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"being treated like a green bean" LONG

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    "being treated like a green bean" LONG

    I'm frustrated. Ugh! I have been riding since I was 6--showed on the A circuit as a junior-- when AA shows didn't exist.

    I wasn't a great rider...but did very well on the flat (A shows)and not so great over fences (pinned sometimes)...nonetheless trained with a BNT.

    Currently, new trainers are coming into the barn (no trainers before) and they treat me like I'm clueless. Yes, things have changed, I'm lots older, definitely more afraid..etc...but seriously????

    I've ridden longer than they have been alive! Had a clinic a couple weeks ago and "trainer" was late for his/her lesson and horse not groomed well -in my opinion....and I was taught the horse (rider) shall be immaculate or you won't be riding. It is an insult to the trainer etc.

    Blah, Blah, thanks for reading. Just seems like these youngsters are "overstepping." I do want lessons etc...but when they act like I don't know how to put the girth on....it makes me sooooo angry....

    Am I way overreacting? I just may be...

    Please, any advice/suggestions/etc is very welcome and appreciated!!!

    noodles

    #2
    If its of any help, I get the same thing. I stopped riding for 30 years before coming back. Overweight and much older, I've been making up for time for the last 5 years. Over that time, I've had to endure ridicule from the 20 somethings. I've proven my abilities over and over, and I know I have a long way to go, esp in the fitness department, but I know my way around a horse. And still, as soon as someone younger who's a decent rider comes along, they're all over that person and I'm thrown under the bus.

    Well, I'm frustrated too. It has at times made me just want to stop riding again. So one of the best things I've decided to do was to not train with them. I have another trainer I'm more comfortable with, and who has more knowledge, to come in for lessons. And even if he's frustrated with my lack of talent, he always tries to tell me the positive in what I'm doing. Its made a world of difference, and removed me from having to listen to the constant barrage of confusing critiques from trainers who themselves don't know.

    If that's an option for you, then you can simply bypass the ones who make you uncomfortable. Youth has a lot of arrogance, and is often blind to its own ignorance. You probably know what you need to do more than they do and they aren't experienced enough and maybe even feel intimidated. In any case, ignore them.

    Comment


      #3
      Don't forget, they also invented sex, music and all sorts of riding skills.

      Tack stores and barns are full of these darlings who know everything (at least the very small bit of knowledge they may have that they will apply to everything....they're the classic idiots who fit, "to a man with a hammer, every problem looks like a nail").

      Don't deal with them, consider them ill-educated idiots with few manners and a true lack of class.
      "Sic Gorgiamus Allos Subjectatos Nunc"

      Comment

        Original Poster

        #4
        Thanks starda!

        Least I'm not alone. There are not other options where I live...well, for a price I can pay.

        I feel like I have to placate the "trainers"......

        maybe its just hard to grasp I'm a has been?

        Comment


          #5

          Comment


            #6
            You might want to find a new riding situation. My show heyday was back in the 1970s and I took 30 years off before coming back to riding. I've got to say that the young trainers and the 20 somethings at the barn I ride at are very supportive and respectful. They offer help only if I ask for it and, if I do, they help without making me feel stupid or like a dinosaur .

            I agree that a lot has changed, some of the better and some for the worse.

            Comment


              #7
              Originally posted by Noodles View Post

              I've ridden longer than they have been alive! Had a clinic a couple weeks ago and "trainer" was late for his/her lesson and horse not groomed well -in my opinion....and I was taught the horse (rider) shall be immaculate or you won't be riding. It is an insult to the trainer etc.
              I'm a little confused by this. The trainer was riding in the clinic with a poorly groomed horse? That would suggest to me the trainer has different standards than you do. Let it go or find another trainer. Seriously, if I fretted about every thing that my trainer/barnmates do that I wouldn't, I would be a nutjob. I've got my standards...they have theirs. As long as they don't impose theirs on me, I'm fine....and I do my best not to impose mine on them. If it was enough to upset me, I'd find somewhere else to ride that was more in line with my standards.

              Yep. Especially the resume part. My knowledge is a lot further along than my skill. And even after almost 10 years back riding, I'm not nearly the rider I was as a kid. Things are just different (the fear thing is a b$#ch ).

              When I first came back to riding, I was a bit timid about displaying any of my former knowledge. Trainer watched me tack up to make sure I could do it...realized I could and from there on out, I was left along to groom/tackup, etc. But I never got upset that she watched that first time.

              Then there was the riding part. OMG, tryin to make my body do what I wanted? HAHAHAaa... it was a joke. Trainer could see that I had some skill...even had my jump in my first lesson, which freaked me out a little...but I was A-W-F-U-L. It took a bit to get me back up. And let's just say that I had to re-build my reputation, so to speak. I had to transition from the "return-to-riding-adult" to someone who might be a little timid, but has a lot of industry knowledge. Now people come to me with questions, advice, etc. But it didn't happen quickly.
              Keith: "Now...let's do something normal fathers and daughters do."
              Veronica: "Buy me a pony?"

