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Is this acceptable trainer behavior?

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  • #41
    Originally posted by Prime Time Rider View Post

    Several years ago I purchased a new horse with a trainer who was new to me. Trainer insisted that I continue doing an exercise which involved jumping outside of the arena and cantering back into the arena, with a horse turned out in a pasture adjacent to the area outside the arena running. I could feel my horse becoming more agitated and anxious each time we did the exercise, and I asked my trainer if I could opt out of the outside of the arena part of the course. She said no, the horse bucked me off (hindquarters over my head kind of buck), and I was injured fairly seriously. Since the horse was new to me, it took me a long time to learn to trust him again. Lesson learned, if trainer doesn't respect my limits, trainer isn't the right trainer for me.
    These are the kind of situations where we need to explain in the moment and then quit for the day.

    Easier seen in hindsight.

    But in this case, the ideal response would be to ride up to trainer and halt. Say " I can feel this horse is getting agitated to the point this exercise is not productive right now. I don't think it's useful raising his anxiety level like this. The loose horse is not helping. I think we need to move on from this now. Let's work on something to calm him down."

    If the trainer said no, I would say either well perhaps you can ride him in this exercise and see how he feels? Or OK let's just end the lesson now, I will.do some quiet flat work to get his head back in the game, and see you next week. Hopefully the loose horse won't be there next week.

    In other words there are ways to communicate to your coach that you are an active participant in the horse training process and have a valid point of view even if it differs from the coach. You aren't being lazy or nervous but actually are considering the effect on the horse.

    Comment


    • #42
      I'm a little surprised by the people who are taking the OP to task and blaming her for her injury during a lesson or for being taken aback by being physically assaulted by a crop during the lesson, even if it wasn't hard enough to do any physical harm.

      I understand that some riding instructors are frustrated by wussy, unfit students (and I say that as a wussy student who is not terribly athletic), but ultimately, the student has autonomy over her body (and horse, if it's hers) and always has and should have the prerogative to refuse. Now, of course the instructor also has the right to sit down after a few lessons and say, "I don't think I can teach you if you repeatedly refuse appropriate exercises," or "I feel I am giving the same lesson over and over again and you don't seem to listen, it's time I let you go." But I sometimes feel that instructors are loathe to lose a student, so instead they resort to temper tantrums and psychological pressure in the hopes that will scare the student into just going along. Even if an instructor feels an exercise is easy, it's not going to be effective if the student is scared and not confident. Not all riders are in horses for thrill-seeking. (Some are, of course, and that's okay, too, but you can't make someone into something they don't want to be.)

      Of course, we don't have both sides of the stories but I don't think it's really fair to blame the owner or rider if the trainer has been behaving in shady ways (overusing a horse in a lesson program, not being honest about commissions and fees). Some trainers are very opaque about such things, and how many times have people had sticker shock and come to complain here even after they tried to do their due diligence, sitting down and communicating with the trainer about fees and bills?

      Another way to look at it, however, is that I do think some people aren't terribly good about evaluating how and when to trust people. I have the opposite problem--I'm naturally suspicious, but I have some friends who 100% always assume the best of everyone. Unfortunately, even as a casual rider and owner in the horse business, that is just not an attitude you can have without getting burned.

      I do agree that it's unfair to blame the high-end barn for having an exclusive clientele or catering to higher-end customers, though, in that case it's just "it is what it is." I'm also unclear why the nice horse was sold, simply because the barn was shady about how many times a week they were using him in lessons and arguing about how much was owed on board; surely just leaving with the horse would have been the best solution?

      OP, in my more long-winded way, though, I'm going to agree with those who said to put the brakes on horse ownership for a long, long time. Find a community of equestrians and a barn and take the time to see who you can really trust. Find an instructor who works with your needs and budget. Since you are no longer leasing or paying board, use that money to lesson more than once a week, if time allows. Get some more education about horse buying and selling so you can be a more involved and hands-on participant if you do decide to buy or lease a horse again.
      Check out the latest Fortune's Fool novel, Courage to the Sticking Place!

