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Wanted: Trashy Yard Art

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  • Wanted: Trashy Yard Art

    My dear neighbor just knocked on the door to inform me that she is really tired looking at my car port.

    Long story, but a quick recap:

    Wen we moved in we had to clear out our old house unexpectantly in a hurry before the new place was fixed and ready.
    Lots of stuff with nowhere to go but the car port.

    This spring we added a dumpster to the deco slowly working our way through.

    In the mean time I had the county show up because of the carport and the weeds (hired the best lawn cutting guy in the world)

    Did some carport cleaning...

    almost all day 2 cars are parked in front of it...so you really don't get to see all of it...

    So after almost 3 years she comes to offer help....

    I politely told her to not bother...

    Now, where can I get 100 pink flamingos on the cheap, a few gnomes would be appreciated, and a few more colorful tidbits that you can normally find only in a trailer park?

    Damn, I want to slap that B......

  • #2
    Well, I'm very anal retentive, and love a pretty yard so I'm secretly on her side.... but I think the ultimate revenge would be a toilet bowl full of petunias.

    Comment


    • #3
      Truck-tire planters are always attractive, especially when left unpainted.

      A stove left out on your porch would be a nice touch. And a string of blinking Christmas lights surrounding a Confederate flag.
      I realize that I'm generalizing here, but as is often the case when I generalize, I don't care. ~ Dave Barry

      Comment


      • #4
        Some muffler art would add to the decor also

        Comment


        • #5
          Get one of those folk art metal sculptures of a pig flying: it's made with a propane tank and assorted other parts. Hysterical!
          <>< Sorrow Looks Back. Worry Looks Around. Faith Looks Up! -- Being negative only makes a difficult journey more difficult. You may be given a cactus, but you don't have to sit on it.

          Comment


          • #6
            You do realize that the appearance of your neighbors' yards affects property value? So if you have a ton of junk in your carport for 3 years, you've negatively affected the value of your neighbors' homes for 3 years?

            We had an appraisal recently, and our agent had us erect a fence to block a similar neighbor situation before the appraiser showed up.

            In my county, very, very little outdoor "garbage" (junk, generally) constitutes an unlicensed junkyard. You are given a certain amount of time (I think somewhere around a week, but certainly nowhere close to 3 years) to clean it up, then you are fined per day for not doing so. I learned all this when I called the county on my own neighbor. His junk is now gone.

            I think this woman is extremely nice to offer to help clean it up. She could call the county once a week, and that would be a lot easier. And after 3 years? Bless this woman for being so patient.

            Sorry, this is an issue close to my heart.
            Here today, gone tomorrow...

            Comment

            • Original Poster

              #7
              Originally posted by SmartAlex View Post
              Well, I'm very anal retentive, and love a pretty yard so I'm secretly on her side.... but I think the ultimate revenge would be a toilet bowl full of petunias.

              You know, we just had to replace the throne, I wanted to plant it with cactus tho....

              My husband over ruled me though and it went into the dumpster

              Wish I had it back now....

              I mean, I am a neat freak, too, but sheesh...the stuff that happened the last 2 years and right now...I wish I could clone myself.


              2 years ago I might have accepted her offer, it could have been conceived as genuine before they called the county on us...but after all that went down...she can kiss my grits!


              (oh, and the confederate flag is even better than you know!)

              kep'em coming!

              Think I can ask my son's scout troup to paint my old van to look like the partidge bus?

              Comment


              • #8
                A mannequin dressed in an Elvis jumpsuit would be a nice touch.
                Crayola posse~ orange yellow, official pilot
                Proud owner of "High Flight" & "Shorty"

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by SmartAlex View Post
                  Well, I'm very anal retentive, and love a pretty yard so I'm secretly on her side.... but I think the ultimate revenge would be a toilet bowl full of petunias.
                  LOL! I DID that once - amazingly enough it was my landlord that stored all his cr*p/Good Stuff created by fix it projects on the place.
                  It was very, very sweet.

