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Saying Goodbye to Long-term Trainer-Need Suggestions

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  • Saying Goodbye to Long-term Trainer-Need Suggestions

    Because of work, I'm having to make some big adjustments in where I keep my horse, if I want to continue to ride. I have been with this trainer for a very long time, and I really want to end things peacefully and in a good way. I was wondering if anyone had some good suggestions on how to break the news in a gentle way...that would help keep the relationship from turning south.

    I have done a lot for this person over the years, so I'm not just taking my horses, she will also be losing a significant amount of help. My plan is to break the news to her tonight.

    TIA
    Unashamed Member of the Dressage Arab Clique
    CRAYOLA POSSE= Thistle

  • #2
    Be honest and kind. Give the trainer a thank you card with a long note expressing your appreciation at the same time. Emphasize that it's you, not her. Perhaps offer to help with a few things after you move the horse if you know she will need help with them or transitioning other people to helping.

    It's tough but I've found that people usually appreciate honesty and not over talking the issue. She probably already knows you need to leave.

    Good luck!

    Comment


    • #3
      "Real life' always affects your riding life. Instructor will understand. Perhaps some occasional lessons?
      I.D.E.A. yoda

      Comment


      • #4
        I agree with the first response, be honest most trainers are understanding and its hard times these days. Offering to help with the new people coming in and teaching them the ropes sounds like a great idea!

        Comment


        • #5
          If she relies on you around the barn, give plenty of notice so she can try to fill the gap. That will cut way down on resentment.

          I'm not gifted at diplomacy so I'll leave that to others.
          "You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed." - The Little Prince

          Comment


          • #6
            I should think the trainer would consider that the move is more traumatic for you, and be encouraging. A student earning wages is far more to be desired than an un- or under employed student
            Some riders change their horse, they change their saddle, they change their teacher; they never change themselves.

            Remember the horse does all the work, we just sit there and look pretty.

            Comment

            • Original Poster

              #7
              Thank you!!!! My plan is to definitely be honest and open about why I'm leaving. It really doesn't have anything to do with her, it's mostly about me not being able to continue to handle all the things she needs, with alll the things I need for work, family, etc.

              My plan was to bring by some flowers and a lovely card.

              I like the idea of offering to help after I move the horses, but I'm afraid to extend this offer too much, for fear she will take advantage. I do love the idea of continuing occassional lessons.
              Unashamed Member of the Dressage Arab Clique
              CRAYOLA POSSE= Thistle

              Comment


              • #8
                If she needs help around the barn, I assume she'll have a your months notice to find new help as well as new boarders.

                I would tell her what you told us in your original post. Stuff happens. Boarders leave. What ever anxiety/negative feelings she may have towards you will disappear when your stalls are filled.
                ~Kryswyn~ Always look on the bright side of life, de doo, de doo de doo de doo
                Check out my Kryswyn JRTs on Facebook

                "Life is merrier with a terrier!"

                Comment

                • Original Poster

                  #9
                  Thanks Kryswyn.

                  I'm planning on giving her a month and 1/2 notice. I feel this should be plenty of time for her to find someone to fill my stalls, and to help around the barn.
                  Unashamed Member of the Dressage Arab Clique
                  CRAYOLA POSSE= Thistle

                  Comment

                  • Original Poster

                    #10
                    Thank you everyone for your suggestions.

                    I'm so nervous and anxious about this. I know it's going to be a blow, we are close, and that makes it much, much harder.
                    Unashamed Member of the Dressage Arab Clique
                    CRAYOLA POSSE= Thistle

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      I would not invade her private time and tell her at night. I would tell her in the morning, so she can deal with it during a busy day. Trainers have feelings too, and bad news at night is mean.
                      www.ncsporthorse.com

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        i don't understand the undertone here.... why bring flowers and a card? that just seems.... odd.

                        if this were me, i would talk to them and say "hey life is changing and i will be moving on in a month and a half... I have super enjoyed working with you and will miss all of this. I'll be moving on X date. At that time i wont be able to help out here either. Of course I will be happy to help train my replacement, etc etc etc "

                        i mean - its not like you will never see her again , is it?

                        Comment

                        • Original Poster

                          #13
                          MBM, no...it's not like I won't see her again...I was trying to find a way to break the ice, and open the dialogue. She was just accepted into a big clinic and I thought bringing her some flowers and a card of congratulations would be a nice way to open the discussion. She has a way of becoming very defensive about things, and I am trying to be kind. This is not going to be an easy discussion on either end. I have been training with her for over 10 years...so, this is not easy.
                          Unashamed Member of the Dressage Arab Clique
                          CRAYOLA POSSE= Thistle

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Blkarab View Post
                            Thank you everyone for your suggestions.

                            I'm so nervous and anxious about this. I know it's going to be a blow, we are close, and that makes it much, much harder.
                            I hope she cares as much about your feelings and situation, as you do hers.
                            Good luck!

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by shea'smom View Post
                              I would not invade her private time and tell her at night. I would tell her in the morning, so she can deal with it during a busy day. Trainers have feelings too, and bad news at night is mean.
                              Some people might get more upset by it when told in the AM, and then still have to address the day.

                              Comment


                              • #16
                                Bottle of 14 Hands goes a long way!
                                Originally posted by The Centaurian
                                As far as I am concerned, leadline is a legitimate reason to have children.

                                Comment


                                • #17
                                  Originally posted by Blkarab View Post
                                  Because of work, I'm having to make some big adjustments in where I keep my horse, if I want to continue to ride. I have been with this trainer for a very long time, and I really want to end things peacefully and in a good way. I was wondering if anyone had some good suggestions on how to break the news in a gentle way...that would help keep the relationship from turning south.

                                  I have done a lot for this person over the years, so I'm not just taking my horses, she will also be losing a significant amount of help. My plan is to break the news to her tonight.

                                  TIA
                                  The best advice I can give is be honest.
                                  "I would not beleive her if her tongue came notorized"

                                  Comment

                                  • Original Poster

                                    #18
                                    Originally posted by time fault View Post
                                    Bottle of 14 Hands goes a long way!
                                    I would totally do this if she drinks. I may be getting that bottle for me later.
                                    Unashamed Member of the Dressage Arab Clique
                                    CRAYOLA POSSE= Thistle

                                    Comment


                                    • #19
                                      It is a shame that you feel like you have to walk on eggshells...it sounds like you have been a loyal student and generous with your time (I assume you worked as an employee or were a working student?). The trainer should be understanding of your personal situation. How could they take advantage of you if you continue to carve out some time to work....unless you let them. It would not be professional for them to treat you with anything other than respect.
                                      "The sea was angry that day, my friends - like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli"

                                      Comment


                                      • #20
                                        Instead of flowers, it you have been with her for that long, I would get her a nice present. Like a pair of pikeurs to show in. My reasoning in this situation would be, it would make me feel better and make it harder for her to get "shitty" on you. I wouldn't offer to help, beyond "if you are ever in a real bind / emergency" sort of talk. You can also soften with "if the work situation changes I would love to go back to the way things are now" even if u have no intention of doing that. It ends things on a nice note.

                                        Comment

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