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The Maestro Returns ...

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  • There is a trainer in my area who probably weighs 200 lbs, if not more. She rides beautifully, and horses look happy and relaxed with her aboard. NP is a boor who is not worth anyone's angst.
    "She is not fragile like a flower. She is fragile like a bomb."

    Comment


    • Ceylon Star
      You and your pony are a lovely pair! Both of you look happy and content!

      Comment


      • Originally posted by Ceylon Star View Post

        I was heavier there than I am now, but by no means was I too fat to be on him. I'm short (5'6 on a good day) and broad built, and carry most of my weight in my torso.

        But at least I have a quiet and (mostly) independent seat, even with a wrecked leg that has no feeling in it. He is heavy in weight and HEAVY in how he rides. Even an appropriately sized horse is going to be miserable under him.

        The big thing that separates him and I is that I work my rear off to better myself and do best by my pony. I try not to have an ego. He is nothing BUT ego and doesn't think he needs to work on improving anything.

        I pity him, in a way. I have schizophrenia, so I know how hard it is to believe in something SO strongly, even though it is completely and utterly fantastical. It's difficult to have everyone you encounter tell you that what you're experiencing isn't actually real/true. With how deeply delusional he is it must be rough.
        I think it takes a sociopath - or some -opath/narcissist to not have the feels reading your story (I read it in pieces on page 6 comments). That type of bullying is never okay, and the way it has affected you and scarred you only proves *why*.

        There are a lot of different types of people out there.
        Two of those types are..
        - the ones who know all too well their flaws and do everything they can to get past them and make themselves better,
        - the ones who don't believe they have any flaws, so there is nothing to fix or change and instead focus their sites on others.

        Type A is almost always a victim to Type B at some point in their life...

        Sorry you were a victim to this. It speaks strongly to me I guess because I was much heavier (around 260lbs) when I came back to riding. Of course I started on a draftX, and as I lost weight (now below 200), I worked on my strength and being lighter, and moved up to different horses. Even now though, even with the compliments I get about being a quiet rider and all that, it still deeply affects me, the idea that I might be too heavy for my horse - I've worked myself into a nasty state of anxiety over the idea many times. I never got bullied about my weight. I can't imagine how much harder it would be if I had been.

        For the record, you are beautiful and you look very balanced and well matched to your pony.
        "I am but a passenger on this ship"
        -- Stendal (epitaph)

        Comment


        • Originally posted by Ceylon Star View Post

          Thanks J-Lu.

          When it disappeared I assumed the shaming page got shut down too, but finding out it simply got set to "secret" was pretty ouch.

          if being shamed for being fat wasn't hurtful enough, he continued to call me a woman, at one point going so far as to call me a fat [derogatory term for lesbian starting with D] and suggesting I needed to "save a horse and ride a man" instead. Oof.

          By the end of it all, he had messaged me from 3 different fake accounts under various aliases. It seemed that each time I blocked one, he would just make/use another. It confused and hurt me because I hadn't attacked him in any way, and yet he did a damn good job tearing me down anyway. All because he saw my picture on the friends list of someone who had, in fact, been going after him.

          Sigh. At least it's in the past now, and at least I am able to share my experiences with those who may not yet have believed the level he was willing to stoop to.

          I still don't wish ill of him, even after all that. I just wish he would admit to having a disconnect with reality so he could get the help he so desperately needs.
          Ceylon Star it makes me so angry to read about how this person treated you. Thanks for sharing about your unfortunate interaction with this miserable man so that others can see that public interest in this particular character isn't just perverse fascination with a bad rider with an inane blog, it's wariness of the dressage-related actions of a cruel person who has intentionally hurt members of our community.

          And thank you for sharing on this forum more generally. I don't think I've posted directly to you before, but I've read other things you've written on the forum (e.g. the thread linked in your sig line), and your openness on COTH about trans* issues has helped me to better support a young trans family member who was in a tough position. I hope you know that you've made a difference in lives you probably didn't even know existed. Your light shines far brighter and reaches farther than any mean-spirited Facebook page ever could!

