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Frustrating riding buddy

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  • #41
    Originally posted by dacasodivine View Post
    She's not new to horses but fairly new to horse ownership. She definitely has her own ideas. If she likes the sound of something, she will latch on and not let go. She will argue with experts. She admits to arguing with her vet over feed and supplement advice. She argued with the farrier today over the angles on MY horse. She's diehard barefoot and thinks everyone should be able to go barefoot.

    She rents a barn because she is so picky, she can't board. She expects things to be done a certain way and no boarding barn could do things the way she wanted. She is the one that told me this. She knows she's difficult.

    I'm not sure what's changed about me lately that I'm having such a hard time ignoring her. I think I'm going to take a break from riding with her unless it's a group ride.

    Man, reading what I have written about her, I wonder how I've held on this long!
    I can't stand to ride with 'that' person. Unless I am asked, I say nothing about someone else's ____( Unless it's an emergency, like a broken strap or girth issue, etc)...I just keep it shut.

    If someone is going to tell me how to live, and how the world rolls...they won't last long with me. I just cannot and will not tolerate that much nonsene poured into my ear, unbidden I don't care what motivates them, they don't respect that I am grown and going to do what I do my way...so since respect is a two way street, if it's not happening, I'm out. Life is too short.

    DH and I ride together a lot, and we don't have much in the way of riding buddies. We keep an ear and eye out- but mostly I'd rather just go it alone if the alternative is being told how to live. Yuck.


    • #42
      Originally posted by dacasodivine View Post
      Not sure where you get that I have to keep getting off and adjusting my saddle. I wouldn't have bought it if it did that! It will slip when I mount or dismount if I have forgotten to adjust it one last time before mounting. I haven't had this or any saddle slip while I was riding.

      **Just remembered, my English saddle slipped while riding the Arabian earlier this year. I fell right off the side. That is the one and only time I have had a saddle slip while riding.

      She doesn't like ANY treeless. She's been more than vocal on the subject in the past.
      I was recalling a ride I'd been on where a guest was so out of balance the (treed) saddle slipped at least four times. It got old. That was the day I was worried because I'd brought my own saddle and my girth was far too loose, but the horse I used had withers and a barrel and it wasn't a problem.

      I guess you'd have to say I edited my post so much by taking out the somewhat long winded story that it stopped making sense.

      I really wouldn't know what to say apart from changing the subject or not riding with her.
      Courageous Weenie Eventer Wannabe
      Incredible Invisible


      • #43
        Two points....

        I ride in treeless saddles. Like someone mentioned, w/the correct fit, most horses do great in them. They are VERY popular in Endurance. In Endurance, if your horse shows any comfort issues, you lose points. The horses are checked by vets before, during and after each ride, so the horses health is taken VERY seriously.

        Again, treeless saddles are widely used in Endurance. So, her argument is kinda nulled on that proof, IMO. I'd just let her know, if good enough to ride 100 miles in ONE day, then it is good enough for your trail rides.

        I ride my horse a lot, so he gets many miles. I usually have a chiro check him twice a year, and he has always had very good reports. After his last time, she told him to keep doing what I have been. His back was excellent. Again, I use a Barefoot Atlanta Treeless saddle on him. Needless to say, I use a correct pad w/it to distribute my weight.

        NEXT -

        Trail riding is SUPPOSED to be fun. I had a situation, where I rode w/an older lady for several years. Board at the same barn. She was big into control. Rides revolved around her, where we went, pace, how long, etc, etc. She also kept score and was very competive.

        It got to the point that riding stopped being fun. I started to ride alone, and relearned how much fun it was again. The fun faded slowly, so it was a long process before I was able to actually put my finger on the point that she was a total buzzkill.

        I realized that she was NOT family. I had no responsiblity to her. She rarely rides alone, so needed me to go riding w/her. Sorry, but life it just too damn short.

        I confronted her once when she was just out of line during a ride. She got VERY defensive and deflected anything she had done. What I thought was a friend, really never was.

        I divorced her. Told her I no longer would ride w/her. That was a year ago. I have more people to ride w/than I can, so even though it was ackward at the time, things are sooo much better now.

        She has a few people to ride w/but seems to go thru them. She has NOT changed. I just stuck it out longer than most people.

        My point is, if you start to lose the fun in riding, you need to realize that life is too short to let someone ruin riding for you.

        If it is just the treeless issue, I'd just tell her you made YOUR decision on what you will use to ride. If she keeps it up, just let her know you are finished listening. She made her opinion very well known, but you have different thoughts on the issue.

        She needs to DROP it, or you may need to find other people to ride w/since her harping on it, is taking your fun away from the rides.

        I ride for fun, it is THAT simple. It took some balls for me to divorce that lady! Now, I just wish I had done it a year or two earlier!!
        Riding is NOT meant as an inside sport, GET out of that arena!!!


