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Trash Talking Trainers

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  • Trash Talking Trainers

    We've all run into them, the trainers that talk trash about former clients behind their backs. Recently a friend decided to extricate herself from a trainer that is the "Queen of the Trash Talkers".

    "Queenie" berates current clients in front of others, at shows, at home, pretty much constantly, which is why my friend is leaving. Being yelled at in public and in front of family and friends was just a little too much for her to bear. However, this trainer is well known for taking her rants to an entirely new level when someone leaves her barn. She makes certain everyone around her, including vets, farriers, current clients and other trainers, know just how she feels about whomever is leaving. She has been known to make these attacks quite personal, calling one client stupid, saying another was cheap, talking about a client's money troubles, their horses are trash, you get the picture. She will even go so far as to strongly discourage current clients to have any contact with former clients, stopping just short of forbidding them.

    It is inevitable that my friend is going to be the next lucky recipient of this trainer's vitriol. So, wwyd in this situation or is there even anything you CAN do?

  • #2
    Get my butt the hell out of there, ASAP.

    Comment


    • #3
      The only thing I can imagine is that she may want to speak to this trainer in private when no one is around and be humble and kind and say - you have a reputation of trash talking people and attacking people in public - it is why I am leaving because I cant handle it. I would appreciate it if you would hold your tongue before you trash talk me - no one is perfect. But if you feel you cant help it, then trash away - just remember, THAT is why I am leaving."

      MAYBE the trainer needs to feel embaressed when she is confronted with it. Maybe if someone says 'I know you trash talk, that is why I am leaving - I am sick of it - it is unprofessional and ugly - life is too short' - that sort of thing - maybe the trainer will POSSIBLY feel a tinge of regret if she opens her big fat stupid mouth (did I say that?).

      What kind of trash talking is she doing? I cant imagine.

      Comment


      • #4
        There is nothing you are going to do to stop the gossip. I agree, get out asap and get on with it.

        Good luck.
        www.Somermistfarm.com
        Quality Hunter Ponies

        Comment


        • #5
          I would say rise above what the trainer is doing, everyone knows the trainer's rep I am sure. However if you know you are going to be trashed why not tell the trainer how she feels? Client should be calm and respectful but be very honest and tell her how she feels about what happened to her. No need to say she has a "rep" just tell her how she ruined this relationship, no need to drag the others into, that is their business.

          Comment

          • Original Poster

            #6
            Originally posted by LaraNSpeedy View Post
            What kind of trash talking is she doing? I cant imagine.
            "Client A is destitute, which is the ONLY reason she left my barn. She couldn't afford me."

            "Client B's horse is lame/crazy/unathletic which is why it will never amount to anything."

            "Client C is such a horrible rider. I tried and tried but she will never be able to advance with anyone."

            "Client D left because she is stupid. Her horse is going to kill her because he's unridable!"

            "Client E owes the vet a TON of money. They are calling me every day and complaining about her."

            "Client F is going to BEG to come back to my barn. The new trainer has ruined her horse".

            Just a small sample of some of the things that have been said. There is so much more.

            Comment


            • #7
              Been there, done that. It SUCKS and there isn't really anything you can do about it. Fortunately, trainers like that get a reputation, and everything they say gets taken with a heaping spoonful of salt. Best advice is to ignore it and immerse yourself in your new barn. If you want to try and keep the gossip from continuing, at shows or clinics when you see the old trainer, walk up and say "I've heard you are concerned about my financial status/my safety/my horses training/etc. I just want to let you know everything is going wonderfully, so you have no need to be concerned"
              .

              Comment


              • #8
                I heard a "trainer" trash a client's horse, that was for sale, standing at a competition, waiting to go into dressage.
                I had never heard anything bad about this trainer until then. I would never deal with her or recommend her to anyone now.
                these kind of things get around and it will cost this person in the long run.
                I too would say something before I left.
                www.ncsporthorse.com

                Comment


                • #9
                  [QUOTE=Big_Grey_hunter;6054410]Been there, done that. It SUCKS and there isn't really anything you can do about it. Fortunately, trainers like that get a reputation, and everything they say gets taken with a heaping spoonful of salt. Best advice is to ignore it and immerse yourself in your new barn. If you want to try and keep the gossip from continuing, at shows or clinics when you see the old trainer, walk up and say "I've heard you are concerned about my financial status/my safety/my horses training/etc. I just want to let you know everything is going wonderfully, so you have no need to be concerned"[/QUOTE