          Comment


          • Originally posted by x-halt-salute View Post

            Ceylon Star it makes me so angry to read about how this person treated you. Thanks for sharing about your unfortunate interaction with this miserable man so that others can see that public interest in this particular character isn't just perverse fascination with a bad rider with an inane blog, it's wariness of the dressage-related actions of a cruel person who has intentionally hurt members of our community.

            And thank you for sharing on this forum more generally. I don't think I've posted directly to you before, but I've read other things you've written on the forum (e.g. the thread linked in your sig line), and your openness on COTH about trans* issues has helped me to better support a young trans family member who was in a tough position. I hope you know that you've made a difference in lives you probably didn't even know existed. Your light shines far brighter and reaches farther than any mean-spirited Facebook page ever could!
            Thank you, that's incredibly kind! I'm glad I have been of use to you, and others, with that thread. It was all I could hope would come from baring my soul like that, so I'm happy to hear it paid off, haha.

            Okay I'm half kidding, it wasn't really any great feat to bare all, I was happy to do so. Haha! If it had been so terrible, I would have had the mods nip it in the butt when BTDT put it all out there when she started the thread

            It truly was a much more positive thread than I ever could have imagined, and I got to know some really lovely people because of it!
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            • Originally posted by Ceylon Star View Post

              Be careful. I never added him, but NP got his hands on a picture of me getting a pony ride on my pony during my first time on him after he got restarted, and NP used it as an example of "fat ugly women who should not be riding horses" (newsflash: not a woman!) and smeared me on social media. He messaged me from a fake account, claiming to be NP's manager or PR person, trying to get my personal info to "send me a personal apology for Nick's alcohol-induced behaviour", and when I declined he then started attacking me telling me I deserve to be beat and r**ed for "subjecting horses to my fat a** and abusive hands". I'll attach the photo in question to the bottom of this post to show just how ridiculous these accusations were.

              I had never said a negative thing about him, but was friends with someone who was very publicly vocal about how ridiculous he is, and unfortunately he went through her friends list looking for material and, unfortunately, Facebook allows non-friends to see anyone's profile picture and cover photo/header, which is how he got my photo. Sigh.

              He is an extremely toxic and delusional individual and is happy to drag anyone through the mud for any little thing.
              [edit] I don't see a single thing wrong with your picture. Just a happy person on a happy pony. I'm so sorry you had to go through that, I know it can be very painful to be talked about that way.
              Last edited by Moderator 1; Feb. 27, 2020, 10:19 AM.

              Comment


              • Just caught up on this thread. I remember this guy from when I was more active on here YEARS ago. The appy, Chevy, was what triggered my memory.

                In my opinion, this guy, like a lot of delusional narcissists, actually has a lot of self-loathing. It's easier for him to lash out than look in, so that's the defense mechanism he's established to avoid dealing with whatever it is he doesn't want to deal with.

                It's a toxic existence and anyone who associates with him will get sucked into that toxicity as well.

                People who are truly happy with themselves do not feel the need to tear others down. Likewise, they don't feel the need to constantly prove themselves by touting their own accomplishments. These are the behaviors of someone filled with insecurity and doubt.

                I would say I hope he gets help, but it's unlikely he'll ever think he needs help. This kind of person will always blame others for their problems.

                So, I'll say that I hope those he comes into contact with are able to see the truth about this person before he's able to prey on their own insecurities (since we all have them).

                Comment


                • Unfortunately the internet can make these people millionaires and more. There are plenty of examples. So all of them keep at it in hopes of striking it rich.

                  Comment


                  • Just read through his FB pages and watched videos of him riding.All I can say is "WOW". He scares me both as a "trainer" and as a human being Some of his FB posts are downright scary.
                    Save a life...be an organ donor! Visit www.Transplantbuddies.org

                    Comment


                    • Ceylon Star ,

                      I am so sorry for what you experienced at the hands of our least favorite cyber bully.

