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UPDATE post 68* Thoughts on this horse- and if he's worth convincing my husband!

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  • UPDATE post 68* Thoughts on this horse- and if he's worth convincing my husband!

    So I'm not exactly actively horse shopping but I keep my eye on listings.. and occasionally send ads to my trainer haha. I have two young kids and not all the time in the world, and my husband isn't exactly keen to see me gone half the week and tied down to a horse to blanket, ride, poultice, etc., which I understand. I currently take weekly lessons and catch the occasional additional ride, but it's not quite scratching the itch! Plus, as for most of us on here, horses are my happy place, exercise, and therapy. I have owned a horse before and know what's involved.

    Here's my question.. this horse has caught my eye; he seems to check off all my boxes: sane, some varied experience, not the fanciest but a solid packer with a little go, good for a confident adult, excellent ground manners, sound (and barefoot) and pretty cute to boot! The price is right too. From some old fbook posts it looks like he was bought as a "rescue", then had some more miles and groceries put on him.

    He's a 5 hour drive away.. what do you think? Is he worth the excitement/argument/pain of trying to convince my husband that I need a horse and can make this work with our family, or should I bottle up my passions and try to be happy with what I have until the kids are older??

    Sigh... not even sure if I'm looking for someone to enable me or clap me on the head..

    TIA
    Last edited by YEG; Aug. 13, 2019, 11:29 AM.

  • #2
    Long drive to test ride. But kind eye

    Comment


    • #3
      Well, he is super cute! But I suggest you separate the question of whether the time is right for you to own a horse at all from the question of whether this is the horse.

      Also keep in mind that when you go see horses in person you often find that they are more or less appealing than in photos/videos, so try not to get too attached to the idea of one before you meet it.
      Building and Managing the Small Horse Farm: http://thesmallhorsefarm.blogspot.com

      Comment

      • Original Poster

        #4
        Originally posted by Libby2563 View Post
        I suggest you separate the question of whether the time is right for you to own a horse at all from the question of whether this is the horse.
        A very good point, and a tricky one.. is this (objectively) the best time to buy a horse? No.. there isn't as much time as I'd like, and I of course don't want to overburden my husband or our family. But... will there ever be a perfect time? I don't want to wait until I'm retired! I do realize I'm thinking with my heart a little bit, but then I think: people do it! Have families and horses I mean. Couldn't we make this work?

        Maybe it's just wishful thinking. I should be more practical. Also you're right, I shouldn't fall in love with an ad.

        Comment


        • #5
          I hope you don't think I was trying to be a wet blanket. People definitely do balance horse ownership with family. Waiting until you're retired to enjoy something that is your happy place sounds very depressing to me!

          You probably can make it work, I'd just advise thinking it through. For example, could your trainer help you find a half-lessee to keep your horse exercised if you aren't able to make it out enough? Or can you maybe start by half-leasing or leasing a horse to make sure that works for you and your family before you buy?

          Also be careful about buying a horse that's used to being in full work if you know you can only give him a couple rides a week. Some horses will be the same either way but some won't, and it's not a fair thing to expect. Given that the brain will be so important, I might network closer to home rather than buying one from a stranger and hoping it's as described. You can't always tell from just a few trial rides what a horse will be like in the long run. That's my two cents!
          Building and Managing the Small Horse Farm: http://thesmallhorsefarm.blogspot.com

          Comment


          • #6
            There's always a reason why it's not a good time! So you have to be really objective, to decide if you can make it work. And good luck convincing your husband, too. What are his passions/hobbies? Can you be super supportive of his, will perhaps help him be supportive of yours? My husband always wanted to get a motorcycle again, he had one in his younger years. He thought I wouldn't approve, but he was wrong. I wanted him to be happy, and if that was a bike, so be it! I encouraged him to follow his dream and get one! He in return has always been supportive of my hobbies, even went so far as buying me my horse when I got back into riding.

            People do it all the time, juggle horses and families and work. Maybe a half boarder, or you make a deal that you only go to the barn X number of days (if you are boarding), etc...

            AS for the horse you posted, he is super cute! I love the look on his face, such a sweet soft eye.

            Comment

            • Original Poster

              #7
              Originally posted by Libby2563 View Post
              I hope you don't think I was trying to be a wet blanket.
              Not at all!! Yours is a voice of reason, which I appreciate. It's all part of the internal debate haha, and I guess I'm already anticipating the valid reasons G (my husband) will have his hesitations. Money, time, responsibility. I can't argue with that! I can only try to offer ways that I will mitigate these issues. The last thing I want is for this to become a point of resentment. Thank you for those thoughts!