                  This ^^^

                  When this trainer talks people most likely here Blah blah blah. I wouldn't even bother having dialogue with this person and if I did I would be nothing but pleasant to them. Kill them with kindness
                  Dawn

                  Patience and Consistency are Your Friends

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    I had a trainer like this, I LOVED her but I hated the trash talking but I figured it was just part of her personality. Until one day I couldn't take it anymore and I snapped. I told her "I don't care if you trash talk your other clients, I don't care if she doesn't have enough money, I dont care if her horse is broken or stupid or if she cant ride with a damn, what I care about is that your my trainer and I look up to you and pay you for advice on how to ride and not pay to listen to you to whine about others. I really don't appreciate it and it makes me wonder what you say behind my back!" That was the end of that at least for me. Everyone else says they still have problems with her but she treats me like a human now. Maybe she doesn't realize she's doing it and needs to be made aware.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      The truth about a trainer like that is that they've probably already done enough damage to their own reputation to not carry weight with anyone of value. I've been the recipient of vitriol from a former barn and it was interesting to hear what outside people had to say about it to me. It turned out that all of the trash talking over the years had rendered that person's opinion absolutely worthless to everyone else.

                      I would venture a guess that if this trainer talks as bad as you imply, the vet, farrier, and outside folks know that she's full of it, as do most other people she encounters. KEeping that in mind, I think the best path to take is the silent one. Cut ties and take the higher road. Confronting people like that rarely does anything but foster anger and outrage and give them permission to take the victim position.

                      If you think that she's just a chatty person by nature and doesn't mean ill by her words (which is not at all what's implied with the examples you gave), then maybe confrontation would be a decent option.
                      __________________________________
                      Flying F Sport Horses
                      Horses in the NW

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Give credit to the type of person whose opinion you DO value that they can see the trash-talker for what she is. When I hear that kind of talk my internal hackles go up immediately and my opinion of the deliverer plummets instantly. Nothing you can do about the behavior of others. Sensible people realize this and don't credit gossip.
                        Click here before you buy.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by alterdstate View Post
                          "Client A is destitute, which is the ONLY reason she left my barn. She couldn't afford me."

                          "Client B's horse is lame/crazy/unathletic which is why it will never amount to anything."

                          "Client C is such a horrible rider. I tried and tried but she will never be able to advance with anyone."

                          "Client D left because she is stupid. Her horse is going to kill her because he's unridable!"

                          "Client E owes the vet a TON of money. They are calling me every day and complaining about her."

                          "Client F is going to BEG to come back to my barn. The new trainer has ruined her horse".

                          Just a small sample of some of the things that have been said. There is so much more.
                          Wow.....

                          Yep, I agree with others that people like that are ignored by the majority.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            When you depend upon clients for your business, i.e. trainers, real estate agents, it is best not to burn your bridges. Her gossip will come back to bite her eventually. The higher you get the further to fall. Ignore.
                            Proud member of People Who Hate to Kill Wildlife clique

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by LaraNSpeedy View Post
                              The only thing I can imagine is that she may want to speak to this trainer in private when no one is around and be humble and kind and say - you have a reputation of trash talking people and attacking people in public - it is why I am leaving because I cant handle it. I would appreciate it if you would hold your tongue before you trash talk me - no one is perfect. But if you feel you cant help it, then trash away - just remember, THAT is why I am leaving."

                              MAYBE the trainer needs to feel embaressed when she is confronted with it. Maybe if someone says 'I know you trash talk, that is why I am leaving - I am sick of it - it is unprofessional and ugly - life is too short' - that sort of thing - maybe the trainer will POSSIBLY feel a tinge of regret if she opens her big fat stupid mouth (did I say that?).

                              What kind of trash talking is she doing? I cant imagine.
                              Love this. And good luck if this is done.

                              The reason the trainer does this is because all the world is letting her get away with it. And some are foolish enough to listen and believe her.

