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I feel so guilty, not looking for advice just need to share

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  • #41
    OP... millions of people ground tie their horses, literally millions. This is not your fault it is a freak accident. It could have happened had he busted the cross ties and a million different ways.

    Has your mom ever dealt with a severe injury like this? My mare had a partial degloving on the front of her pastern from being chased through a fence. She was on stall rest for close to five months wrapped almost the whole time. She was never lame on it but it was pretty ugly. These wounds take an extremely long time to heal but I bet he will be fine.

    I have known horses that didn't clear gates and ripped themselves up pretty bad, fine. Impaled on a t post, fine. Unknown fence injury, awful injury on his side, fine. Nearly severed extensor tendon from running into farm machinery, fine. Please note I was not around when any of these happened... don't want to give the impression they were all under my care! Only one of them had a scar that I know of. The other one I didn't see after healing but he was sold to a riding home. I am pretty sure he is fine too.

    As far as the honey I am not familiar with the treatment but use a silver ointment (I can get the name of it) and love it. Works very well as a barrier and to lubricate the area so it doesn't stick to the bandage as it drains.

    Also agree about pain relief... this is something I would absolutely use banamine for or something similar.


    • #42
      I agree with others that 2 weeks might just not be enough time. However, I would be taking precautions against laminitis in the other three legs-generally 3 weeks non-weight bearing on any limb puts them in the danger zone.

      Sometimes, accidents happen. Sometimes, nobody is to blame. It seems that everyone is looking for someone or something to blame for everything these days, but sometimes, bad things just happen. Could you have done something differently? Sure-but how many people can't say that they wish they could go back and have a do-over somewhere? If we're being honest with ourselves, none of us can say we haven't done something we regret and would do differently in hindsight.


      • #43
        My gelding injured his stifle last winter. I gave him the rest of winter and spring off to heal, and he is doing fine. Two weeks is deifinitely rushing it, especially if the horse is fine otherwise.

        And accidents happen. We've all beat ourselves up over something, whether it was horse-related or not.


        • Original Poster

          I know my title was 'not looking for advice' but trust me when I say I truly deeply appreciate every single one of these posts. This has been a difficult time, and one post mentioned that mother is looking for an easy way out of getting rid of the horse - absolutely correct :-/

          I fought a hard battle in keeping the horse alive (for now) and have fallen out with my mother over it. The horse in question is on field rest - he's never been overly active in the field anyway so... he's hopping around to get water etc. Seems happy enough in himself. He's on daily bute to try and stop the static laminitis from occurring. Today will be 2 weeks and 2 days since the accident. He's still not USING the leg, but he sometimes places his hoof flat on the ground which I think is promising. He won't let me cover the wound but I've been applying the manuka honey x2 daily. The hole seems to be closing up quite quickly and the granulation tissue has been forming more and more each day. He's losing a little bit of weight but I've been topping up his grain which seems to be helping, also putting a warmer rug on at night as he's not moving around too much. Just seems to be doing a lot of resting which I suppose is good.


          • #45
            Glad to hear the wound is healing and he may be making progress with the soundness aspect!

            Since his stifle was injured, an ultrasound of the joint might be very diagnostic, and not very expensive. Perhaps a torn ligament could explain his considerable lameness? I don't know what prognosis would be in that situation, but your vet could certainly advise.

            Omeprazole or ranitadine might also be indicated, considering the weight loss and bute use.

            Good luck!


            • #46
              Sorry to hear that you had a falling out with your mom about the horse. It is sad! I really hope you can give him the time necessary to recover and that you can make sure he will be fine. Poor guy!
              Your mom may come around ... Good luck to you and to him!


              • #47
                It makes me sad to read you've had a falling out with your mom, but you're also doing right by the horse. And doing a fabulous job!

                Just don't beat yourself up over it. Accidents happen!

                My mare impaled herself on a t-post when she was about 16-months old. She was not mine yet, but in our family (FIL bought her for our nephew, who was stillborn. She became mine about a year later). Keep in mind this is in the middle of nowhere Texas, but the neighbor's tractor spooked her and the t-post in the just off-center left side of her chest stopped her. LOTS of muscle damage, still a decent divot (she's now 19), ugly, ugly, and took a while to heal...but she did compete to 1.4m height with me.

                I've seen a number of others share stories like this for you. You are definitely NOT alone!
                "IT'S NOT THE MOUNTAIN WE CONQUER, BUT OURSELVES." SIR EDMUND HILLARYMember of the "Someone Special To Me Serves In The Military" Clique


                • #48
                  Sorry your Mom is not helping with the treatment, but it sounds like you have it under control.

                  It's possible Mom may be more scared than actually wanting to get rid of the horse. Some people react with anger to hide fear.
                  As the horse improves, she may come around - for your sake & her horse's I hope so.
                  *friend of bar.ka*RIP all my lovely boys, gone too soon:
                  Steppin' Out 1988-2004
                  Hey Vern! 1982-2009, Cash's Bay Threat 1994-2009
                  Sam(Jaybee Altair) 1994-2015


                  • Original Poster

                    The horse has been put to sleep with the guidance of a vet. I am devastated, I will never forgive myself for this
                    Thanks for all your help, I really appreciate it
                    Last edited by _downpour_; Mar. 5, 2013, 12:24 AM.