              Comment

              • Original Poster

                #8
                Originally posted by Seagram View Post
                There's always a reason why it's not a good time! So you have to be really objective, to decide if you can make it work. And good luck convincing your husband, too. What are his passions/hobbies? Can you be super supportive of his, will perhaps help him be supportive of yours? My husband always wanted to get a motorcycle again, he had one in his younger years. He thought I wouldn't approve, but he was wrong. I wanted him to be happy, and if that was a bike, so be it! I encouraged him to follow his dream and get one! He in return has always been supportive of my hobbies, even went so far as buying me my horse when I got back into riding.

                People do it all the time, juggle horses and families and work. Maybe a half boarder, or you make a deal that you only go to the barn X number of days (if you are boarding), etc...

                AS for the horse you posted, he is super cute! I love the look on his face, such a sweet soft eye.
                I love this, it's so important to be supportive of each other's passions! G really does encourage me to get out to lessons and to exercise, and he knows how important this is to me. He's just worried that the timing isn't great now.. I mean, our lives are a little chaotic with two kids, but it's gradually getting easier (which I'm better at recognizing than he is) and really, I don't think there will ever be a perfect time. I'm also willing to make sacrifices to make this work. Staying up later, getting up earlier, etc.

                He does have a soft eye doesn't he I can't help getting ahead of myself, he's so cute and if everything in the ad is true (lol) then he does sound great for me.

                Comment


                • #9
                  I'm not sure that there's ever been a user in the history of COTH that's asked "should I get this horse?" and somebody says no LOL. We are all enablers!

                  Seriously though, if you wait for the perfect time to buy a horse .... you'll never buy a horse. As another poster mentioned,if you feel seriously strapped for time you could always look into the idea of half leasing him out to another rider at your barn. And it's amazing how you think you don't have time, but then once the horse is here you just figure out a way to make it work. I have two horses and a third on the way (because yes, I am crazy) and a 2.5 year old and 2 dogs and a partner and a full time job so trust me when I say it's doable to make time . And honestly owning your own horses versus just casually riding is such a good feeling. IDK, I love horse ownership and making my own training, feeding, vet/farrier/massage/chiro/whatever schedules and decisions.....I get a lot of satisfaction out of horse ownership and care and take great pride in my ponies! That's something that doesn't really come with riding other peoples horses.

                  Back to the gelding, though - he is super cute! He's got such a kind, soft eye. You should definitely go check him out .... I mean worst case scenario you don't like him and move along. Best case scenario you're updating this thread to tell us all about your new pony !
                  Another Adult Amature and her OTTB: https://eventingottb.wordpress.com

                  Repurposed Racehorses
                  https://repurposedracehorses.weebly.com/

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    I would try leasing to see how the horsey lifestyle works with the rest of your life. I got my first horse at 39, but I did plenty of riding before that on lease horses and school horses that needed training. I had times when I did not have time to ride, but when I bought, I knew that I had the time and resources to buy the horse and stay married (one of my goals, others may differ ).

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      I don't know if we have enough information to evaluate your dilemma. Realistically, how many hours a week would you spend with the horse? Do the children need to be watched during that time and, if so, who will watch them? If it's Hubby, is he okay with that? I know when our kids were small, my husband's tolerance for watching them while I did something by myself or something "fun with the gals" was probably about one evening and one weekend afternoon per week. But all dads are different! Likewise, I think there would have been a lot of resentment about putting so much money toward a hobby for me... but again, every family's finances are different. I will say, Hubby became quite open to horse-keeping expenditures when our younger daughter, the apple of his eye, got the bug! So that could be a viable strategy, too...lol.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        I'm enabling you! There is no "perfect" time. I got my first horse when I was 40 and my kids were around 8 and 11 and it wasn't a good time, money wise or time wise. But I had him for 17 years and he was my "perfect" horse.

                        The gelding is really cute but as someone else mentioned, he may not be as expected when you actually are there in person and ride him. Good luck!

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by YEG View Post
                          So I'm not exactly actively horse shopping but I keep my eye on listings.. and occasionally send ads to my trainer haha. I have two young kids and not all the time in the world, and my husband isn't exactly keen to see me gone half the week and tied down to a horse to blanket, ride, poultice, etc., which I understand. I currently take weekly lessons and catch the occasional additional ride, but it's not quite scratching the itch! Plus, as for most of us on here, horses are my happy place, exercise, and therapy. I have owned a horse before and know what's involved.