      Comment


      • #43
        8 barns?!? That's a lot of places to have issues with. Especially in the Los Angeles area, where I hear there is quite a horse scene. Perhaps some inflection is in order. There is one common denominating factor, which is yourself.

        Maybe you aren't communicating your needs before entering a program. I would lay it all out there, expectations, what you won't be okay with, etc. Good luck OP, I am sure there is somewhere for you! You just haven't found it yet.

        Comment


        • #44
          Originally posted by Prime Time Rider View Post
          Lesson learned, if trainer doesn't respect my limits, trainer isn't the right trainer for me.
          I mean let's face it, there's scads of bad trainers out there. I mean there's bad lawyers and bad nurses and bad doctors, and those people have to undergo years of mandatory training and external certification, and there's still bad ones.

          Riding trainers? I can hang out a shingle tomorrow. I would suck! But I bet some people would blame the riders.

          Yeah, OP's had problems at 8 barns in a row. Yes, that points to OP probably having a hand in her string of bad experiences - but most of those were not potentially-bad/ dangerous trainer issues. Really only 2, the concussion one and the crop one. The rest were shenanigans around horse buying, mismatches in terms of barn and budget, stuff like that.
          Proud Member Of The Lady Mafia

          Comment


          • #45
            I'm based in LA, and have had 3 HJ trainers/boarded at 3 different barns before deciding to retire my horse. At all 3 of these barns I had negative experiences either because of dishonesty on the trainer's part, blatant prioritization of high-end clients, and/or laziness and lack of work ethic from the trainer that was apparent in both my and other clients' horses. Although it would be very easy for me to point the finger at them, when I've looked back in each situation there were things I noticed either during visits to the barn before moving there, or early on as a client and said nothing.

            I'm in no way saying that each of these negative experiences falls on you, but how much research are you doing before going there? What questions are you asking? How many lesson are you watching? Does your trainer friend have any insight/opinion on any of these barns? From experience I can tell you it's very easy to get caught up in the way a program is sold, how nice a property is, or a barn's show record. But at some point you need to be able to look past all of that and be able to pick some of these places apart. What kind of environment are you even looking for? What type of trainer do you want, and what philosophies are important to you?

            I retired my horse at 12 partially because of her physical issues, and partially because I was so jaded from my negative experiences, and didn't think I could trust anyone. I switched disciplines and just took lessons at a 4th barn and had a really great experience. As others have already mentioned...maybe it's time to stop thinking so much about buying a horse, and just focus on finding a solid lesson program.

            Also, feel free to DM me if you feel comfortable sharing barn names you've been to. I can try to offer some other suggestions.

            Comment


            • #46
              Originally posted by Impractical Horsewoman View Post
              I'm a little surprised by the people who are taking the OP to task and blaming her for her injury during a lesson or for being taken aback by being physically assaulted by a crop during the lesson, even if it wasn't hard enough to do any physical harm.

              Ok for the last time nobody here is advocating for trainers physically assaulting unsuspecting clients with a crop. Im kind of shocked that’s how so many people are reading the situation. When I said “my trainer would probably beat me with a crop too” I was KIDDING. It’s a figure of speech. Obviously I am firmly against beating anyone with a crop in a literal sense. I can’t believe I have to spell this out.

              I also really REALLY doubt that’s what OP’s trainer was doing. I think the trainer was probably just being playful and giving OP a hard time for not completing the exercise. Which yea, if that sort of thing really makes OP that uncomfortable, then she should leave but if OP is getting offended over every single little thing that any trainer ever does, she shouldn’t be shocked when she’s gone through eight trainers.

              Comment


              • #47
                Originally posted by Impractical Horsewoman View Post
                I'm a little surprised by the people who are taking the OP to task and blaming her for her injury during a lesson or for being taken aback by being physically assaulted by a crop during the lesson, even if it wasn't hard enough to do any physical harm..
                No. No one has said that the OP is directly responsible for being hurt or that it's OK for a student to be "physically assaulted" during a lesson. Rather, some of us have suggested, after hearing the OP's tales of woe from eight consecutive experiences at 7 different stables, that she might be acting in ways that increase the probability of having a bad experience.

