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Unsupportive parents

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  • Unsupportive parents

    To all the people who saw my last little post about my horse acting up, I just wanted to say that I got a much better and experienced trainer whom we both love and he’s been so much better! Anywho, Ive been riding for seven years and up until about two years ago it was just lessons and my parents didn’t mind that much. Then I got my first lease from “friends” of ours, a supposedly very trained pony who bucked every time he was near a gate and I ended up breaking my hip on that horse after maybe 3 months. I know I know it was stupid. But anyway, my dad was certain he wasn’t going to let me ride again. After 6 months of physical therapy and wheel chairs I was able to convince him to let me ride and i found a new lease at my barn with a leaser who’s so awesome she’s like an aunt to me. But now we’ve started a full lease, so it’s a lot more money and I have a new trainer and on top of that we want to get back to showing soon. My parents were already unsupportive and discouraging when I got hurt, now their angry about the money even though I pay at least half for his lease and my for my trainer (which is really hard to get when your only 14) and now they’ve even started restricting my time at the barn, even when I have nothing to do at home (keep in mind my barn is literally right across the street from my house) it’s so frustrating because they only want this to be a hobby for me and it’s not i want it to be my life! They think just because I go to a barn to work and ride weekday nights I have too much freedom and they hate it. Even though pretty much every other kid is going to party’s and crap Friday nights. I really want to get better and meet my goals in riding but I can’t do it when their being like this. Uggh I really just needed to rant for a bit. Any advice would be awesome. Thanks

  • #2
    You are 14. I would cut your parents a bit of slack. They have lived through a lot more than you have yet to imagine. I actually agree with time restrictions at the barn. You can only do so much riding/grooming/caring with one horse.

    You can get better as a horseman and have life outside of horses and you need to go experience that. When I was 14, I believe I was riding maybe 3 days a week on average. The rest of my life was other sports, school, summer jobs, friends who hated horses,.... Horses are a tiny part of the real world. They could disappear and 99.999% of the world would never know or care. Don't let your life be so tiny.

    I am editing to add something to support those below who talk about the fears a parent has when their child gets hurt. I am 53. My mom, who still rides and jumps is in her 80s so she KNOWS horses. She saw me have one bad wreck on XC about 20 years ago and that was it. She will never watch again. The only thing she ever wants to know is if I am OK after I compete.

    Loving parents, as it sounds from how you describe them, don't want their kids at risk. It is very hard for them to let you go and do something they don't understand and they know is very high risk (wait until you get turned down for insurance when you mention you ride horses). I think they are doing an admirable job with what they are letting you do and ARE being supportive.
    Last edited by RAyers; Nov. 1, 2018, 09:31 PM.

    Comment


    • #3
      If you are 14 your parents set the rules. I notice you don't mention school in this. Keep in mind that if you want to afford horses as an adult, you will need a professional job and that means getting the best grades possible now.

      You need to sit down and listen to their concerns and negotiate a schedule that both parties can live with. Then you need to stick to it.

      What is the real time frame you need to spend at the barn? When do you come home at night? Are you working productively at the barn or just hanging out? How do your parents and the trainer get along?

      What kind of barn is it? A real lesson barn or something sketchier? Is it really just across the street? Does it fill up with rowdy teens at night?

      Do your parents think the barn is taking advantage of you by making you work too long? Do they mistrust the trainer? She is not your auntie and never will be. This is a business relationship for her. Your parents might see her as manipulative.

      Realize that everything you are doing including showing is costing your parents a lot of money, despite your working student free labor.

      Listen to their concerns about showing. They may feel that you aren't at a stage where you need to show at an expensive level, if for instance you are wanting to do the 2 foot 6 at an expensive rated show when you could do it at schooling shows.

      No one is free to spend all their time as they like. We all need to please multiple people in addition to ourselves. I have a good job that pays for my horse but I have to go to work.

      You need to listen to your parents complaints, stop exaggerating their opposition and working yourself up to venting, and figure out what kind of schedule and expenditure will make them be OK with your hobby. Yes, hobby.

      Comment


      • #4
        I was in a similar situation growing up. My parent's were never fully supportive of me riding and very fearful of me getting hurt. It took until I was in my 30s for them to on their own apologize and say they realize now that horses kept me out of trouble and they now accept that's it's a hobby I'll have for life.

