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Jingles needed were for kcmel. She passed

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  • Brad, Big Mama is right. Sometimes people do well after a head injury and sometimes, they die. I think of a kid who was hit in the head by a baseball and died. The parents and teammates were shocked that this could happen. I think of the non riding teenager, from a horse riding family, who was severely head injured while snowboarding. Sometimes, bad things happen to good people. There are no guarantees in life. We need to live life to its fullest and try to do something good for the world during our limited time here. I did not know your aunt, but my understanding is that she did a lot of good in her time on earth.

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    • Brad,

      I didn’t know her, I wish that I had, I’m sure that I would have loved her as well. What I do know are horse people, my only child has loved horses and riding almost as long as she’s graced this planet.

      Sadly, your lovely Aunt passed away doing something that she loved...something that was an important part of who she was. And with a horse partner, that she no doubt, absolutely loved and completely trusted. Eventing was part of who she was...part of her DNA.

      Traumatic brain injuries are individual, no two are exactly the same.

      She was so lucky to have been loved so fiercely by you and your family!

      I hope that you and yours find peace. She died doing something that she loved and that was a huge part of “her”.

      My deepest and most sincere condolences to you and yours!

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      • Originally posted by AKB View Post
        Sometimes people do well after a head injury and sometimes, they die.
        And sometimes they are never the same person again. My father fell backwards down the basement stairs and had a TBI requiring brain surgery in 1999. He has never been the same since, completely codependent and has been in an assisted living home for almost a decade now - after that accident while my father was here in body he is not here in mind, and has a myriad of issues that have stemmed from the TBI and subsequent surgeries. He can't feed himself, he can't hold conversations and for the past 5 or so years really doesn't say anything, he became increasingly aggressive which is a common side effect of his type of surgery, he could walk (kind of shuffling, not a real walk) for the first handful of years but is now wheelchair bound, and he only recognizes my mom and I and not my siblings. How the body recovers from a TBI is so unpredictable.

        I am so sorry for the loss of your aunt. It is normal to want to have something to blame. I blamed my dad's best friend who asked to borrow the saw he went to get from the basement. I blamed myself for having been out dress shopping for home coming instead of at home where who knows if things would have turned out different if my mom and I would have immediately been able to call for help instead of (likely) an hour later. He was in ICU for months and I blamed my mom at times for deciding to move forward with surgery instead of letting him go because this is not the life he would have wanted. Then I would get mad at myself for having such thoughts and remind myself that I should be appreciative of the fact that he is still here with us and that even though he was like a kid brother and never like a father figure after the accident that at least I had him around and he stayed at home with us until I graduated high school. The grief has gotten better with time and lots and lots of therapy. I no longer blame anyone for what happened because being angry didn't change what happened. Please take the advice of others and reach out to someone who can help you through this difficult time.

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        • I’ve been busy and haven’t been on COTH for a while and I very saddened to read this. I didn’t know Melanie in ‘real life’ but I did see the obituary on EN and think that she sounded like a wonderful person. I just found out today that I did, in fact, ‘know’ her as kcmel. She was always such a kind and positive poster who clearly loved her horses and the sport of eventing. My heartfelt condolences go out to her family and friends.

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          • Originally posted by rockonxox View Post

            And sometimes they are never the same person again. My father fell backwards down the basement stairs and had a TBI requiring brain surgery in 1999. He has never been the same since, completely codependent and has been in an assisted living home for almost a decade now - after that accident while my father was here in body he is not here in mind, and has a myriad of issues that have stemmed from the TBI and subsequent surgeries. He can't feed himself, he can't hold conversations and for the past 5 or so years really doesn't say anything, he became increasingly aggressive which is a common side effect of his type of surgery, he could walk (kind of shuffling, not a real walk) for the first handful of years but is now wheelchair bound, and he only recognizes my mom and I and not my siblings. How the body recovers from a TBI is so unpredictable.

            I am so sorry for the loss of your aunt. It is normal to want to have something to blame. I blamed my dad's best friend who asked to borrow the saw he went to get from the basement. I blamed myself for having been out dress shopping for home coming instead of at home where who knows if things would have turned out different if my mom and I would have immediately been able to call for help instead of (likely) an hour later. He was in ICU for months and I blamed my mom at times for deciding to move forward with surgery instead of letting him go because this is not the life he would have wanted. Then I would get mad at myself for having such thoughts and remind myself that I should be appreciative of the fact that he is still here with us and that even though he was like a kid brother and never like a father figure after the accident that at least I had him around and he stayed at home with us until I graduated high school. The grief has gotten better with time and lots and lots of therapy. I no longer blame anyone for what happened because being angry didn't change what happened. Please take the advice of others and reach out to someone who can help you through this difficult time.
            I'm so sorry. I was afraid of that for Melanie. Would she have been a "vegetable" not being able to do the things she loved to do? I asked myself would my aunt even want that? I did learn that the brain is the most sensitive organ in the body and if it gets damaged, look out. It won't be good. I always heard though the brain can heal itself, I guess that's another lie by the so called "doctors". Here's the thing though they said Melanie was starting to breathe on her own and they lowered the setting for the ventilator to a minimum, but when they took her off the ventilator completely, they said she just passed away. I wonder did we keep that poor woman alive by the machines and she actually died when she fell off the horse?

