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Green With Envy. I just can't help it. Tips?

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  • Green With Envy. I just can't help it. Tips?

    I know I'm about to get a ton of backlash from this post, especially considering this is my first post on the forum, but I have to get it off my chest after crying for half an hour.

    I am completely envious and pissed at one of my friends who rides with the same trainer as me.

    My horse, Unya, is a very talented Mexican TB gelding. He isn't the easiest to ride but he isn't an 'out of hell' horse. He just requires someone to actually ride him, in other words a normal horse. He will refuse and he will stop if not ridden with determination and oomph, but he is an amazing jumper and I love him. We win every time we get into the ring but God is it a struggle. Please no comments on my horse, budget is tight and, honestly, I can't get a more expensive horse so I'm working my best with what I've got and I'm somehow making it work.
    My friends horse, on the other hand, is an imported, 2.5 million peso, KWPN mare who was doing the triple bar challenge in Holland (Or somewhere in Europe) before coming here. She literally was jumping 2m with ease with another rider and that mare was winning no matter what. This mare doesn't refuse, forgives ANY DISTANCE, does literally all the job herself while my friend sits there doing NOTHING, her legs not even tight (moving all around), her hand never giving her horse release and her seat all bouncy. If I did that with my horse, I'd have a face full of sand or an unfinished course or worse a very pissed horse trying to buck me off.

    And yet, even though I work my ass off every day, stay extra hours with my trainer to watch others and learn more from others riding, ride whatever horse my trainer gives me (some that have literally tried to flip over on me) to get more experience and get better at riding, my friend still does better than me when we have our lesson together. The exercises? She does them right the first time or by the second time while I usually struggle with Unya being a brat if he got confused by the exercise or simply doesn't feel like doing it that day(of course I stay patient with him until he understands it because I know he isn't as experienced and needs a bit of teaching from my part) while watching my friend not even have to tell her mare what to do while the mare figures it out all by herself. Prizes and competitions? I win every time I get into the ring, give me a horse and I'll win at least third place, and yet I look like a monkey riding while my friend looks all pretty while the mare does all the work. She literally doesn't win higher than 6th place in a 10 horse competition while I won first in a 50 national competition this year, and yet she gets praised more by my trainer and gets to jump higher than me. In our team, I am the one with the most prizes, championships, and ribbons, yet I get stuck jumping 1m this year while my coach wants to enter my friend in the Longines Global youth championship at 1.25. I mean, really? I know it sounds like an envious and jealous person, and I'm here admitting that I am but can you blame me? I've fallen, cried, and struggled to get the horse I have (convincing my parents who HATE horses) and struggled to get him to the level he has achieved while my friend sits on her expensive mare looking pretty and just cries when she wants a new horse.

    I ride two horses that my trainer is selling, they are both amazing animals, one is super easy the other is a bit lazy but my trainer and I have worked our butts off to make them the way they are, automatic rides. The super-easy horse, Churro, jumps whatever you put in front of him no matter what. While I was working him I gave him a 1.30 course with ease! I would die to buy either churro or Pistol (the lazy one, my favorite) but I know I'll never be able to, and yet my friend got on Churro one time and now her parents are buying him, claiming she rides him better than me and that he's a hard horse that will force her to try harder. PLEASE! That horse I could ride with one hand behind my back.

    My friend is also taking a trip to Europe with her parents and my coach this year to get yet ANOTHER HORSE. I feel like the universe is testing me with my friend, and honestly it broke me today. I just can't stand it and I would die just to have half of what she has, and it pisses me off that she takes it for granted. She doesn't try, she doesn't take training seriously, and it frustrates the HELL out of me when she gives up or just lets the mare do it on her own because she's 'tired'. If I had that mare I would already be jumping the classical (1.40-1.50).

    And I know many will say 'oh, but maybe she rides better than you', please. She got on Unya once, ONCE, and started to complain because he was 'too difficult to control' and 'too hard to handle'. I was on her mare, she was on Unya, and we were jumping at the same time, the same obstacle. The jumps got up to 1.10 and I was jumping the mare with ease while my friend couldn't get unya to even look at the jump. They had to take it back down to 1m to get him to jump with her terrible seat and legs. I mean, I've jumped unya up to 1.20 (not a whole course but 2 or 3 obstacles) and yet she couldn't get him over a 1.10 pole while I jumped her mare, that being the first time I rode her, up to 1.30. My friend is terrified of riding Unya, so yeah, she doesn't ride better than me.