        A full lease is more than I ever had until I moved out on my own so be thankful for that. Try to please them by spending some more time at home or doing other activities and be thankful for the horse time you do have. When you're older you can make your own decisions and spend all day and night at the barn if you want too.

        Comment


        • #5
          When I was 14, I rode and worked at the barn every day after school even through the snowy winter. My folks worked near-by and picked me up from the stables when their day was done. In exchange for that privilege, I kept my room clean, did the the laundry and other housework, chopped firewood as needed etc, etc. I also maintained good grades at school. I was lucky enough to find a 3yr old to buy that next spring too and kept it at that barn in exchange for work. I made cash by teaching lessons and guiding trail rides in the summer; later I cooked at a restaurant and worked at a vet clinic. When i started on this path to horse-craziness, my dad made me do a budget and demonstrate how I would pay for all of this. My parents financial contribution was mostly restricted to buying me a saddle for Christmas and some nice tall boots. When my dad went to England he even came back with a show helmet and a pair of breeches. We lived 10 miles out of town, school was 25 miles away, and so I bicycled to town and work--no car, couldn't afford it. Point is, I made it work and was GRATEFUL for the opportunity to be able to learn how to ride and train horses, living in a home that was decidedly not horsey. It's hard not to be oppositional when you are 14, lord knows I had more than one go-around with my folks, but they supported me in my horse love because I supported them in keeping a safe and happy home. (My mom was disabled at the time.)

          I'm the mom of a 16 year old now. He has a car he bought with money he'd been saving since he started selling eggs at 4 years old. We support him in a variety of extra-curricular activities, but that's because he willingly helps around the farm and house. It's a learning experience for him and a teaching experience for us. By the time he leaves home, he will be more than able to care for himself and be successful in college and beyond Listen and learn. :-)

          Comment


          • #6
            I think it’s important to understand the difference between “not supportive” and “not able to fund.” Support doesn’t always equal money.

            Your parent’s primary obligation is to keep you safe and in one piece. They’re probably not doing this to piss you off, but may be close to their financial and emotional limit after a big injury like that. I know it’s impossible to see now, but sometime in the future you will understand.
            Originally posted by PeanutButterPony
            you can shackle your pony to a lawn chair at the show...so long as its in a conservative color.

            Comment


            • #7
              I'll echo everything that's already been said and add a bit more (sorry if this gets long).

              I know your pain - I know how it feels to be a kid whose parents "just don't understand" your passion for horses or riding. I know it seems grossly unfair. But like everyone said - you're fourteen years old. There are not many fourteen-year-olds whose lives are 100% horses the way you want it. And those who do have it as such are usually the children of trainers or very considerably wealthy. Harsh as it may sound, right now horses are a hobby for you out of necessity and the limits (rightfully) set by your parents. Until you are 100% self-funded, your parents are well within their rights to have a say in your pursuit of horses.

              Like Scribbler mentioned, at fourteen your focus should be education and planning for the future. That future can absolutely involve horses - but don't let yourself be blinded by the "I NEED IT NOW" mentality and let yourself start laying the foundation for what's still to come. Having to wait until you are no longer dependent upon your parents to pursue your passion will not kill you. If anything, it can be infinitely more satisfying to be able to say "I did this all on my own because it's what I wanted."

              Going back to myself as an example, I rode as a child from about age 8-12 before my parents' finances could no longer sustain moving up and progressing. Was I heartbroken? Absolutely. Did I take any chance I could for the next eight years to get my butt in a saddle or my hands on a horse? You bet. I busted my butt through college to pay my own way and stay free of student debt, found a stable barista job after graduating with my degree, and only then did I decide I was ready to get back into horses. But I didn't just dive in face-first and exceed my limits - I fit a lesson a week into my budget until I found a full-time job in my degree field later that year. Once I had that I started half-leasing and having two lessons a week. A promotion and a year later I could confidently fund a half lease and a competitive local show season. Two and a half years after I started getting back into horses I was finally in a position to buy my half lease and fully re-immerse myself into horses. The waiting SUCKS. It can be torture to see people your age doing things you wish you could. But if you stay patient and plan carefully, anything is possible.

              Rather than venting to the internet (which can feel great but doesn't ultimately accomplish much), make a plan. Outline your goals carefully and sit down with your parents to discuss things. Include in the discussion the whys and hows of their feelings on things - and LISTEN to what they have to say. Suck as it might, they're the adults in the equation and have power in the situation. If they are amenable, compromise. Plan out how to work on your goals while also satisfying their concerns. I wish you the best of luck.