                Some of us, I think, are also having a hard time believing that a trainer truly "assaulted" a student with a crop and that the OP is accurately representing what happened and the tone in which the interaction occurred.
                "Facts are meaningless. You can use facts to prove anything
                that's even remotely true."

                Homer Simpson

                Comment


                • #48
                  many questions here, but coming from dressage-land I say maybe switch disciplines. There are so many ways to have fun and enjoy horses, if the HJ barns in your area are not cutting it, try something else. Maybe a more relaxed, less competitive barn is a better way to go.

                  Comment


                  • #49
                    Questions are meant to spark introspection.


                    How did you select each barn? How did you evaluate if the barn was a good fit for you?

                    What is driving your desire purchase a horse soon after arriving at a new barn, as opposed to leasing or taking lessons?

                    There's friction in all relationships at some point. Sometimes we choose to work through the friction, other times we choose to leave.

                    Barn 2: I'm really sorry for your accident. It's a testament to your grit and love of horses to continue riding - kudos! I've never seen a trainer ask a student to do something the TRAINER didn't think the student was capable of. I've seen trainers ask students to do things the STUDENT didn't think they were capable of.

                    Barn 3: Was the incident with the crop was meant in jest?

                    Barn 5: Did you notice you said your friend determined the horse was a mismatch? How did YOU feel about the horse?

                    Barn 8 - Not listening to budget is common...trainers want you to have the best horse possible for several reasons. They want YOU to be happy and successful. They have to ride the horse too. And if you eventually decide to sell, it's easier to sell a nice horse than a not-as-nice horse. (Also trainers want a higher commission, of course.)












                    ~ Citizens for a Kinder, Gentler COTH...our mantra: Be nice. ~

                    Comment


                    • #50
                      I feel like this isn’t a barn issue. With 8 (?), the OP skipped some numbers, barns and a friend who is trainer? Why on earth is the OP struggling like this with a friend who’s a pro in the area?

                      Comment


                      • #51
                        What a fascinating discussion.

                        Some of the issues described, as well as the number of posts supporting or at least excusing some of that behavior, are an indication to me that the cruddy underbelly of HJ-land really hasn't changed much since I left it for another discipline some years ago.

                        I haven't personally had all those awful things happen to me, but I have seen plenty of that kind of thing happen to others around me. Enough to know how common a lot of the ugly stuff is, particularly when it comes to horse sales. In one particularly memorable situation though, the guy I was training with when I got cancer said, hey don't worry about paying for training while you are going through chemo. Just pay board, and when you are ready to come back and start riding again, we'll pick up where we left off. Wow, I thought. What a nice guy. Except that he actually LEASED my nice made hunter to another customer - so he was not only still getting paid for training, but also getting TWO board checks every month. It was an ugly situation when I showed up to visit my horse one day to find his lease person getting ready for her lesson. She had been told it was a sale horse owned by the trainer. Didn't end well.

                        OP, there are decent trainers out there and for whatever it's worth, you absolutely have the right to determine the kind of program that works best for you. Most of us AAs are not going to the Olympics and let's face it, many have no ambitions beyond a local 2'6" class - for that you do not need to be driven like a sled dog or berated by your professional to do anything you aren't comfortable doing. However, with that comes the understanding and acceptance that the less you do or push yourself, of course the slower you progress. If you are OK with that, and you are up front about your goals, limitations etc then any trainer that takes your money should be OK with it too.
                        **********
                        We move pretty fast for some rabid garden snails.
                        -PaulaEdwina

                        Comment


                        • #52
                          Originally posted by xxWarmbloodHunterxx View Post
                          I’m an adult amateur and am at my wit’s end. Over the last 6 years I’ve tried to find a good situation in my new home state, but every time, after a few months (sometimes weeks!) something happens that I find unprofessional or unacceptable, and I move on. The latest thing has me wanting to quit riding altogether. Is this behavior normal?! If I want to ride, is some level of shadiness just to be expected? Here are the highlights:

                          Barn 1: Trainer tries to sell me a mare that I later find out has been abandoned by the owner. The price is amazingly low. When they present the sale contract, it says that the papers are to remain with the trainer, as well as the official ownership and breeding rights. When I call them out, they say that “it’s more of a 3-month lease fee.” I leave the barn. The trainer “sells” the horse to another client, and when they leave a year later, the trainer will not let them take the horse they “bought” from him.

