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I am simply done with dressage...for now

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  • #21
    Pity Party

    I can appreciate all your sadness, it does seem like the 'forces' are against you a lot of the time in life...yes I am bringing in the horses as a metaphor for life...but ultimately it is up to you. I think it is a great idea to have a Pity Party here. There are many many people in the same boat and very few people who are not in the same boat. We all have a limited amount of resources. If it isn't money, it's time; if it isn't one horse, it is the other horse; the saddle doesn't fit; the barn owner is a sad sack; the sitting trot makes me dizzy, menopause s@#ks; the barn is too busy when I want to ride; I am the only one at the barn in the day and it is too dangerous to ride; my horse is lame, I'm lame; a million things. Dressage does not require a judge, an audience, an olympic mount, a trainer. Dressage requires amazement about movement and curiosity about unity and a determination to learn all you can even if you have to re-invent dressage.

    All of us have been there. I don't know where you are but I have been poor. I would read and read and read. I would ask questions on the forums. I would make my own education plan. Find an instructor you appreciate and who has been there. Plan to haul over say once a quarter or twice a year and spend 2 days. Take 2 lessons and maybe 2 more on her horses...very intense. Make a plan with her, maybe send periodic tapes or send a tape when you have a problem. Forget about showing and instead clinic with a judge to get an idea where you are at IF you could afford to show. Set a mental goal...bronze medal scores...silver medal scores...gold medal. Ride like you mean it. Don't shlop around, keep your horse and self like you respect yourself and when you ride for the bees knees they will share that respect and treat you as a serious student.

    Put an add in the local paper and seek out your local dressage curious with the goal of bringing a clinician in. You are in a good spot not a bad spot...you just need to optimize not criticize. Be creative and invent dressage...it's been done before. PatO

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    • #22
      What you should be concentrating on, is being the best that you can. Your post does not suggest that you are. There is no reason that you couldn't be REALLY good at some other discipline with your great horse - he doesn't care. Whatever you do you should be doing it to the best of your ability. If that means trail riding, chasing cows, doing obstacle courses etc, then so be it. Give yourself a chance to be proud of something. If you think this way, success seems to creep up on you, rather than you experiencing a constant striving for something out of reach. Learn how to just enjoy your horse.
      ... _. ._ .._. .._

      Comment

      • #23
        If you can give up the idea your horse has a destiny to fulfill, perhaps it will be easier. He doesn't, imo. His destiny may be to make you happy day after day, not set the world on fire.

        If you can't give up the idea of his destiny, then would you feel better if you knew he was in a wonderful, progressing show home? Releasing him to reach that future. With something in writing that he comes back to you when his show career is over.

        Another option - could you make major life changes and get close enough to the resources you need to show? I suppose there is an income element to those changes as well. Be open minded. You have to think in terms of your destiny as well, that could be what is eating at you.

        We choose what we dwell on. If we work to switch our thoughts when we are angst-ing over something we can't/won't change, that alone can solve a lot of problems.

        Good luck with your beloved horse.

        Comment

        • #24
          Columbus... personally, I think you need a big fat Gold Star bestowed upon you for that post. Just wonderful.
          www.littlebullrun@aol.com See Little Bull Run's stallions at:
          "Argosy" - YouTube and "Boleem" - YouTube
          Boleem @ 1993 National Dressage Symposium - YouTube

          Comment

          • #25
            I quit riding dressage over a year ago. I was tired of the nitpickiness of it and the whole "should this" and "should that" garbage that is so prevelant. But before that, I took in a friend's dressage horse that had a career ending injury. He is nicely bred but more than that, he has natural ability and would be at Prix St Georges by now getting ready to move to
            I1. My friend was devastated, she had bred this horse specifically to get to the upper levels.

            Crap Happens.

            I now have a horse that will hopefully be cleared by my vet for hacking and is a blast to ride, and my friend has moved on to her other interest and is culinary school. There is more to horses than just dressage.

            Comment

            • #26
              Originally posted by Alterrcation View Post
              I have high standards and goals, and now that this horse is at the age where he should be "doing" something, I am faced with the reality that, it is not going to happen.
              Age is only a number. I school second on a blind 26 year old Appaloosa. That's the highest level he has ever been at. Keep him sound and you've got his whole life ahead of you.
              Amber King
              Furever Dachshund Rescue
              Fundraising Chair
              http://www.fureverdachshundrescue.org/

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              • #27
                I have heard this before, my horse could be grand prix, but he will never be that with us so maybe I should just sell him? To what? A barn that will keep him in a stall, ride him rigorously everyday, go to shows every other weekend, ship him across country etc...? What kind of life is that for a horse, just because he was born talented? He is your horse, luckily in your control where you can ensure that he is happy everyday, enjoying playing with you, where he would rather be played with by you than out grazing in a pasture. Imagine if he was at a barn with a trainer where he could "live up to his potential" what if everyday he is being ridden he is actually wishing he could be out grazing in pasture instead? Or out playing with you instead? Enjoy your horse and give him the life he DESERVES! Work everyday to make sure he is happy! Who cares about "living up to his potential!?"