    I just can't help the envy I feel watching her or hearing about her rides. I hate having her parents come over and showing her off and me having to hold my tongue to not say that their daughter rides terrible. I want her parents to not compare her to me or try to get her to give ME tips. I mean, her parents and her want to CORRECT ME?! Really? I hate that people compliment her while I have people attacking me and criticizing my every move while I'm the one who wins more than her, just because my riding isn't pretty but instead efficient. I just don't know what to do with the envy that is choking me constantly and I just struggle with understanding that Unya is what I have to work with and I have to make it work. Once I sell him my plan is to get a better horse but first I have to make him automatic which is a long way away. I'm young, so maybe I have more maturing to do, but I just can't bear the envy anymore. I need to know what to do to get ride of it or to at least keep it under control because I feel like I sound cocky but really I have lost all confidence in my riding recently.

    One question, Am I A Bad Person For Feeling Like This?
    Last edited by AnnieCampy; Mar. 15, 2020, 11:35 PM.

  • #2
    43 views and no one wants to go first??
    The cue card kid just held up an empty cue card. For a minute there I thought I had lost my sense of humor. --- Red Skelton

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by pony grandma View Post
      43 views and no one wants to go first??
      I know its a difficult question and I sound like a brat but I can't stop these awful feelings

      Comment


      • #4
        Well, I’ll go. It never pays to compare yourself to others in any part of life. Please don’t shortchange Unya...to me, it is really sad that you bash him. Having your own horse is such a gift.

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        • #5
          Originally posted by NaturallyHappy View Post
          Well, I’ll go. It never pays to compare yourself to others in any part of life. Please don’t shortchange Unya...to me, it is really sad that you bash him. Having your own horse is such a gift.
          I know, I love Unya with all my heart but I am conscious of his flaws, more so recently because he stopped really badly at a jump and I fell off awful and the first thing my friends parents did was say that THEIR DAUGHTER never fell of, and my friend came by once I to back on and said 'Wow, I haven't fallen in like 3 years' and my confidence just plummeted.

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          • #6
            I think you'd be "winning" a heck of a lot that's worth MORE by loving your horse and all that he does for you. Whoo-eee though, is this a wind up?

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by Pocket Rocket View Post
              I think you'd be "winning" a heck of a lot that's worth MORE by loving your horse and all that he does for you. Whoo-eee though, is this a wind up?
              I love Unya, I really do. I spend two hours just playing liberty with him and gaining his trust, I could spend all day with him, i mean I cry out in joy every time we finsh a clean course cause i know its a struggle for him and he tries his best for me, but I can't help looking at my friend and think if I had her horses I would be at another level. I always appreciate all Unya does for me, I know he struggles at times and i have to be patient and find another way to teach him and I don't mind it, I just wish I could also do all my friend gets to do.

              Also, what is a wind up? English isn't my first language

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by AnnieCampy View Post
                …One question, Am I A Bad Person For Feeling Like This?
                Not a bad person, but if you continue to compare yourself to others you'll be forever unhappy.
                Why is it so important to have what you think others have?

                Comment


                • #9

                  There will always be people who buy or connive their way in life. Focus on your horsemanship. That gets earned.

                  ​​​​​Make this your mantra 'Everything you say and do in life tells everyone who you are.' No one is really fooling anyone.

                  A friend would have been concerned for you, in regards to a fall, not make superior comments.

                  You're young. Some things do take time.
                  Last edited by pony grandma; Mar. 16, 2020, 12:22 AM.
                  The cue card kid just held up an empty cue card. For a minute there I thought I had lost my sense of humor. --- Red Skelton

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Somantu View Post

                    Not a bad person, but if you continue to compare yourself to others you'll be forever unhappy.
                    Why is it so important to have what you think others have?
                    Because it frustrates me that I am working so hard, while she doesn't give a single thought towards working hard, and she gets praised more, put on a pedestal, given whatever she wants, while I get berated, laughed at or criticized. I just want to be able to have an even playing field, to show everyone that my hard work is actually why I win and that I have actual skill and that if my friend doesn't actually try she won't get anywhere.