                          You made the right choice by leaving.

                          Barn 2: Trainer seems competent, if abrasive at times. After a few months, they ask me to do an exercise I’m uncomfortable with, so I tell them I don’t want to do it. Trainer proceeds to yell at me that I have to do it, threatening to take away my stirrups, etc. So I do it, fall off, lose my memory, get a concussion and slip a disc. Can’t ride for a few months. Leave that barn.

                          Even after you protested, "trainer" knowingly put you in a dangerous situation. File a law suit for negligence. Trainers have a legal duty of care to protect students from undue harm.

                          Barn 3: Trainers are starting up their new business. I’m recovering from my previous back injuries and tell them repeatedly that I need to take it easy. They roll their eyes. During Lesson 8 or 9, after awhile I walk due to muscles giving out/exhaustion. Trainer gets mad and asks for my crop. I hand it to them. They proceed to HIT ME with it, on my butt, while on top of the horse. Humiliated, I leave the barn (but not before emailing them exactly why that was unacceptable).

                          Call police and file assault charges. This type of trainer behavior is NEVER acceptable.

                          Barn 4: I try the fancy hunter barn. As someone who wants to buy with a limited budget, my requests to lease/buy are pretty much ignored. Frustrated and still with no horse, I leave.

                          You made the right choice to leave. At least they didn't try to kill you like previous trainer.

                          Barn 5: Trainer finds me a horse to lease on a budget that turns out to be completely wrong for me and misrepresented. I try to hang in there and make it work. But After a friend who is a trainer watched one of my lessons, she was pretty blunt about the mismatch. I give the horse back before the lease ends, losing 7 months of a lease fee.

                          Short term (3 month) lease for this exact situation to make sure horse is a fit for you.

                          Barn 6: It’s more a lesson program than a training program, but my trainer friend is working there. They sell me a horse that I like, but then leave and move 4 hours away. I let the school use my horse for lessons in exchange for reduced board. The owner of the school program proceeds to use my horse 2-3x a day for lessons without telling me. Then accuses me of not paying my board and bills even though I provide itemized receipts for everything. This happens EVERY MONTH. So once again... I leave and sell my horse because at this point I have anxiety surrounding anything horse related.

                          Good that you documented everything each month, but did you have in writing an agreement that spelled out details of use and compensation (reduced board)? Sound like "no"

                          Barn 8: I miss riding, so I go back to the fancy hunter barn. I have a higher budget to buy now. I tell them what it is, and they say great, then double it. They tell me a horse in this range can be leased out much more easily and sold more easily if I need to get out of it. They find a “perfect” horse for me, but it’s across the country. Owned by someone they do business with often. They want me to pay for transportation so I can try it, then if I don’t like it, they say they can sell it right away and get my money back. They misrepresent the transport costs. Right before I get the contract from the hauler, I ask for the total, and it’s DOUBLE. I say no thank you, don’t ship this horse out, you’re not being truthful.

                          Your learning. Never ever, ever trust any trainer fully. Always do your own homework. Worked for here.

                          I’m still at barn 8, but I feel I need to leave again because they are already not listening to my budget and Misrepresenting costs. I can’t trust what they say. I’ve even heard 3 different prices for the horse.

                          Time to move on.

                          If you’ve read this far, thank you.

                          Is this par for the course at H/J barns? I feel anxious, frustrated, and like I might be crazy for attempting to do this as a hobby. I work full time and used riding as a de-stressor... but it’s causing more stress than relaxation at this point.

                          Any insight would be helpful. Thank you.

