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By request: the Beer & BBQ Dressage test

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  • By request: the Beer & BBQ Dressage test

    our own dear frugalannie requested that I share this over here.. it's from the "USDF on Western Dressage" thread over in the Dressage forum. So, here she be:

    In the infinite wisdom I have gleaned from over ten years of posting on COTH...

    A thread tends to derail and move to discussions of food, beverage, and the weather once all useful or productive discussion has subsided. In other words, when one side or the other feels like banging one's own head against a wall, or as though we're talking in circles - we move to more productive discussions, like what kind of BBQ sauce goes with what beer, and what a Beer N' BBQ dressage test would look like.


    A: Enter, working trot without spilling beer
    X: Halt, swig. Proceed working trot
    C: Track left (beer should be in right hand)
    E: Half circle left 20m
    B: Halt. Eat rib, finish and replenish beer from B
    Proceed at trot, half circle left 10m to X, switching beer hands at X
    X to E, half circle 10m
    E: Working canter right lead
    M to F: lengthen stride in canter, throw beer can into trash at B
    A: Working trot
    K: Walk
    V: Grab beer & rib
    E-M: Free walk, long swig
    C: Working trot
    H: Working canter
    SXP: Change of direction, simple change of lead and beer hand at X
    A: Down centerline
    L: Working trot
    G: Halt, swig. Throw beer can at judge. +10 if you don't miss.
    -2 for each occurrence of spillage.

    TA DA!

  • #2
    I would pay to see a good performance of that! LMAO - visual of the test, actually I think it would be VERY challenging to perform well.
    Horses should be trained in such a way that they not only love their riders, but look forward to the time they are with them.
    ~ Xenophon, 350 B.C.


    • Original Poster

      I am willing to sponsor a class if anyone wants to offer said test at a schooling show next year, although you may have to offer it BYOB to avoid liquor license troubles.


      • #4
        Thanks, Heinz. It's a lovely prezzie to have that here. I hope everyone is inspired to try it!
        They don't call me frugal for nothing.
        Proud and achy member of the Eventing Grannies clique.


        • #5
          I would love to try that test. It would be hilarious and I would be cracking up the entire time.


          • #6
            Instead of pinnies everyone will wear bibs with a pig eating a rib on it.

            I loved this, Heinz, when you posted it on that thread. I've sent out a few links to it already.
            "Aye God, Woodrow..."


            • Original Poster

              You know, it took me a good while to come up with it. I borrowed some pieces from First 3, the obnoxious 10m figure eight half circles and the simple change, although I probably should have thrown in a leg yeild and trot lengthening or two somewhere.

              My genius was less appreciated by those interested in serious arguments (or rather, defenses) about western dressage. Guess that's the price I pay for being an eventer in a DQ's world!


              • #8
                I love it!
                ~ A true friend knows all there is to know about you and still likes you. -E. Hubbard


                • #9
                  Points or no if the judge catches the beer?????

                  G: Halt, swig. Throw beer can at judge. +10 if you don't miss.

                  "Never do anything that you have to explain twice to the paramedics."
                  Courtesy my cousin Tim


                  • #10
                    I'm in.

                    This reminds me of the doughnut run (or beer run, whichever you're doing).
                    Always be yourself. Unless you can be Batman. Then always be Batman.

                    The Grove at Five Points


                    • #11
                      Hubby said he could probably do this one.


                      • #12
                        I may have to trade in my Irish for an Icelandic for 2 reasons. My Irish would take great offense at me not sharing and I remember seeing a TV special on the Icelandic and a good tolt was judged by the ability to carry your beer without spillage

                        I am all in for this class and it would aleviate all show jitters after an extensive warm-up.
                        Epona Farm
                        Irish Draughts and Irish Draught Sport horses

                        Join us on Facebook


                        • #13
                          Okay, who's offering it for 2013? I am SO in!


                          • Original Poster

                            Originally posted by fooler View Post
                            Points or no if the judge catches the beer?????

                            G: Halt, swig. Throw beer can at judge. +10 if you don't miss.


                            I say points - it's not dodgeball, after all. I mean, this is DRESSAGE. Ketchup-stained stock-tie wearing dressage.

                            Maybe we should give the judge an umbrella for those not-quite-empty cans.


                            • #15
                              Can you write another version with wine (whine) and cheese?
                              Proud & Permanent Student Of The Long Road
                              Read me: EN (http://eventingnation.com/author/annemarch/) and HJU (http://horsejunkiesunited.com/author/holly-covey/)


                              • Original Poster

                                Originally posted by retreadeventer View Post
                                Can you write another version with wine (whine) and cheese?
                                Your wish is my command. I shall report back with version 2.0 shortly.


                                • #17

                                  LOVE this!

                                  She says, while drinking a Corona...

                                  If I "dreamed a dream", it would be to ride down centerline with a beer in one hand, reins in the other. If the la-di-da ULRs do this when riding Grand Prix tests at the Olympics (and elsewhere), can we eventing smurfs not do this too, with the horse "remaining on the bit and on the aids"??

                                  Ultimately, if it offended a DQ, somewhere, it would ALL be worth it (even if one were kicked out the ring immediately and had to take the "walk of shame on a loose rein" out of the ring.)

                                  And isn't it a hard and fast rule that ALL eventers must have Corona pre-stocked in a cooler at all times, to be quaffed after x-country?
                                  "Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies."

                                  "It's supposed to be hard...the hard is what makes it great!" (Jimmy Dugan, "A League of Their Own")


                                  • #18
                                    I hope this does not have a time limit as I have to savor my ribs then lick my fingers clean before proceeding.


                                    • #19
                                      My problem with this test is the meters. Western riders are not going to do a 10m circle. They're going to trot "over yonder" and make a circle "about so big."
                                      I have a Fjord! Life With Oden


                                      • Original Poster

                                        Ok, here she goes again.

                                        Wine & Cheese Dressage

                                        A: Enter medium trot
                                        X: Halt. Sip*. Salute with flair**
                                        Proceed medium trot
                                        C: Track right (wine, left hand)
                                        M: Medium canter right lead
                                        R: Circle right 15m
                                        R-P: Collected canter, exchanging empty for full glass at B
                                        F: Medium trot (no spilling!)
                                        A: Down centerline
                                        Before D: Sip in preparation for a miracle
                                        D-R: Half pass right, switching wine hands at quarter line
                                        M: Medium canter left lead
                                        C: Circle left 15m, toss empty in trash @ C
                                        S-V: Collected canter, picking up full glass at E
                                        K: Medium trot (no spilling!)
                                        A: Down centerline
                                        Before D: Sip again for a miracle
                                        D-S: Half pass left, switching wine hands at quarter line
                                        H: Medium walk
                                        C: Realize that you've forgotten the cheese. Steal judge's wine AND cheese at C
                                        M-E: Extended walk quickly away before the judge notices missing wine/cheese
                                        V: Medium trot
                                        A: Down centerline
                                        X: Halt. Throw empty wine glass at judge and yell in best fake french accent: "Now GO AWAY, or I shall taunt you a second time-a!"

                                        *Sip may be interpreted at the rider's discretion and "swig", "slurp", "swallow", or "gulp" are considered viable alternatives within the rules.
                                        **Flair must include the removal of at least one (any) item of apparel. Bonus points will be awarded for the ease, or lack of, with which said item is removed.