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invited himself along..WWYD?

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  • invited himself along..WWYD?

    I usually trail ride every weekend with my Good friend (her step father owns the farm) and she lives nearby. Her daughter just got a horse and we've been riding with her, watching her and taking our time making sure she is safe and can handle him. She is 12. These rides are not just for riding, but it's our time to vent and talk about the week, complain about other boarders or our spouses and just get our 'therapy'. Sometimes we ask people to join us, but most of the time, we are the only ones on our rides.

    One boarder at my barn has a Gaited horse that he cannot handle very well. He's a retired person, and he is pretty stiff in his joints, so mounting is not easy for him, yet he has a horse that will NOT leave the farm by himself,will NOT go in the front of the line, will STOP at any given moment on the trail for no reason, and WILL crowd you. B/c the horse is gaited, he is pretty fast at a walk, and yet b/c he won't go in the front of the line, he will end up crowding you off the trail. Then the rider proceeds to give you unwanted advice about how to ride, and what YOU should do. It's extremely annoying, and many of the boarders don't want to ride with him.

    Well, Sunday, My friend and her daughter and i got ready and were mounting up and we see him mounting up. We never asked him, but usually if he's meeting his friends, he has to walk the horse down to horse trailer parking. We are next to a state park.

    Well, he mounts and is leaving the farm with us, so i said, " Are you meeting someone?" and he says "NO." So I ask if he is riding with us, and he says 'Yes.' I said, "Well just invite yourself, why don't you?" and he says he's part of the farm and he should be allowed to go with us. I said, "It would have been nice to be asked." And he says, "I ask every week." to which I replied, "And the answer is not always YES." So he gets all pissy and says "Do you want me to leave?" And i said "not now." in a sarcastic tone. I told him, "i don't want the 12 yr old to get hurt." He says his horse can walk. I was fuming, but i did not say anything else.

    We get back from the ride and He says "Great Ride, Ladies." I did not say anything. My friend is too polite not to answer, so she was nice to him, but i know she did not want him along, either.

    He seems to wait at the barn for us to show up and he seems to be stalking us. So we will probably change the time we ride every week, but we know he is going to be a pain in the butt, and i do not want to have to put up with this crap when i'm boarding there to enjoy myself. i should not have to ride with people i don't feel safe riding with. We never know when he will be there, but he will wait all day for someone to show up.

    I do feel bad that he has no one to ride with, but There are reasons behind that. Also, i don't want to be responsible if he gets hurt and we need to get him and his horse to safety. I would not ride that horse and i've been riding for 32 yrs. having someone who is not limber riding him is an accident waiting to happen.

    WWYD?

  • #2
    I would change my ride time if I had the flexibility to do so. But there are no guarantees that he wont be there anyway. Sometimes when I want to ride alone I take extra long in getting my horse ready but then again it sounds like this guy is just going to wait you out.
    This is really strange becuase it sounded like you were pretty clear that you did not want him along. As my daughter would say he sounds like a creeper. A squirt of mace in the eyes works for those types

    Dawn
    Dawn

    Patience and Consistency are Your Friends

    Comment

    • Original Poster

      #3
      yeah, he invited himself and felt entitled to ride with us. He has asked us before and we would say ok, but in a way most people would recognize as hesitation..it would probably make a normal person realize they were not really wanted. but he can't take a hint or he chooses to ignore the hint.

      Comment


      • #4
        Why can't you just say "Sorry, today we're riding alone"? Some people honestly don't pick up on nuance. Or are incredibly rude. If he presses the point, asks you why not, just tell him what you've told us about his riding and that you don't feel safe with him along and you want to be able to relax and enjoy your ride.

        So the answer is "no".

        Comment


        • #5
          You are such a nice person Nezzy, can I borrow some money from you?





          I didn't think so.

          Grow a pair and if you can't, explain it to the old gent in the nice way just as you have here: "Sorry buddy, but its our girl talk time and you don't have the ovaries..."

          He'll get over it.
          "The Threat of Internet Ignorance: ... we are witnessing the rise of an age of equestrian disinformation, one where a trusting public can graze on nonsense packaged to look like fact."-LRG-AF

          Comment


          • #6
            Gosh, I definitely see it from your point of view but I would hate for someone to treat my Dad like that. Be upfront about not wanting to have him along but do it nicely and forget about the sarcasm. Maybe occasionally you could extend a genuine invitation for him to ride with you.
            where am I, what day is it, am I still having a good time?