                    • #50
                      Oh gosh. I am so terribly sorry.


                      • #51
                        I too am very sorry to read of such bad news. Just in case you did not know, and in case this comes in handy for the future, did you know you can always put a halter on over the bridle, if the horse is already bridled, to put the horse back on crossties for stuff like cleaning feet, getting fly spray etc.

                        ETA, even if he had been on crossties, he still could have broken loose, because 'stuff happens.' No matter what we do, horses can find a way to freak out, get loose, etc. I hope you will stop blaming yourself, as it is clear from your posts that you are a caring and conscientious person.
                        Last edited by sdlbredfan; Mar. 10, 2013, 01:55 PM. Reason: add clarity
                        RIP Sasha, best dog ever, pictured shortly before she died, Death either by euthanasia or natural causes is only the end of the animal inhabiting its body; I believe the spirit lives on.


                        • #52
                          I am so sorry to hear that. My sympathies. ((((hugs for _downpour_))))


                          • #53
                            I'm sorry to hear.. Hope you feel better, it sounds like it was a freak accident and you did everything you could. Ignore the people who are telling you you could have done it different. Obviously you are a horsewoman and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
                            AETERNUM VALE, INVICTUS - 7/10/2012


                            • #54
                              How's Mom handling it? So sorry - but you have support here on COTH.
                              Proud member of People Who Hate to Kill Wildlife clique


                              • #55
                                Originally posted by _downpour_ View Post
                                The horse has been put to sleep with the guidance of a vet. I am devastated, I will never forgive myself for this
                                Thanks for all your help, I really appreciate it
                                I'm so sorry, but it WAS NOT your fault. Stuff happens. It was an accident. Stop beating yourself up over it.


                                • #56
                                  OP this was absolutely not your fault. Seriously. It was a complete accident, a freak accident. Anyone who tells you differently is being totally unfair. Sometimes bad things happen and sadly there isn't much we can do about it. This is one of those times, no one's fault.

                                  I am so sorry for your loss, rest easy knowing you did right by that horse, you were there for him and tried your hardest. Small consolation I know... again I am so sorry.


                                  • Original Poster

                                    It's been nearly a week since he was put to sleep but I'm not coping well, a lot of people are saying it wasn't my fault but I can't help but think "if only I just did things properly he would still be with us today" and this guilt is just eating away at me it doesn't feel like it will ever get any better I've got this huge weight on my shoulders and I find myself constantly thinking about that poor horse. I've apologised profusely to my mother and while she has said she knows how sorry I am she still hasn't forgiven me and I can't say I blame her either. I just feel like this overwhelming sense of guilt and sorrow I feel will never leave me and at some times it feels like too much to handle. I've said it before but I will truly never forgive myself for this and I feel like too much of a reckless idiot to even be around a horse now


                                    • #58

                                      I'm so sorry. To repeat what others have said, it is not your fault. Your mother is grieving, and I wonder if she feels a little guilty too. Horses do get away from people, you know. Many of us have been on both sides - that is, a horse of ours that got loose or a loose horse running towards us as we were riding. This was a freak accident with a lot of "but for's" that led to the tragic result. I hope you and your mother work it out soon. Life is too short.
                                      Last edited by Jeito; Mar. 10, 2013, 10:18 PM.


                                      • #59
                                        I'm so sorry for your loss, and I'm sorry that your mother is really not handling this better. Accidents happen, in life and especially with horses, and if she can't accept that she probably doesn't need to own horses. While this particular situation may have started because of your horse being untied, a thousand different things could have happened with the exact same end result. Horses are exceptionally talented at finding ways to injure themselves, and you can follow every bit of procedure perfectly and still have a horse take a bad step and break his leg. They are fragile creatures with not much sense of self-preservation, and things happen despite our best intentions. I hope that your mother works through her grief enough to see that, but in the meantime, please try not to beat yourself up over this. It's not good for you or for your other horse, and it's not going to bring your mom's horse back. I know it's really hard, but please try to let go of the guilt. There is a whole other set of "what ifs" that could have been a much worse outcome for the horse - what if your mom hadn't bought him and he had ended up in a bad home, what if he had gotten worse, what if your vet wasn't available to come treat him, etc. You just can't play the what if game in horses, and I think really in life, because it will drive you crazy. I know it's really hard, but try to focus your energy elsewhere, because it will be much more productive in the long run. And, anyone who cares about horses as much as you clearly do obviously belongs with them.


                                        • #60
                                          Originally posted by CupcakeTough View Post
                                          OP- These injuries take time! My horse ripped open his leg, all the way through the tendon sheath. It was 6 months of slow, slow healing. Lots of antibiotics, lots of keeping it clean (infection is bad). Anyway, 6 months of healing, then slowly brought back to work. 100% recovery! Back to his work as an eventer.

                                          2 weeks isn't a long time. See what the vet says. And stuff happens, carrying around that guilt isn't going to help anyone. Use that guilt to go buy him a bag of carrots- I guarantee you will be forgiven by the time he finishes the bag.
                                          I agree with the above poster. I had a horse with an injured stifle who returned to many years of soundness afterwards. You need to give him some time to heal. There are a number of new modalities if you can afford them that are also doing great things in speeding healing, such as ultrasound and laser. However, even if you cannot afford to do these, 2 weeks is hardly enough time.