              Comment


              • #8
                Being the parent of a teen is very hard work. Being a teen is hard too.

                Step one of letting your parents know you are responsible enough to 'get your own way' is to not fight with them about things. Stop and look at their point of view. Are you missing family dinner every night? Are you having to stay up really late to get your school work done? Do you have any friends or activities outside of horses?

                This is where the annoyance of having to act like an adult if you want to be treated like an adult comes in.

                I do not deny that there are some totally irrational parents in the world, but from what you have posted in this thread your parents do not sound like that, they just sound like parents who are trying to be responsible.

                Sit down with them and figure out their concerns and then figure out how to solve things.

                If the concern is school work and grades then show them that your work is getting done and keep your grades up.
                If the concern is lack of family time then figure out how to schedule barn time around family time.
                If the concern is lack of other activities or other friends then find a club at school to join and enjoy.

                You get the picture.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Listen to your parents (that will fall on deaf ears, I'm sure). DD was good --maybe a great rider --and had a stellar horse. She, I'm sure, was frustrated by her parents' lack of of support (we declined to haul to distant shows --like FL or CA). Instead of being obnoxious about our "lack of support," she studied hard in school, rode every horse she could find (including her own, of course) dabbled in all disciplines (including polo -top scoring female in 2005), then earned through hard work, her way into law school, graduated and now pays 100% for her own top-notch horse and her own horse showing. Had we been more "supportive" (ie done what she wanted us to do at 14) --she would have had little motivation and less time to become a top student, and currently a great attorney.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    I'm 55. and my parents STILL disapprove of my riding and (now) my living on a farm.

                    But "disapprove" at 14 isn't necessarily the same thing as limiting funding and limiting time with your horse. But I really do understand (and remember) that at 14 it's hard to see the difference.

                    It wasn't until much, much later in life that I realized and better understood that part of what my parents were trying to do was make sure that I was a well-rounded young person, had friends & activities outside of horses, kept up with school, etc. And while it might seem like punishment (I know it did to me at 14), that's not your parents intent.

                    I didn't have a horse accident, but I did have to have major knee surgery on BOTH my knees at age 14. They didn't have arthroscopic surgery back in 1977 for the type of knee surgery I had. I was on crutches and in full-length leg casts for months and have foot-long scars on both knees. I don't think there is anything much worse for a parent then to see their child hurting. So, I'm thinking you can thank your lucky stars they agreed to allow you back in the saddle following your accident!

                    Compromise is your friend. Maybe pick one show you want to go to. Come up with a plan to attend that show. Offer up extra chores you'd do, or volunteer work you'll do, or a neighborhood job you could do to make some money or helping a sibling with homework - whatever it takes. Believe me when I say that at your age I'd come up with a plethora of things to get more time with my pony... even things I didn't particularly like to do (like working in my mom's garden - hated it, still do LOL). But then again, the answer to my negotiations with my parents wasn't always "yes" - as it should be.

                    Concentrate more on what you do have. Glass half full, not half empty. Ask for books - lots of books on horse care, riding, horse breeds, self-care books, training techniques, etc. I did a lot of reading at your age (and I get that this is old fashioned, but still). Ask for a subscription to a horse magazine or two. Books and magazines are great time fillers when you can't get to the barn. Plus, they just increase your knowledge and understanding of the sport.

                    Chin up. It will be okay.
                    ~~ How do you catch a loose horse? Make a noise like a carrot! - British Cavalry joke ~~

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      You have a double whammy in that 1) your parents, like many, fail to see or understand the draw that we horse lovers have to our horses. Its inexplicable - that love we have for them. 2) you sustained a fairly serious injury for a person your age and that no doubt is a cause for great concern for them. What if the next fall is worse?

                      Look at it this way - they've permitted you to have a full lease on a horse - that's great. Start back slowly and inch your way back to gaining their confidence that you will be ok riding. I also agree with the other posters who said to make sure that riding is not all you do - keep up with other interests.