                      Thank you for sharing your experiences with us in the linked thread, I really got a lot out of reading that.

                      And the photo of you on your pony is delightful.

                      The plural of anecdote is not data.

                      Comment


                      • Originally posted by Silk View Post
                        Just read through his FB pages and watched videos of him riding.All I can say is "WOW". He scares me both as a "trainer" and as a human being Some of his FB posts are downright scary.
                        Yes, and he has taken his behaviour out of the SM and harrassed people he felt he knew online, off line in their homes. Including people who had absolutely no knowlege of him, but who had a name similar to someone he imagined had wronged him online. Yes, he's very, very scary.
                        Airborne? Oh. Yes, he can take a joke. Once. After that, the joke's on you.

                        Comment


                        • Originally posted by AnotherRound View Post

                          Yes, and he has taken his behaviour out of the SM and harrassed people he felt he knew online, off line in their homes. Including people who had absolutely no knowlege of him, but who had a name similar to someone he imagined had wronged him online. Yes, he's very scary.
                          This is just one of the many reasons why I don't use my last name on social media. Between the psychopaths, my sexually abusive uncle, and simply not wanting to be easily connected to my online presence, it just isn't worth it to me to use my full legal name. Too many crazies in the world.
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                          • Originally posted by BigMama1 View Post

                            Even my 22-year-old saint of a PSG schoolmaster could not be ridden by a beginner. That is perhaps the most out of touch of his many ludicrous comments.
                            Well, perhaps he was the exception that proves the rule,but my first dressage trainer's GP horse WAS a safe beginner ride, but.....for a beginner he would quietly W/T and maybe canter. Anything more, you had to give the aids correctly. Anything else, he simply ignored. But her PSG horse.....even at 1st level he had been strictly a pro's ride. He had originally been bought for a student, and they hadn't done blood work on the PPE. We all figured later he had probably been drugged. He was a gorgeous TB, but double linebred Nasrullah - hot hot hot!!!
                            Last edited by Belowthesalt; Jan. 12, 2020, 12:17 AM.

                            Comment


                            • Originally posted by Belowthesalt View Post

                              Well, perhaps he was the exception that proves the rule,but my first dressage trainer's GP horse WAS a safe beginner ride, but.....for a beginner he would quietly W/T and maybe canter. Anything more, you had to give the aids correctly. Anything else, he simply ignored. But her PSG horse.....even at 1st level he had been strictly a pro's ride. He had originally been bought for a student, and they hadn't done blood work on the PPE. We all figured later he had probably been drugged. He was a gorgeous TB, but double linebred Nasrullah - not hot hot!!!
                              My TB is very hot, but was a great horse for me to put my mom on when she hadn't cantered in 20 years for her first canter.

                              I have not let her on him since he became more trained. Not because of a fear of misbehavior, but rather because he tries to be perfect for her. And if my 70-something mom shifts at a halt and touches him with her calf lightly, if she has accidentally aided for an extended canter he will do it. A well trained upper level horse should be doing what's requested, even if it's not what the rider intended, in my opinion. I wouldn't want one to just ignore beginners.
                              If Kim Kardashian wants to set up a gofundme to purchase the Wu Tang album from Martin Shkreli, guess what people you DON'T HAVE TO DONATE.
                              -meupatdoes

                              Comment


                              • Originally posted by netg View Post

                                My TB is very hot, but was a great horse for me to put my mom on when she hadn't cantered in 20 years for her first canter.

                                I have not let her on him since he became more trained. Not because of a fear of misbehavior, but rather because he tries to be perfect for her. And if my 70-something mom shifts at a halt and touches him with her calf lightly, if she has accidentally aided for an extended canter he will do it. A well trained upper level horse should be doing what's requested, even if it's not what the rider intended, in my opinion. I wouldn't want one to just ignore beginners.
                                Well, what I mean is that he was a quiet ride that a beginner could do basic work on, but if they were unbalanced or gave over-the-top aids, he would not overreact in a way that would endanger them. He was only ridden occasionally by less experienced riders and then, only in lesson situations. I got to do my first flying changes on him, and got coached through doing a couple of canter pirouettes. He was a wonderful horse, 17.2 hh, mostly TB. When her children were college age, she put both FEI level horses for sale, saying she would keep whichever one didn't sell first, and we all just said, well, you know which one will sell first, and he did,
                                Last edited by Belowthesalt; Jan. 12, 2020, 08:58 PM.

