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DH Doesn't Understand Why I Take Dressage Lessons

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  • #21
    "When Rafael Nadal plays tennis so well that he doesn't need a coach anymore."
    Disclaimer: My mom told me that people might look at my name and think I had an addiction other than horses. I don't; his name was Bravado.

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    • #22
      Originally posted by Eclectic Horseman View Post
      THere is an additional reason that doesn't apply in human sports. You are not just learning how to ride, you are learning how to train. In equestrian sports, it is not unusual to see the new horse owner go completely astray without enough professional help. Simply put, the horse trains them, instead of the other way around.
      This is a really important point. I went for years without taking lessons and was just fine with my very well trained gelding. I got a new mare last year who was a bit more challenging and didn't have as much training, and I needed help to learn how to train her. We're now learning together, so the going is a bit slow but we're making progress.

      My SO is a cattle rancher. His horses are ranch horses and I don't think he's taken a formal lesson for anything his entire life. I don't think he fully understands why I take lessons, but it is also is something that he doesn't question, so it makes things a bit easier.

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      • #23
        When you mention them to your husband, stop calling them "lessons".

        Start calling them "training sessions."
        www.TerriMiller.com
        Photos & Commissioned Paintings

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        • #24
          I so hear you ... this has been said at home here as well ... hubby says "I don't understand ... you get paid to ride, you teach, other people have picked up your expenses - what do you need lessons for?" I am enjoying this thread very much .... he sort of gets it - but also has expressed the thought that as i'm not going to the olympics shouldn't I be happy just hacking around and "playing" with the horses?
          Time management tough for you? 42 great tips and support through this course!

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          • #25
            The best part of being single is not having anyone with a real right to insight into my expenses and how I spend my free time!

            My dad and other family members will ask things like that, and I usually come up with some snotty response given he coaches baseball... My mom is under my care/financial support so she does have a vested interest, but she fully understands.

            If I ever get married, I suspect the man will have already understood and had the conversation with me by then as I get 2 lessons a week w/ 2 training rides a week (2 horses) at the moment, but would really like more lessons each week...
            Originally posted by Silverbridge
            If you get anything on your Facebook feed about who is going to the Olympics in 2012 or guessing the outcome of Bush v Gore please start threads about those, too.

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            • #26
              Mr P is an excellent golfer. He takes golf lessons and doesn't question when I take riding lessons.

              Nor do we question each other's purchases.

              Our 44th anniversary is later this month

              ETA:He also plays guitar. I do not know how many he has. Probably a half dozen.

              Did you know that a Martin guitar costs more than a County saddle? I happened to be with him when he bought that one....only reason I know how much it cost.
              Last edited by carolprudm; Aug. 20, 2014, 07:49 PM.
              I wasn't always a Smurf
              Penmerryl's Sophie RIDSH
              "I ain't as good as I once was but I'm as good once as I ever was"
              The ignore list is my friend. It takes 2 to argue.

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              • #27
                Originally posted by netg View Post
                The best part of being single is not having anyone with a real right to insight into my expenses and how I spend my free time!

                My dad and other family members will ask things like that, and I usually come up with some snotty response given he coaches baseball... My mom is under my care/financial support so she does have a vested interest, but she fully understands.

                If I ever get married, I suspect the man will have already understood and had the conversation with me by then as I get 2 lessons a week w/ 2 training rides a week (2 horses) at the moment, but would really like more lessons each week...
                I hear you on that one. There are a handful of things I intend to write into a prenup besides just the financial stuff. Certain things in my mind are non-negotiable...my horse and my sofa. Either one of those goes, and I go with it. lol.

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                • #28
                  I am more curious about why he asked the question and why he became "alarmed" at the answer. It you don't know where the concern is coming from, then you cannot answer the question in a meaningfully way.

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                  • #29
                    I agree, perhaps "why do you ask?" would be a good response.

                    -- could be time spent away
                    -- more likely, money is an issue.

                    A good step to take is give DH a horse budget for the year so he knows what you will be spending and how it might impact your household budget. Good for you to know, too.

                    Comment


                    • #30
                      You can give him examples of 'never'from other sports. For example, Yoga is a life long practice. The training is physical, mental, emotional and spiritual, and a yoga practicioner will seek out training no matter how far he advances. Another example is most of the Martial Arts. Achieving one black belt is not a goal, but advancing for decades is part of the "practice" and dressage means "training" and is a training practice for you and your horse, never will you feel 'done'. That's the best I can do and it seems to satisfy most people.
                      My warmbloods have actually drunk mulled wine in the past. Not today though. A drunk warmblood is a surly warmblood. - WildandWickedWarmbloods

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                      • #31
                        Originally posted by brody View Post
                        I so hear you ... this has been said at home here as well ... hubby says "I don't understand ... you get paid to ride, you teach, other people have picked up your expenses - what do you need lessons for?" I am enjoying this thread very much .... he sort of gets it - but also has expressed the thought that as i'm not going to the olympics shouldn't I be happy just hacking around and "playing" with the horses?
                        As I mentioned above, I would be tempted to relate my pursuit of training to a martial arts master's daily practice and training to continue to achieve. IOW, no matter how advanced, he would still pursue more mental, spiritual, and physical accomplishements. If your husband could not understand that analogy, I would smile and say, "Well, I'm just not done getting better and better yet".
                        My warmbloods have actually drunk mulled wine in the past. Not today though. A drunk warmblood is a surly warmblood. - WildandWickedWarmbloods

                        Comment


                        • #32
                          Why don't you invite him to come out and see a lesson? It's hard to give advice on the internet, doh, but since he's concerned you would be "good enough" to stop, maybe show him how good you are? Does he come to shows? You didn't say what level you ride or anything, but if you do anything above say, training level you will be doing some cool stuff with the horse that looks good.

                          Also, maybe "good enough" could be quantified for him, like good enough to get a 70% at first level, for instance. That's more concrete.

                          Comment


                          • #33
                            I don't question the motives of the DH. I think that a lot of non-equestrians (and even some happy hackers) ask this question because they are generally curious. People want to be able to figure out how accomplished an equestrian you are for their own curiosity and also to be able to talk to others about what you do.

                            I am sure that DH doesn't want to embarrass himself when talking to others about your hobby. But on the other hand, he would like to show how proud he is. How many DH's have told people that their wives were "going to the Olympics."

                            So I think that it is helpful for non-horsey spouses to have a better understanding of the sport as a whole, and that taking lessons doesn't mean that you are a beginner, and that although you intend to improve until you are physically incapable, you probably aren't ever going to make the team.
                            "Against stupidity the gods themselves contend in vain" ~Friedrich Schiller

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                            • #34
                              Originally posted by Tuesday's Child View Post
                              even professional athletes/sports teams have coaches!

                              Exactly!! I should think this would cover it quite nicely to someone who "doesn't get it". Even a Nascar driver has a manger, team coach. An olympic skier has a coach and spends inordinate numbers of hours training and preparing for the ultimate events. Why, when you think of it that way, would you ever NOT continue with training? Swimming coach, even if you have great form, are in great condition, you need someone walking along the side of the pool telling you to kick harder, smooth out your stroke, push, push, push, sprint, change your breathing pattern. I can't imagine doing any sport where you wouldn't want coaching, wouldn't want to study to learn more, evolve and address your particular horse's idiocyncracies. I hope it all makes sense more so, how you can try to address the DH!
                              My warmbloods have actually drunk mulled wine in the past. Not today though. A drunk warmblood is a surly warmblood. - WildandWickedWarmbloods

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