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            • Originally posted by bradt99 View Post
              I'm so sorry. I was afraid of that for Melanie. Would she have been a "vegetable" not being able to do the things she loved to do? I asked myself would my aunt even want that? I did learn that the brain is the most sensitive organ in the body and if it gets damaged, look out. It won't be good. I always heard though the brain can heal itself, I guess that's another lie by the so called "doctors". Here's the thing though they said Melanie was starting to breathe on her own and they lowered the setting for the ventilator to a minimum, but when they took her off the ventilator completely, they said she just passed away. I wonder did we keep that poor woman alive by the machines and she actually died when she fell off the horse?
              It sounds like your family gave her every possible chance, and when it was clear there was nothing left to do, they made sure she left this life gently and peacefully, and with dignity and love. That’s a wonderful gift.

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              • I wonder if their has been any research when you fall off a horse, would you die instantly or can you survive long enough to get to the hospital?

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                • Originally posted by bradt99 View Post
                  I wonder if their has been any research when you fall off a horse, would you die instantly or can you survive long enough to get to the hospital?
                  Brad should we assume you are under 18? Many of us have been falling off horses, bikes etc. for years. Sometimes you need an ambulance but most times you don't. I am sorry for your families loss.
                  Humans dont mind duress, in fact they thrive on it. What they mind is not feeling necessary. Sebastian Junger

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                  • Thank you guys though. You all would've loved her in person too. She would do anything for anyone and her animals.

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                    • I did not know her either but I knew her from her posts and she always seemed thoughtful and kind. I am so sorry for the families loss in this situation and cannot begin to fathom the depth of their grief. My heart goes out to all of them.

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                      • Originally posted by bradt99 View Post
                        I wonder if their has been any research when you fall off a horse, would you die instantly or can you survive long enough to get to the hospital?
                        I get tossed off my guy 2-3 times a year. I get back on to send him the message that tossing me off is not going to end the work for the day. Eventers are tough lot as was your aunt. Falling is just a part of it. 99.9999% of the falls produce bruises, both physical and otherwise. We get back on. Very, very rarely does it not end well, either for the rider or the horse. Anytime you have anything to do with an unpredictable element (I like to storm chase) or a sport that can have an element of danger (think skiing), there can be negative outcomes. I still feel for me personally and everyone who knows me, I would rather end my life early rather than staying home and doing nothing. It has nothing to do with my love for my family. Cancer can strike as easily as an accident. It has to do with living a fulfilling life.
                        "Punch him in the wiener. Then leave." AffirmedHope

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                        • Originally posted by CindyCRNA View Post

                          I get tossed off my guy 2-3 times a year. I get back on to send him the message that tossing me off is not going to end the work for the day. Eventers are tough lot as was your aunt. Falling is just a part of it. 99.9999% of the falls produce bruises, both physical and otherwise. We get back on. Very, very rarely does it not end well, either for the rider or the horse. Anytime you have anything to do with an unpredictable element (I like to storm chase) or a sport that can have an element of danger (think skiing), there can be negative outcomes. I still feel for me personally and everyone who knows me, I would rather end my life early rather than staying home and doing nothing. It has nothing to do with my love for my family. Cancer can strike as easily as an accident. It has to do with living a fulfilling life.
                          I'm glad you survived, but Melanie didn't and I don't have her in my life anymore. It sucks. I can't go back to that day and warn her, but I can honor her memory by donating to epilepsy causes.

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                          • Just the be the best as I can be, that's how I honor her memory.

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                            • Originally posted by bradt99 View Post
                              Just the be the best as I can be, that's how I honor her memory.
                              That's how to live a happy life Brad. Just try to be the best person you can be. None of us will ever be perfect, or even as smart as your Aunt was, but we can all work hard, be kind to others,and find a hobby that we really enjoy, just as your Aunt did.

                              A well rounded life is a good life. Work hard, but also find something that you enjoy doing in your spare time, and do it!

                              Your Aunt gave us all an example of how to live a good life. She helped others in her work. With her hobby, riding horses, she was a good horsewoman and a friend to other people who love riding as much as she did.

                              You have every reason to be proud of her and to miss her very much. Hang in there.

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                              • Originally posted by skydy View Post

                                That's how to live a happy life Brad. Just try to be the best person you can be. None of us will ever be perfect, or even as smart as your Aunt was, but we can all work hard, be kind to others,and find a hobby that we really enjoy, just as your Aunt did.

                                A well rounded life is a good life. Work hard, but also find something that you enjoy doing in your spare time, and do it!

                                Your Aunt gave us all an example of how to live a good life. She helped others in her work. With her hobby, riding horses, she was a good horsewoman and a friend to other people who love riding as much as she did.

                                You have every reason to be proud of her and to miss her very much. Hang in there.
                                Thank you, that is true, but their will never be another like her. I hope I see her in heaven again one day

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                                • [QUOTE=bradt99;n10508995] Thank you, that is true, but their will never be another like her. I hope I see her in heaven again one day

                                  You aren't alone. Most of us have felt the pain of loss. Hang in there.

                                  [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NLlOeGeVih4

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                                  • Originally posted by bradt99 View Post
                                    Thank you, that is true, but their will never be another like her. I hope I see her in heaven again one day
                                    I am so sorry for what you're going through. I hope you have family members and friends you can lean on for support.
                                    ~Veronica
                                    "The Son Dee Times" "Sustained" "Somerset" "Franklin Square"
                                    http://photobucket.com/albums/y192/vxf111/

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                                    • If anyone lives in PA, Melanies husband is having a memorial also this weekend Saturday November 16, if you want the address just private message me.

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                                      • I know he would appreciate fellow equestrians being there.

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                                        • Originally posted by bradt99 View Post
                                          I know he would appreciate fellow equestrians being there.
                                          I'm sure they will be there Brad.

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