                                Comment


                                • Originally posted by Belowthesalt View Post

                                  Well, perhaps he was the exception that proves the rule,but my first dressage trainer's GP horse WAS a safe beginner ride, but.....for a beginner he would quietly W/T and maybe canter. Anything more, you had to give the aids correctly. Anything else, he simply ignored. But her PSG horse.....even at 1st level he had been strictly a pro's ride. He had originally been bought for a student, and they hadn't done blood work on the PPE. We all figured later he had probably been drugged. He was a gorgeous TB, but double linebred Nasrullah - hot hot hot!!!
                                  My old girl is very very safe indeed, and anyone who can WTC competently can ride her (even me lol), but the forwardness alone, and her big movement would bounce a beginner right out of the tack.

                                  Comment


                                  • Originally posted by Ceylon Star View Post

                                    Java says thanks for the compliment, and that we look a lot better together these days! He's come a long way from the anxious abused little man, and is loving his new career as a therapeutic riding pony 9 months of the year! On his 3rd year now. Then him and I get to do our own thing during the summer.

                                    But the NP thing made me not want to ride for a long time. Almost a year at the time. Then just when I got riding again, I had a freak accident and wrecked my leg, and then felt guilty about trying to ride him with a useless left leg (I have no feeling from the hip down due to nerve damage from the impact) which then kept me from riding regularly for another year. Then I had a coach who told me he was worthless and would never be able to do anything useful, which then led to a period of just random bum-fumbling. Sigh. But we are in a good place now with a coach who helps me ride him in a way that works for him as an individual and doesn't make me feel useless with my bum leg (in fact she has gotten us to where my numb leg is more effective than my feeling leg, by some miracle. Haha), and he spends his weekdays helping people who need him the most. I ride most days either on the lunch break or in the evening when classes are over and the other exercise riders are done, and lesson once a week where we are introducing some 3rd level movements just to keep his cheeky brain engaged instead of looking for ways to cause trouble, haha. We dabble in just about everything though, not just dressage. His favourite thing is driving, actually.

                                    But even now, years later, I still sometimes think of the NP crap and how awful he made me feel, and I don't ride for a few days because I worry that maybe there was some merit to his words and maybe I am too big for ponypants. And then I feel stupid for letting myself give him that much credit and I eventually go out and ride again. But it's tough. That sort of nastiness really takes a toll.
                                    All I see Is two handsome hunks!
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                                    Comment


                                    • Originally posted by Laurierace View Post

                                      All I see Is two handsome hunks!
                                      I appreciate the crap out of you ❤
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                                      • Amongst my outrage and my love of those pics you posted....

                                        Where did you purchase those rust breeches from?
                                        Proud member of the Colbert Dressage Nation

                                        Comment


                                        • Originally posted by J-Lu View Post
                                          Amongst my outrage and my love of those pics you posted....

                                          Where did you purchase those rust breeches from?
                                          They're Ovation Men's Euro Seat Knee Patch breeches. The ONLY pair of rust breeches I have ever managed to find in "fluffy boy" size. They are really flattering and a nice mid rise, with enough room for my hips and thighs. The ONLY thing I wish was different is I wish they had sock bottoms instead of velcro bottoms, because I'm short and have to roll my breeches in order to put my boots on, and the velcro just adds bulk. But other than that they are super duper comfy and holding out way better than my previous Jeffries, TuffRider, or Fuller Fillies did (and they fit me much better than those other brands).

                                          I do believe they make their women's breeches in the rust as well, and I think I saw the rust in a full seat version too at one point. Worth checking out if you're into the rust!
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