                          Comment

                          • Original Poster

                            #53
                            Originally posted by NoSuchPerson View Post

                            No. No one has said that the OP is directly responsible for being hurt or that it's OK for a student to be "physically assaulted" during a lesson. Rather, some of us have suggested, after hearing the OP's tales of woe from eight consecutive experiences at 7 different stables, that she might be acting in ways that increase the probability of having a bad experience.

                            Some of us, I think, are also having a hard time believing that a trainer truly "assaulted" a student with a crop and that the OP is accurately representing what happened and the tone in which the interaction occurred.
                            Yes, it actually happened. I know no one wants to believe it, because it's so out there, but it did happen.

                            Comment

                            • Original Poster

                              #54
                              Originally posted by Denali6298 View Post
                              I feel like this isn’t a barn issue. With 8 (?), the OP skipped some numbers, barns and a friend who is trainer? Why on earth is the OP struggling like this with a friend who’s a pro in the area?
                              If you re-read my post: my trainer friend moved 4 hours away. If she were still here, I would be training with her.

                              Comment

                              • Original Poster

                                #55
                                Originally posted by snaffle635 View Post
                                Questions are meant to spark introspection.


                                How did you select each barn? How did you evaluate if the barn was a good fit for you?
                                The first one was recommended to me by someone who grew up with the trainer and kept in touch online. The second one, I watched a bunch of their lessons and thought their program looked good, but the person who hit me with the crop was their new assistant and not the head trainer. Then I started researching online on my own, watching some at shows, and taking lessons with others.

                                What is driving your desire purchase a horse soon after arriving at a new barn, as opposed to leasing or taking lessons?
                                Everyone is assuming that I show up at barns and demand to buy a horse, but this isn't what has been happening. It's funny how things have been blown more and more out of proportion as the thread has gotten longer. Oh, internet! My post spans about 6 years of experiences. I have been riding at the fancy h/j barn for 8 months now, and previously rode with the trainer for about a year. At the other barns I rode lesson horses or leased their own horses.

                                There's friction in all relationships at some point. Sometimes we choose to work through the friction, other times we choose to leave.

                                Barn 2: I'm really sorry for your accident. It's a testament to your grit and love of horses to continue riding - kudos! I've never seen a trainer ask a student to do something the TRAINER didn't think the student was capable of. I've seen trainers ask students to do things the STUDENT didn't think they were capable of.
                                Thank you! I agree. But the student has to think they're capable, too, and they have to be mentally comfortable.

                                Barn 3: Was the incident with the crop was meant in jest?
                                I would hope so? But this wasn't a light tap. It was like 5 hard smacks. Very strange behavior.

                                Barn 5: Did you notice you said your friend determined the horse was a mismatch? How did YOU feel about the horse?
                                I actually felt that the horse was a mismatch, and had my friend come to watch a lesson to see if she agreed with me. I wanted a "second opinion" to see if she thought this was something I could work through, or if I should just move on.

                                Barn 8 - Not listening to budget is common...trainers want you to have the best horse possible for several reasons. They want YOU to be happy and successful. They have to ride the horse too. And if you eventually decide to sell, it's easier to sell a nice horse than a not-as-nice horse. (Also trainers want a higher commission, of course.)
                                Very true.

                                Thank you for taking the time to respond!












                                Comment


                                • #56
                                  Originally posted by Lucassb View Post
                                  In one particularly memorable situation though, the guy I was training with when I got cancer said, hey don't worry about paying for training while you are going through chemo. Just pay board, and when you are ready to come back and start riding again, we'll pick up where we left off. Wow, I thought. What a nice guy. Except that he actually LEASED my nice made hunter to another customer - so he was not only still getting paid for training, but also getting TWO board checks every month. It was an ugly situation when I showed up to visit my horse one day to find his lease person getting ready for her lesson. She had been told it was a sale horse owned by the trainer. Didn't end well.
                                  Apologies for going a different direction but WOW! I had a trainer I thought was low as they get when she, without my knowing, advertised my horse for sale (we never had any discussion about this even being an option), allowed many people to come ride and try her, found a buyer, settled on a price THEN tried earnestly to convince me to sell her so she’d make a hefty commission fee. I was 15, and said it was a hard no, but holy cow - the gumption some of these HJ trainers have!