        • Original Poster

          ReSomething, now it makes sense. That would be really annoying.
          Last edited by dacasodivine; Oct. 11, 2012, 12:02 AM.


          • Original Poster

            Last edited by dacasodivine; Oct. 11, 2012, 12:03 AM.


            • #46
              I totally understand....

              My lady is in her 60's, I am in my 40's. We have similiar schedules, so were at the barn at the same times.

              I can ride alone w/out an issue, in fact, I try to take my dog for solo rides often. I find them very relaxing.

              SHE does not ride alone, therefore, needs someone to go riding w/her. I was THAT person. I felt sorry for her, cuz w/out me, she would not have ridden as much as she was....


              She ruined MY fun, and i was too stupid to realize it. I rememeber after riding mostly w/her, I did an endurance ride. I HAD a BLAST!! Really, was just soo much fun.

              It made me think that perhaps, it was HER pace (mostly SLOW) that ruined my fun. So, I used the (somewhat) excuse that I wanted to do a conditioning ride to get out of riding w/her.

              Then another friend got a young horse, pretty green, so when I rode w/her, we walked a lot. You know what?!?! I still had fun riding.

              Made me think, it wasnt the pace, but WHO I rode w/that had ruined my fun. IT WAS HER!

              I must not be super bright, cuz it took me about TWO years to finally divorce her completely. I felt sorry for her, I made excuses for her, ETC, ETC, ETC!!!

              Again, I wish I had done that years ago!! She is a nice lady, but is just so uptight, competitive, bossy, and just mostly a know it all type of lady if you spend a LOT of time w/her.

              Not many people see the REAL her, but I did often, and just decided it wasnt my JOB to be her riding buddy.

              Like I said, when I did address my feelings w/her, she totally came unglued. Very defensive and deflected all of my feelings, so was she really EVER my friend??

              Did she ever really appreciate me riding w/her??

              How she acted told me NOPE, I had just wasted a lot of what should have been good rides cuz of her. I swore, I would never let another person ruin riding for me, EVER!

              You may find you'll enjoy solo riding, OR if you stop riding w/her, other people may enter your riding life.

              That is what happened to me, once I stopped riding w/her, I had a LOT of offers to go riding w/other people, FUN people. It seems like those people kinda had avoided me, CUZ of HER. They didnt want to ride w/her and she was joined at my hip at that time. I never realized this, cuz I was kinda in denial about her.

              I had this wierd sense of responsiblity towards her, but really, she was not my family, just a lady that boarded at the same barn as I. That kinda put things in perspective, and the divorce was finalized.

              I have never looked back, personnally. We are polite to each other, but I do NOT want her in my life, so limit my contact w/her. People knew what happened, but I really try to not create any drama. It was kinda weird at the beginning, but really, things settled down.

              In the divorce, I made it very black and white. Told her I would never ride w/her again, and have never. I know if I was to go on a group ride w/her, she would take it as all is fine. She'd behave herself for awhile, then the old her would come out.

              I really dont want another divorce, so have never wavered and wont.

              If you actually address this w/her and things are said. Make sure you think before you speak and MEAN what you say. Follow thru w/it.

              I think it could have been easy to have slipped back riding w/her if I hadnt made it crystal clear and stuck w/it. Just dont send mixed messages, like I dont wanna ride w/you, then after a few weeks, accept an offer to go riding.

              Nothing will change, she will brush it off as you were just in a "bad" mood and took it out on her, IMO.

              Good luck! Remember, it is supposed to be FUN!
              Last edited by Shermy; Sep. 27, 2012, 12:37 AM.
              Riding is NOT meant as an inside sport, GET out of that arena!!!


              • #47
                Originally posted by dacasodivine View Post
                She thinks that in some/most cases it takes years for the damage to show up.
                Your friend is correct. In veterinary circles this very extended process of an injury manifesting as clinically significant pathology is referred to as "aging."

                Eventually a treeless saddle may lead to loss of muscle mass, stiff joints, infertility, loss of visual and audio acuity, slowed hoof growth and tissue replacement and a number of other issues. Sadly, "aging" is always fatal. All treatment is palliative and there is no cure.

                An auto-save saved my post.

                I might be a cylon


                • Original Poster

                  Last edited by dacasodivine; Oct. 11, 2012, 12:04 AM.


                  • #49
                    Originally posted by HillnDale View Post
                    Your friend is correct. In veterinary circles this very extended process of an injury manifesting as clinically significant pathology is referred to as "aging."

                    Eventually a treeless saddle may lead to loss of muscle mass, stiff joints, infertility, loss of visual and audio acuity, slowed hoof growth and tissue replacement and a number of other issues. Sadly, "aging" is always fatal. All treatment is palliative and there is no cure.