                              Until people start standing up to her, this won't end or slow down. Not only the people who she is trash talking about, but also those she is talking to. They need to say "I know whosy and I don't like to hear that about her" and walk away while she is in mid-sentence. Or say "Yes I know so-and-so, and I believe she's a great person." Or just turn their backs on her when she starts.

                              Everyone who stands up to her will become a target - that's why no one does. But as many people as possible are going to have to make up their minds they are going to take their lumps, and go to the mat with Local-BNT to make a difference. The targets might even phone her - "Hey why did you tell whatsis ___ about me? I certainly would never do something like that to you. Can we call a truce?"

                              When people start making their feelings about the trash-talking as publicly known as the trash-talking, there might be a slow-down. This trainer must be terribly insecure to feel the need to behave this way.

                              Kudos to the friend who is standing up to her. She needs all the support she can get from the entire community, everyone who knows her. Her friends need to call out the bs when they hear it, in front of whoever happens to be in hearing distance. Good luck!

                              Comment


                              • #16
                                I am so sad that this is what people have to do to make themselves feel better about themselves...to bash the other person.
                                Your friend has to do what's right for her. People make mistakes, make bad judgement calls at times, or may be going through a difficult time, but no one deserves to be belittled or bashed in any manner, for any reason and have it spread around town like butter.

                                I'm a parent, and my daughter severed ties with a trainer a while back. There were changes going on for both parties involved and just didn't see eye to eye any more..we tried to discuss it over but it backfired, and needless to say it's been hell since on my daughter. It's actually more the "outsiders" that did the bashing, but it's amazing how talks spreads what people believe. I've heard some pretty random and out there chatter, and despite my daughter knowing the stuff wasn't true and holding her head high, it's still hurtful and at this point I think it's killed her trust in people and her passion in the sport. I don't know if she'll ever really be the same, and I mean that.
                                I've come to the conclusion that the truth is something people don't want to listen to because it's typically not a "juicy" story to pass along. Seems people MUST have something to say negatively about someone else ....

                                I applaud you as her friend to stand by her side. I hope that others will have the guts, and compassion to stand with you as well.

                                Good luck
                                "If you've got a horse, you've got a problem"

                                Comment


                                • #17
                                  In the business world this so called "professional" could and possibly would have suffered the consequences of her trash talk. I'm not sure why some trainers feel the need to talk this way about their clients. Perhaps they have to say bad things about them so it doesn't make the trainer look bad or ineffective - meaning if trainer trash trash talks about what a bad rider Sally is then it's not the trash talking trainer's fault for not being able to teach Sally to be a better rider. I have an issue w/ trainer's who insist on discussing one's finances. If Sally owes the vet a ton of money it's between Sally and the vet, not trash talking trainer & whoever they decide to talk to.

                                  I knew of a "professional trainer" who left Betty Broderick type messages on a former client's cell phone - to/for their 14 y/o daughter. I mean seriously to leave a message full of f-bombs did they really think the client would come back to their barn after a few messages like that?

                                  Comment


                                  • #18
                                    my brain is constantly overflowing with the shiz I hear around the barn...if you hear your trainer talking smack about one of your fellow boarders/clients, you can only begin to imagine what they say about YOU when you're not there. what a great feeling/atmosphere to learn and progress in!! *rolls eyes* ughh

                                    Comment


                                    • #19
                                      I used to ride at a barn with an unpredictable (nice one second and yelling at you for no reason the next) BO, who also indulged in trash talk. And although she didn't really give me any trouble (that I know of), I left, in part because she created an unpleasant atmosphere, and I didn't want to be around all that crazy in my expensive and scarce free time.

                                      Customers need to vote with their feet, and if they are feeling particularly sassy, tell trainers why, in the nicest possible way, they choose to do so. People who behave this way do so because someone has lead them to believe that they will get away with it. Only if that ceases to be true will the behavior change.
                                      I tolerate all kinds of animal idiosyncrasies.
                                      I've found that I don't tolerate people idiosyncrasies as well. - Casey09

                                      Comment


                                      • #20
                                        I would candedly and openly make it clear to anyone and everyone while you enjoyed training w/ "Trash Talker" insert name you amicable settled all finacial obligations and decided to try a new approach.

                                        If "trash Talker" still says unfounded untrue and derogitory inflammatory things about you...Get A Lawyer To Tell Her To Lay-Off!!!

                                        Comment

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