                      We had a young teen in a similar situation at our barn. Her parents were not wholly supportive even though they did get her a horse, the showing etc was not for them. The horse was not a good match and our trainer did what she could to help her ride and show as much as possible. She was very brave and actually enjoyed riding horses that acted up. She was a good rider as well, and her small stature helped out with the barn's green ponies.When she wasn't showing herself she came along to help out us out. She was a great help to our trainer and to us. Her experience (and reference from trainer) helped her get into a good college and she majored in some area of animal science. During her breaks from school she would come and ride and began teaching beginner riders during the summer. When she graduated, she got a great federal job within her field (again with references from trainer and experience at the barn), she is still teaching beginner riders and now coaching them at shows, she now has a project horse. Has her own apartment. She maintains a balanced life between work, friends and other interests It all works out in the end.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Loverofallthingshorse View Post
                        To all the people who saw my last little post about my horse acting up, I just wanted to say that I got a much better and experienced trainer whom we both love and he’s been so much better! Anywho, Ive been riding for seven years and up until about two years ago it was just lessons and my parents didn’t mind that much. Then I got my first lease from “friends” of ours, a supposedly very trained pony who bucked every time he was near a gate and I ended up breaking my hip on that horse after maybe 3 months. I know I know it was stupid. But anyway, my dad was certain he wasn’t going to let me ride again. After 6 months of physical therapy and wheel chairs I was able to convince him to let me ride and i found a new lease at my barn with a leaser who’s so awesome she’s like an aunt to me. But now we’ve started a full lease, so it’s a lot more money and I have a new trainer and on top of that we want to get back to showing soon. My parents were already unsupportive and discouraging when I got hurt, now their angry about the money even though I pay at least half for his lease and my for my trainer (which is really hard to get when your only 14) and now they’ve even started restricting my time at the barn, even when I have nothing to do at home (keep in mind my barn is literally right across the street from my house) it’s so frustrating because they only want this to be a hobby for me and it’s not i want it to be my life! They think just because I go to a barn to work and ride weekday nights I have too much freedom and they hate it. Even though pretty much every other kid is going to party’s and crap Friday nights. I really want to get better and meet my goals in riding but I can’t do it when their being like this. Uggh I really just needed to rant for a bit. Any advice would be awesome. Thanks
                        OP, first, I'd like you to re-read your original post. Especially the second half. Maybe it's not how you intended (and I know you said you needed to rant) but I'm reading it as very WHINEY. You're blaming everything on your parents, you're made they don't let you do whatever you want, and you're bored at home (typical teenager complaint, I suppose).

                        So that's how it is coming across to me when I read it. Possibly, that could be how your attitude is coming across to your parents.

                        Now, are they REALLY unsupportive? Let's think about the ways they ARE supporting you:
                        --They are allowing you to ride.
                        --They are allowing you to take lessons.
                        --They are allowing you to lease a horse.
                        --They are helping you pay for said lease.
                        --They are allowing you to show.

                        So think again: Are they really being unsupportive? (I don't think so.)

                        Discouraging ... how are they being discouraging? Can you be specific?

                        It is very possible they are scared to death that you are going to get hurt again. After now having children of my own, I feel horrible for them when they have a simple cold and can't sleep well. (My oldest is almost 2 1/2). And that's something small. I can't imagine having to watch them go through 6 months of physical therapy and be in a wheelchair after such a horrific injury. So have some compassion for your parents from that perspective. Yes, I know it was you who had to go through all the pain and all the rehabilitation and not your parents, but I bet it pained them to watch just as much as it pained you, and I bet they would have given anything to switch places with you, so you wouldn't have to go through it.

                        What's wrong with restricting time at the barn? You go do your chores, ride your horse, then come home.

                        Bored at home? I bet there's dishes to do, grass to mow, floors to vacuum, dinner to cook, etc etc etc. The list goes on and on. If you take some initiative to do these things for your parents, instead of moping around because you can't be at the barn, well, that's going to sit a lot better with them. When is the last time you've asked your mom or dad "What can I do for you?" or "What do you need help with?" .... Have you ever?

                        Ditto to everyone else's mention of school. If you've got the time (sounds like you do) make sure your grades are top notch. Take school seriously.

                        Originally posted by Loverofallthingshorse View Post
                        I really want to get better and meet my goals in riding but I can’t do it when their being like this.
                        What goals are you unable to meet because of your parents?

                        Because again, to me, it sounds like they have been very supportive.