                                  OP, I agree with what many are telling you. I think it would be best to evaluate your goals, your “must haves”, and your hard no’s. Maybe really get to know the things you can live with or without. Nothing is going to be perfect. However, you now know so many things that are definite passes, what might be able to be handled better with a conversation, and what you must have. Network with folks different barns, talk to trainers while being VERY upfront with your goals, what you’re looking for, and have an open mind. Good luck!!

                                  Comment

                                  • Original Poster

                                    #57
                                    Originally posted by outside_leg View Post
                                    Wow. Really have to disagree with Equkelly. In what world is it ever okay for a trainer to hit someone with a crop or otherwise? That’s called assault. Never mind the fact that OP is paying for a service.
                                    Yes- agree. I am paying for a service and at the very least, I expect to be treated with mutual respect.

                                    Look, I grew up with some trainers who behaved like drill sergeants. I participated in grueling sports teams where you could expect to be verbally abused and berated if you fell behind. I don’t particularly think it made me tougher. It made me more likely to stay silent and try to push through discomfort. When I was later diagnosed with a congenital heart defect, I learned how much danger that attitude has put me in. Needless to say, I’m more conscious of limits now.
                                    Also agree- and sorry to hear about your congenital heart defect. That can't have been easy to push through. I found out recently that I had a medical issue that was making me so tired/exhausted all the time! So that explained a lot of why I could complete a full hour lesson. But now, it's been corrected, and I'm able to ride for an hour-plus

                                    By definition, AAs are not pros. We are not being paid to do this. It is a sport, and pushing physical limits is part of that, but not to extremes. At the very least, if you talk to your trainer about your limits, nerves, issues, whatever and how you’d like them to be handled, your needs should be considered.

                                    Regarding the original question, no, this is not acceptable. Unfortunately, I don’t think it’s particularly uncommon either. I’ve seen some truly horrible, unfit programs/trainers. I’ve also struggled to find the right fit. I think part of the problem right now is that it’s so hard to make a living in this sport. It squeezes out people who are good, honest, but not at the top tier because they get screwed over or can’t afford the cost of doing business or were never properly trained in business to begin with. You’re left with a lot of unscrupulous people who will do anything to make a profit, some great programs that are elite and therefore hard to afford, and quite a bit of people in the middle. Depending on where you are, it can be hard to find people who are affordable, accessible, and ethical.
                                    I think this is a big part of my issue. This is part of why my trainer friend moved 4 hours away


                                    I’m sorry OP for what sounds like a truly draining experience. I’ve been through similarly disheartening time periods like this myself, and I’ve struggled to find the right barn/trainer/program. I’ve made lists of what I’m willing to compromise on and what are non-negotiable points. That doesn’t make it easier. It may mean expanding your search radius, driving further for the right program, or looking at a new approach. But I wouldn’t go back to a program I’ve already identified as a poor fit.
                                    Thank you for sharing your story. Also, making a list sounds like a great idea.

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                                    • Original Poster

                                      #58
                                      Originally posted by ClassyJumper View Post
                                      How about stepping away from the fomal lesson scene and finding yourself a private/small boarding barn? Theres a lot of older horses that will help build your fitness and confidence whose owners would love some help with the bills.
                                      This is a great idea- I am just unsure of where to find a smaller barn in my area (land isn't cheap out here so most people don't have horses on their property), and I am generally untrustworthy of how people represent their horses. I've seen so many people claim their horse is "so safe that I'd put my grandma on it!" and then the horse spooks and throws a kid on their first canter around the ring.

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                                      • Original Poster

                                        #59
                                        Originally posted by mmeqcenter View Post
                                        Barn 1: Trainer tries to sell me a mare that I later find out has been abandoned by the owner. The price is amazingly low. When they present the sale contract, it says that the papers are to remain with the trainer, as well as the official ownership and breeding rights. When I call them out, they say that “it’s more of a 3-month lease fee.”
                                        Have heard of this, though I don't think it's all that common, and you made the right call. BYE.