                          Here's my question.. this horse has caught my eye; he seems to check off all my boxes: sane, some varied experience, not the fanciest but a solid packer with a little go, good for a confident adult, excellent ground manners, sound (and barefoot) and pretty cute to boot! The price is right too. From some old fbook posts it looks like he was bought as a "rescue", then had some more miles and groceries put on him.

                          He's a 5 hour drive away.. what do you think? Is he worth the excitement/argument/pain of trying to convince my husband that I need a horse and can make this work with our family, or should I bottle up my passions and try to be happy with what I have until the kids are older??

                          Sigh... not even sure if I'm looking for someone to enable me or clap me on the head..

                          TIA
                          OP, I'm going to go ahead and be the wet blanket. Or rather, hopefully the voice of reason.

                          Owning a horse is a HUGE commitment - both financially and time wise. It's a much, much bigger commitment than weekly lessons, or even leasing. Take a very, VERY honest look at what your current reality is (financially and time wise), and what your current responsibilities are. Some people can juggle all the balls - family, marriage, parenting and horse ownership. Some can't. I am in a dual income marriage, no kids, and still owning a horse can be a stress on the marriage, both financially and time wise.

                          I like what IFG suggested - try leasing first. I went from weekly lessons, to a part-lease, to a full lease before owning a horse, and it was STILL an adjustment, but I was more prepared.

                          Also, that ad has a few warning flags for me, and I would want more info before making a 5 hour drive. He needs a confident adult - what does that mean, exactly? And is that you? What type of program is he in? How many times a week does he need to be ridden to stay sane? What type of turnout does he require? Does the ad have a video? The whole rescue scenario would raise some flags to me.

                          I have personally seen scenarios where a young person buys a horse, has young children, and is not be able to meet the requirements of the horse they purchased. So it sits in its stall, doesn't get ridden often enough, then is hottttt as hades on the infrequent occasions that the owner manages to squeak in time to ride. And the horse and owner both end up frustrated.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            "Good for a confident adult" is a red flag for me...I have balanced horses, kids, family and work for nearly 40 years. The horses that work well in the kind of situation you find yourself in are the ones that come out every day to do their jobs quietly and kindly -- even if you have not sat on them in two weeks (or months). It is very easy to find yourself in a position where you have to spend far more on training than planned if it is not the right horse and that won't be fun for you and will stress your husband. A kind horse that takes care of you and is also an easy keeper and does not require a lot of maintenance will be a much easier adjustment for your husband. The suggestion to lease first is a good one.
                            Kate

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              My biggest question is the ages of your children. If they are not yet school age, I would be very hesitant from the standpoint that the barn is not going to be an appropriate place for them to hang out without undivided direct supervision for quite a while. And it's the very rare spouse or partner that's going to be happy about your heading off to the barn as many days a week as you will probably need or want to go.

                              If the kids are school age and you have the flexibility to do the horse thing at least some times while they are in school, then maybe. Also, if they are school age and have the horse gene or catch the horse bug, it might turn out to be a great mom-child activity. But if their school age interests are sports or Scouts or something else that doesn't intersect with your horse hobby, you are going to have a hard time finding the time to really support their interests as well as your own.

                              The above is predicated on the assumption that you would board the horse and have to "go" to the barn. If you would keep the horse at home, then my thoughts might be a bit different.

                              Comment


                              • #16
                                Originally posted by Horsegirl's Mom View Post
                                I don't know if we have enough information to evaluate your dilemma. Realistically, how many hours a week would you spend with the horse? Do the children need to be watched during that time and, if so, who will watch them? If it's Hubby, is he okay with that? I know when our kids were small, my husband's tolerance for watching them while I did something by myself or something "fun with the gals" was probably about one evening and one weekend afternoon per week. But all dads are different! Likewise, I think there would have been a lot of resentment about putting so much money toward a hobby for me... but again, every family's finances are different. I will say, Hubby became quite open to horse-keeping expenditures when our younger daughter, the apple of his eye, got the bug! So that could be a viable strategy, too...lol.
                                This whole “dad shouldn’t have to babysit his own children more than 2 days a week” is absolute BS. No, you shouldn’t constantly skip out on your part of child-rearing, but geez Louise. He’s their father, not a babysitter. If he can’t handle more than one night of keeping his own spawn alive, there are some other bigger issues there.