                        It is not enough to know how to ride; one must know how to fall.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Once upon a time I was 14. So I get it. Even though you are NOT doing the crazy things your peers are up to (partying, hanging out, etc) and you are trying to show them you are being responsible, you have prove it. And you do that by doing as they ask. Then when you demonstrate that, then maybe they will let you do more. Sit down with them and talk about what your goals are - not your lifetime goals - you've got years before you need to think of that - but what you want short-term. Talk to them about how you want to achieve that. Make a plan with them. And keep in mind that after a traumatic injury such as the one you received, they probably feel very apprehensive about you even being around horses. That they let you STILL do this speaks volumes about how much they put their feelings aside for you. They are there to protect you - that's all they want. Work with them.

                          And if you think 14 blows, wait til you turn 18 or 30. Or - oh, the horror - have kids of your own.
                          "Cats aren't clean; they're covered with cat spit."
                          - John S Nichols (1745-1846,writer/printer)

                          Don't come for me - I didn't send for you.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            First of all, having a major injury is scary for everyone involved but especially the parents. This IS a dangerous sport, and people are paralyzed or killed or end up with life-altering injuries in this sport. Cut your parents some slack for being concerned. Do what you can to minimize their worry by acknowledging it, and then practicing safe horsemanship at all times.

                            Second of all, it is an extreme privilege that your parents are first allowing you to participate and second supporting you financially. This sport is expensive. And it is absolutely 1000% a privilege to participate in ANY way. Entitlement will get you no where, and the worst things you could do to engender your parents continual support is to act entitled. Accept and appreciate what your parents pay for and find a way to pay for the rest yourself without complaining or begrudging them. Your success in this sport isn't up to them, it's up to you, and the sooner you take responsibility for yourself, the sooner you'll find your way.

                            There will always be people whose parents pay for more, who have nicer horses and better equipment and get to do more than you. Life isn't fair. But the ones who tend to appreciate it the most and thus commit to it the most are the ones who put some skin in the game.

                            At 13, my parents paid for one lesson per week, 1/2 of a half lease and half of shows, and second lessons and the remainder of lease and show costs were on me. So at 13, I walked dogs after school, watered peoples plants, and petsit until I was old enough to also babysit. Then worked at a bookstore while nannying during high school. Then rode people's horses and taught lessons, worked as a financial secretary, and went to college, maintaining a 4.0 and riding every day.

                            I'm 31 and still riding - even did about 7 years as a pro. Most of my friends who had everything paid for and their own horses aren't riding anymore at all.

                            You will find a way to ride if you commit and stop blaming your parents. You may be limited in what you can do now, so make the very most of it and work hard to open other opportunities for yourself.

                            Oh, and don't forget to be well-rounded. I don't have a single friend from high school or college. I was working too hard and riding too much. Didn't go to a single college party. I regret it. I wish I had realized that life is looooonnngg and experiences outside of horses are very valuable. So ride a few times a week, play another sport, and hang out with your friends. Balance only makes you better.

                            Oh AND....the whole "But I'm not misbehaving and my friends are" is NO argument. You want a reward for doing what your supposed to do? Following the rules and being a good kid? That's just the right thing to do. Don't think that threatening with bad behavior like your friends if you don't get your way is going to get you anywhere. At all. If you want your parents to treat you like a grown up, act like one. Step up, be humble, and take responsibility.
                            It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it. (Aristotle)

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Loverofallthingshorse View Post
                              To all the people who saw my last little post about my horse acting up, I just wanted to say that I got a much better and experienced trainer whom we both love and he’s been so much better! Anywho, Ive been riding for seven years and up until about two years ago it was just lessons and my parents didn’t mind that much. Then I got my first lease from “friends” of ours, a supposedly very trained pony who bucked every time he was near a gate and I ended up breaking my hip on that horse after maybe 3 months. I know I know it was stupid. But anyway, my dad was certain he wasn’t going to let me ride again. After 6 months of physical therapy and wheel chairs I was able to convince him to let me ride and i found a new lease at my barn with a leaser who’s so awesome she’s like an aunt to me. But now we’ve started a full lease, so it’s a lot more money and I have a new trainer and on top of that we want to get back to showing soon. My parents were already unsupportive and discouraging when I got hurt, now their angry about the money even though I pay at least half for his lease and my for my trainer (which is really hard to get when your only 14) and now they’ve even started restricting my time at the barn, even when I have nothing to do at home (keep in mind my barn is literally right across the street from my house) it’s so frustrating because they only want this to be a hobby for me and it’s not i want it to be my life! They think just because I go to a barn to work and ride weekday nights I have too much freedom and they hate it. Even though pretty much every other kid is going to party’s and crap Friday nights. I really want to get better and meet my goals in riding but I can’t do it when their being like this. Uggh I really just needed to rant for a bit. Any advice would be awesome. Thanks
                              My advice is to have an attitude of gratitude. I know you are paying for half of the lease, but there is a huge financial spend increase from lessons to leasing, which is likely a significant burden on your parents. Perhaps your parents have grown weary from paying so much for an activity which will have no ROI (return on investment). At least a sale horse can be sold and you can recoup some of the investment, but a lease horse is like throwing money away - you will never get anything back but the experience. And for them, this isn't a good experience. I am sure your injury was also extremely expensive and scary for them.