              Comment

                Original Poster

                #8
                Hi

                I did not ride thru college and grad school---so I took close to 12 years off....

                It was a "pleasure" barn...but things have changed.....One of new trainers knows what I have done....but doesn't acknowledge it..... said trainer was at the only h/j barn(in the area) b4 moving to our barn.....her/his trainer made fun of me 4 being too equitaty.....and didn't care what I did on the east coast YEARS ago...b/c things have changed!

                Don't want to come off as a conceited BXXch....so now I've kept my mouth shut and if I try to say anything about my past it really is blown off....it was years ago...so much has changed, blah blah....

                I really do acknowlege that things have changed...looked up this new trainers show record....I have more experience and placed higher than s/he.....yes times have changed...but i'm near the west coast now...and I showed the east coast....big

                This is hurting my confidence....

                Comment


                  #9
                  I think the answer is "don't train with them". Either that, or subtly let them know that you know what's what - warm up your own way, demonstrate correct lateral work, ask about pace/striding/rein aids in a way that shows that you know what's going on. But if you're really not getting anything from them, and you can't use them just as ground folk ("what about a gymnastic today?" or "how about setting up a circle of death?"), then it's time to give it a rest.

                  Comment

                    Original Poster

                    #10
                    thanks for the feedback!!! really thanks so much

                    I do think there are reasons I'm being "treated" the way I am....

                    I do want to take responsibility for my reactions, interactions, etc..... I just don't want to be a fool.

                    Thanks so much for responding...it really helps

                    noodies

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Originally posted by Noodles View Post
                      Hi

                      I did not ride thru college and grad school---so I took close to 12 years off....

                      It was a "pleasure" barn...but things have changed.....One of new trainers knows what I have done....but doesn't acknowledge it..... said trainer was at the only h/j barn(in the area) b4 moving to our barn.....her/his trainer made fun of me 4 being too equitaty.....and didn't care what I did on the east coast YEARS ago...b/c things have changed!

                      Don't want to come off as a conceited BXXch....so now I've kept my mouth shut and if I try to say anything about my past it really is blown off....it was years ago...so much has changed, blah blah....

                      I really do acknowlege that things have changed...looked up this new trainers show record....I have more experience and placed higher than s/he.....yes times have changed...but i'm near the west coast now...and I showed the east coast....big

                      This is hurting my confidence....
                      Noodles, I was out of riding for 12 years too. And I came back to a less show focused facility. We do shows, but the focus is more on fun. My trainer does jumpers now, but her background was eventing, so as a hunter/equitation rider, I'm a little out of her norm. She occasionally makes silly comments that if I were sensitive, I could take offense at. But her heart is always in the right place and all she wants is to see me have fun and succeed.

                      I found the best way to "prove" yourself is to demonstrate that you know what you are doing, not talk about it. We've had plenty of people in our barn that had 'glory days' when they were younger but are just not that rider anymore. when they talk like they are still that rider? Well, it's a polite listening but a in your mind. I'm not saying that's you...but you'd be better off just riding and proving that you know your stuff.

                      Why should your current trainer care what you did in the past? If you can't do it right now, let it go. You'll probably get back there again, but until that time, you can fondly reminisce, but don't expect some sort of respect because of it.

                      It sounds like you don't respect this trainer if you're comparing show records. Is that because of what they are teaching you or because you want them to respect your past? If it's because you think they aren't teaching you well, find a new trainer. If it's because you want them to respect your past...as they say "shut up and ride". You'll earn the respect.
                      Keith: "Now...let's do something normal fathers and daughters do."
                      Veronica: "Buy me a pony?"

                      Comment


                        #12
                        An instructor's job is to teach you to ride safely through physical and mental competence and confidence, and encourage you to reach for the highest standards of your discipline. Everybody can have an "off" day, but if your overall experience is leaving you with a sour taste in your mouth, the best thing to do is move on.
                        Patience pays.

                        Comment


                          #13
                          You are definitely not alone! I started riding again last September after a hiatus of a couple of years and ran into the same type of thing. It really seemed odd to me to get comments similar to what you experienced when I made it clear to the trainers that I used to do X, Y but have been on a hiatus of Z years and would like to bring my strength back, etc. and eventually get back to something close to X. when taking trial lessons at various barns, I noticed that in spite of these introductory remarks, the younger trainers tended to do similar things that they did with you.