                  Nope, we've always been the dirtiest birds in the neighborhood and had to come up with fencing and screening options - actually I take that back, we've felt that we needed to come up with fencing and screening. We used to have a good party about three times a year just to force ourselves to clean up, after year five though we'd filled up every closet, every space under the beds and completely blocked off the carport. We knew it would happen, it was the nature of my DH's business and his eye for a good deal. Took roughly four years to go through it, move it or get rid of it, four dumpsters and TWO trips with the Penske truck.
                  And let's face it, no matter what the lady across the street did, or when, or how, you could have taken it as getting into your business and been offended. That's why some of those subdivisions have all those intrusive rules about how many inches away from the street you can put a fence!
                  Then it's the HOA that are the a***oles.

                  You could always paint that side of your house bright orange and put a large imitation statue of David (he's anatomically correct, is he not?) painted bright white on a pedestal in the center of the dead lawn - I used to drive by a house like that and in fact I might be able to get the google street view of it too - oh boy, a project!

                  ETA I actually found the house on street view, but alas!, it's a normal boring shade of beige now. Still has the ginormous fountain but the effect just isn't the same. After 12 years I guess the novelty wore off.
                  Last edited by ReSomething; May. 19, 2010, 12:09 PM.
                  Courageous Weenie Eventer Wannabe
                  Incredible Invisible

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    You could always go with the classic and maintain your property as a home base for a pack of free roaming pit bulls. Or - and this takes a little more commitment but you do seem very into it - you could get to work producing a horde of dirty, half-naked, in-bred children with rickets, crossed eyes and a tendency to scream "He touched me!"

                    Or, you could just thank God your neighbor is just tidier than you and limits her meddling tendencies to legal measures and semi-friendly gestures. It could be so much worse.

                    Comment

                    • Original Poster

                      #11
                      Originally posted by vacation1 View Post
                      You could always go with the classic and maintain your property as a home base for a pack of free roaming pit bulls. Or - and this takes a little more commitment but you do seem very into it - you could get to work producing a horde of dirty, half-naked, in-bred children with rickets, crossed eyes and a tendency to scream "He touched me!"

                      Or, you could just thank God your neighbor is just tidier than you and limits her meddling tendencies to legal measures and semi-friendly gestures. It could be so much worse.
                      Those were my neighbors to my right.

                      So much more pleasant than the affore mentioned 'semi friendly' (love that term) we-are-better-than-you folks.

                      I think I just go ahead and sign her apple-of-the-eye son up for gay porn...

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by FrenchFrytheEqHorse View Post
                        You do realize that the appearance of your neighbors' yards affects property value? So if you have a ton of junk in your carport for 3 years, you've negatively affected the value of your neighbors' homes for 3 years?

                        We had an appraisal recently, and our agent had us erect a fence to block a similar neighbor situation before the appraiser showed up.

                        In my county, very, very little outdoor "garbage" (junk, generally) constitutes an unlicensed junkyard. You are given a certain amount of time (I think somewhere around a week, but certainly nowhere close to 3 years) to clean it up, then you are fined per day for not doing so. I learned all this when I called the county on my own neighbor. His junk is now gone.

                        I think this woman is extremely nice to offer to help clean it up. She could call the county once a week, and that would be a lot easier. And after 3 years? Bless this woman for being so patient.

                        Sorry, this is an issue close to my heart.
                        Ooooh I should take pictures of my neighbor's house. The front yard is a menagerie of eclectic crap. The neighbors immediately next to them complain and complain and complain. It really does look pretty insane and unsightly. I'm about a block away but still... I ride the horses by and just tell myself it's good experience for desensetizing

                        Alagirl- what about tarping or walling in the sides of the carport?

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          A model to go by....

                          This is the next block down from a good friends house.... every kind of 'yard decorations' known to man.

                          http://maps.google.com/?ie=UTF8&ll=3...65.36,,0,-1.04

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Once upon a time in Darien, CT...

                            A guy on a decent sized lot tried to build an addition on his house. Neighbor fought it and won.

                            Addition-less man spray painted obscenities on his house and hung a motorcycle out the window and basically did everything within the realm of the law to make his house look ugly on the side that faced the offending neighbor who had fought his building permit.
                            ==================
                            Somehow my inner ten year old seems to have stolen my chequebook!

                            http://reriderandpony.blogspot.com/

                            Comment

                            • Original Poster

                              #15
                              Originally posted by FrenchFrytheEqHorse View Post
                              You do realize that the appearance of your neighbors' yards affects property value? So if you have a ton of junk in your carport for 3 years, you've negatively affected the value of your neighbors' homes for 3 years?