                              So, instead of pushing them to be even more cash-strapped by asking to show, I would be extremely grateful for what you currently have - which is still more than the lessons you had before you got the lease horse. Someday, when you have a career, you can spend your money however you prefer.

                              I was in your shoes once - my sister and I pooled our money together when I was 9 and she was 11 and bought our first horse. Believe me, it was hard to get work at that age. But I wanted it and I figured it out. I worked at the barn on weekends all through school to pay my own way as my parents couldn't manage the financial side. I missed several years of showing, which seemed devastating at the time, but I chose to save my money for a dream horse and to focus on what I could - being a better rider. When I was in college, I continued working three jobs and taking full time classes, but I found my dream horse and was able to show and even win a class at a national competition - all with my own money. So, if you really want this, you will find a way to make it happen. And if you don't, you won't. But please don't blame your parents because there are plenty of people like myself who were able to find a way with creativity and a lot of sweat equity.

                              Comment


                              • #16
                                Another perspective. Think how very lucky you are to have a full lease and lessons. Think how many people your age (as well as younger and older) LOVE horses but due to lack of money or other situations do not have opportunities to ride or even be around horses. I did have a horse when I was your age (my first horse acquired just before I turned 14) but I did not have a trainer and could only afford schooling shows that were paid for from baby sitting money.

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                                • #17
                                  When I was 14, the only horses I got to see were the ones I drew or painted. I was raised by a single working mom without child support working clerical jobs who only had money for a few lessons when I was in 5th grade and a few more when I was in 8th grade. Then I had to wait until I had my first full time job to start lessons when I was a young adult. I did not know anyone with horses and I lived in places that were very urban and I did not have access to horses. For heaven's sake! Count your blessings!

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                                  • #18
                                    Originally posted by trubandloki View Post
                                    Being the parent of a teen is very hard work. Being a teen is hard too.

                                    Step one of letting your parents know you are responsible enough to 'get your own way' is to not fight with them about things. Stop and look at their point of view. Are you missing family dinner every night? Are you having to stay up really late to get your school work done? Do you have any friends or activities outside of horses?

                                    This is where the annoyance of having to act like an adult if you want to be treated like an adult comes in.

                                    I do not deny that there are some totally irrational parents in the world, but from what you have posted in this thread your parents do not sound like that, they just sound like parents who are trying to be responsible.

                                    Sit down with them and figure out their concerns and then figure out how to solve things.

                                    If the concern is school work and grades then show them that your work is getting done and keep your grades up.
                                    If the concern is lack of family time then figure out how to schedule barn time around family time.
                                    If the concern is lack of other activities or other friends then find a club at school to join and enjoy.

                                    You get the picture.
                                    Don't forget:
                                    If the concern is major injury such as breaking a hip, being confined to a wheelchair and SIX MONTHS of physical therapy...

                                    At the age of fourteen I doubt that the OP has the tiniest clue about the anguish parents feel when their child is injured, and since OP hasn't mentioned the financial burden of such an injury I'm sure she has absolutely no clue about the astronomical costs of medical care.


                                    OP, you are a spoiled young woman. It is bratty and lacking in respect or appreciation to publicly and petulantly slam your parents online because they do not want to, or cannot afford to, spend thousands of dollars on your hobby and because they do not want you to be hurt again.

                                    You have made it clear that your dad is very worried about another injury, but let's put aside that issue and the love he has for you and stick to the financial issue. How would you feel about giving up a big portion of your money to fund something frivolous for another family member -- and continuing to do that for a couple of years? Think about that because that is what your parents are doing for you.