                    I'm so glad you have entered your voice of reason in the treeless saddle discussions! I've gone so many rounds of it that I'm sick of repeating myself-you make good sense and you have a good sense of humor, you'll need both if you keep going up against the anti-treeless faction...

                    OP-I've ridden in a treeless but I have hardly EVER ridden with someone that annoys me. I fail to see the intrigue of letting a know-it-all ruin my fun time, I say lose her number and forget you knew her.
                    “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” Stephen R. Covey


                    • #50
                      So get a non slip saddle pad

                      And use a mounting block. When you saddle up Trigger, walk forward, tighten girth, walk forward, tighten again.

                      Use a mounting block for getting up and down. That way even if you are "heavy" you will be less likely to put all your weight on the stirrup.

                      I would think a treeless saddle would be infinitely more comfortable for the horse.


                      • #51
                        This is why, for the most part, that I ride by myself. My horse is all the company I need There are a few people that I'll happily ride with, but for the most part solo is the way to go (for me at least). I also decided a while ago that riding is my "me" time and therefore it is not necessary that I force myself to endure unwanted company (and I don't feel guilty about that in the least )
                        "As soon as you're born you start dyin'
                        So you might as well have a good time"


                        • #52
                          Go the distance - are you ever a nit-picker - have you nothing better to do with your day, apart from being on COTH. Nasty. I get your point and stand corrected, even if I did know where the saying came from, some of us are just careless, not ignorant.
                          Proud member of People Who Hate to Kill Wildlife clique


                          • #53
                            Oh, meant to add: google wagon vs. waggon - you may find it interesting.
                            Proud member of People Who Hate to Kill Wildlife clique


                            • #54
                              Knickers in a knot is the saying - just sayin'.
                              Proud member of People Who Hate to Kill Wildlife clique


                              • #55
                                Originally posted by gothedistance
                                So take a moment to look over your post, spell check, and then hit enter. Then you don't have to plead careless and get your nickers all in a twist when your errors are pointed out.
                                Originally posted by Foxtrot's View Post
                                Knickers in a knot is the saying - just sayin'.
                                Ladies, please. It's knickers in a twist.
                                I'm not ignoring the rules. I'm interpreting the rules. Tamal, The Great British Baking Show


                                • #56
                                  Originally posted by pAin't_Misbehavin' View Post
                                  Ladies, please. It's knickers in a twist.
                                  I guess I've been using the Americanized version "Panties in a wad".
                                  "My biggest fear is that when I die my husband is going to try to sell all my horses and tack for what I told him they cost."


                                  • #57
                                    That hits the nail on the head. Cultural sensitivities aside, there are differences in different languages, lingo, and meaning, upbringing, etc. This board no exception.
                                    Proud member of People Who Hate to Kill Wildlife clique


                                    • #58
                                      I'm a loser, I Googled it.

                                      wag·gon (wgn)
                                      n. & v. Chiefly British
                                      Variant of wagon.
                                      Noun 1. waggon - any of various kinds of wheeled vehicles drawn by an animal or a tractorwaggon - any of various kinds of wheeled vehicles drawn by an animal or a tractor

                                      Knickers in a knot. Knickers in a twist. Panties in a wad. Bloomers in a bunch. G-string in a gnarl. Skivvies in a snarl. Undies getting uppity. I once asked someone if the velocity of my post relocated their underwear to an uncomfortable crevice on their person. Does it really matter how we say it? Boxers up the butt-crack. Not too hard to get the general idea


                                      • #59
                                        Originally posted by gothedistance
                                        Oh, good!! You are paying attention, Foxtrot's! Well done!!! A+ on the pop test. Good girl!!! You, too, Paint (although I never doubted you, dear)!

                                        Now back to your regularly scheduled postings.... and I will get back to writing this magazine article that is coming due....
                                        Maybe you should save your irritable editorial comments for yourself in your professional setting and not so much this hodge podge of thousands of people all with their own writing styles and habits.

                                        There's a time and place for everything and this wasn't the place for your crabby comments.
                                        “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” Stephen R. Covey


                                        • #60
                                          Originally posted by HillnDale View Post
                                          Your friend is correct. In veterinary circles this very extended process of an injury manifesting as clinically significant pathology is referred to as "aging."

                                          Eventually a treeless saddle may lead to loss of muscle mass, stiff joints, infertility, loss of visual and audio acuity, slowed hoof growth and tissue replacement and a number of other issues. Sadly, "aging" is always fatal. All treatment is palliative and there is no cure.
                                          OMG!!! I think somehow I have been wearing a treeless saddle!!!

                                          Except for the hoof issues...
                                          "Random capitAlization really Makes my day." -- AndNirina