                          On the other hand, the trainers were were older (ie 40s and 50's) tended to be more understanding of adult re-riders. One even said, you've done a lot in the past and it may take some time to bring your strength back, but we will work on exercises to help accelerate your transition back in the saddle.

                          So maybe you need to shop around until you find a trainer that understands the unique challenges associated with being an adult trying to get back to what you did as a kid. The younger trainers may just not understand this until they get another decade or two under their belt.

                          Comment


                            #14
                            It really doesn't matter what you've done. It matters what you are doing. Present tense. Take a look at your current riding skills. Video can be quite an eye opener.

                            I used to be able to play the flute and piano. Quite well, as a matter of fact. I no longer can play well. It would take months and months of practice to even begin to approximate the skills I had.

                            I used to be a marathon runner. Can I now, 20 years later, go out and run a marathon, no way.

                            And so on....
                            Off Topic Discussion about Life, Interests & Politics
                            http://theotherboard.boards.net/

                            Comment


                              #15
                              You need a new environment. It is not healthy or rewarding for you.

                              Comment

                                Original Poster

                                #16
                                Thanks for the feedback...it is very much appreciated.

                                You all made very good points
                                -I do want the trainers respect so the past not being acknowledged is frustrating...but not healthy for me since like one of you said my past really doesn't matter its where my skills are now.

                                I do think I need to stop talking about the past (keep my mouth shut) but show my skills as I ride....I really do think its true that people that have the talent, whatever it may be, do not talk about it, they DO it.

                                It's also nice to know I am not alone...s

                                Soo much to learn!!! THANKS AGAIN!!!

                                Comment


                                  #17
                                  "I do think I need to stop talking about the past (keep my mouth shut) but show my skills as I ride....I really do think its true that people that have the talent, whatever it may be, do not talk about it, they DO it. "


                                  While I agree that you do want to show your skills as you ride, you need a trainer that understands or is patient enough to address the needs of an adult trying to relearn what they did in their younger days.

                                  Comment


                                    #18
                                    I am not sure that I am totally getting why you are upset with them.

                                    I understand that you are frustrated because you feel that they are not aknowledging what you have done.

                                    The truth is, that as an instructor of many reriders, as much as I am willing to aknowledge their past, I am not willing to put them in a potentially dangerous situation to allow them to fulfill their ego.

                                    I do not mean that in a nasty way AT ALL! Really...it's just that If you were jumping 3'6" in A rated shows 12 years ago, and haven't sat on a horse since then, maybe you are not ready to be riding at that level again yet.

                                    I know that I personally came back to my barn after taking a few years off. I know a lot. I teach my lessons well because I have all the knowledge that is needed to execute courses in a fantastic way, ride the horses well, etc. My problem is that my body is not always listening to what my brain says. My brain is miles ahead of my body when I ride now that I am almost 30 and not able to ride everyday.

                                    All I am saying is do not take it personally. Also, if you do not have your own horse, you have to think that you are riding other peoples/lesson horses and they aren't going to be run into the ground just so that you can jump 3'-3'6 everytime you ride.

                                    I do however agree that if your trainers are showing up at clinics in a less than professional manner that 100% is an issue, and does prove that they may not know as much as they think they know.
                                    I WAS a proud member of the *I'm In My 20's and Hope to Be a Good Rider Someday* clique..but now I am 30!!!!!!!!!!!
                                    My new blog about my Finger Lakes Finest:
                                    She Ain't No Small Potato!

                                    Comment


                                      #19
                                      "The truth is, that as an instructor of many reriders, as much as I am willing to aknowledge their past, I am not willing to put them in a potentially dangerous situation to allow them to fulfill their ego."


                                      I agree that safety is paramount. At the same time though, a good trainer should be able to understand that teaching someone from "scratch" is not the same as working with an adult re-rider. A good trainer will be sensitive to the latter to help them build strength while still being challenged, albeit in a safe manner.

                                      Comment


                                        #20
                                        Originally posted by SnicklefritzG View Post


                                        I agree that safety is paramount. At the same time though, a good trainer should be able to understand that teaching someone from "scratch" is not the same as working with an adult re-rider. A good trainer will be sensitive to the latter to help them build strength while still being challenged, albeit in a safe manner.
                                        Yes, I understand that, I am just saying that I am not going to throw the jumps up just because it is something that one of my students did 10 years ago...plus most of my lesson horses would have heart attacks if I did that. haha. I differentiate my instruction based on individual needs of my students (wow...that just made it obvious that I am also a classroom teacher, didn't it? hahaha) :-)
                                        I WAS a proud member of the *I'm In My 20's and Hope to Be a Good Rider Someday* clique..but now I am 30!!!!!!!!!!!
                                        My new blog about my Finger Lakes Finest:
                                        She Ain't No Small Potato!

                                        Comment

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