                                That being said: does your husband have his own hobby? I can see how you going to the barn several nights a week, constantly buying things for horse, constantly talking about horse can easily cause resentment if he doesn’t have a thing of his own to focus on. I feel like if you go into this having “talked him into it”, he’s already resenting it. Have you seriously talked about this with him?

                                Also, can you reasonably budget in board, farrier, routine and emergency vet care? Do you have someone (besides your husband- I’m sure he’s not available every moment) to watch the kids so they’re not getting in trouble unsupervised at the barn?

                                I think this this horse is very cute, but I think you need to put aside any emotions about how badly you want your own horse and how cute he is and really think about what you and your family might be sacrificing for your hobby. Maybe look into leasing first. Talk to your trainer about maybe helping you look for a horse that you could easily find a half lessor for if necessary.

                                Comment


                                • #17
                                  Originally posted by JustTheTicket View Post

                                  This whole “dad shouldn’t have to babysit his own children more than 2 days a week” is absolute BS. No, you shouldn’t constantly skip out on your part of child-rearing, but geez Louise. He’s their father, not a babysitter. If he can’t handle more than one night of keeping his own spawn alive, there are some other bigger issues there.
                                  Every family is different, but I don't think it's that unusual for parents of young children to think that MOST of the time when neither parent is working will be spent together--rather than having one parent (whether it be husband or wife) left alone with the kids while the other parent pursues a hobby most weekday evenings and on the weekends.

                                  I know it's fashionable to call out sexism and "bad dads," but I really don't think that's the case here. People value time spent together as a family. If my husband had said, "Hey, I want to go cycling with the guys four evenings a week plus Saturday and Sunday mornings, okay?" I would be equally resistant.

                                  Comment


                                  • #18
                                    Originally posted by HLMom View Post

                                    Every family is different, but I don't think it's that unusual for parents of young children to think that MOST of the time when neither parent is working will be spent together--rather than having one parent (whether it be husband or wife) left alone with the kids while the other parent pursues a hobby most weekday evenings and on the weekends.

                                    I know it's fashionable to call out sexism and "bad dads," but I really don't think that's the case here. People value time spent together as a family. If my husband had said, "Hey, I want to go cycling with the guys four evenings a week plus Saturday and Sunday mornings, okay?" I would be equally resistant.
                                    Sorry, I think you missed my point. I’m not calling anyone a bad dad. I do find it ridiculous to think that mom can’t have a hobby because heaven forbid, dad has to watch his own children more than one night a week, as a previous poster said of her own husband. I don’t think either parent should be bailing on family time every night- after all, I’m assuming you had children to spend time with them. I have an issue with the fact that it’s implied that mom needs to be the one doing the majority of the “babysitting”, as it were.

                                    If OP wanted barn night a couple times a week and her husband had his own solo hobby a couple times a week, I don’t see the issue. They (I’m assuming) are both capable of keeping their children alive without the other parent present. Of course, I’m assuming a lot about these two. I could be totally wrong. I just get a little worked up about “I couldn’t possibly ask my husband to stay alone with our children more than once a month!” Why did you have children with this man if he can’t handle that?

                                    Comment


                                    • #19
                                      Without knowing particulars of your finances and schedules, I am not able to form an opinion on if you should purchase a horse at this time. I will insert my opinion about the horse though, pass. IMO a horse that needs an adult rider = a horse that is not safe to put children on. Why is the horse unsuitable for children? There are a few adult women in my circle horse shopping and I am encouraging them to buy nice children’s hunter horses. Naturally, they object. They want a fancy prospect! For cheap no less. A child’s packer horse will be easier to lease or half lease out and if you have kids yourself they might want to ride too.

                                      I am in a dual income relationship with no kids, and my horse hobby still stresses my man. It’s not the money. It’s the time. I have a nice young horse, homebred, that I started under saddle this month. Im at the barn 5 plus days a week, that’s what a horse in training needs. So either I go or I pay for training board. A dead broke schoolmaster might be less time intensive or even better part leased to cover some costs.

                                      I would highly recommend upping your lessons first. Once a week isn’t much.

                                      Comment


                                      • #20
                                        I too urge caution and not jumping too quickly.... but for heavens sake, life is short! I let 14 long years go by between horses, years I deeply regret! Don't let as much time go by for you. Keep striving for your dream.

                                        Five hours is not that long of a trip. I flew 4 hours and drove an hour after that to look at my horse who hadn't been vet checked yet (I did do that afterwards). You do what you need to and what feels right to you.

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