            Comment


            • #7
              Oh that is a tough one and I have been there. In my case the person can ride and horse is okay but the person drinks, smokes, cusses and complains the whole ride. Next time it happens I would say "look Mr. X we understand you need someone to ride with but sorry this is girl time so we really prefer to go just us ladies." This probably won't work but if that and changing your ride time doesn't help be blunt and say you really prefer he not come for safety reasons.

              Comment


              • #8
                You are under no obligation to entertain this man, or put up with his unsafe horsemanship. There is not one reason why you should change your ride time, the people you ride with, or tolerate his intrusion. Next time tell him the truth-he's not invited, he can't control his horse, and he's not safe riding with your group. People only take advantage of you if you let them.
                You can't fix stupid-Ron White

                Comment

                • Original Poster

                  #9
                  Thanks everyone. Now i wonder if he'll follow us even if we tell him NO. I guess being nice gets us no where with this guy. In fact, being rude got me no where either. Ugh.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Maybe characterize the ride as "ladies only"?
                    Appy Trails,
                    Kathy, Cadet & CCS Silinde
                    member VADANoVA www.vadanova.org

                    Comment

                    • Original Poster

                      #11
                      that would not matter. he has no manners. He invited himself, did not ask us if it was ok, and can't take a hint. i'm going to have to be blunt and forceful i guess.
                      Last edited by Nezzy; Nov. 9, 2010, 12:34 PM.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        My answer to your situation has partially already been stated. Tell him, in no uncertain terms that he is not welcome. If he continues, insist that he remain a quarter mile away from you at all times. If he does not, it may in some way be considered harassment and may be able to be addressed by other means, particularly since you have a child present.

                        My own answer to this type of situation is to leave him in the dust and canter/gallop off a few miles; but then I have a horse that can do this safely, and others may not. I ride alone most of the time, and have had to use this on a regular basis to get rid of drunks, idiots, and people who won't shut up

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Horse with No Name View Post
                          Gosh, I definitely see it from your point of view but I would hate for someone to treat my Dad like that. Be upfront about not wanting to have him along but do it nicely and forget about the sarcasm. Maybe occasionally you could extend a genuine invitation for him to ride with you.
                          I agree with this.

                          I see your point but I would hate for someone to treat my dad or someone else I knew like that.

                          He is an older guy with a difficult horse who probably feels much safer if he has people with him.

                          Life is give and take.

                          Yes, you guys should get a chance to do your own trail rides but it would also be nice and sportsmanly and, you know, kind for you to on some other times be willing to help a guy out and give him a little company on the trail.
                          Without the attitude.
                          The Noodlehttp://tiny.cc/NGKmT&http://tiny.cc/gioSA
                          Jinxyhttp://tiny.cc/PIC798&http://tiny.cc/jinx364
                          Boy Wonderhttp://tiny.cc/G9290
                          The Hana is nuts! NUTS!!http://tinyurl.com/SOCRAZY

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            If asking him to leave doesn't work, maybe you could head out and if he follows, go back and ride in a ring. He can get himself to wherever he plans to ride. If girl is only 12, a bit of ring work is always helpful. You adults could do some supervising of child, tune your horses up to on bending, leg yeilds, soft gait changing. You may want to plan extra ride time, see if he will leave when you go back to ride the ring. Then you ladies could head out again later, ALONE. I would head back to the ring as many times as needed to let him get the clue, we were not leading him down the trail!! There are lots of mean things that can be done, but if he is old with other physical issues, you don't want anyone getting hurt. Maybe suggest he get a new horse that rides alone!

                            Just because you are all from the same barn does NOT require riders to go out together or mean you are forced to accept his presence! Don't get snippy, state your reasons clearly, as you would in a business discussion. Men are not known for getting subtle hints! State plainly "Horse is scary, you don't want to be around him!!" If being reasonable, avoidance isn't working, then you need to take the problem up with management. Other rider is forcing his presence on your group. Won't accept rejection and is dangerous or scary to you folks with his horse's lack of manners and behaviour. Weirding you out and not taking NO when you ask him to go away! If the older rider is this obnoxious with others, there may be a number of other unhappy riders at the barn.

                            This is one I had not heard before!

                            Comment

                            • Original Poster

                              #15
                              Originally posted by meupatdoes View Post
                              I agree with this.

                              I see your point but I would hate for someone to treat my dad or someone else I knew like that.

                              He is an older guy with a difficult horse who probably feels much safer if he has people with him.