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                • #28
                  Agree with Sid...

                  And you know. it's perfectly OK to enjoy your really nice horse doing whatever floats your boat. There are few things more fun than hacking out on a well-trained, well balanced, good-moving horse. And whilst I enjoy competing, one of my personal aims is always to make my horse into that horse too.

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                  • #29
                    Thank you for all the responses. I realize there are a lot of assumptions made because it does not seem relevant to list every detail. I can assure all that I have exhausted all resources for education, no one has ever done more than I have to try to make dressage education more accessible in my area. I read, audit clinics, drive all over the place watching lessons, etc. Everything that is semi-quality is at least 150 or miles away, not easy when you only have Sat. and Sun. to spend on such things.
                    I own a very nice farm with an arena and a trailer, so housing the horse is a minimal expense. He is pretty valuable and in 5 years when he is still the same in his training, not so valuable. He will be the horse at age 9 or 10 that gets slammed for "only being 1st level". As far as having fun, I think if I could afford the maintenance I could have so much more fun on my other horse (an older FEI horse) because there is no pressure to accomplish anything and so much to learn. Anything I can do with him is a bonus, not expected. I have already by myself accomplished a lot since he was deemed a problem horse and unrideable. He is the second "problem" horse I have successfully had results with, the first an upper level Headshaker that was deemed dangerous that I was able to ride and show.
                    So yes I guess it boils down to a money thing. Keeping both horses, I am treading water and scraping by. If I sell the marketable horse, I can afford to put some money into the old horse and take as many lessons as I can to learn from his training. Maybe I will get 2 or 3 years out of him of riding. Then I may be able to be better prepared for a younger horse in the future....

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                    • #30
                      If you don't have to sell him for financial reasons, I definitely wouldn't worry about him not realizing his "potential" as a dressage horse. He doesn't care. : )

                      Just an extreme example- my trainer has a client who is a wealthy amateur rider and has a Grand Prix horse they say could have gone to the Olympics (and it's probably not much of an exaggeration if any). He showed at Wellington quite a bit when he was 7-9 and created quite a buzz. However, his owner was so stressed by his showing that he hasn't shown since. He's just a big FANCY pet and he is the happiest, soundest horse (at 18) I have ever seen!

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                      • #31
                        I'm confused by your last post. Is it a money pressure having 2 horses, or an internal pressure of not being able to bring the younger one to your percieved "potential?"...or the thought of making a good buck from selling the younger one so you can afford the older one.

                        Or all three or some combination thereof?
                        www.littlebullrun@aol.com See Little Bull Run's stallions at:
                        "Argosy" - YouTube and "Boleem" - YouTube
                        Boleem @ 1993 National Dressage Symposium - YouTube

                        Comment

                        • #32
                          What columbus said! Great post!!! I for one am not in the "tons of money" category by any means, but I make it work. I found two great clinicians that come to my area every other month and I save up on the non-clinic months to ride with them. They give me homework for the next time. Yes, it is possible to improve greatly only working with someone every other month IF that person happens to be a truly gifted teacher. They are out there, find one!

                          As for showing, heck I just used my darn tax return money to sign up for a recognized show. I'm hoping and praying that my horse and I get our first level scores toward a USDF bronze medal. I won't show again until November. You can make things work if you cut out unnecessary expenses like braiding (do it yourself), food (bring your own), and splitting the hotel room with someone else going solo to the show. You are not alone, lots of us "underdogs" so to speak are out there.

                          Your horse loves you and you love him. If you can afford to keep him then I would do just that. Life is a journey, dressage is a journey, enjoy the journey!!! It's not about Grand Prix, it is about each day, each stride, each footfall. It's about that nuzzle your horse gives you each morning. It's about you and him being together and improving each ride.

                          You CAN learn a ton through videos. I have a subscription to horsehero.com and dressageclinic.com. Two great websites you should check out. Also look into Jane Savoie's programs. If you want it badly enough you will find a way!!!

                          Comment

                          • #33
                            Training a young horse is a different ball game from riding a trained horse. It's not something to be done for the first time without help. And if things go wrong, without help, who's going to fix it? Everyone pushing her to keep the horse, are you going to pay for her to bring him to a trainer?

                            OP: I think you are making an informed decision. Your last post makes a lot of sense. And who knows what the future will bring. Maybe you'll move to a more dressage friendly area and be in a better financial situation to take advantage. You have a sound plan. Good luck.

                            Comment

                            • #34
                              Whats keeping you from moving closer to a dressage-y area? Sell everything (except the horses) board them at a nice place and live in a tiny house or apartment so you can put your time and money into lessons and less time and energy on upkeep of property. If your holdin' - let go. Do like Buddah and simplify.

