deal, yours is yours.

                                    3 weeks is too short to condemn a barn based on personalities and perceptions unless somebody really is a whackjob and the care is not up to standard.
                                    When opportunity knocks it's wearing overalls and looks like work.

                                    The horse world. Two people. Three opinions.

                                    Comment


                                    • #19
                                      Life is short and OpenOffice is Free. I'd give you some advice but between poor punctuation and run ons I'm just going to give you the link to a great office program. If you are typing form your phone, I assure you it's smart enough to Capitalize, punctuate and spell!

                                      http://www.downloadvance.com/openoffice/
                                      Adoring fan of A Fine Romance
                                      Originally Posted by alicen:
                                      What serious breeder would think that a horse at that performance level is push button? Even so, that's still a lot of buttons to push.

                                      Comment


                                      • #20
                                        Originally posted by leilatigress View Post
                                        Life is short and OpenOffice is Free. I'd give you some advice but between poor punctuation and run ons I'm just going to give you the link to a great office program. If you are typing form your phone, I assure you it's smart enough to Capitalize, punctuate and spell!

                                        http://www.downloadvance.com/openoffice/
                                        Don't you just hate when you're trying to be all 'holier-than-thou' about someone's spelling and capitalization and you misspell a simple word like 'from'?

                                        Payback is a byotch Leila
                                        ~Kryswyn~ Always look on the bright side of life, de doo, de doo de doo de doo
                                        Check out my Kryswyn JRTs on Facebook

                                        "Life is merrier with a terrier!"

                                        Comment

                                        Working...
                                        X