                              Life is give and take.

                              Yes, you guys should get a chance to do your own trail rides but it would also be nice and sportsmanly and, you know, kind for you to on some other times be willing to help a guy out and give him a little company on the trail.
                              Without the attitude.
                              So why not use some manners and ask? Why think it's acceptable to force his way? This is not your dad, I'm sure your dad would be considerate and polite. Just b/c someone is old does not make them likeable. we all get old. If he were to be nice about it, we'd try to put up with it, but seriously, it's not enjoyable, and i spend a lot of $$ on a habit that i want to enjoy.

                              Comment

                              • Original Poster

                                #16
                                Originally posted by goodhors View Post
                                If asking him to leave doesn't work, maybe you could head out and if he follows, go back and ride in a ring. He can get himself to wherever he plans to ride. If girl is only 12, a bit of ring work is always helpful. You adults could do some supervising of child, tune your horses up to on bending, leg yeilds, soft gait changing. You may want to plan extra ride time, see if he will leave when you go back to ride the ring. Then you ladies could head out again later, ALONE. I would head back to the ring as many times as needed to let him get the clue, we were not leading him down the trail!! There are lots of mean things that can be done, but if he is old with other physical issues, you don't want anyone getting hurt. Maybe suggest he get a new horse that rides alone!

                                Just because you are all from the same barn does NOT require riders to go out together or mean you are forced to accept his presence! Don't get snippy, state your reasons clearly, as you would in a business discussion. Men are not known for getting subtle hints! State plainly "Horse is scary, you don't want to be around him!!" If being reasonable, avoidance isn't working, then you need to take the problem up with management. Other rider is forcing his presence on your group. Won't accept rejection and is dangerous or scary to you folks with his horse's lack of manners and behaviour. Weirding you out and not taking NO when you ask him to go away! If the older rider is this obnoxious with others, there may be a number of other unhappy riders at the barn.

                                This is one I had not heard before!
                                This is a trail riding barn. We have a round pen, but no arena. We have 18+ miles of trails in a state park.

                                Comment


                                • #17
                                  Originally posted by Nezzy View Post
                                  So why not use some manners and ask? Why think it's acceptable to force his way? This is not your dad, I'm sure your dad would be considerate and polite. Just b/c someone is old does not make them likeable. we all get old. If he were to be nice about it, we'd try to put up with it, but seriously, it's not enjoyable, and i spend a lot of $$ on a habit that i want to enjoy.
                                  You know, sometimes the best manners involve graciously putting up with other people's lack of them. And being kind IN SPITE of it.

                                  No, you aren't obligated to be nice to him or show him even a shred of kindness. But that decision is on you, not on him.
                                  The Noodlehttp://tiny.cc/NGKmT&http://tiny.cc/gioSA
                                  Jinxyhttp://tiny.cc/PIC798&http://tiny.cc/jinx364
                                  Boy Wonderhttp://tiny.cc/G9290
                                  The Hana is nuts! NUTS!!http://tinyurl.com/SOCRAZY

                                  Comment


                                  • #18
                                    Safety is not a niceness issue.
                                    My life/health/well being is more important then someones feelings. I ride a hot head pony. I have a long list of folks and places I do not ride hot head at due to mine and others safety. I have had to be the bad guy so many times in the last 16 months that I no longer care. At first I felt horrible but now it just rolls right out. I have actually started to enjoy riding again!!
                                    If you like the guy as a person but the only issue is his horse I would point blank let him know that. Maybe after your ride, without him, ya'll could have a picnic lunch. I do this with several folks I adore but we do not have compatible horses/horsemanship/what have you. We eat, hang out, or camp together but do not ride together.
                                    Pamela Ellis

                                    Comment


                                    • #19
                                      I have no problem with being gracious and sometimes riding with people whom I may not care for.

                                      But will I ride with somebody who can't control their horse and crowds me off the trail? H*LL NO!

                                      I'd flat out tell him that he's welcome to ride with you when he gets a suitable horse that he can control.

                                      Comment


                                      • #20
                                        He can try and invite himself...but it's up to you to not accept.

                                        Pull up the big girl panties and say, "Nope, not today"...period. No sarcasm, no explanations...just "No".

                                        I've people where I board who I won't ride with...either ill-trained horse or out of control no manner rider. Just say "No". It's not personal, well, actually it is, but don't do the wimpy, "chick trail ride today", just be honest.
                                        "Sic Gorgiamus Allos Subjectatos Nunc"

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