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Need a bit of advice

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  • #21
    I would be VERY concerned that she could be going behind your back and having this other student ride your horse despite being told no.

    That could be a long shot, but if she's unethical enough to try and pressure/guilt you into it, she could be unethical enough to do it behind your back.

    No means no means no.
    RIP my beautiful Lola, ????–August 29, 2014

    Comment


    • #22
      Not that you need more than has been said here already, but there's an old saying:

      "Many horses make a rider; one rider makes a horse."

      I don't really think it's any particular advantage to your horse to be ridden by other people, unless that's his job.
      Ring the bells that still can ring
      Forget your perfect offering
      There is a crack in everything
      That's how the light gets in.

      Comment


      • #23
        Originally posted by BigBayHanoMare View Post
        I would be VERY concerned that she could be going behind your back and having this other student ride your horse despite being told no.

        That could be a long shot, but if she's unethical enough to try and pressure/guilt you into it, she could be unethical enough to do it behind your back.

        No means no means no.
        This was my first thought! Not sure I would trust trainer NOT to use the horse for lessons anyway.

        Comment


        • #24
          Just let her know that after careful consideration, you've decided that you don't want anyone else riding your horse - you might bring up liability etc as this will allow you to confirm that your trainer has insurance that would cover any problems with your horse while she is on him ...

          You might also apologize for failing to make it clear that the use of your horse in a lesson was a one-off-not-to-be-repeated-event
          (this should allow her to graciously accept your decision)

          Your horse is not a greenie who will benefit from experiencing different riders, he has you (the ammie) & your trainer (the pro) & that is enough for any horse

          Comment


          • #25
            I would just say I'm sorry, I would love to help your other student. I'm very lucky to have this horse and I don't want want anyone but you (trainer) to ride him.

            Comment


            • #26
              Originally posted by greenapples View Post
              I spend a lot of time and money keeping him sound, and quite frankly, I don't want him to be a school horse. I didn't purchase him for that and that is not the direction I want him to go.
              The above is all you need to say. End of story. Put it in an email if it is easier.
              Where in this wide world can man find nobility without pride,
              friendship without envy or beauty without vanity?
              Ode to the Horse. ~ Ronald Duncan

              Comment


              • #27
                Hahaa ... I just thot of another option. Ask the trainer if she's like to replace her training rides (and related fee) with these lessons, if it's so good for the horse.

                I know that's passive/aggressive, which is why I'm laughing. I often think of those things but very rarely do them. I try to be direct. Yes, we pay them, but we (or *I*) count on them, too for guidance and direction. This relationship requires *TRUST*.

                And I've learned that my own trainer is VERY direct and yes, does her best to get the most people on the most horses ... but never at the expense of someone safety or a horse's good experience. The other thing she does is ensure that the owner is fairly compensated for the use of the horse (I've paid for injections in addition to lease fees). While being without my own beloved girl, she's offered a couple of horses for lease to help out overwhelmed owners with their fees.

                Not all trainers have high integrity. That makes me sad. I hope yours will honor your commitment to your horse and show you the respect that you deserve.
                *=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=

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                • #28
                  Originally posted by BigBayHanoMare View Post
                  I would be VERY concerned that she could be going behind your back and having this other student ride your horse despite being told no.

                  That could be a long shot, but if she's unethical enough to try and pressure/guilt you into it, she could be unethical enough to do it behind your back.

                  No means no means no.
                  This crossed my mind as well - but only because it happened to a friend of mine. She said no and found use marks on her horse anyway.

                  Comment


                  • #29
                    Originally posted by kpony View Post
                    I would just say I'm sorry, I would love to help your other student. I'm very lucky to have this horse and I don't want want anyone but you (trainer) to ride him.
                    That is a soft response, but still a NO!. And I would be alert for behind your back use of your horse.
                    Some riders change their horse, they change their saddle, they change their teacher; they never change themselves.

                    Remember the horse does all the work, we just sit there and look pretty.

                    Comment


                    • #30
                      Unfortunately this scenario does imply a lack of respect from trainer towards client - you might try having a discussion with trainer about her motives in all of this ...
                      I'd want an alternate barn sussed out (just in case)

                      Comment


                      • #31
                        i would not get all defensive about it ... instead just say "thank you, no"

                        end of story. you dont need any reasons ... in fact giving reasons will make your comment weaker.

                        so "thank you, no"

                        <end of story>

                        Comment

                        • Original Poster

                          #32
                          You guys are so AWESOME!!

                          Thank you all for validating what I was feeling. I am not too concerned about her using him behind my back. That would be hard to do. I know when the other student's lessons are scheduled, so I can keep a close eye on things.

                          I wish it was as easy as picking up and leaving, but it's not. I would love to move to a different barn, but there are not many places in the area that I could go, nor many good trainers.