                                    I get that you are horse crazy. Everyone on this forum is horse crazy. That doesn't mean we can expect others to sacrifice themselves at the alter of our expensive passions.

                                    You asked for advice. My advice is to give your parents a hug and tell them how much you appreciate the thousands of dollars they have spent on your hobby. Tell them you are grateful to have loving and responsible parents who were there for you when you were hospitalized and had to go to physical therapy. Tell the person who drove you to all of those doctor appointments that you realize it was a sacrifice of their time and that you recognize that it costs money to drive you back and forth. Recognize and acknowledge their considerable contribution to your hobby from the time you were seven years old, instead of the surly dis, "Ive (sic) been riding for seven years and up until about two years ago it was just lessons and my parents didn’t mind that much..." Didn't "mind that much?" Really? What a shocking dismissal of their support!

                                    My final advice is to pay attention in class and get your writing skills up to par. We all make an occasional error or have an Autocorrect mishap, but your writing is simply below the level it should be for your age. Pay special attention to run-on sentences, spelling of compound words and plurals (hint: plurals do not employ an apostrophe), the correct use of they're, their, and there, use of paragraphs, and writing style (spell out numbers zero through nine, or at least pick a style and be consistent). The first person pronoun is always capitalized. Look it up if you don't believe me.

                                    Oh, and do what trubandloki said. It's great advice.
                                    "Random capitAlization really Makes my day." -- AndNirina

                                    Comment


                                    • #19
                                      OP I am also a horsey teen (17, not 14, though); I know what it's like to want equestrian activities to take up every hour of time, every thought in your head, every word out of your mouth. But these things must be a compromise. I must say, from what you have said, your parents aren't unsupportive at all - they are letting you continue riding after being hurt and are partly funding it for you.

                                      You seem to want to spent an awful lot of time doing horsey things. Obviously, that's fine - what's that meme? "If you have horses, you'll never have the money for drugs." - but you need to have a life outside of them too. Your parents may be worried that you don't, that your grades aren't adhering to their previous standards, or whatever.

                                      it would definitely help, I think, if you actually asked your parents why they are - as you put it - "unsupportive". Because it could be your grades or it could be how close you are to your instructor. They might worry that that's not healthy - as another poster has said, she is not and never will be an "auntie" and it's somewhat concerning that you're thinking that way - or they might be worried about you getting hurt again; it's obvious they love you because they're paying for your hobby, albeit only partly.

                                      Then, following discussion, you can hopefully manufacture a workable compromise between "getting what you want" (sorry to break it to you but you can't have that ALL the time in anything!) and your parents' wishes. This compromise might be being at the barn for a certain number of hours that week, or having a certain amount of family time per week, or starting a hobby other than horses, or getting certain grades....you get the idea?

                                      I too have been injured via my hobby, being kicked in the face 13 months ago. In A&E my dad said he was going to get rid of all the horses, and shoot the one who'd hurt me!

                                      That would have been unsupportive, I think we can agree

                                      He didn't go through with it, obviously, (it was his favourite horse who hurt me) but it shows that parental paranoia can make people say things they don't mean at all. A broken hip is a pretty serious injury, and if you're in the US (I'm not - UK) a pretty expensive one too. Financial issues can be hard for adults to talk about with children so it might be worth you bringing this up. Is there anything else you can do to help ease the burden?

                                      I will also say ask your parents if they want to get involved. For instance, I would quite like to do western riding on my mare, but instead, when she is healthy again, I'm going to break her to drive, because my dad adores carriage driving and it would get him involved, which is never a bad thing. I'm looking forward to him being more involved actually.

                                      My PM box is always open if you want advice from someone of a similar age, though our situations are in no way fully identical: I'm incredibly(!!!!!!) lucky that my parents bought me a horse for my 15th birthday and my mother also has horses of her own, but still - we DO compromise on things. For instance, I'd be ecstatic to be able to have regular lessons, but it's simply not financially viable, so I don't do it. Following my accident I also sacrificed some independence on 'horsey' activities, as a compromise between not being allowed to do them anymore and doing them alone. I did actually give up two of my horse related jobs as well, at my parents' request, so I could focus on my exams and I haven't restarted them (however much I liked the money and the extra horsey time) so I can focus on studying. Happily I did get decent grades in my GCSEs and I think that was because my parents were right - it was too much work!

