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20 signs that your test needs some work

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  • 20 signs that your test needs some work

    20 signs your dressage test need work . . .

    Under judges remarks she writes only: "Nice braid job."
    Horse confuses dressage arena rail for a cavaletti; exits at K.
    Your circles shape reminds the judge that he should pick up eggs on the way home.
    Your serpentine was perfect, except that it was supposed to be a straight centerline.
    Sitting trot has caused some fillings to be loosened in lower molars.
    Your horse believes "free walk" means leaving the arena and heading towards the nearest patch of grass.
    Your working trot had you working harder then your horse.
    In your salute, your inadvertently use your whip hand causing your horse to perform airs above the ground.
    Your walk seems to be more "rare" than "medium."
    Impulsion improves only after the horse sees monsters in the decorative shrubbery near letters.
    Your horse's response to the canter aid is "Can't, er, what?"
    Your twenty meter circle involved jumping the rail twice.
    Your halt took place in the judge's lap, instead of at X.
    Your thoroughbred interpreted elasticity to involve trying to kick himself in the head with his back feet during the working canter.
    Your horse entered the arena at A, and M, and H, and B...
    Judge's comments include words like "unusual, dramatic, explosive, and tragic"
    Leg-yields involve your leg yielding before the horse does.
    Free walk was interpreted by your Arab to involve prancing, a rear, and a few bucks.
    The judge asks you take the broken letters with you when you leave.
    Voodoo dolls of your horse were found in the possession of the show's grounds manager.
    "He's not even a good pathological liar." Mara

    "You're just a very desperate troll, and not even a good one. You're like middle-school troll at best. Like a goblin, not even a troll." et_fig

  • #2
    "And I will be an embarrassment to all
    Who have not found the peace in being free
    to have a horse as a best friend."

    Comment


    • #3
      lol fun!

      The judge thanks you and your gorgeous horse for BOTH of your tests, and now asks if you'd please catch said pony and return to camp

      Your test says, "Sorry about the rain." and you realize the judge commented on the weather rather than your ability to do a full test in just under a minute.

      You drop your whip and then halt to get it before you realize that your being judged.

      The bell is rung and nobody can remember where you were in your test.

      Halfway through your test you are wondering if you checked your girth!
      ~~Member of the TB's Rule Clique ~~
      http://www.off-breed-dressage.blogspot.com/

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by Haffy View Post
        ...
        Leg-yields involve your leg yielding before the horse does...
        I recently got to ride a trained horse that did a proper leg yield, i.e. you cue and the horse does it. No muscle cramps or joint pain to do it either!!!! Now to get my horses there....
        Last edited by TheHotSensitiveType; Nov. 23, 2011, 09:27 AM. Reason: type

        Comment


        • #5
          Very funny! Sent it to a friend who is a Dressage judge..she'll love it! Love the voodoo doll part LOL
          Equine Massage Therapy Classes and Rehab for Horses
          http://www.midwestnha.wordpress.com[/INDENT]

          Comment


          • #6
            Really cute .

            Comment


            • #7
              I've printed this so I can post it on the BB at the barn - it's too funny not to share! (Esp since we can all relate to at least one or two!)
              http://fromdressagehorsetocowpony.blogspot.com/

              "I am still under the impression that there is nothing alive quite so beautiful as a thoroughbred horse." -- John Galsworthy

              Comment


              • #8
                I'm so sharing this at the barn!
                Proud member of the Snort and Blow Clique

                Comment


                • #9
                  Love it!! Having been one place or the other over time. I find smiles get you through anything....almost!
                  Some riders change their horse, they change their saddle, they change their teacher; they never change themselves.

                  Remember the horse does all the work, we just sit there and look pretty.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Really funny list!

                    Judge is giggling at end of your test.
                    Judge asks if you need a medic as you turn away after halt.

                    Comment

                    • Original Poster

                      #11
                      I should be OK with the test I'm working on just now

                      Very Funny "Dressage Test"

                      The Amazing New Dressage Test
                      For Horses Unsuitable to Become Anything
                      By Joanna MacDonald et al

                      The Test

                      1. A. Enter at ordinary serpentine.

                      X. Sprawl. Salute.

                      2. C. Stop dead. Stare in horror at judge and shy to left.
                      Continue at ordinary working gallop.

                      3. E. Stagger left 20 or 15 or 22 meters in diameter circle or pear shape
                      or five pointed star. Avoid excessive crossing of legs.

                      4. K. Begin to halt.
                      Z. Keep trying.
                      F. You can do it.
                      B. Pulley rein. Give up. Continue at out of hand gallop.

                      5. H. Regain right stirrup. Continue at ordinary trot, bouncing.

                      6. MKT Change rein. Free Walk loose reins. Remove horse from judge's
                      luncheon table. Ask judge for leg up. Jump back into ring.

                      7. Z. Turn down center Line.
                      Halt. Grin. Scratch. Burst into tears. Leave area at free walk on long
                      reins, loose language.
                      "He's not even a good pathological liar." Mara

                      "You're just a very desperate troll, and not even a good one. You're like middle-school troll at best. Like a goblin, not even a troll." et_fig

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        BAHAHAHAHA...

                        Rare was the best one!! Gotta share this with the dressage buddies
                        "For some people it's not enough to just be a horse's bum, you have to be sea biscuit's bum" -anon.
                        Nes' Farm Blog ~ DesigNes.ca
                        Need You Now Equine

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          HAHAHA. that's great lol
                          "Sadly, some people's greatest skill, is being an idiot". (facebook profile pic I saw).

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Haffy View Post
                            Your horse's response to the canter aid is "Can't, er, what?"
                            Clever.
                            "Dressage" is just a fancy word for flatwork

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Haffy View Post
                              I should be OK with the test I'm working on just now

                              Very Funny "Dressage Test"

                              The Amazing New Dressage Test
                              For Horses Unsuitable to Become Anything
                              By Joanna MacDonald et al

                              The Test

                              1. A. Enter at ordinary serpentine.

                              X. Sprawl. Salute.

                              2. C. Stop dead. Stare in horror at judge and shy to left.
                              Continue at ordinary working gallop.

                              3. E. Stagger left 20 or 15 or 22 meters in diameter circle or pear shape
                              or five pointed star. Avoid excessive crossing of legs.

                              4. K. Begin to halt.
                              Z. Keep trying.
                              F. You can do it.
                              B. Pulley rein. Give up. Continue at out of hand gallop.

                              5. H. Regain right stirrup. Continue at ordinary trot, bouncing.

                              6. MKT Change rein. Free Walk loose reins. Remove horse from judge's
                              luncheon table. Ask judge for leg up. Jump back into ring.

                              7. Z. Turn down center Line.
                              Halt. Grin. Scratch. Burst into tears. Leave area at free walk on long
                              reins, loose language.
                              I've seen this one several times but it still cracks me up! I'm sitting here alone at the kitchen table howling like a hyena...the cats are going "huh?"

                              So funny.

                              Comment


                              • #16
                                Good ones Haffy! "The Amazing New Dressage Test" had me laughing out loud! If you don't mind, I'd love to share them on Facebook, for my horsey friends.
                                "A canter is a cure for every evil." -Benjamin Disraeli

                                Comment

                                • Original Poster

                                  #17
                                  Share away, spread the laughs
                                  "He's not even a good pathological liar." Mara

                                  "You're just a very desperate troll, and not even a good one. You're like middle-school troll at best. Like a goblin, not even a troll." et_fig

                                  Comment

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