                          Comment


                          • #33
                            Originally posted by mbm View Post
                            i would not get all defensive about it ... instead just say "thank you, no"

                            end of story. you dont need any reasons ... in fact giving reasons will make your comment weaker.

                            so "thank you, no"

                            <end of story>

                            and if she comes back with 'but...<insert reasoning about it being better for horse, what you said, blah blah blah, etc>'

                            I'd repeat myself and tack on a little extra.

                            'thank you, but no, and please DO NOT ask me again.'

                            Comment

                            • Original Poster

                              #34
                              Thank you for that Heinz 57...because I'm sure she will come back with but...

                              Comment


                              • #35
                                Originally posted by greenapples View Post
                                Thank you for that Heinz 57...because I'm sure she will come back with but...
                                If she does, be a broken record.

                                "But it would be so good for Dobbin!"

                                "Thank you, but no; please don't ask me again."

                                "You really need to reconsider. This is a great opportunity for Dobbin/the lesson person/fill in reason here."

                                "No, and as I said, I am really not interested in discussing this further. Please respect that decision."

                                "I really want you to think this through again. Lending Dobbin to Suzy is just the perfect arrangement; you just aren't understanding what a great opportunity this is."

                                "I said I am not going to discuss it further. Now, about that show schedule/farrier appointment/hair color we were discussing yesterday..."
                                **********
                                We move pretty fast for some rabid garden snails.
                                -PaulaEdwina

                                Comment


                                • #36
                                  Originally posted by Carolinadreamin' View Post
                                  Simple. Tell her that your insurance will not allow any other person to ride your horse. Period.
                                  I strongly dislike it when people choose to lie, unnecessarily, when a simple, "No, your proposed plan is not my cup of tea" would do just fine.

                                  It has nothing to do with insurance.
                                  The reason is OP doesn't want to.
                                  That's perfectly good enough.
                                  The Noodlehttp://tiny.cc/NGKmT&http://tiny.cc/gioSA
                                  Jinxyhttp://tiny.cc/PIC798&http://tiny.cc/jinx364
                                  Boy Wonderhttp://tiny.cc/G9290
                                  The Hana is nuts! NUTS!!http://tinyurl.com/SOCRAZY

                                  Comment


                                  • #37
                                    I would just start to counter with questions.

                                    Dont you think you have made your points and I have made mine (smile)?

                                    We are just going to have to agree to what I want for Flicka, right?

                                    Its about what I need right now too, right?

                                    If she keeps coming back just shrug
                                    ~~Member of the TB's Rule Clique ~~
                                    http://www.off-breed-dressage.blogspot.com/

                                    Comment


                                    • #38
                                      Just say no. DOn't give reasons. You don't need to explain.

                                      See, if you say it's because of liability or insurance it opens the door a crack- then it's "we'll pay the extra insurance"- then you have to think of more reasons. No need to go there..

                                      Just say no thank you and please don't ask again..

                                      Comment

                                      • Original Poster

                                        #39
                                        I'm not a big fan of lying...so I won't go there.

                                        If she doesn't take a simple "No"...then it will have to become a stronger one. I don't have the patience right now to play games. I'm tired of being stomped on in other areas right now...I don't need this too...in fact, that is part of the reason why I'm so mad over this...she threw it at me, right before I was leaving town, and it was another thing to have to deal with.

                                        The more I read all of your posts, the more committed I am to sticking with this. It's not a win-win scenario for me...it's a total win for her. I don't even feel that it's a win for my horse, particularly because I'm the one paying his vet bill.

                                        I would have been fine if she had wanted to use my mare...that would have been okay...the mare is semi-retired...but not my guy. He's my partner and part of the reason he is so awesome is all the work I've put into him. Work I'm not even sure the trainer realizes. I ride much more than just my lessons with her...I think she forgets that. I don't want anything to mess up the relationship I have built with my guy, and if she can't respect that...then we definitely need to move on.

                                        Comment


                                        • #40
                                          Originally posted by Lucassb View Post
                                          If she does, be a broken record.

                                          "But it would be so good for Dobbin!"

                                          "Thank you, but no; please don't ask me again."

                                          "You really need to reconsider. This is a great opportunity for Dobbin/the lesson person/fill in reason here."

                                          "No, and as I said, I am really not interested in discussing this further. Please respect that decision."

                                          "I really want you to think this through again. Lending Dobbin to Suzy is just the perfect arrangement; you just aren't understanding what a great opportunity this is."

                                          "I said I am not going to discuss it further. Now, about that show schedule/farrier appointment/hair color we were discussing yesterday..."

                                          nope... this is too much. too many crack and presents a weak front.

                                          just say "no" if she asks again the answer is "no"

                                          you dont need to explain, make it softer, justify etc.

                                          just say no.

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