                              Comment

                              • #35
                                don't sell your horse for the horse's sake, just so he can "do" something (go higher levels). Remember, those are human ambitions; they mean nothing to horses.

                                What horses want is a safe home, good food, an owner who cares for them and spends time with them, and an exercise regime that keeps them sound and happy. As long as you can provide all that, there's no reason at all you should part with him.

                                Comment

                                • #36
                                  If you're the type of person/rider who thrives in structure, organization, and a program that's guided by a trustworthy instructor/trainer, nothing else quite does the job. If it seems insurmountable to find that guide in a person at this time in your life and you've got a horse looking at you over the fence saying "pick me!" ...

                                  From your second post it sounds like you kinda know what you want to do ... and it makes perfect sense to me. So, you're mostly feeling guilty about selling this horse that you never expected to WANT to sell. And I completely sympathize and empathize and identify with your situation.

                                  I just read a knitting book that spent a chapter discussing fixing mistakes and the author made a point of describing the different ways that different styles of knitters would be happy. You've gotten a wide variety of wonderful suggestions. Choose among them what would work for you, start to take action and you'll feel a weight lift.

                                  (And you might want to consider that the older horse *is* sale-able to someone who wants what he has to offer and has been sharing with you and will devote the resources to keeping him going.)
                                  *=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=

                                  Comment

                                  • #37
                                    Sounds to me that you've pretty much made up your mind. Sell him. But sell him as the breeder, not as a failed upper level trainer/rider. Make sure you can stand to see someone else succeed , or more important, not succeed with him. Otherwise, learn from him and try to live in the moment as horses do.

                                    I had my horse of a lifetime at the worst time. I was a single Mom, working two jobs and a lot of other baggage I won't go into. Sure, I think about what might of been but I also had the best "horsey life" with this girl that I could and savored every day with her.
                                    Groom to trainer: "Where's the glamour? You promised me glamour!"

                                    Comment

                                    • #38
                                      I came away with the same impression as Allweathergal after reading your second post. It sounds as though you have a plan that makes sense, and that you are putting it out there for comments/suggestions from objective outsiders. I feel for you regarding parting with the young, talented horse, but it sounds like your second horse has a lot to offer you in the way of having fun and increasing your education. With the funds from the sale of the first horse, you will be able to do clinics/lessons/shows with the other horse.

                                      The only suggestion I can think of--and without knowing where you live, this may not help--is to find a sponsor or some scholarship money. My local GMO offers about $1,500 per year in scholarship money, and the larger regional organization offers quite a lot more than that. If you aren't already a member of a GMO, you may want to consider joining as a number of them do have $ available for educational purposes. Whatever you decide, good luck to you.

                                      Comment

                                      • #39
                                        I was in the same situation (still am), and have made the decision to "get out of horses". I've been beating my head against the wall for years, trying to do it on my own. I've tried different trainers (all a day's travel to and from) for lessons, even tried the putting horse in full training at their barn. It just isn't working for me. It's hard to get motivated on my own. I understand your situation.

                                        Comment

                                        • #40
                                          Originally posted by Alterrcation View Post
                                          Thank you for all the responses. I realize there are a lot of assumptions made because it does not seem relevant to list every detail. I can assure all that I have exhausted all resources for education, no one has ever done more than I have to try to make dressage education more accessible in my area. I read, audit clinics, drive all over the place watching lessons, etc. Everything that is semi-quality is at least 150 or miles away, not easy when you only have Sat. and Sun. to spend on such things.
                                          I own a very nice farm with an arena and a trailer, so housing the horse is a minimal expense. He is pretty valuable and in 5 years when he is still the same in his training, not so valuable. He will be the horse at age 9 or 10 that gets slammed for "only being 1st level". As far as having fun, I think if I could afford the maintenance I could have so much more fun on my other horse (an older FEI horse) because there is no pressure to accomplish anything and so much to learn. Anything I can do with him is a bonus, not expected. I have already by myself accomplished a lot since he was deemed a problem horse and unrideable. He is the second "problem" horse I have successfully had results with, the first an upper level Headshaker that was deemed dangerous that I was able to ride and show.
                                          So yes I guess it boils down to a money thing. Keeping both horses, I am treading water and scraping by. If I sell the marketable horse, I can afford to put some money into the old horse and take as many lessons as I can to learn from his training. Maybe I will get 2 or 3 years out of him of riding. Then I may be able to be better prepared for a younger horse in the future....
                                          I am sorry, but I have to second the Pity Party post. You own a nice farm and two horses and you are crying because you cannot afford to show like the Wellington people do? Have you looked around you at anyone else lately? How about you take a young really poor rider under your wing, someone who is dying to get out and even touch a horse and teach them what you already know and take "online" classes, ie videorecordings and work on this yourself. At least you have a home and horses. Good grief.
                                          "We, too, will be remembered not for victories or defeats in battle or in politics, but for our contribution to the human spirit." JFK

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