                              We had an appraisal recently, and our agent had us erect a fence to block a similar neighbor situation before the appraiser showed up.

                              In my county, very, very little outdoor "garbage" (junk, generally) constitutes an unlicensed junkyard. You are given a certain amount of time (I think somewhere around a week, but certainly nowhere close to 3 years) to clean it up, then you are fined per day for not doing so. I learned all this when I called the county on my own neighbor. His junk is now gone.

                              I think this woman is extremely nice to offer to help clean it up. She could call the county once a week, and that would be a lot easier. And after 3 years? Bless this woman for being so patient.

                              Sorry, this is an issue close to my heart.
                              LOL, I understand where you are coming from.

                              but nothing in her offer was nice.
                              Nothing in the whole family's demeanor is nice.

                              at nine in the morning a 'we are sick and tired of looking at your carport' is not going to assure you any type of pity or cooperation from me.

                              Last summer she got into it with her next door neighbors. She went completely ballistic and smashed every. single. flower pot. on. her. porch!

                              Too bad the 'plant a hedge' comment didn't cross my mind before.

                              Just for the record, the junk is confined to my car port, with 2 cars parked in front of it almost all day long. It is not gonna drive the value of her house down that much (though, if they moved, everybody else would be happy)

                              I think I will put up a bottle tree and a bhuddist prayer bush....

                              Comment


                              • #16
                                This is an issue close to my heart too. My neighbors allowed some less-than-upstanding family to move in, supposedly only briefly. Well then they couldn't get the family members to leave, and more and more kept moving in. Eventually they started dumping all sorts of crap into the back yard, the kids starting throwing nuts and bolts and such over the fence at my horses, cars started piling up until it was a fire hazard because you couldn't get around the workshop AT ALL. Then they started cooking meth. And threatening to shoot my horses because every time I went outside I "was spying on them". Thankfully now THOSE people are gone (but more are still there, with always an excuse why they just can't leave right now). Most of the junkyard is cleaned up, but there are still old abandoned vehicles, trailers, etc hanging around. But for a while there, it was legally considered an unlicensed junkyard. And I had to deal with it all, not only looking at it every time I walked out the back door, but dealing with the other crap that was going on, like unattended kids wandering through my pastures (little kids too), funky-smelling bonfires, domestic violence, etc. And the threats to shoot my horses, my stuff going missing, and having a knife thrown at me when I demanded that the teenager stop stealing my stuff.

                                So yeah, maybe it's just time to clean your stuff up because you're affecting property values for the entire neighborhood. And in this economy, that hits a lot of people a bit too close to home. One lost ob, and your junk might mean the difference in being able to sell and relocate, and having the bank take it all and force you into a bankruptcy-type situation.

                                Comment

                                • Original Poster

                                  #17
                                  Originally posted by Wraper2 View Post
                                  A model to go by....

                                  This is the next block down from a good friends house.... every kind of 'yard decorations' known to man.

                                  http://maps.google.com/?ie=UTF8&ll=3...65.36,,0,-1.04
                                  Too pretty

                                  Comment

                                  • Original Poster

                                    #18
                                    Originally posted by SuperSTB View Post

                                    Alagirl- what about tarping or walling in the sides of the carport?

                                    I think I can make that look really ugly!
                                    Good idea.

                                    Comment


                                    • #19
                                      Ah c'mon, who couldn't resist a copy of Michelangelo's David in their yard - full size it's only 17 feet tall, and they make replicas now that look like this - http://www.diet-blog.com/07/what_if_...tated_life.php .

                                      Might be a little hard to ship, but you know you want one!
                                      Courageous Weenie Eventer Wannabe
                                      Incredible Invisible

                                      Comment

                                      • Original Poster

                                        #20
                                        Originally posted by ReSomething View Post
                                        Ah c'mon, who couldn't resist a copy of Michelangelo's David in their yard - full size it's only 17 feet tall, and they make replicas now that look like this - http://www.diet-blog.com/07/what_if_...tated_life.php .

                                        Might be a little hard to ship, but you know you want one!

                                        It's a must have for any front yard!

                                        Comment

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