                                      I think that's something you, as a young teen, won't realise yet; it's quite possible that your parents WILL be right about some things, because they do after all have far more life experience than you, but you won't see them as so until later. (Hindsight is a wonderful thing). So that might be worth bearing in mind.

                                      Sorry for the essay but I think posts like this reinforce certain stereotypes about spoilt young 'equestrian girls'. We aren't all that way, I promise.

                                      Also apologies if I've repeated things anyone else has said. I really want to go and do some biology homework so didn't have time to read all of the above replies! :-S
                                      Last edited by Saffron_Rose; Nov. 4, 2018, 03:13 PM.

                                      Comment


                                      • #20
                                        I think if you go back and read what you posted, you’ll realize you are presenting yourself as an entitled brat, I know it’s a vent and not what you intended to tell us about yourself but that’s what you write and it will be out there forever, once somebody quote a post, it cannot ever be deleted. Remember all we know about you us what you tell us

                                        I went through what you are but I only got a few lessons and bought my own modest horse and kept it in somebody’s back yard when I was about 19. At 14 I blamed my parents too. They were totally unreasonable compared to my friends parents and it wasn’t fair.

                                        Then one day my Mom sat me down at the kitchen table and went over, in detail, how much she and dad brought home each month, how much came out as taxes, how much the mortgage, groceries, untilities, car expenses, clothing for 4 people, medical and dental costs etc averaged each month. I protested I didn’t need new clothes, she pointed out she and my Dad worked outside the home and my younger sister was growing rapidly. You know what? There wasn’t enough, that’s why she was working overtime and we never had brand new cars every two years like the neighbors. That pretty much ended the horse whining, my parents did a great job hiding the fact we were not too far from poor,

                                        Dont get how you think your parents aren’t supportive, how much do you think your parents paid on the medical bills and physical therapy sessions you ran up? Do you know what percentage their insurance covered and what they had to pay out of pocket? I broke an arm about 10 years ago, needed surgery to install rod and pins, physical therapy, have my own very good insurance- which I pay 150 a month for (that’s just me, a family of four is at least triple that). My out of pocket costs were close to 3k, the covered costs were closer to 8 and much of PT was only partially covered covered past the first 4 weeks. What do you suppose your wreck cost your parents?

                                        They signed the lease contract with the horses owner and would have signed your liability release with the barn as you are a minor and they are paying half the lease...assume you want them to pay for show expenses as well?

                                        Can I ask what you are doing to earn the cash to pay your half of the lease and board expenses? Or are you doing barn chores for credit and not getting paid any cash?

                                        Their job is to bring up a functional, responsible adult able to support themselves as early as age 18. Expressing your frustration they aren’t giving you what amounts to luxury items you want when you want them regardless of what you cost to support and what they might want or need is immature and you really need to rethink the attitude that you have shared with mostly adult strangers on the internet.

                                        You know, honey catches you more flies then vinegar. Think about that.

                                        ETA It sounds from your other posts like your parents might have a reason for not wanting you at that barn so much. Last year you had a lease horse break your hip , Early this last summer you were frustrated with the 5 year old OTTBs owner for not selling the horse to you and just a few months ago you posted your 7 year old OTTB lease horse ( same horse I assume) is behaving badly in lessons? Suspect you might be working everything off at the barn for saddle time?

                                        Understand what its like to be desperate to ride but it sure doesn’t sound like you are getting a decent return for your cash or work you put in, whatever is going on. My impression, having been around this stuff over 50 years, is you very likely are getting taken advantage of by those you think are your friends that are just running a business and really don’t think any more of you then a gnat. If they cared, you could have skipped the months in the wheelchair and not needed to post about taking a lesson on your lease horse that wont get around the ring without misbehaving. Balking can get serious if it turns into rearing or spinning out and is caused by either lack of proper training or pain, . Or both. But you are in no position to correct either cause as a kid on somebody else’s horse they don’t want to spend any money to fix.

                                        Competent trainers and caring owners don’t put 14year olds on horses that can, and have, hurt them seriously. Your trust in these people is very much misplaced just because it’s across the street,
                                        Last edited by findeight; Nov. 4, 2018, 11:53 AM.
                                        When opportunity knocks it's wearing overalls and looks like work.

                                        The horse world. Two people. Three opinions.

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