                                        Barn 2: Trainer seems competent, if abrasive at times. After a few months, they ask me to do an exercise I’m uncomfortable with, so I tell them I don’t want to do it. Trainer proceeds to yell at me that I have to do it, threatening to take away my stirrups, etc. So I do it, fall off, lose my memory, get a concussion and slip a disc.
                                        Some people want drill-sergeant trainers. Some don't. Trainer should have asked you why you don't want to do it, tried to understand, then tried to find another exercise to accomplish the goal or leave the goal for another day. You know your body and your mind, don't ignore what it's telling you just because a trainer says so. I'm sorry this happened.

                                        Barn 3: Trainers are starting up their new business. I’m recovering from my previous back injuries and tell them repeatedly that I need to take it easy. They roll their eyes. During Lesson 8 or 9, after awhile I walk due to muscles giving out/exhaustion. Trainer gets mad and asks for my crop. I hand it to them. They proceed to HIT ME with it, on my butt, while on top of the horse. Humiliated, I leave the barn (but not before emailing them exactly why that was unacceptable).
                                        Literally no. Never okay.

                                        Barn 4: I try the fancy hunter barn. As someone who wants to buy with a limited budget, my requests to lease/buy are pretty much ignored. Frustrated and still with no horse, I leave.
                                        Pretty common, but crappy. Some trainers won't waste their time with limited budgets.

                                        Barn 5: Trainer finds me a horse to lease on a budget that turns out to be completely wrong for me and misrepresented. I try to hang in there and make it work. But After a friend who is a trainer watched one of my lessons, she was pretty blunt about the mismatch. I give the horse back before the lease ends, losing 7 months of a lease fee.
                                        I'd have given this trainer another chance. It can be hard to play match-maker, and some people just aren't good at it. Based on your bouncing around, I'm going to guess this trainer didn't know you long before finding a lease horse, so they really weren't set up for success. Unless you found the horse completely unsafe, a mismatch doesn't have to be a deal breaker for a lease - you could have ridden out the lease, learned a lot, and then sent the horse back. A "not for me, but appreciate the experience" kind of thing.

                                        Barn 6: I let the school use my horse for lessons in exchange for reduced board. The owner of the school program proceeds to use my horse 2-3x a day for lessons without telling me. Then accuses me of not paying my board and bills even though I provide itemized receipts for everything.
                                        Been there, done that. BYE.

                                        Barn 8: They misrepresent the transport costs. Right before I get the contract from the hauler, I ask for the total, and it’s DOUBLE. I say no thank you, don’t ship this horse out, you’re not being truthful.
                                        Fairly common, unfortunately. BYE.


                                        I do agree that you appear to be subconsciously seeking out or attracting trainers that are inclined to take advantage of you, and/or you are not communicating effectively when starting with a new trainer.
                                        Thanks for your responses- some of them made me laugh. BYE! Heh. Anyway. You are right that the trainer who found me the wrong-match lease horse hadn't known me for long. She only had one lesson horse that a bunch of her clients were using, and he wasn't always available when I could lesson, so I thought that leasing would be a better option for me so I could ride on my schedule and always have a horse available.

                                        Also interesting about the subconsciously seeking out trainers that take advantage of me. I'm trying to figure out why that might be. But in my defense- Is it even possible to accurately asses whether one would be just out to take advantage of me after watching/taking a few lessons? In my experience, I have to get to know someone over some time first before the signs present themselves.

                                        Thanks for reading my post and responding!

                                        Comment

                                        • Original Poster

                                          #60
                                          Originally posted by 2DogsFarm View Post
                                          OP: listen to what js posted.
                                          Short & sweet & hits the nail on the head.
                                          Print for reference if needed.

                                          Scribbler also makes a valid point.
                                          So many Fails & you don't think you are at least part of the problem?

                                          Why aren't you training with your friend?
                                          And why can't he/she point you to a suitable barn or trainer (if, for whatever reason, you won't fit their program)?
                                          If you read my original post: My trainer friend moved 4 hours away. Otherwise, I'd be training with her. The barn she recommends in my area is 90 minute drive, so it's not practical.

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