                    People always say that Unya forgives everything and that he is so easy to ride, that I suck and that I can't ride, while they have no idea that the only reason Unya looks pretty while I ride him is because of all the blood, sweat and tears I've poured into him.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Love your pony, be grateful for what you have, talk him up ALL the time, figure out what you could have done better so he didn’t stop ( I never blame the horse...ever) and ignore the parents. Focus on what you have.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by pony grandma View Post
                        There will always be people who buy or connive their way in life. Focus on your horsemanship. That gets earned.

                        ​​​​​Make this your mantra 'Everything you say and do in life tells everyone who you are.' No one is really fooling anyone.

                        You're young. Some things do take time.
                        I know that, it just takes me so much to actually do it or to ignore everyone else. I have learned liberty, taught myself to speak 'horse' basically, to get unya to trust me to even get on without him being tense or frightened, while my friend can just get whatever horse she wants at any given moment and people tell ME to be more like her while she doesn't even know half of what I know. I just can't help these awful feelings

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by NaturallyHappy View Post
                          Love your pony, be grateful for what you have, talk him up ALL the time, figure out what you could have done better so he didn’t stop ( I never blame the horse...ever) and ignore the parents. Focus on what you have.
                          I do, you should see Unya when I call him a pretty boy or a good boy, he neighs and paws at the ground all excited cause he knows he's done a good job (not because this is a 'my little pony moment' but because I clicker/speach trained him that good boy means good job and a treat/positive things). Anyone asks and tell them Unya is the best horse ever and that, though eh can be difficult, he tries his heart out for you.

                          He stopped because heights intimidate him, and in turn they have began to intimidate me but after I fell off I got back on, convinced myself to be confident and we passed it perfectly but only after failing badly which is frustrating. I know the horse is not always at fault, but sometimes the inexperience of a horse or their personality can be at fault. AT least in my experience.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            So...ride better to compensate.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              lol, welcome to the horse world? There are people who ride packers, and people who make packers. Better to be the latter. If it’s not this friend, there will always be someone in any program that can out spend you. Make your peace with it or find a more egalitarian hobby.

                              Comment


                              • #16
                                Originally posted by NaturallyHappy View Post
                                So...ride better to compensate.
                                I do, I ride almost 4 hours a week so Unya can get a better rider but that isn't the issue, the issue is the envy I feel towards my friend. I could only dream of having what she has, and yet she takes it for granted or even shoves it in my face and makes me feel bad. I mean, I passed my first 1.20 course with Unya today and the second I told her she said 'oh, well I passed 1.30 with my mare today' When I saw her course and the mare was doing ALL THE WORK.

                                Comment


                                • #17
                                  There will always be others who have more, despite doing less. Don't think about them. Do you enjoy Unya? Do you like winning? Do you love riding and learning? Focus on the positive. Negativity and envy are counter-productive and will only make you feel crappy.

                                  Comment


                                  • #18
                                    Originally posted by jonem004 View Post
                                    lol, welcome to the horse world? There are people who ride packers, and people who make packers. Better to be the latter. If it’s not this friend, there will always be someone in any program that can out spend you. Make your peace with it or find a more egalitarian hobby.
                                    I know I know, I just don't like hearing about it constantly, getting compared constantly, even though I win more even though my Unya isn't even close to my friends horse. We've competed in the same competitions and I'VE WON, yet she's better than me... It pisses me off so much, just because her horse lets her looks pretty because that's all she has to focus on while my horse asks me to actually ride it and that's what I have to focus on, not that I need to look pretty.

                                    Comment


                                    • #19
                                      Originally posted by Somantu View Post
                                      There will always be others who have more, despite doing less. Don't think about them. Do you enjoy Unya? Do you like winning? Do you love riding and learning? Focus on the positive. Negativity and envy are counter-productive and will only make you feel crappy.
                                      You're right, you're 100% right, but during my lessons I can't help the envy that comes when I'm struggling with the exercise while my friend does it with ease. I mean, I love riding Unya, I feel comfortable and very happy with him, the sense of accomplishment I feel when I get him to do something new is amazing, but the bad feeling always come and I don't know what to do about it.

                                      Comment


                                      • #20
                                        Originally posted by AnnieCampy View Post
                                        …but the bad feeling always come and I don't know what to do about it.
                                        There will be no bad feelings once you accept Unya's and your accomplishments –– and stop BEFORE you start comparing yourself to the next person.

                                        And it sounds like you know that Unya is the more difficult ride, so why take anyone's bait when others begin to make comparisons? Just smile and be happy for others' achievements.

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